You just have to laugh sometimes.....
Some of my recent favourites are:
"I had a terrible night last night. I had to stay awake .. until I went to sleep" (said several times over, with greater emphasis each time, because of course if you repeat it, then it must make sense.)
"drinking water causes gas, so no water, and no salt, cause salt makes you drink water"
"the toothpaste took all the enamel off my teeth in just 3 days!"
I'm such an a**hole lately (yes, she's been a pill lately and apparently knows it)
I didn't know whether to laugh or cry
Too funny. I love this thread - it helps keep things lighthearted.
As I was cleaning him up, he gave a gasp. I turned quickly to see what was wrong. He was staring in panic at his feet and then exclaimed, "Where's my shoes?" Well, now I know what's his first priority when it comes to clothing!
My dad asked, "You're hungry?"
I said, "yes."
He replied, "I'm Frank." .... then he started laughing.
So, tonight, I'm watching the show "Sex sent me to the ER." I'm laughing hard throughout the show. There is one scene where a couple decided to do IT in the front seat of the car. They were vigorously enjoying themselves. Father was watching it and then said aloud, "They don't have to show off!" (Huh???)
On another scene, the couple were doing some pretzel moves. The guy fell off the bed, landed on the floor and broke his ankle. My dad was confused and asked me, "what happened?" I didn't answer right away because how do you explain THAT to your own father?! But he asked again. So I answered, "They were playing on the bed. He fell off and got hurt."
So, as I just taped up his pampers, he would grab the hanging trapeze and lift himself up while I pull his slacks up to his waist. Sometimes we take turns counting up to 3, or we say it at the same time.
Together, we said, "1, 2, 3!" As I pulled up his slacks, he continued counting, "4, 5 - glad to be alive!"
Apparently, while at breakfast with my SIL and her sons this morning, the boys were acting up and picking on each other, like brothers will do. SIL's mom ( who *never* swears) got tired of it, and said, "Well, that's why your mom's such a b****, look how you two act!!" - and then, while everyone's jaws were hanging, she immediately backpedalled and tried to explain that she didn't mean that the way it sounded....LOL
So, I go to the other end to pull the large waterproof bedpad to me. He leans forward to pull himself at the same time towards me. 1, 2, 3! I pulled hard, he tried to pull himself to the railing. I ended up doing the most pulling. And hurt my back.
I told him that he needs to help me because he's too heavy for me.
He looks in me in the eyes and said in a very serious voice, "Next time, we put roller skates under my back."
Just now, I smiled at her and said, "Say, why don't you take a bath, today? Tomorrow I'll be doing the laundry and I can wash absolutely all your clothes so you'll have a fresh start. Also, we were going out to breakfast, this weekend, and you'd be all fresh for that, too." I not only smiled, but said it in the most cheerful voice I could, as if it were a great idea!! :-)
She smiled a little smile and said, "Well, I didn't think about that. I guess I'll go do that in a minutes."
A minute goes by and she looks and me. I can see that the light bulb just turned on and she says to me, "I lost my opportunity to argue my case against it, didn't I?"
We both chuckled a little and she gave in gracefully on her defeat and went to take her bath.
Maybe not all that funny, but I think it's kind of cute.