You just have to laugh sometimes.....
Some of my recent favourites are:
"I had a terrible night last night. I had to stay awake .. until I went to sleep" (said several times over, with greater emphasis each time, because of course if you repeat it, then it must make sense.)
"drinking water causes gas, so no water, and no salt, cause salt makes you drink water"
"the toothpaste took all the enamel off my teeth in just 3 days!"
Tonight, I was looking at his table. Something seem off. I gasped and exclaimed, "Dad, there's no ants! Where did the ants go?" I then went to the wall where they usually travel. "Nothing! No ants here, either."
Dad replied with a very straight face, "Maybe they went on vacation."
Mom has been concerned that she can pay for this dental work. So, at the end of the dentist's speech, she looked at the dentist and me and summed it up as, "So, if I get my teeth pulled, I could die? Fine, then I won't have to worry about how I can pay for it!"
She had only a half smile as she said it. :-)
Mom: I feel better since I'm not cray cray anymore
That was halirous I laughed all day
Dad, who is comfortable in this temperature, his skin warm to the touch, replied calmly, "It's all in your head."
I replied, "Just wait. When it's your turn to complain, I'm going to say that to you."
Hours later, 11pm, my dad exclaimed, "It's so cold!"
I calmly replied, "It's all in your head."
He looked at me, and burst out laughing so hard, stuttering the words, "It's...all.. in ..your...head."
Luckily no one believes her!!
Just waiting for the cops and FBI to show up at my door!! YIKES!!
I quickly said, "I'm not home."
He asked, "you're not?"
I replied like an answering machine, "I'm not home, but I will be back in 15 minutes,"
He took it good naturedly and laughed as I walked out of the livingroom to go to my bedroom.
Mom: what thoughts did they take?
Me: what are you talking about, ma?
Mom: you said they were stealing your thoughts. What thoughts were you thinking that they stole?
Me: whaaat? No, Ma...I said socks. She keeps taking my socks.
Mom (to all the dogs): stop stealing her socks! You're confusing both of us!
Hahahaha!
Huh? What's the connection with the eye glass helping his hurting nose?
Yesterday, she had a doctor's appointment and her important question for her doctor was whether it's her life and she should be able to eat cookies and enjoy herself. Her doctor gave a thoughtful answer about how everyone except diabetics probably should be allowed to enjoy a few cookies and that even diabetics should get to cheat a bit if they're careful - that everyone should be allowed a little job in this regard.
Mom persisted and I just sat there, quietly, until the doctor figured something was up and asked how often Mom wanted to eat cookies and when she started admitting to eating cookies at lunch, supper, as a snack, in-between meals, sometimes when she walked by, etc..., the doctor and I both just chuckled a bit.
She really thinks I'm depriving her. I thought it was funny.
Dof4 - oh my gosh....I can't even imagine what your mom must have been thinking!! Poor thing - can you imagine thinking you had 3 people in bed with you with no pants on? LOL
EndOfRope - Right there with you on that one, too! Ham in the purse. My grandmother, in the throes of serious dementia coupled with mental illness, once told us a long, drawn-out story about people that put a ladder on the porch roof to reach the attic window (2 stories above the porch roof, which would collapse if anyone stood on it), entered the attic (she had nailed the windows shut), came down the attic stairs and out the attic door to the 2nd floor (door was deadbolted and had a 100-lb steamer trunk in front of it), came downstairs to the kitchen, took meat out of the (locked) freezer, cooked and ate it, washed the dishes (seriously?) and then put them away.
The reason for the whole story? She had misplaced her favorite skillet and couldn't find it - so therefore, in her mind, someone else must have broken into the house and hidden it on her. She used to blame it all on my grandfather, but when he died, then it was "them" or "they" that did everything.
There was a lady that was in the nursing home with dad when his kidney first failed about 15 years ago, who was .....well, she was a character. That's really all I can say. She used to push her walker around the nursing home, insulting people and swearing at them, spitting food (or just saliva) at them if she could get close enough, etc. She walked into Dad's room one day and said, "you're FAT!" - Dad was a large man - he fired right back, "I may be fat, but you're UGLY - and I can go on a diet! What are you gonna do??" LOL
This same woman came into the activities room when they were having music by a special group that came in, and some of the nurses/orderlies were dancing with the residents that were able to dance. This woman walked up to one of the male orderlies and demanded that he dance with her, so he did. She seemed to really be enjoying it, until she stopped, backed away with a sly grin on her face and said (loud enough for the whole room to hear), "YOU'VE GOT A BONER!" - the poor orderly blushed and said he'd never dance with her again, then left the room.
We think she may have been a prostitute or burlesque queen in her younger days. LOL
The real funny thing about my mom is that she was raised in a very conservative household so to hear her talk like she does now is double funny. I'm sure people would think she was a burlesque queen at some point. My mother was a very conservative woman, she was a language interpreter, she spoke 9 languages and was prudish in many ways.
My mom has embarrassed the orderlies and nurses many times but they have grown to love and respect her. I think that she can not embarrass them anymore because when she tries they just laugh and say 'I see you are having a good day today'. Back in the day my mother was too reserved or shy to talk with men now if she thinks one is half way good looking she will get right to it and tell him so. I am just glad she is nice to people and tells them things to make them feel better. Sometimes my mom says rude things but not very often or I remind her that it only makes her life harder.
SusanA43 Thanks for sharing your story. It gave me a huge laugh and lifted my spirits. It has been cold, rainy and miserable so I really needed this today.