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im up at 2 am , baking a rather large apple cake and cant eat a bite of it till about noon today . freakin colonoscopy this am . i followed the recipe as well as can be expected . i threw a handful of coconut in the batter . edna and i love coconut . ill just hit it with a heavy glaze instead of icing .
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That feeling where I just think I should assume a yoga position and hum from here to eternity..
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Oh wow Veronica....this new world I find myself in is so darn strange....As it turns out today, even though I told the social worker tomorrow, once she called back and found out the chaplain had just left, she said she would just head on out here...I could have stopped her, but decided ...sure, come on, the day is ruined now anyway...so she came..and she started with the questions, and she got more than she bargained for and she ended up looking like she was trying to find a quick exit..hahahaha...I have decided they have a "set" number of visits they have to cram in and so it was our day and may as well get it over with because the calls are relentless. Mama sleeps the whole time they are here..They will come in, say hello to her...try to talk to her and she promptly closes her eyes and possums (pretends she is sleeping ) the rest of the time...so then they're all mine. To be honest, the chaplain is nice enough. I like him a lot, I just don't get the impromptu visits...but after today I decided the social worker really doesn't know much about family interactions...and all it did was upset me, which is precisely what I knew it would do, so next time when our "day" rolls around, I will sit here, say yes and no and yes and no or whatever and then just stare at her til she gets the hint and leaves....the whole day pretty much out the window....

the social worker is not helpful for paperwork for the most part because I have already handled all that. I don't really know what purpose she serves...Today, right in the middle of our visit, her husband called and I could hear the conversation on the phone...she told him, is this important I am with a client...and I heard him yell very angrily.."yes it is important, I have had a wreck"..so she arose pretty angrily, excused herself and had to go retrieve insurance information for him out of her car...she is always asking...is there anything I can do for you? I know she means well ( at least I guess she does) but I often think in my head..yes you can leave me alone until I call you.....but that would be mean I guess....so the day came and went...sporadically interrupted by folks I could have done without...

And regarding the family stuff that drives me over the edge...I have decided that dynamic just is what it is ...there is no fixing something that other folks have no desire to fix and do not intend to help anyway. So I will putter along, enjoy my time with Mama and just let the chips fall where they may....feeling kind of pffft..tonight...
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Sorry, butterfly, didn't mean to interrupt your post! :-)
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I meant to add that I have encouraged them to do some research on AZ/dementia and understand I try to cope with not one but TWO. They apparently cannot be bothered with that or the importance of the caregiver getting care, too. Aargh!
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A whine and a pat on my back, both in one post!

Whine: Mom is *not* doing so great since we came back from our 2-week "vacation" from the house. (Not really a vacation for me, had to work and take care of mom the whole time, but we were at a lake, so there was that, anyway!)
Memory issues are getting worse by the day, it seems, and so are the resistance issues - today she refused to go to the bathroom before she laid down for a nap, and hadn't been for a few hours. I felt her chair paid - wet, just as I suspected - and then noticed the back of her pants were also wet. I informed her of that and she *very* reluctantly went in and used the bathroom and changed her clothes. (sigh) Then she came out and said she'd try to listen to me better in the future. (Pretty sure that's *not* going to happen..but it was nice of her to say so!) She can no longer feel when she's wet or having an accident. One more step down that long road....

Pat on the back for me: I did Mom's feet today, complete with toenail clipping, foot soak in tea tree oil/epsom salt solution, scrubbing of the crusty "gunk" on her feet (which has been there for years and doc says is "just old age" - I think it's a fungus!), and then followed up by a thorough scrubbing on the "gunk" with a pumice stone and another soak. Going to kill that crap if it kills ME...and it just might, given that dealing with feet just grosses me out!
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freqflyer, I would love to pack aunt & uncle both up and send them to stay with the daughter for a while. Hopefully, they will be invited for a visit soon. I did let it be known that if she thinks she can do a better job she is welcome to it and I will gladly go back to Georgia. I did not trust myself to speak to her directly. Countrymouse, it seems to be all about getting attention which aunt has always been that way...only worse now. I am learning the children that do nothing are the most critical. All of us know why that is, don't we?!!?
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i agree with you hope , the sense of doom thing . social worker can help you with med bills you dont understand but aside from that id only accept the visiting nurse for a while . tell mom the visiting nurse is to save dragging out to doc so often .
aids and evertbody visited my mom but she needed the female companionship , was well aware she didnt have long to live and didnt mind the visits .
finally , im tiling my new sink counter top tonight .camera up the azz tomorrow so bisacodyl tabs and 2 gallon of colite tonight . i wont complain. it sure beats death from azzrot . its a big killer in this country .
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Just very tired of the "every day it's something." It's been a full year now of my completely taking over my mother's affairs, while she happily believes she's living independently (except for when she's badmouthing me to others, accusing me of trying to 'take her life away' and who knows what else). She's got so much additional support now -- enabling, really -- to maintain her ego, so she won't have to admit that she can't do it anymore, that it's time for AL. It's past time. I feel bad complaining since I don't do hands on care, but the 24/7 management and oversight, while working more than full time, 3 hours drive away from her...I'm exhausted. My mother continues to stir up trouble, her annoying co-dependent neighbor, who likes to believe that she's ever so helpful, is histrionic, not the sharpest tool in the shed, and implies I'm not doing enough whenever she gets the chance. I fantasize about some amazing solution that I just haven't quite thought of, that will put all of this to bed once and for all. But nothing comes to mind.
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TV dinners are great as long as the elder doesn't have high blood pressure problems, and most do. TV dinners are screamingly high in salt which isn't good for blood pressure and for one's kidneys.

In my household, my sig other and I both have high blood pressure, and I hate to cook. So on those days when neither of us feel like cooking, we use Lean Cuisine, it still has sodium but the amount is noticeably less.
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Sounds like my dad. I get him banquet frozen dinners. They have the proper about of carbs, protein etc. and they are good. I also keep a lot of fruit around for him to snack on. Hope this helps. Good luck!
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First and foremost Hope tell them not to come without giving you 24 hours notice. They are supposed to make appointments. You can simply tell the Chaplain - well tell him anything you like but when you want to see him you will call.
The social worker can be useful in that she can help with any paperwork as in applications for things like Medicaid. She also comes to see how you and mama are doing emotionally and if all is right in your world. You do not have to tell her anything personal. they also council patients about their upcomming death or a move to N/H if that is upcomming. Other that that don't answer personal questions. Being in hospice does not give them the right to be nosy. just tell her you prefer not to discuss that. or may be get out a duster and start cleaning or excuse yourself to put a load of laundry in. They do like to spend some time alone with the patient so give her that chance. Try and set a time for the next month. Perhaps they will bring some one from the funeral home too. We had one funeral director who used to send birthday cards or even a few flowers to hospice patients he knew. His own dementia was pretty far advaced by then too. He also had a habit of collecting the deceased before anyone had a chance to notify hospice. One day he went into the patient's room and we heard a terrible wailing, sounded like extreme pain. I rushed in thinking the patient was not really dead and there he was on his knees beside the bed. I think they eventually pulled his license, he's dead now anyway
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Hope, why don't they let your friendly neighbourhood grief counsellor tag along too, for good measure? Might as well get ahead of the curve while they're at it.

Seriously, as in sincerely I mean, what good intention do you think they have? Are they meant to be there principally for your mother's benefit, or for yours, or what?
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Only positive is let them get their visit out of the way for the month and be done with it because they have driven me nuts for the past two weeks with their calls...why in Heaven's name do they not understand that some folks do not need someone to sit here and hold their hand or try to dig up the past or drag out what is going on in my life....Mama is happy, well cared for and doing quite well, and so am I ...until they start driving me insane....I keep being told I will be glad they are here one day...maybe I will...and maybe that is why I don't want them here now...it feels like they bring a sense of doom in the house...at least that is how it feels...sorry...had to vent...
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Well, I managed to deflect the social worker til tomorrow, but right after that, I'll be darned if the chaplain isn't on his way. There is NO getting rid of them...and the chaplain and social worker always seem to show up at just about the same day and time..so it makes me feel like we are on their calendar and so it's time for a visit...ugh...I hate these stinking visits..hate them....all it does is ruin my afternoon
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Yup, we took mom to see family, had a lovely meal and 30 minutes later she says "When are we going to eat?". She also gets mad at US when she can't remember the names of great-grandchildren.
She also asks for clothing that she already has. Wants winter boots, already has 2 pair. Asks for piddle pads, already has 2 packs of 39 in the closet. It never ends.
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For those elders who have forgotten they already had a meal, I think what I would do is just leave the dirty plates on the table as a reminder.... then clean everything up later [if you have the energy].
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1butterfly, my mother went through a phase of saying plaintively "are we having supper this evening..?" and letting her voice trail off as though she was weak with hunger. Usually within two or three hours of a three-course meal.

Quite what your cousin imagines is going on… Sigh. Mind you, bearing in mind this is her mother that you're looking after we're talking about, how does she even have a leg to stand on?
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1butterfly, if that happened to me, I would pack up my Aunt, pack her suitcase, and proceed to drive to that daughter's home. Love it how other relatives have grand ideas or unfounded complaints, and if they think they could take care of the elder better, then let them see for themselves.
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This morning is a new level in Mom's demands. Usually she's pretty patient and waits until I have time to get her something to eat or do something else for her because I work from home and I can't always just drop everything and run to do her bidding. Today, though, her forgetfulness and scaly, itchy feet (ick, my nemesis!) got the better of her, and she DEMANDED that I soak her feet - and when I told her I'd get them in just a moment, that I had something else I had to do, she said "Ok", but 2 minutes later, demanded it again...and then again...until I finally left my desk and spent 15 minutes getting her foot soaking tub ready, putting a towel down, getting her foot in the tub, scrubbing it, etc.

God, give me strength. Her forgetfulness is reaching new levels in the past 5-7 days, I've noticed, and it's hard to see her like this.
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My whine moment. Happened yesterday evening. Fixed supper. Aunt barely ate. Went with a cousin to take her granddaughter home...gone an hour. Barely get in the door. Aunt imperiously informs me she is hungry & I need to fix her something to eat. Found out she talked to a daughter who lives in NC & told her she was hungry, I had not fed them, I was gone. The daughter, because of a personal issue between us, ran with it & accused me (behind my back, of course) of not taking care of her parents. She is fully aware of her mother's deviousness & confabulation. Pissed me off.
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The mods will clean it up, I'm sure, when they see it. I doubt that anyone watches the board 24/7. Just hit the report button. That's all we can do.
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It's a cyberattack. It happened this weekend and the mods cleaned it up. Then the user changed their username and launched another attack. Why, I don't know. I guess because they are bored or mad at people on the board.
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Good heavens, what is it with all the movie spams on the forums this evening? You'd think the website monitors would have picked up on this hours ago. I noticed hardly anyone is writing this evening :(

Has this happened here before?
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G'Morning, folks... I've found much maturity in 'captain speak', and others, on this site AWA most of the advice and experiences given..

I am getting some help from local daughter and son and DIL, but it's hard to ask for such simple help like emptying dog food from a new bag and/or bringing something up from the lower level - guess I am just too used to getting it done on my own. One neighbor calls me "too proud" to ask for help. She says this in a very nice way.

Two gentlemen (God Bless them) neighbors are still cutting our 4 acres of lawn and will soon be sweeping leaves that are falling from those plus 200 trees we planted 26 years ago. You shall reap what you sow, so they say. But, golly we have enjoyed their beauty and I really have enjoyed the mowing and sweeping - better'n dusting and vacuuming.

I guess I should be thankful my injury did not happen a couple of years ago... The story would have been written very differently for my sweetie.

Thanks for all your encouraging support - 'love you all..
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ill pay attention when lois speaks . i think this site is a gold mine of maturity and life experience . noncarers havent ran the gauntlet that you guys have .
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LoisCorrine90, was glad to see you back on this website.... let us be your distant Caregivers while you heal... and in return you can give us good advice :)
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old bluntman came by tonight . made me proud . hes the leanest hes ever been in his life , met himself a decent girl and his manners are above reproach . he climbed right up in my truck bed to check out my new over cab box , i think just to be courteous and supportive . we had a great chat inside where i heard him kinda shift blame for one of his screwups , then catch himself and totally own his part of the blame . then he dived into a big apple crisp id made for him and his girl , complimented the h*ll out of it and happily took the remainder home with him .
if my boys ever adopt anything ive tried to teach them id want it to be finesse and good manners . only in the spirit of humility and self improvement can those attributes thrive .
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Hope the dr will have a solution for you on Tues Lois. Back pain is the worst. Do you have anyone with younger legs who could do the legwork for you? Failing that can you scoot around on an office chair with wheels? can you get meals on wheels and help with housework/shopping while you heal. Sending you healing vibes. Even though you are no longer a caregiver there is still a lot of support or just someone to chat to here.
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Hi, Veronica. 'Could be better.. My last day at home with my husband caught me straining to move him in the bed and I'm afraid that I injured my back at that time. There's a stress fracture that really is painful and does not seem to be getting better! I have an appt on Tuesday - perhaps the Dr. will have a solution.. The pain has become worse almost every day!

Plus, I am unable to take care of my trust paperwork since I cannot walk for more than a few minutes and just trying to gather what I need for a meeting with our trustmaker seems impossible.

Our daughter who is helping me with this lives 4 hours away and is needed at home just now..

I thought trusts made it easier to settle death claims, etc.. I guess we will just have to meet via a phone consult. I do not want to get in trouble with the IRS.

That's my whine for now - or should I say - my several whines..
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