Dad is 83, after a year of caring for him from a distance, at his request, I moved him from his Indiana home to Texas. He has alzheimer, not advanced, but he can't be alone or drive. Moderate probably. His Indiana caregiver moved with him! Saint. I put him in a facility for 3 days and it did not work out. Moved him and the caregiver then in with me to figure out what to do and my husband of only 3.5 years moved out same day. . It has been a rocky contentious relationship for the last couple of exhausting years. He has never cared for anyone needy and has no tolerance for it. Dad is wealthy so I can afford full time caregiving for him.
I have very mixed emotions about husband. But as picky as he his about everything being in its perfect place it is probably better he is not here.
Dad forgot that he begged me to move him, that he put a for sale sign on his place,, that he was wheeling and dealing the sale of his place and all his stuff, that he told everyone he knew he was leaving forever, and now he thinks I am holding him against his will. He plots his escape constantly. Flight risk squared.
I live in the country. I have dogs. I also own my own business. Part of me would like to move with him back to Indiana, but my business locks me here for now. Things were getting out of control in Indiana, and my only sibling who lives there does not help at all. My phone rung constantly one crisis after another. People were stealing from him. Nuts.
Part of me says keep him here as long as I can until the Alzheimer's gets too bad then move him to a facility. I will not move him to a facility I can not supervise. Of course that means certain divorce. Going through that at the same time as moving dad in and a caregiver my just do me in. I am a strong God loving person, but it has been real hard to get out of bed. I am 55. I need advise. This forum has helped. God love caregivers!
God must love caregivers.
Yes blessing in disguise is what my husbands moving has turned out to be. Even with my crazy father here, my life is more calm and predictable then it was with the angry all the time walk on egg shells verbally abusive husband. My father is a narcissist, I realize now he always always was, and I have come up with a plan. He wants to go back to Indiana, thinks he is fine, thinks he can drive, run his own life..etc. (although tonight he thought we were in Michigan not Texas and when we got to my house he asked me where we were. He has been here a month. ). So here is the plan; I am soon taking him to the ER to have him psychologically evaluated, impatient, they said they would keep him from 2-4 weeks. He wants to go so he can clear his record of the misdiagnosis from all the other incompetitent doctors. He believes that they will give him the green light so he can get his drivers license in Texas, and drive back by himself it Indiana. Hope there is space on the milk carton. Joke. Perhaps they will Get his meds adjusted right. During that inpatient time I am going to set him up a room in independent or assisted living. Probably assisted. I have taken him to this wonderful facility several times, and they have tried so hard to reach out to him, and he glares at the "old people" and makes nasty comments about them. He thinks he is still a young stud. Wants to bar hop every night and pick up babes. Will not use a walker and snears at those who do. He needs a walker, roll actor and I bought him one today. Going through this month with him has been necessary for me to get a handle on the reality of who he has become. . Thanks to the person who said do not react to every crisis. Every day there are several, and I had to learn not to react to what comes out of his mouth. I will still treat dad like royalty, but he must learn that he is old and respect others his age.
Everyone was right that I did not give the facility enough time, however, it was me who was not ready. I needed time to care for him daily myself, to understand that I couldn't long term, and get my head wrapped around reality.
Again thanks for all your posts, insights and prayers. Love this forum.
The truth is that dad will become more of a handfull as time goes by and if I dont look after my family, when dad goes I will be left on my own.
The geriatic Psyc. I have consulted said best way would be to find a facility that caters for progressive ageing.That is an retirement village that when dad can no longer function safely on his own can go to a hostel or high/low care aged care secure facilty.The hard part is getting dad to have a look.
Best of luck!
Since your father has the means, put him in a nice, upscale care facility close to a place that you want a permanent home.
But there is that point when the rolls reverse and you just have to take charge.
I know it's hard, especially with Daddy. You just have to be firm.
It will get better. Maybe not great, but if you have help, it will get easier.
I wish you luck.