You just have to laugh sometimes.....
Some of my recent favourites are:
"I had a terrible night last night. I had to stay awake .. until I went to sleep" (said several times over, with greater emphasis each time, because of course if you repeat it, then it must make sense.)
"drinking water causes gas, so no water, and no salt, cause salt makes you drink water"
"the toothpaste took all the enamel off my teeth in just 3 days!"
I said, "But, Dad, this is not 1999. We're now 2015. So... " I started counting the years from 2015 - 1928 = 86 years old.
Nope. He insists he's 1999 - 1928 = 71 years old. okaaaaay....
Tongiht, the Christian Children's Funds commercial came on. As the man was talking, he said, "Any you" with a short pause (before continuing to ask for donation). Without missing a beat, my dad replied to the man, "ME!?!"
He said it with such feelings/emotions, that I couldn't help it but chuckle.
Then, she started asking if there's some way she could retire - if there was some kind of payment you can get so that you can stop working and have a little money coming in. I reminded her that she's already retired, that she's 86 and gets social security.
I don't know how to explain this to the reader, but she's trying to retire from having to go to activities at the senior center - she finds them strenuous (but her doctor wants her to go to them and she agrees to do it).
Maybe this is one of those "you had to be there" kind of things.
He heard me gasp, and said, "There's an animal in there."
I stared hard into the cup trying to figure out what it is. I replied, "There's no animal in there. That's your cake."
One night, while he was sleeping, I noticed that he wasn't wearing his cap. After I put it on, he said with his eyes still closed, "Good! My brain was freezing!"
I paused in the middle of changing his pampers, frowning. 88? I could have sworn he was age 84 last year. So, I started counting with my fingers. I said to him, "You're not 88. You're 86."
He insisted he's 88. And I held up my fingers and started counting his age by 10s (10, 20, 30, 40...) Again, he looked at me with disbelief.
After a while, he said, "Why did I think I was 88 years old?"
I replied, "I don't know."
More time goes by as I continue changing his pamper. Suddenly, he said, "I'm making myself old!..... I've been telling people that I'm old, at 88!"
Just the sound of his indignation for aging himself, I burst out laughing so hard. He looked startled, and then he started laughing hard, too.
His reply: "We'll, there's nothing like your own ears."
I replied, "That's from YOUR time! Very slow singing."
He laughed. And then he started singing a more current fast-paced xmas song.