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My 80 year-old mother was in the kitchen. My daughter was at home with her and was walking up the stairs from lower level and heard some rather regular gasping. As she got to the top of the stairs, there is a pass-through that looks into the kitchen. She spied the top of my mother's white head and it appeared that she was bent over gasping for oxygen...woosh-woosh, woosh-woosh. My daughter rushed into the kitchen to help her poor old grandmother. There was grandma, her head hung over a hot dog and roll on the counter. Her two bony hands grasping the French's mustard , upside-down and it was apparently empty but she squeezed and squeezed until she finally muttered...."da**ed mustard's out."
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My friend's mom a recent widow was complaining that she needed work done around her house. Her mom was early stage ALZ. My friend asked why she didn't call her neighborhood handyman. Her mom responded "Oh no, I can't call him he's too erotic". My friend immediately thought the worst and asked "has he made a pass at you?" Her mom was instantly offended and demanded to know "why on earth would you ask me that?" Turned out she meant erratic.
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Mom and I were waiting for her taxi ride to the senior center. While we were waiting, She was complaining about having to go out.

Then, she started asking if there's some way she could retire - if there was some kind of payment you can get so that you can stop working and have a little money coming in. I reminded her that she's already retired, that she's 86 and gets social security.

I don't know how to explain this to the reader, but she's trying to retire from having to go to activities at the senior center - she finds them strenuous (but her doctor wants her to go to them and she agrees to do it).

Maybe this is one of those "you had to be there" kind of things.
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My grandma and I were in front of the mirror this afternoon. I had gotten a hair cut and we were discussing if she thought she needed one. She was staring at herself in the mirror when she announced, "Is that me in the mirror?" I replied, "Yes." She replied, "I have a lot of wrinkles and what happened to my hair? It's gray!" She was quiet for a minute then announced, "Boy I'm old." I think she seriously forgets how old she is. :)
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My mom was recently examined by a physical therapist, he was looking for Benign Praxosmal Positional Vertigo. He was moving my mom in different positions to check the reactions in her eyes....so he told my sis to put her finger up so mom could focus on it...mom just said...Yes It looked at your finger....her expression was so what it was just a finger!!! Sis told the therapist she probably thinks we are both nuts...mom replyed...Only HE has nuts!!
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Mom and I were in the emergency room and was really hungry. We asked if she could have something to eat - even a little yogurt. When they did let her eat, several hours had gone by and she was starving but they brought a nice assortment including a juice box. I was getting it all ready, handed Mom her yogurt with the spoon in it and she stuck it in her mouth to suck up the juice from the juice box. We both got a chuckle from that.
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My father was picking his nose. He said, "The inside of my nose is cold. It's freezing my brain. And that's why I'm forgetful."
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My Mom was in the emergency room with yet another UTI. The doc came in (a nice looking guy) and told Mom he'd be right back, he had to go check on her test results. She lifted her eyebrows and said "don't get lost!". He smiled and walked out. She turned to me and said "he's really good-looking". I said yes, he is. Then, I teased her all afternoon that she had a crush on the doctor. I couldn't help myself. I was a turkey, but she was adorable.
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My dad lately responds to the TV as if they're real.

Tongiht, the Christian Children's Funds commercial came on. As the man was talking, he said, "Any you" with a short pause (before continuing to ask for donation). Without missing a beat, my dad replied to the man, "ME!?!"

He said it with such feelings/emotions, that I couldn't help it but chuckle.
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Mom was squirming a little sitting on the sofa. My husband said "Mom, can I help you up to go to the bathroom?" She smiled and said "I really don't like fresh tomato"s." Steve and I just didn't know what to say. So I got up and asked her if she needed any help to go to the bathroom. She said "why are you asking me about tomato's, you don't have any." We all just sat back down. Shortly thereafter, she got up and said "I am gong to the bathroom." We just shook our heads up and down as okay.
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D*rn iPad! Misspelling is not my fault. The iPad doesn't know how to spell!
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A few weeks ago, my dad said that he was 88 years old. Today, just making conversation, I asked him how old he was. He said 71 years old. I asked him why 71. He said: "1999 - 1928 = 71." I'm 71 years old.

I said, "But, Dad, this is not 1999. We're now 2015. So... " I started counting the years from 2015 - 1928 = 86 years old.

Nope. He insists he's 1999 - 1928 = 71 years old. okaaaaay....
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But bookluvr - that WAS the right answer 9 just 16 yeras ago :-)
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Vstefans. I had to chuckle with that comeback. =)
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I don't have POA for dad. So, I went to the local cable office and asked what is required to cancel service if the person on the bill is bedridden and refuses to leave the home. They said he just needs to write a letter requesting cancellation along with his ID. I did that, and went down to process it. I was then told that my dad has to call them and tell them that he's cancelling service, that he will need to tell them over the phone his social security number. Oh, Oh. I'm in trouble. Dad no longer can hold meaningful, understandable conversation.

I go home, tell him the situation. He now thinks he's paying $86 a month for the TV .

No-No. NOT the TV, the Cable!

Why is he paying $86 every month for the TV? They can come and take the TV back.

No, not the TV. The Cable! Anyway, nevermind the TV. I just need you to call them up and say you're cancelling it. They will ask for your birthdate and social security number.

He looks puzzled and then said,"I have a birthdate. I don't have social security."
"Yes, Dad, you Do have social security."
"No, I don't have social security."

I give up!!!! He will just have to continue to pay for the cable service.
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Having been in a variety of ERs, hospital rooms and doctor's offices, lately, Mom has been repeatedly asked the variety of questions about what year it is, who the president is, etc...

This week, at her doctor's office, the resident came in before the main doctor to ask these questions. When he asked what clinic she was at, she just looked-down at his lab coat and read what it said. She was so obvious about it, that he was taken a little aback. She then told him, "Why should I go through the trouble to remember that when it's easier just to read it off your coast?" That's where he had no response.
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I made a typo. I meant to say "off your coat" not "off your coast."
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Bookluvr, I've been frustrated too by fools who want my mom to confirm things over the phone despite my having POA. Since they can't see me I have resorted to pretending I am my mom, mission accomplished. Do you have a man handy that can stand in for your dad?
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My mother has decided that I'm pooping in her pants.,
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She said get the hell out, so I went out and rented an apartment. Now thats funny, Ill inform adult protective services in time. So off she goes to the nursing home, my life comes back to me, the constant abuse ends and I can find me, who ever I am. LoL
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Bravo mudiver! Good luck!
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Mom said she's going to tell my mom on me. Not sure what it was she was going to snitch to herself.
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Whenever a doctor asks mom how she is she will say "you're the doctor, you tell ME".
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Mom quite seriously asked me once why she was being punished by being forced to eat terrible cooking (thanks, ma).
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Mom keeps having "trouble" with her cell phone. She wanted to call an old friend to catch up on gossip, but couldn't find it in her contact list. She said she remembered the number, though. I reminded her she could just dial it from the keypad. She said: "I didn't know you could use it like a real phone!"
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Zookeeper, I always have to laugh when my mom mutters very low "You son of a B_ _ _ch." I say "that just could be."
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I came home from work around 7:00 pm and ate my dinner in the kitchen because dad's arthritis ointment is so overpowering, my headache is trying to be born (no headache but the smell is so strong, I feel one coming.)

When I came back to the livingroom and sat down, he was mumbling. I couldn't hear him, so I asked him to repeat it.

He asked, "Am I hungry?"
I asked, "Why are you asking?"
He replied, "Because I'm hungry."

What happened to his demanding nature?
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Morning caregiver to mom: you are full of pi*s and vinegar today! Mom to caregiver: YOU are full of sh*t EVERY day! Caregiver laughed, thought mom was kidding...nope...not so much.
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I can tell when I'm super stressed out. I get sick - fast. Today at work, I was dry coughing. Tonight, while studying, I started the sneezing stage.

I sneezed hard.
My father said, "Bless you!"
I sneezed again just as hard.
My father said, "Bless you! I'm practicing to be a priest...."
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Oh my....Mom just really surprises me sometimes. Watching TV this morning, and an ad for the 50 Shades of Gray movie came on....she watched the quick flashes and hints of dark sexual activity and then looked at me and said, "I wonder if that movie is any good?"

Um....no, Mom. It's not. And we're NOT watching it. Then I had to explain why. She just kind of looked at me and said, "Oh. Ok." and went back to watching TV. LOL
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