Follow
Share
Read More
Find Care & Housing
2 3 4 5 6
A husband’s last words should always be:

“OK, buy it.”
(5)
Report

Thank God I don’t have to hunt for my food, I don’t even know where tacos live…
(6)
Report

I got food poisoning today.
I don’t know when I’ll use it.
(3)
Report

I hate it when people text me “K”.
I’m very rarely in the mood to talk about potassium.
(5)
Report

🙂 “The worst thing about eating an entire block of cheese by yourself is everything I just said.”
(1)
Report

🙃 "I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it." 
(3)
Report

“If God didn't want us to eat cows he shouldn't have made them so easy to catch! You don't see anybody eating cheetah burgers do you? They may be delicious but we'll never know!”
(2)
Report

"My ex-girlfriend had weekly lessons with the devil on how to become more evil. I don't know how much she charges him though."
(3)
Report

🙂 “I find that ducks' opinions of me are very much influenced by whether or not I have bread.”
(3)
Report

🙂 “Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?”
(4)
Report

🙂 "Even if they discovered that kale is the cure for cancer, I'd still be like, 'Yeah I'll take the chemo.'"
(2)
Report

"I walked my dog all at once. Walked him from Boston to Ft. Lauderdale and back, and said 'There...now you're done.'"
(2)
Report

"I bought myself a parrot, the parrot talked, but it did not say “I’m hungry”… so it died.."
(1)
Report

🙂 "I want to hang a map of the world in my house. Then I’m gonna put pins into all the locations I’ve traveled to, but first I’m gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map, so it won’t fall down."
(1)
Report

"The bible should be one sheet of paper, and on that sheet of paper it should say 'Try not to be a jerk.' "
(1)
Report

"£3 million for the funeral of Margret Thatcher?

For 3 million you could give everyone in Scotland a shovel, and we could dig a hole so deep we could hand her over to Satan in person."
(0)
Report

🙂 “I am a man of my word. And that word is unreliable.”
(2)
Report

A relative ends their email to another relative, "I still love (name) and (name).

That relative responds, "We never questioned or doubted it for a second and we love you more."
(2)
Report

🙂 "Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please."
(1)
Report

🙂 "I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back."
(0)
Report

🙂 "As you get older, your injuries don't come with an anecdote any more, they just come."
(1)
Report

🙂 "I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch."
(1)
Report

🙂 "Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery."
(1)
Report

Alva,
Wherever I go, that IS the joke section.
I would have added rolling on the floor laughing out loud to my answer,
but I wasn't sure of the abbreviation.
(1)
Report

🙂 “Everyone is entitled to my opinion.”
(4)
Report

🙂 “To make a mistake is human, but to blame it on someone else, that’s even more human.”
(4)
Report

i love being called bundle.
🙂🙂🙂🌼🌼🌼
(2)
Report

Great to see Bundle here bumping up our joke section! We need it!
On the other hand, with some of our questions of late I am no longer which of the threads ARE the jokes section.
(2)
Report

🥰 "Other than the laws of physics, rules have never really worked out for me."
(1)
Report

"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like."
(2)
Report

2 3 4 5 6
Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter