You just have to laugh sometimes.....
Some of my recent favourites are:
"I had a terrible night last night. I had to stay awake .. until I went to sleep" (said several times over, with greater emphasis each time, because of course if you repeat it, then it must make sense.)
"drinking water causes gas, so no water, and no salt, cause salt makes you drink water"
"the toothpaste took all the enamel off my teeth in just 3 days!"
I've been giving my dad nutritional supplement drinks and they come in little juice-box-style paper cartons. I also give him a bit of 100% cranberry juice every day to try to ward off bladder infections since he has a catheter. I give him the juice in a small but heavyweight plastic sippy cup with a built in straw. I noticed one cup was missing from the set of four and found out my dad had thrown the plastic cup away. He thought it was the same as a throwaway paper juice carton! I just have to shake my head and laugh. I have no idea how his brain comes up with the things it does. :-)
Anyway, for sixty cents, if it made her happy, fine. Maybe she can wear them over her regular socks as slippers or possibly give them to my husband for Christmas, although, I don't think even his feet are big-enough for these things. :-)
I replied, "Yes." ... silence. Then I asked, "Why? Are you hungry?"
"No. I just wanted to know if I ate already. I don't remember."
Well, I asked her, "Why don't you want the crackers?'
She says: 'Because I like them.'
Ha, ha, the look on his face was priceless, to which I said, I told ya so.
Then, of course, comes the stuffing her face with too much soup, the coughing, then the sneezing, then the tissues come out of the tissue holder. The whole nine yards. If it wasn't so sad, it would be funny.
Mom was watching TV and a commercial came on for a new show coming on soon, and 3 women were in a locker room at a gym - one was middle-aged and the other two were in their early 20's. All had just gotten out of the shower and were in towels. The older woman takes off her towel to get dressed, and the younger women both gasp, and say, "Oh my God, don't you wax?!?", then one of them looks at the other and kind of whispers...."It looks like my MOTHER'S!"
Mom and I were laughing at that when Mom said, "I think mine's gone BALD!"
I thought I'd fall off my darn chair....."out of the mouths of babes" has NOTHING on the things that come out of the mouth of an elderly parent!!
We are in the Dr's Office waiting room and a very heavy woman takes her place, struggling with her size and mom blurts out loud as can be "Hey look at that lady, she is very fat" OMG I turned 18 shades of red, wanted to just teleport outta that office immediately!!!
My Dad was interested in how that all worked, so I had him come along with me when I went to *pick-up* my parents' groceries. It was so simple, I pulled in front of the store, the attendant came out, unlocked the refrigerated/freezer bins in front of the store, and put the groceries in the trunk. This took maybe 5 minutes.
Dad said "this is the first time I was grocery shopping and didn't need to unbuckle my seatbelt" :)