I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
You never know what the day will bring and what will turn into a daily argument. I have no life at this point. I cant even be bothered to make friends or go anywhere because I feel like "what is the use ?" I feel like I no longer have my own thoughts and feelings. From the moment I get up my thoughts are "What is going to happen today ?" I cannot get a good night's rest because I listen for his footsteps in the kitchen late at night. When I hear the TV at full blast at 7am..I know that the day no longer belongs to me and my children. Its all Dad all the time. Between his behavior and having to deal with caregivers in our home on a daily basis, I feel like I have 4 jobs. I feel like I have lost my personality.
I tried to watch "Notting Hill" last night on TV, always enjoy Hugh Grant, but I just couldn't keep my mind on it. Fell asleep.
But I do spend a lot of time on AgingCare website. I've learned so much. My sig others use to complain about all the time I spend on the website but then again he can spend 12 hours straight watching football games. So I told him this forum is my *sport*. He understood and never complained again :)
Anyway, I have a question that I've been going back and forth for the past 2 days.
Does anyone have a Kindle? Have you taken advantage of that "kindle unlimited" which allows you to read for free the ebooks. The catch is you pay $9.99 a month for this. I have found some ebooks that I would love to read but am Not willing to pay $2.99 for a 70-page ebook. BUT, I tend to like books. If I like it, I want my own copy.
So.... If you are doing the Unlimited program, are you satisfied with this? Do you think it's worth $10/month? I'm debating and $10.00 is for me 'unnecessary' expense. I do spend money on books but I limit myself and only if it's my most favorite authors. Other than that, I read the freebies. Or the 0.99 books.
Lois - so sorry to hear of your husband's passing, but sounds like it was peaceful, and I do believe he was simply waiting for permission, or the "ok" from you and your daughter to leave. I've seen it happen twice now, with my grandmother and my father - even though they were very ill and close to death, they were clinging to life until someone told them it was ok to go. Within hours - or minutes in my grandmother's case - they were gone.
Cap, I have no doubt your sons will be so confused when you reach that point, they won't know whether to scratch their watch or wind their butt.....and they'll be on here asking for advice. LOL
Reading all the discussion about surgery on an elderly person, I have to wonder about the doctors sometimes. Here's our experience on that front:
1) Dad was in the hospital at a weight of 460 lbs, almost completely immobile because of loss of cartilage in his knees (they were bone on bone at this point, and the heads of the two bones tended to "jump" or "skip" off of each other if he put weight on them, causing him intense pain and creating a huge fall risk), and his general practioner, who had been our family doctor for over 40 years, came to see him. Took one look at Dad's inability to stand for more than 10 seconds unassisted and pronounced he needed both knees replaced and gastric bypass - this, after 40 years of treating the same man, who was now 74 years old, 460 lbs, unable to stand on his own, had a pacemaker and congestive heart failure, COPD, a huge umbilical hernia and a history of massive blood loss during surgical procedures. Dad lived another 6 months after that pronouncement (and had to have emergency surgery when the hernia became strangulated, resulting in multiple antibiotic-resistant infections), so in hindsight, had we followed his doc's advice, we probably wouldn't have even had him that long.
2) Mom had a hysterectomy almost 10 years ago due to a large growth found during her gall bladder removal. After that surgery, she was on a ventilator for 48 hours because she wouldn't breathe on her own. Same doc as Dad's recently told her she should have gastric bypass and knee replacements. Mom is 74. Seeing a pattern here? I reminded him of what happened when she had the hysterectomy, and he backpedalled - quick, saying, "Oh, I guess you're not a candidate for it then..." Gee, ya think? I mean, does this guy even LOOK at his patients' charts before throwing out a serious recommendation like surgery?!
Bottom line: I see no reason to perform invasive procedures requiring long-term rehab and recovery when there are several other co-morbidity factors that make surgery too risky. Too many doctors are too fast to jump on the surgery bandwagon. It's not always a case of improving the quality of life when the patient may only have a few years (or months) left in the first place. If they are in excellent health and are a good candidate for it, sure - but to recommend it for someone who is otherwise in bad health and will probably not live to see the improvement from the surgery is just foolhardy.
Stepping off my soapbox now....
MUTE
My father surged about an hour before he went began his final descent into death. He drank a whole container of Ensure, then ate most of a huge turkey sandwich. Then it was like he choked on a little bit of turkey and started rattling in his throat. It wasn't the turkey, but the rattle of his lungs filling with fluid. The turkey sandwich was his last taste of the good things on earth before he took his final worldly journey.
Don't worry about the burst of energy thing. Read up on end stage diseases, death & dying and whatever related to your issue. Its very common and to be aware of what happens to those close to end of life is normal. Didn't mean to scare you.
hope, i tire easily as well. Tiny steps..they will be back tomorrow. I have the same problem with apples/pears/leaves. No, I have no use for akathousand apples/pears. How I solved this problem? I looked on Craigslist for someone/student who needed to make some spending money...I found a good kid who works very hard for 10 bucks an hour...I usually will give him some extra, but it's not necessary.... this gives me more time to do for mom instead being a slave to everything.
Sunset and evening star,
And one clear call for me!
And may there be no moaning of the bar,
When I put out to sea,
But such a tide as moving seems asleep,
Too full for sound and foam,
When that which drew from out the boundless deep
Turns again home.
Twilight and evening bell,
And after that the dark!
And may there be no sadness of farewell,
When I embark;
For tho' from out our bourne of Time and Place
The flood may bear me far,
I hope to see my Pilot face to face
When I have crossed the bar.
RIGirl.... there wasn't a poem and I would love to read it... I miss my dad everyday. Hardest thing I ever went through was his passing.