You just have to laugh sometimes.....
Some of my recent favourites are:
"I had a terrible night last night. I had to stay awake .. until I went to sleep" (said several times over, with greater emphasis each time, because of course if you repeat it, then it must make sense.)
"drinking water causes gas, so no water, and no salt, cause salt makes you drink water"
"the toothpaste took all the enamel off my teeth in just 3 days!"
So, we're watching TV. Then the commercial comes on. Dad suddenly exclaims angrily, "Why do they put it in the TV! How are we going to buy it!? They don't even give a phone number or an address!"
I really do miss the Sears, the Montgomery Wards, and the J.C. Penney's catalogs. It was so easy to find things.
She said, "I know something is going on with my family, but no one will tell me what it is. I wish they would tell me what it is, so I would know what I'm worrying about."
She and I shared a laugh, but, at the same time, I thought this was quite profound.
He insists that he is Not gaining weight. Even though most of his slacks no longer close. I now have to tie a string from the belt loop to the opposite belt loop. He is not gaining weight. That his stomach is bloating from the prostate.
This morning, his regular MED/SMALL Depend seemed a bit small. I kept trying to adjust the butt area to ensure it covers him completely so no accidents seep out. He was watching me trying to pull it this way and that, lift up, turn, etc...
He muttered complaining, "They're making these pampers smaller.".... ?!?!
Dad asked worriedly, "What's going?"
I responded, "Huh?"
He replied while nodding towards the TV, "What's going on? It's showing the military all the time!"
Oops... I quickly turned the channel.
Yesterday morning, I was watching the Food Network channel. Each hour was a different cook. On the 3rd cooking show, my dad said, "She's a hard working woman. She's been cooking all this time." I looked up at the TV, the first two cooks were brunette (Giada and then Rachel Rae). This 3rd one was a bigger woman - with blonde hair. Okaaaaay....
And discovering these large type books has been so exciting that she is telling absolutely everyone she meets, "Do you know, there are these large type books that are now available. I have to tell you about them. They're just wonderful!"
My Dad was interested in how that all worked, so I had him come along with me when I went to *pick-up* my parents' groceries. It was so simple, I pulled in front of the store, the attendant came out, unlocked the refrigerated/freezer bins in front of the store, and put the groceries in the trunk. This took maybe 5 minutes.
Dad said "this is the first time I was grocery shopping and didn't need to unbuckle my seatbelt" :)
We are in the Dr's Office waiting room and a very heavy woman takes her place, struggling with her size and mom blurts out loud as can be "Hey look at that lady, she is very fat" OMG I turned 18 shades of red, wanted to just teleport outta that office immediately!!!