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My mom had a very bad night on Sunday (very delusional and scary hallucinations). She's in AL and starting calling me frequently between 12 midnight and 2:00 AM. She stated that it was an emergency and that I must come over because "they" were trying to move her out, were taking her clothes, and that we needed to contact a lawyer etc. I finally stopped answering her calls. When I spoke to her the next day, she told me that I sounded better! I could only laugh at that point...
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In June, I went on a 2 week vacation. I told my dad the news about a week before my departure. Sure enough,he tried the guilt trip. It's now July. And he just suddenly asked me a serious question. "Did you take your car on your trip?"

I didn't know where that question came from. Because I didn't answer right away, he repeated the question.

I finally replied, "No. If I took the car, it would sink in the ocean."
Uhm..the only way out of here is by airplane. We live in an island, not in the mainland.
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90 yr old late stage ALZ father, bed-ridden, COPD, black lung which is a coal miner disease, bed sores, arthritis, infections, Hospice patient, barely eats or drinks, can't roll himself to the side, etc...can't even assist in moving him from bed to wheelchair if he needs to be taken out of the bed; he has to be physically lifted as in a fireman's carry position, incontinent, zero late stage memory, down to 108 pounds and he is 5'8"....the other day he is talking about his age and how well he feels and how happy he is, saying "I am 90 years old, no stress, people do for me, I'm content, and at least I STILL HAVE MY MIND".....I had to leave the room.....lol
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Great-aunt Y hates taking her shower, and hates even more getting her hair washed. She'll outright refuse to do it once in a while, especially if I tell her beforehand. So I've taken to letting her get washed off first, then producing the shampoo and announcing "Time to wash your hair!"
Anyways, she can rinse her hair out for ten minutes and still think she has shampoo in it, so I just rinse it out for her most of the time because I don't exactly want to stand there for half an hour while she gets soap out of her hair that isn't even there (all the while complaining how cold she is, but unwilling to just put the stupid shower thing down and get out of the tub).
Last hair-wash day, I rinsed her hair out; I even did it a second time just to satisfy her. But she still insisted she had soap in her hair. I told her no, she didn't, and turned the water off. She got that jutting-chin, narrowed-eye look and started arguing while I gave her her towels. I turned to leave the room and she said, "How about I hold you down and soap you all over?"
I couldn't get out of there fast enough, I was cracking UP. You'd have to know her, and hear the tone of her voice, but it was hilarious.
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My parents don't like the fact that they can't drive anymore due to age related decline, and I don't always have time to drive them.

Dad said he was going to start driving again... it's been six years since he was back behind the wheel, since then this eyesight has faded and his knees don't work well. I reminded Dad of that.

Then Dad said he was going to have Mom do the driving.... I reminded Dad that Mom [she 97] is legally blind.... doesn't matter as Dad said he could tell her when to stop, when to go, when to turn, etc. Ok.

Then I had to remind Dad that Mom is also deaf.
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Mother (85) had a cage full of cockatiels, 4 in a space designed for one. Evidently one was a female and the other 3, males. The poor female was being "loved" to death. Mother said, one day "Oh, this is so sweet, Watch my birds making love"! I looked over and said, "Oh mom, that's not LOVE that's a full on gang-bang. Let's PLEASE get them separate cages". She was shocked and said "I wish I had had that much action in my life". I had to leave her place I was laughing so hard. Sadly, the female bird did actually die the next week from so much "lovin'.
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Oh MidKid! LOL I've often said, "out of the mouths of babes" has nothing on "out of the mouths of elders". My own mom has done the same thing - said things that totally floored me.
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Mom wasn't feeling well earlier this week and wanted to go to the ER. Once there, they asked her all the usual questions about pain, etc. She said she had NO pain anywhere. Turns out she has a nasty UTI. I say "Mom, UTIs are painful, it had to hurt to pee." She admitted it did hurt. When I asked her why she didn't speak up, she replied: "I was just testing them. I wanted to see if they would find it without me saying it." No one could keep a straight face, not even the ER doctor!
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Deb, your mom may not have noticed the pain. Elderly frequently do not experience the pain, fever, etc that usually goes along with a UTI. This is especially true if they have dementia. I have wondered if it is some brain signal pathway that causes that. When my Mom has a UTI you can bet she will become more confused, agitated, once she had stroke symptoms. All they found wrong was the UTI.
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My dad would accuse me of things, but usually behind my back. Lately, he's bold. With me in the room, he would say, "K is taking my money. I don't know what she is doing with my money."

Today, he has another accusation. My dad is a hoarder despite being bedridden. He will keep his vinegar water for days. He also keeps trying to save the empty plastic container of his chocolate drink. I know him. He will use these plastic bottles to keep his vinegar drink. So, when I come across it, I throw it away.

After drinking one tonight, knowing I'm there, he said, "I need to hide this bottle. If K sees it, she will throw it." Because it's so true, I started laughing. He looked startled and started laughing so hard.
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I was sending her to the senior day care and she said am I going to the orphanage again ? Lol
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Mom passed away 3 years ago in August, but there were two things she said I don't think I'll ever forget. Before she got really sick and had to be in NH, I used to take her to her appointments and shopping every week. The shopping was done on the same day, same time so she would remember. She like to make a little list and I would check to make sure she had what she needed. She liked an apple each day, so we would get as many as she needed for the week. On one particular day, she still had all the apples from the previous week so in the store I said she didn't need any this week - her response was "I eat an apple every day"! I then asked her why the apples were still in her fridge; she answered, "I don't know - they just keep coming"! The other one was an expression she used "Oh dear, bread and beer" - she never drank a day in her life!
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Lastnite, dad slept early. I was debating if i should wake him up. When he finally moved, I quickly went to him. As his opened a tiny bit, I asked, "Do you want your pamper change or never mind?"

He stared at me blearily, and replied, "Change my pamper."
I replied, "Okay."
As I was changing his pamper, I said, "I was hoping not to change your pamper."
He burst out laughing, saying, "yeah, I know!"

Ah, heck...as I'm typing this, I smell poop wafting in the air. His hand is in his pamper!!!
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This a great thread I love all your stories , they are wonderful ! Keep them coming !
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Funny and sad/pitiful: My MIL has grown very fond of a chair that is not very good for her. It is oversized and deep, with a heavy ottoman. I mentioned that we (her son and I) are going to get her a new chair; one that better supports her posture and her legs. "Oh NO!" she exclaims, "You CAN'T!!! This is a GREAT chair!" "No, Mom, it's not. You get a stiff neck and you collapse into yourself which is terrible for your lungs and~" "No, no, you CAN'T!" "But Mom~" "But I LOVE this chair and the chair loves ME!" I stifled a laugh and gave her a temporary win. (We're chair shopping tomorrow.)
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My mother was telling me about my neice's step-brother & step-sister. Mom said,"They are twins, but they are not identical."
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I had just finished changing dad's pamper. Now that he's all cleaned up down there, he can now go to sleep. He said, "Goodnight." I said, "Goodnight." Instead of sleeping, he continued talking to himself.

About 20 minutes later, he says, "Goodnight. I'm going to sleep now."
I replied, "Okay." More mumblings can be heard.

30 minutes later, I just finished my midnight snack. In a lower voice, I heard a faint, "Goodnight." Not wanting to startle him awake, I didn't reply.... Yay! He's finally asleep. He's not moving, he's not talking, his eyes are closed.

10 minutes later, he's talking aloud with his eyes closed..... oh, well... didn't hurt to hope I would have a few quiet minutes without his constant talking...
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On our way to the doctor- inside a medical transport van with other elderly, we pulled up to a stop sign. Mom said "Hey, lets turn right and go to the Casino. Lets skip this doctor thing!" Dimentia doesnt take away certain memories! Lol

On Mothers day the whole family gathered- except my brother who lives in a different state. She staryed talking about me, the baby of the family whos cared for for 10 years, and how she didnt want another child and she cried for months.

She then said "Sometimes the one you dont want becomes your biggest blessing". I said "Ah, thank you mom". Without missing a beat she said "Not you, your brother. I dudnt want him either!"

Most might be offended but this is Dimentia. The son that moved out of state 50 years ago is her favorite- why not? His once in a blue moon visits give her great joy. A priceless moment.
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I took my FIL to his Dr appointment today, one f the questions on the form asked, Are you being physically, sexually or emotionally abused in your residence? My FIL replied. what? No no, I don't bother with SEX anymore. Too much work! The Dr's assistant laughed, thank God it was a guy, I was shrinking into my chair. Ah gheez!
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I went into dad's room and said, "Look daddy I'm wearing shorts!" He is 90 and real cranky lately. It's 100 degrees in LA and I was wearing shorts for the first time in ages. He bursts out laughing, we both cracked up.
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Mom told the hairdresser that I introduced my mom to my father. Huh??
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At the end of a very successful interview with palliative care my lovely mother turned and uncharacteristically and unexpectedly asked the doctor why the government had decided to take away her memory when she turned 90. I was a little bit shocked by the sudden downward turn of events, but when I told a cashier at Trader Joe's later, he gave me a huge smile and said "Awesome question!" I was grateful to be able to begin to see the funny side of things...
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I just finished my dinner and was in the kitchen washing the dishes. I heard dad give a hearty sneeze. And heard him say, "Bless you!".... a few seconds later, another heary sneeze. And another, "Bless you!"

It is just soooo weird to hear someone call out to themselves 'bless you' when they sneeze - instead of the common, "Excuse me!"... After the 2nd sneeze and Bless You - I started laughing hard.
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Book, people used to think that a sneeze meant that the soul was trying to escape through the nose and they thought that if they said bless you (or bless me if they were alone) it would stop the devil from getting hold of the freed soul. However while some people believed that others thoughts that evil spirits were waiting for people to sneeze so that they could enter a body so said it to prevent them getting in. Some even thought that a person had a micro death during a sneeze so saying bless you was a way of saying welcome back.

Practically all cultures say Bless you in one format or another. It is funny thought when someone gets a fit of sneezing - there seems to be a lot of blessings going around at that time
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e were on a mini trip and I stopped at Churches Fried Chicken, the sign also says since 1952. I got mom a chicken breast , Mac & cheese, coleslaw. She was eating the mac & cheese and the coleslaw and I said "Mom eat the chicken". She said "No, it is old, from 1952."
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I'm trying to find out if I have sleep apnea since I'm always so tired. I wake up in the mornings exhausted. Googling the info and it mentioned snoring. Loud snoring. Dad's hospital bed is in the livingroom. And I sleep on the sofabed. I figured dad would know if I snore in my sleep.

I asked him, "Dad, do I snore in my sleep?"
He asked, "What?"
I repeated it, "Do I SNORE in my sleep?"
He asked, "Some more?"
I said, "NO, DO I SNORE IN MY SLEEP?"
He replied so matter-of-factly, "How would I know if you snore? When you sleep, I sleep!"
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LOL, Book! They sell sound activated voice digital recorders. Set it up in your room you will have your answer. He could have said after you having to ask several times is that he cannot hear worth a darn!
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He's sneaky. I caught it. He acts as if he's really hard of hearing. I was home the one time the home nurse visited. She forgot to raise her voice loud- and asked him a question in a low voice. I was just about to repeat it loudly, when he answered her. My mouth literally opened. After that, I never let on that I know his hearing is not as bad as he pretends.
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Mom told the housekeeper that she needs money from the will so she can go to the market and buy food. Huh??
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Just an interesting story. My mom lived in her house for 40 years before her now husband moved in with her. Mom had a tub cut as a walk through so he could shower in the basement. He did not want to use the downstairs bath, so he wanted to get grab bars installed. They went shopping for them, Mom really did not want to mess up the tile with holes necessary to drill. When he was released from rehab at the start of my caregiving, grab bars were very important for safety reasons to install. When Mom was at day care (dementia) one day I had a handyman in to install bars in the shower and by the toilet. The first time Mom used the tub after that she made a statement about how glad she was that SHE had put them in.;)
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