I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
once when i took my mom " shopping " we were standing in the checkout and she was bumping the forward button on her old fart cart , in essence rocking the machine . it puzzled me . i was thinking this is the sort of annoying thing she would have backhanded me for when i was a kid. as months passed i began to see all kinds of strange behavior. i haveta admit before she was diagnosed with dementia there were times i wanted to strangle her. i do understand how you cant deal with the shopping trips. our parents came from a generation of poverty and war. as postwar society evolved into a manufacturing / consumer model they embraced and found comfort in routine. im more 60 ' - 70 ' s counterculture and too much structure makes me want to climb the bell tower with a 50 cal .. i tried to buy ear wax softening drops at a drugstore today and they had a special deal ; buy one at a special inflated price , get 3 bucks off your next purchase -- except the tag implied the purchase was marked down to three bucks . our parents would have had a ball playing such a childish game . i told the cashier " im not here to play " and fortunately she understood .. my dad was the kind who would spend 75 cents to wash his car with 3 kids in the back seat dying for an ice cream cone . the church got 40 bucks a week tithe money while we literally went hungry. we ARE NOT our parents thankfully ..
Well the service has now set a minimum limit of $60 for groceries... in the past there was no limit, but I can understand them doing that.... but if one is shopping for elderly parents once a week, not every week they get $60 worth of groceries... wish the on-line services would take that into consideration.
Maybe I will fire off an email asking if they can take senior citizens into consideration and maybe set a minimum at $40.
I loved how Joan could poke fun at herself... I remember on time her saying about having a hot flash that was so bad that her dress caught on fire :P
As for support groups, they are so hard to find... there seems to be support groups for all types of medical issues, but for Caregiving, can't find anything close enough. I keep thinking maybe because it is difficult for a Caregiver to get away to attend these groups.
I know I knew zero about old age, until my parents started to have age decline... my late grandparents lived many States away so I always remembered them as being in their 60's.... and it was only last year I found this website... what an eye opener !!
honeycomb, I am in the same boat as you, I never had children, and I have no siblings thus there are no nieces or nephews, so there won't be anyone to take care of me if my sig other passes before I do :(
I'm doubling up Bob. Had a very long talk with myself while watching mom sleep. Things weren't always easy for her with my dad...least I can do is make this as easy as possible. My awesome help/caretaker, Lisa, called to check on me today... she's been in this biz for 20 years and actually ran an AD home in Fresno, moved here to help her daughter. She offered to sit with mom while I start a support group... one for mom and one for grief since I apparently haven't got over my father dying. What a lovely, lovely, kind caring woman. Blessed to have found her or her us.
Mom was up for maybe 2 hours, ate 5 more bites of soup and drank an entire ensure plus half a glass of water. WHEW! Took her to the restroom and she asked to just go to bed. Said her legs were tired. Her bed is on HIGH so she'll be nice and comfy. Daphne (my dog her protector) is curled up beside her. Seriously, I just pray I don't have a breakdown. It's hard to tuffen up doing this on your own for the most part ya know :)
ff ... I was SO SAD losing Joan Rivers!! Mom and I watched a lot of her stuff on youtube tonight including the Roast they did for her about 5 years ago. Of course I laughed my a** off and mom kept asking me if this was real? Could they really cuss like that? Who where those people? Finally turned it to the Disney movie Ice Age. She seems to enjoy that show.
After a good 18 hours of sleep, she doesn't seem as upset and fearful. Still confused just not as scared.. That is a great thing :)
Sleep well!!
She woke up around 2:00 p.m., went to the restroom/with assistance finding it, ate half a bowl of chicken soup and a slice of toast with jam. Has been sound asleep ever since. 3.5 hours to be exact.
Her not sleeping at night wouldn't be a worry to me if she knew where things were. She no longer knows where her room is, her chair, bathroom... basically anything. In the past 6 months she's went from taking walks to shuffling and scared to take too many steps. Guess it makes me feel so bad for her thinking she's up wandering the house, cold not knowing where she is. Sigh.
Making her another appt tomorrow to see if the UTI has cleared or if her meds could be causing her to sleep so much the past few days.
From what I've read on the AD webpage... she's been in stage 6 for some time now and the past month moving towards 7.
I don't know what's worse, her constantly moving/scared and crying or sleeping all day. I keep checking her chest to see if it's rising... I'm just talking/typing to keep myself from freaking myself out too much!!
Did you order it from Hospice Bon? Nice that your other still understands how nice it is to make things easier on you. How rewarding it must have felt for you to hear those precious words from your mother.
Hmmm... I would like to find some of those magic words. Actually, I'd love it mom would actually SIT for more than 5 minutes them up again wandering and can't find her chair. Chair? What chair? That chair, you know, your chair. Where? Right there. Right where? THERE!! ( 1 foot from her backside) sigh
An epiphany struck me today... I joined this website about 2.5 years ago. The first six or so months I was still living in Florida just doing some research.... by the time I finally got here with my parent's I had forgot my screen name and or password...something to that fact but I re-joined. Ahh regressing.... SO, my epiphany was.... In the year plus I've been here, our loved ones are regressing further, times passes in a haze at times and well . here we are
So, I'm thinking of taking up either knitting or crocheting. I vote knitting as it might be easier for me to see. Something to do with my hands aside from using them as feeding tools!!! Speaking of food, mom must like my homemade spaghetti sauce from the garden tomatoe's n onions... all I hear is slurrrppp :D
we copped my mom an electric recliner a few months before her death . it not only gave her many comfort options but with late dementia , it kept her entertained / distracted , playing with the hardwired remote . bout 600 bucks -- much better deal than pressure sores from the junk she was sitting in .
I ordered her a "electric" bed (we don't use the word "hospital").She fought me a little, but liked the fact that she can push a button to sit up, as getting out of bed is getting harder. In making my case, I stumbled across some magic words.
"In all honesty Mom, It would sure make things easier on me and my back".
She got a huge smile and said "Of Course we'll get it. If it makes your life easier than it makes me happy."
It was like I gave her the gift of doing something for ME, because of all I do for her. It was good to learn a new way to make her happy. I will certainly use those words again.
I wish you all the satisfaction and appreciation that I get from care giving. I NOT saying it's easy, But every time I come here, I realize how much better I have it than most. I'm feeling quite blessed and content, and I'm praying for the same for all of you.
I need to find an interesting/enteraining/time consuming HOBBY!!
Mom seems to be getting back to the way she was before she went away for a long weekend. Change in daily activities IS NOT a good idea takes much to much out of mom and hard to get her back into her reality as she feels comfortable. Now if I could just get her to eat a bit more. So far feeding her small portions many times a day seems to be working on building her appetite back up... that and 2 ensures a day :)
Hope everyone has a fabulous weekend!!
I must have missed the memo in regards that this thread was taboo to post on ? Which is fine, I will still post on it and elsewhere if I have something worthy to offer. I am still learning everyday myself.
This thread was just to be a fun thread.. we all have whines and challenging moments. Such is life.
Again, enjoy your weekend!!
the cost bugs me because this economy is not going to move until we have some disposable income . stone porches / landscaping isnt in the current american budget ..
bummer on whomevers part ..
I'd tell ya whaa the plates jumped up... but their might be some... some ... errr
Obummer.... I can't say why :) as I do not want to offend others...Obummer... hard being nice :)
i always smile about this thread , it brings back a couple of fun memories . when i was in the army i had a friend from florida . we lovingly called him " neck " . ( redneck ) . he was forever trying to defend someones honor . he wanted to know WHY ( does she have to be a b*tch , etc ) , except he always pronounced WHY as WHAA . our immediate group of young soldiers would always bust into a chorus of crying like babys . its hard to do when your laughing your a** off at the same time . fifteen years later a coworker from kentucky , at the factory, would do the same . WHAAA .. the group of mechanics i hung with would accomodate him in the same way -- a desperate chorus of loud baby crying . once again , thru the laughter .
i learned a good life lesson from the kentucky gentleman . when a machine would break down id put it in a higher gear and handmake the required part in the same amount of time that KY would spend crying about parts aquisition , management , etc .
i dont have a WHAA today . still have an ear infection but ill see the martinsville va satellite clinic tomorrow and get it looked at .
As the season slowly changes from summer to fall and eventually winter, I have noticed that personalities are changing, Including mine. I dread winter... personally I become quieter and more subdued. Could be a culmination of being locked up for months and seeing mom decline... either way it sucks. Spring, Winter and Fall... love it.
One last thing. GO SEAHAWKS!!
BoniChak...I've thought about trying that too...but must admit I'm glad I didn't do it this particular time...haha blue eyebrows might be a little hard to explain....
kristi27, draw the lines in the sand now!! As mentioned, things only get worse as the disease progresses. Veronica and Linda gave you some excellent advice and now is the time to start before it's too late...
So, my bro and SIL brought mom home around 2:00 p.m. on Monday. Didn't call to see if I was here or what I was doing, just showed up... they looked frazzled :D then proceeded to tell me of all mom's ailment's and strange behavior. uhm.... ok, apparently they've not heard a word I have said to them the past 18 months. Lets see, they told me her appetite is gone, she thinks what is happening on tv is real, she misses the toilet, you can be sitting in the room with her and she doesn't realize you are there, she wanders around ALL night long and oh yeah, forgets where the bathroom/bedroom/livingroom, heck any room is. Wow... they found all this out in 2 short days... poor things :/ SIL apparently googled "Risperidone" and filled me in on all the scary side effects and couldn't believe mom was taking it... that sealed it for me, they've NOT listened to a word I've told them. Nothing. Good thing is they finally got to first hand go through what I've gone through for 18 plus months. The incredulous looks on their faces was priceless. PRICELESS!! I thanked them nicely for the weekend off and said I'm good to go for another 3 months or so. Bro was nice enough to say "No, you need a break more often than that, any weekend ANY weekend bring her over"! Awh... shucks! the one drawback on that, well, change is not good for AD peeps. Mom was upset and disoriented for 2 days... it's just too hard on her to go to a strange house. I guess I will have them stay here and I will hole up in a motel on the coast for my weekend getaway!!
Even though she was demanding and crabby when she got home, I was GLAD she was home. All I could see was this scared elderly lady who was upset and afraid I was going to leave her somewhere again. She followed my every step all day yesterday, I finally had to let her sleep in the bed with me just so I could get a few hours of sleep.... yes, once again I needed to adjust my attitude and perspective. This is not her fault and even though she wasn't the most attentive mother, she wasn't a bad one either :) If I can make it through this and give her some happy moments and keep her feeling safe, then I will have succeeded. Their will be time enough (fingers crossed) for me to regain my sanity. Oh... having my awesome caregiver come in 3 days a week for 3 hours is helping my sanity stay closer to me :)
Such good news about the house and being able to get rid of all your debts. nothing like a fresh start to put things in perspective. Relax and enjoy. If you need finacial help don't be afraid to ask for it. You may really need it and have no assets along with no debts.
Kristi you are the daughter in law not the maid as I assume they are not paying you! Take care of your family first. just because you are home does not make you available.
I see no problem with cooking enough food to take over for their dinner BUT they have to have what you are cooking.
perhaps you could go over SOME mornings and help MIL take a shower.
If FIL does not step up to the plate seek advice from adult protective services, their social worker will let FIL know what services are available and tell the in laws how much care mil should have to be safe.
It won't be nice and don't expect praise for standing up for yourself but you are neglecting your children big time and this could go on for years. FIL is perfectly capable of taking care of his wife or hiring help so step right up and tell him so.
Make the appointment with the dentist and do it today. Take the first asppointment they have dental pain is an emergency after your son's check up this is #1 priority.
Contact an agency about caregivers and give FIL the information.Give him notice that you will be quiting as soon as he hires someone or in two weeks whichever comes sooner. Take several deep breaths and put on your big girl panties and go for it. Hugs and Blessings . No guilt you are a good and honest person and have taken the first big step by comming here. Others have been used like this and it is not pretty