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I was reading Harry Potter to my mother and when we got to the part about Professor Dumbledore sending Gilderoy Lockhart away to regain his memory after a spell backfired, my mom looked at me and said, wide-eyed: "Wow. Where can did he go to get his memory back?"
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This is just too funny.

My ex-husband's parents moved in with us when his father was dying of cancer and in his last months. His cancer and COPD from years of smoking led to anoxia (lack of oxygen to the brain), which caused some very odd personality shifts and strange things to come to his mind.

A few of the conversations we had with him - I was his favorite target:

D: Why did you marry (ex's name here)?
Me: Because I love him, Daddy.
D: (Looking at me with an evil glare and rubbing his fingers together in the universal symbol for money) You love GREENBACKS!
Me: (laughing out loud) Daddy, that's like saying I married him for his big you-know-what!!
D: .....(stunned silence).....

D: (shaking his crooked, arthritic finger at me) I know what you did!
Me: What's that Daddy?
D: You put a spell on (his wife's name here) - and now she won't listen to me! You're a witch!
Me: No, I'm not, Daddy.
D: Yes you are! You go take that spell off her, and we'll be ok again.
Me: (humoring him) Ok, Daddy. I'll go do that very thing right now.
(I go out to the kitchen, where my MIL is sitting at the table)
Me: Hey Momma! BOOGADABOOGADABOO!
Momma: What in the world??
Me: Just taking the spell off you. Be right back.
(I go back to the bedroom)
Me: Daddy, I took the spell off Momma for you.
D: Ok. Come give me a hug. I love you.

And on one of his *really* bad days, when I was sick with strep throat and my MIL offered to walk my daughter the 2 blocks to school so I wouldn't have to get out while I was sick....

D: (yelling from his room to mine) Where's my wife!! What did you do with her! Where's my wife! Dammit, I know you're hiding her from me!
Me: Daddy, calm down. She just walked (daughter's name) to school. She'll be back in a bit.
D: No she won't! You let her run away! She's always wanted to run away! If I knew what was in your head this morning, I'd have put a bullet there instead of a brain!!
Me: ....(click) as I lock my bedroom door .....and retreat to the far end of the room.
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I took my Alz/Down Syndrome brother to a friends house for dinner last week. He couldn't remember their names was calling Tom Harold, Marc George etc. My friend Angie asked him what her names was and he said "double chin". Everyone laughed but I was mortified.
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My father has always been one to be punctual and able to tell almost exactly what time it currently is. For several months he was on a 'don't look at your watch and we'll guess what time it is and see who wins'. A dozen times a day. He of course always won. One time he wanted to play 'guess what time it is' and he closed his eyes, intense concentration on his face, opened his eyes and made his guess: He said "It is 22 Dollars and 22 cents". What could I say except 'damn, how do you always guess the right time?'
BTW I am loving this thread!
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Yesterday me and mom were on the Haunted Mansion ride at WDW. The ride stopped for 10 minutes, right in front of the the little, blue lady at the end of the ride who says, "Hurry back, Hurry back! Be sure to bring your death certificate if you decide to join us. Make final arrangements now. We've been dying to see you." I've been on that ride hundreds of times and never knew what she said, now it is engrained in my memory forever :) Anyways....after about 5 minutes she looked at me frustrated and said, "Why does that woman keep saying the same thing over and over again?"
It took every bone in my body not to shout, "Welcome to my world, lady!!"
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A few months ago my Mom was in rehab after yet another horrible fall, broken leg, surgery.....We had visited her Ortho Doc and he had cleared her for 100% weight bearing PT on the broken leg, so.... a very nice PT came to her room to conduct an initial evaluation. He had a clipboard w/him and asked Mom her age. Mom replied quite seriously, with a straight face that she was 85. Knowing that Mom was of the generation of women who " never revealed their true age", I politely informed the PT that Mom's B'day was next month and she would be 93. At which point Mom turned to me and said, "Well, honey, that may be true, but 93!!!...did you have to make it sound so OLD???!!!
Couldn't help but notice the PT had his face pressed to his clipboard to stifle the grin/chuckle.....
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I had some great chuckles tonight from you all. Thank you.
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Dad was pretty much " on" at his Happy Hour. Asked me why all those old people were sitting around and I advised his he is 85!
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I remember some time ago back when my parents use to do volunteer work at our local hospital. Dad [who was in his early 80 at the time] was telling me about this *old man* who came up to the visitor's desk to get some information. Mom looked at me and said "that old man was much younger than your Dad"..... :P
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Be supportive, as your parents will likely grieve through this process. This transition represents letting go of the home where they raised their family, embracing the fragility that comes with advancing years, saying goodbye to friends and neighbors, and coming to terms (at least in part) with aging and mortality. You and your siblings too may grieve through this process similarly. Support each other. Love one another. Forgive freely as tempers may flare as an expression of grief. Additionally, the support of friends and extended family members is crucial. The facility to which your parents are moving may offer the services of a counselor who can help you and your family cope with the transition at hand as well. Had a Cat Fight with Mom yesterday. She use to take a bath everyday. One of the loses with her illness is Hygiene. She had invited friends over, and she wanted me to shower,wear a certain outfit, do my hair a certain way. We've Physical therapist and I have been working on this. Well here I stood sweating,hair hanging in my eyes. I've been cleaning, throwing out compulsions, since Jan. 20. I said, if you want me to take a bath, you have to take a bath. After a lengthy discussion/resistance. I gave up and was ? I heard her in the bathroom. I knocked on door, asked Mom, what are u doing. IM TAKING A BATH! Panic!!! She can barely get around. The door was locked,I called neighbor,the door open she's struggling to get in Tub. Panic. She's so modest. Oh my gosh, what a challenge. I'm 70 with a back surgery. She has a bath chair, but wouldn't sit down. "Mom, sit down". "GET OUT OF HERE! Panic! "MOM, SIT DOWN." She sits down. Calls me names. "Pushing my button."Life alert to bring ambulance, fireman, call my Bro. "Ok, push it." She did. I don't care. I'm to busy, getting sprayed, yelled at. Finally could answer phone, it's Bro.then I see flashing lights. I open door, they can see I'm soaked,I explained. They look like "Yea, get this all the time. Finished, job accomplished, kept calm, which is a learned skill for me. Couple of nights ago I called her a crouchity ole Bitch!
MY MOTHER! I'll never live that down.She spent all day shooting me dirty looks,calling friends.One came over to see about her. This is while I was washing clothes, vacuuming, dusting. New day today. I slept on a unmanned,un made bed.lol, spell check. And I still need shower! 1st generation of Seniors taking care of Seniors.
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My mom believes the people on the tv are real and can see and hear her. The other night I am helping her get to bed and I notice she still has her teeth in her mouth. I asked her why she didn't take them out when she was in the bathroom. As she crawls into bed to watch her movie she gestures at the tv and says to me "some of the men here are cute! I don't want to take them out til later, I might get myself a man!"
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We were taking a ride and I missed the exit I was supposed to take. I said "Oh Eddie you big dummy!" out loud in a funny way. She paused, looked at me and said "you're not big!"
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Today, I've been bitten by 4 tiny ants - 3 on the legs and one on my upper arm. Ants seem to like to bite me - even the black ants that don't bite. As I was changing dad's pamper tonight, I noticed that his bedding had crumbs of cookies. I looked hard and couldn't find any ants on his bed.

I mentioned to dad about the 4 ants biting me today and yet he has no ants on him. I concluded teasingly, "The ants only bite ME because I'm Sweet to them."

He thinks about it. Then says, "No. The ants that bit you are MEN, not women."
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I had an appointment today at a military base and mom wanted to go with me so she could shop at the commissary (grocery store) afterwards. There was a long line of cars trying to go thru the gate because security stops every car and checks for military I.D and sometimes does random car inspections. I told mom that I wasn't worried about being searched and I jokingly ask her if there was anything she was hiding and she replied "Just my Titties" ! We all know how dangerous those floppy granny boobs can be.
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Mom is somewhat unsteady and now supposed to be using a walker. Physical Theraphy has asked her to practice at home.

Yesterday, as usual, she wasn't using it, but I asked if she wanted to practice with it and she said she would. She walked around the house with it, keeping her body in the middle and her posture good. Eventually, she got to me and asked if she could stop. I told her that was a good practice session, for now, and to go ahead and stop.

So, she left the walker in the middle of the room and walked back to the other room to sit and watch TV. Kind of defeated the purpose...
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geo123, That sounds exactly like my mom!
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My mum has dementia so she sometimes experiences some very weird stuff. Last week she said Jude Jude there's a body at the end of the bed. So I came running - lord knows why, there were only us in the house and the doors were all locked! Well I checked the end of the bed because I felt she needed me to and then came the classic. You murderer you killed the cat because it ate your parrot. WTF? We dont have any pets and have never had a parrot. She insisted I call the police - an hour later she was still screaming at me and my neighbour rang me. I explained what was happening and bless her she did something amazing - she donned an old fancy dress outfit and came round to see me mum. Mum was sweetness and light and asked it a sweet voice what are you doing here are those neighours causing troule again. OMG I nearly died as she named the very woman stood in front of her. Fortunately my neighbour understands but all has been very quiet of late!
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On the way to doctor yesterday mom was in a foul mood. The afternoon caregiver went with us and was telling me about her husband's skin cancer surgery the day before. Mom blurted out "that's why I don't want to go to the doctor today!" I told her she was not having surgery. She was just going to see the endocrinologist about her thyroid and her diabetes. We were teasing my mom trying to get her out of her bad mood. I asked my mom if she was considering getting a facelift. She said "it would take two men to lift my face to accomplish that!" We kept talking and I said the only kind of surgery, cosmetic wise but I would consider is a boob lift. We all laughed about that and I said yep got these from Mom and she got hers from her mom. Thanks very much mom! She gets a serious look on her face and says "well I'm not blaming my mom!"
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...upon seeing the recent appearance of shamrocks and leprechauns on TV, my mother in-law asks, "What's with all this green? Is it Green Hog day?"
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My husband was sitting with my mom while I did errands and he said he saw her staring at a book on the shelf. She asked him if she could see it, "he so tactfully told her that of course she could, it was her house" Anyway she pulled out this huge white Bible and in all seriousness told my husband that she had never heard of
The Holly Bibble. (not a typo, say it out loud, H.O.L.L.Y. B.I. B.B.L.E.)
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In that vein...

Every day at mealtime, lately, my mother has seemed distracted. Finally, she asked me to pick-up a card that I had on my place mat. It was the instructions for a Drive brand walker. I handed it to her.

"Wow, what a relief," she says. "Every day I've been looking at that [upside down] and thought it was 'D-n-v-e' and couldn't figure out what kind of word that was!" If you look at the Drive logo, the "r" and "i" together do look like an "n" especially from upside down, but it took her days to ask to see it right side up.

It was kind of cute, actually, and I'm glad she felt so relieved.
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Apparently a baby was born on mother's couch today. Sorry I missed it.............
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Shortly after my mom stopped driving she once said to me "I haven't snuck the car keys". It was just like having a teenager.
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I'm about to change his pamper, and moved his side table away from his bed. I see that the floor is wet. I usually put puppy liners below his side table to catch the spills. But this time, there was none. I muttered something about who wet the floor. He asked, "What?"

I put my hands on my hips, stared at the floor, and said loudly, "The floor is wet! Who spilled on the floor?!"

He gave this guilty laugh, replied, "I don't know. Someone is doing it!"
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Because we had a storm lastnight, and the governor did not declare it core 4, normal until 10am this morning, most of the government offices were closed. And that included dad's gov't caregiver who comes to sponge bathe him today.

He complained, "They didn't come today because it's a holiday. They didn't come last Friday."

I said softly, teasing him, "Eew! You stinky!"

He laughed so hard, at the same time trying to say it's not his fault.
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Book, I hope all is well in your area after that storm! Sounds like it was bad. Hopefully the aides can come take care of Dad soon.

I wish I could put puppy pads on the floor in front of mom's bed. She routinely waits too long to go to the bathroom, and if I don't remind her, she'll lay down to sleep without going, and then when she gets up, it's like a dam bursting and there's a puddle on the floor. I did buy a new bathroom rug the other day...I guess I'll try that - but she has such a tendency to trip on things that I worry about rugs. But I've got to do something - I'm constantly wiping urine off the floor. I fear one day I'll take the finish right off the hardwood floor with all this wiping and cleaning!
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My Mom's donuts are missing. Endofrope, where was your mom last night - can you check her purse? Hahaha!
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If my mom were involved and it had to do with donuts, I'd also check her pockets. Anyone got one of those wands from the airport security? Can we get them to work on non-metals? :-)
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Apparently my mother spent $15,000.00 to buy one wall at the nursing home. She has told me this several times now. I told her at that price it better have gold behind it. My mother is real confused by my older brother. Years ago he was dark and handsome, now a days he has gained a lot of weight and is bald. She says 'why has your brother not visited lately, and I tell her that he just left, she then says no not your dad's relative, I mean your older brother. I tell her again, mom that is your son and she says he can't be, he is old enough to be my father. Makes me laugh each time and it happens often.
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After hip replacement, mom, 84, was being checked into rehab. The nurse was asking the obligatory state of mind questions: What day is it? What's your name, etc. mom says, "Why are you asking me all these silly questions?" (She's still quite sharp). I said jokingly, " It's a test mom. If you don't pass they make you go home." The next question the nurse asked was, "Do you know who the president is?" Mom replied, "Roosevelt ". Mom had to stay and she did well.
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