You just have to laugh sometimes.....
Some of my recent favourites are:
"I had a terrible night last night. I had to stay awake .. until I went to sleep" (said several times over, with greater emphasis each time, because of course if you repeat it, then it must make sense.)
"drinking water causes gas, so no water, and no salt, cause salt makes you drink water"
"the toothpaste took all the enamel off my teeth in just 3 days!"
Dad: Okay. Just don't get it wet.
Then when we get home, I'll tell her she basically read all the letters wrong, to which she will reply: "Well, he asked me if I could 'see' the chart, not read the letters!.
Um, then why did you 'read' the letters?
I'm new here but need someplace to vent ... thanks for the opportunity. For about six months now, I've been living with my mom (I'm 62, she's 91) who uprooted me from another state far away from the state I grew up in, and I've been telling my son that someday I'm going to write a book about Things She Said. I see it's all been written :)
To which I replied: "Are you hungry or not"
Mom: Yes
Me: Well, go get something to eat. You ate an hour ago.
Mom: What time is it? (here I have to inject she's shocked to realize she ate only an hour ago)
(Mind you, she has diabetes, has had open heart surgery, knee replacement surgery, etc., etc.) during the past ten years) ... I'm here because she can't care for herself any longer and need to monitor her diet, pills, etc.) She thinks if she does anything for herself, despite my telling her it's not true) she'll have to go to a nursing home.
Mom: I probably need (NEED) Jello.
She walks toward the kitchen, with the gait of dementia affecting her limbs, to get her Jello, which is sugar free) as if 'she won'.
You just have to laugh.
There's also the mantra: "I don't snore", which is another story for another day. Along with "What's the pill for" which I see someone addressed above me.
While at the Policemen's Ball last night, my mother was greatly annoyed at the, "Loud women," who were winning prizes in the raffle drawing. To keep her from getting upset, I whispered to her that she will can be thankful she will never be a loud woman or an old man. We laughed the rest of the night.
The first book, a mystery by an author she used to like, didn't keep her attention. But I then found a true crime book about an area she knows.
She's so excited to be reading, again, and excited to recognize the landmarks, she can't stop talking about it. Everyone she meets gets the details of these crimes and how awful they are, and also a side note about how Mom had relatives that lived in the area.
Fortunately, these are not gruesome crimes, but the polite stony faces she gets from people are priceless and I think it's pretty funny. (plus, I'm glad she's enjoying it, but it's a lesson that I'd better not give her anything too gruesome :-) ).
I know am i losing it?
So, as I was changing him, I saw movement in the side of my eyes. I looked down, and saw this healthy black roach. I squealed and jumped away. Father, as usual, cannot understand why I'm terrified of such a small insect.
He said to me with an irritated voice, "Why are you afraid of it? Just kill it!" after a few seconds of pausing, he said, "it's not like it's that big thing with many fingers."
Huh? Many fingers?.. Oh! He means the gigantic "banana" spiders we find once in a while inside the house. (Biggest spider I've ever seen in my life. Takes half a can of Raid to finally kill it.)
lol, @ boni,
turn on the garbage disposal and give that " rat on acid " a nice slippery bubble bath..
But the other day, I took her to be interviewed at the local Memory Clinic and the looks on face at some of the things they suggested she might do and their responses -- all were so priceless.
They were suggesting different activities to her and when they mentioning "cooking classes" the most sour horrible look came over her face and she was REALLY glaring at them. It was pretty funny and I had to explain to her that no-one was going to make her cook. She then just looked so relieved -- all of us, including her, got kind of a laugh about that.
Just as I'm getting to turn the channel, he said, "Hey, I saw 2 ladies naked. I think I saw them naked. It looked liked they were naked. I tried to see and it changed." I had to explain at least twice that they ARE walking around naked. Everyone living there goes around naked.
He said, "Oh, good. I thought there was something wrong with my eyes."
Dad-"I think the idea is very believable, more like what the colonists did to the American Indians, it didn't turn out so well for them though... now could you all talk amongst yourselves... I need to sleep."