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Well at 5 am my mom peed all over the bathroom floor, just a little on the carpet which I cleaned with carpet cleaner. First time for me. She undressed last night and for some reason took off her depends and could not understand why this happened. She had a bowel movement all over the hallway once months ago that freaked me out. So now I am going to use Ajax on the floor unless someone has a better idea to use something else. Is this the start of something new? I will be sure that she has a depends on 24/7 from now on.
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My favorite is changing the price of beef from $4/# to $7.99/# and running a Buy One Get One special......
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Oh gosh yes Captain. Would you like a hideous pair of slacks for $20? No thank you! Well how about two pairs of the same hideous slacks for $30? - yes, we're giving away TEN WHOLE DOLLARS with these fabulous pants!!! Oo that's different - yes please!
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freq,
once when i took my mom " shopping " we were standing in the checkout and she was bumping the forward button on her old fart cart , in essence rocking the machine . it puzzled me . i was thinking this is the sort of annoying thing she would have backhanded me for when i was a kid. as months passed i began to see all kinds of strange behavior. i haveta admit before she was diagnosed with dementia there were times i wanted to strangle her. i do understand how you cant deal with the shopping trips. our parents came from a generation of poverty and war. as postwar society evolved into a manufacturing / consumer model they embraced and found comfort in routine. im more 60 ' - 70 ' s counterculture and too much structure makes me want to climb the bell tower with a 50 cal .. i tried to buy ear wax softening drops at a drugstore today and they had a special deal ; buy one at a special inflated price , get 3 bucks off your next purchase -- except the tag implied the purchase was marked down to three bucks . our parents would have had a ball playing such a childish game . i told the cashier " im not here to play " and fortunately she understood .. my dad was the kind who would spend 75 cents to wash his car with 3 kids in the back seat dying for an ice cream cone . the church got 40 bucks a week tithe money while we literally went hungry. we ARE NOT our parents thankfully ..
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My whine for today, I was bragging about how great having on-line grocery shopping and curb-side pickup [no need to go into the store, great for me since I dread grocery shopping].

Well the service has now set a minimum limit of $60 for groceries... in the past there was no limit, but I can understand them doing that.... but if one is shopping for elderly parents once a week, not every week they get $60 worth of groceries... wish the on-line services would take that into consideration.

Maybe I will fire off an email asking if they can take senior citizens into consideration and maybe set a minimum at $40.
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JeanetteB, glad to know that Joan Rivers can be found on YouTube, I plan to start watching some of her tapes on those days that I need a smile.... she's one comic that can do that :)

I loved how Joan could poke fun at herself... I remember on time her saying about having a hot flash that was so bad that her dress caught on fire :P

As for support groups, they are so hard to find... there seems to be support groups for all types of medical issues, but for Caregiving, can't find anything close enough. I keep thinking maybe because it is difficult for a Caregiver to get away to attend these groups.
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honeycomb, don't forget many of us might have promised to care for a loved ones in our own home but that promise could have been made back when you were younger and one's parent/spouse was of clear mind, mobile, and could still do everything around the house.... we thought that is how the parent/spouse would be 5 or 10 years from now... never thinking what would really happen.

I know I knew zero about old age, until my parents started to have age decline... my late grandparents lived many States away so I always remembered them as being in their 60's.... and it was only last year I found this website... what an eye opener !!

honeycomb, I am in the same boat as you, I never had children, and I have no siblings thus there are no nieces or nephews, so there won't be anyone to take care of me if my sig other passes before I do :(
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I'm so sorry honeycomb... they do say thing to hurt, but not on purpose. Remember they are scared and hurting themselves. You do everything for her, like she used to do for you, this must hurt her and she just no longer knows how to express. You are a wonderful daughter doing an awesome job. Please stick around and let us know how YOU are doing.

I'm doubling up Bob. Had a very long talk with myself while watching mom sleep. Things weren't always easy for her with my dad...least I can do is make this as easy as possible. My awesome help/caretaker, Lisa, called to check on me today... she's been in this biz for 20 years and actually ran an AD home in Fresno, moved here to help her daughter. She offered to sit with mom while I start a support group... one for mom and one for grief since I apparently haven't got over my father dying. What a lovely, lovely, kind caring woman. Blessed to have found her or her us.

Mom was up for maybe 2 hours, ate 5 more bites of soup and drank an entire ensure plus half a glass of water. WHEW! Took her to the restroom and she asked to just go to bed. Said her legs were tired. Her bed is on HIGH so she'll be nice and comfy. Daphne (my dog her protector) is curled up beside her. Seriously, I just pray I don't have a breakdown. It's hard to tuffen up doing this on your own for the most part ya know :)

ff ... I was SO SAD losing Joan Rivers!! Mom and I watched a lot of her stuff on youtube tonight including the Roast they did for her about 5 years ago. Of course I laughed my a** off and mom kept asking me if this was real? Could they really cuss like that? Who where those people? Finally turned it to the Disney movie Ice Age. She seems to enjoy that show.

After a good 18 hours of sleep, she doesn't seem as upset and fearful. Still confused just not as scared.. That is a great thing :)

Sleep well!!
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mom has had 5 strokes now in 4 months. She's so unhappy in her situation, She said something to me that hurt me so bad today, and that's not at all like her. I just burst into tears. She doesnt mean to hurt me, I just get so tired sometimes . I dont think she understands that I do everything for her. Every last thing. So I sat in the bathroom and cried for 10 minutes, contemplated a nursing home , and took a deep breath. I wont have anyone to take care of me when I am moms age. I never had any children . I promised her that I would never let her go , so a promise is a promise. I love here dearly. Sometimes she can just be so hurtful.
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My whine for the day.... I am going to miss Joan Rivers... she could really make me laugh :)
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in a short time jeanette, youll need to nap when mom naps and walk beside her everywhere she goes . i grabbed my mom one day when she stumbled and got more than i bargained for . she had momentarily blacked out on her feet . double up on resolve and patience cause your mom may not be around for long .
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Thanks Jesse,

She woke up around 2:00 p.m., went to the restroom/with assistance finding it, ate half a bowl of chicken soup and a slice of toast with jam. Has been sound asleep ever since. 3.5 hours to be exact.

Her not sleeping at night wouldn't be a worry to me if she knew where things were. She no longer knows where her room is, her chair, bathroom... basically anything. In the past 6 months she's went from taking walks to shuffling and scared to take too many steps. Guess it makes me feel so bad for her thinking she's up wandering the house, cold not knowing where she is. Sigh.

Making her another appt tomorrow to see if the UTI has cleared or if her meds could be causing her to sleep so much the past few days.

From what I've read on the AD webpage... she's been in stage 6 for some time now and the past month moving towards 7.

I don't know what's worse, her constantly moving/scared and crying or sleeping all day. I keep checking her chest to see if it's rising... I'm just talking/typing to keep myself from freaking myself out too much!!
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Jeanette, my mother is the same way. Every night she makes up an extra bed on the sofa in the living room. Then she goes to her bedroom about 9:00. After then, she is up every hour or two. She doesn't do anything wrong, so I just go back to sleep. Sometime during the night, she goes to the couch. That is where she does her best sleeping. It is okay. I just tell myself that my mom is sleeping around.
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I know I read about this on a thread before but couldn't find it. Mom is changing her sleep habits from nights to days... I normally start the bedtime process around 9:00 p.m. I will either go in my room and watch tv or stay in the living room and stay up for at least 2 hours because she will not stay in bed or go to sleep. Finally, last night, she promised to stay in bed (it was midnight) I leave my door open and her bathroom light on which is across from her room. This leaves a glow that I can see if she does get up... (mental note; buy an alarm of sorts) i was awake for at least an hour and didn't see any movements or heard he floor creaking. Get up at 7:00 a.m. and she's in the living room wandering around cold. Her door was closed ... put her back into the bed, restarted her lectric blankie and she's been out like a light ever since... 5 plus hours now. I know she needs her sleep and she does so much better when she sleeps right I am going to just let her be for awhile longer ... heck, I've been napping most of the day too since I am lacking sleep also... just wish I could find a way to turn this back around and back to the normal schedule. Either that or I will just have to change my schedule to match hers?
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Bob,why would a NH not let your Auntie out for a nice ride, something THEY know she enjoys and cherishes. I just don't get people.... after all this I just may become a hermit! Your go get em attitude gives me hope that maybe just maybe I will be more productive vs just mouthy :)

Did you order it from Hospice Bon? Nice that your other still understands how nice it is to make things easier on you. How rewarding it must have felt for you to hear those precious words from your mother.
Hmmm... I would like to find some of those magic words. Actually, I'd love it mom would actually SIT for more than 5 minutes them up again wandering and can't find her chair. Chair? What chair? That chair, you know, your chair. Where? Right there. Right where? THERE!! ( 1 foot from her backside) sigh

An epiphany struck me today... I joined this website about 2.5 years ago. The first six or so months I was still living in Florida just doing some research.... by the time I finally got here with my parent's I had forgot my screen name and or password...something to that fact but I re-joined. Ahh regressing.... SO, my epiphany was.... In the year plus I've been here, our loved ones are regressing further, times passes in a haze at times and well . here we are

So, I'm thinking of taking up either knitting or crocheting. I vote knitting as it might be easier for me to see. Something to do with my hands aside from using them as feeding tools!!! Speaking of food, mom must like my homemade spaghetti sauce from the garden tomatoe's n onions... all I hear is slurrrppp :D
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boni,
we copped my mom an electric recliner a few months before her death . it not only gave her many comfort options but with late dementia , it kept her entertained / distracted , playing with the hardwired remote . bout 600 bucks -- much better deal than pressure sores from the junk she was sitting in .
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I've noticed Mom going down hill lately. She's tired. She is walking much less, and relying on the wheel chair more. She even admits to feeling weaker and is not trying to hide it.

I ordered her a "electric" bed (we don't use the word "hospital").She fought me a little, but liked the fact that she can push a button to sit up, as getting out of bed is getting harder. In making my case, I stumbled across some magic words.

"In all honesty Mom, It would sure make things easier on me and my back".

She got a huge smile and said "Of Course we'll get it. If it makes your life easier than it makes me happy."

It was like I gave her the gift of doing something for ME, because of all I do for her. It was good to learn a new way to make her happy. I will certainly use those words again.

I wish you all the satisfaction and appreciation that I get from care giving. I NOT saying it's easy, But every time I come here, I realize how much better I have it than most. I'm feeling quite blessed and content, and I'm praying for the same for all of you.
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as usual , im taking action instead of whining . ive been reading online and it is not lawful for NH to incarcerate my aunt . ive written to our attorney and asked him if this a battle worth fighting and can i afford it . ednas doc has verbally prescribed our outings for over a year . nh encouraged them 6 months ago when edna was in rehab . i broke one off in poa's ass when she failed to relieve me several weeks ago , now all the sudden im the devil . i may not be able to budge pia / nh / aps / whomever , but it wont be for lack of trying ..
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JeanetteB, I know I enjoy this thread.... I would be whining big time if it should disappear. It gives us a place to say something without having to start a brand new Question or Discussion :)
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It's gonna push 95 today....hard to imagine in a few short weeks the rain and cold will be here once again :/ I'd much rather endure the heat than these long seemingly endless winters here!

I need to find an interesting/enteraining/time consuming HOBBY!!

Mom seems to be getting back to the way she was before she went away for a long weekend. Change in daily activities IS NOT a good idea takes much to much out of mom and hard to get her back into her reality as she feels comfortable. Now if I could just get her to eat a bit more. So far feeding her small portions many times a day seems to be working on building her appetite back up... that and 2 ensures a day :)

Hope everyone has a fabulous weekend!!

I must have missed the memo in regards that this thread was taboo to post on ? Which is fine, I will still post on it and elsewhere if I have something worthy to offer. I am still learning everyday myself.

This thread was just to be a fun thread.. we all have whines and challenging moments. Such is life.

Again, enjoy your weekend!!
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i aint fussin too much its just that i dont see things in dollar bills anymore . i see it in hard labor . ill spend 20 hours processing firewood or handpicking stone at the mine for the three sets of plates . hard to complain -- a single person in the usa with three nice older vehicles .
the cost bugs me because this economy is not going to move until we have some disposable income . stone porches / landscaping isnt in the current american budget ..
bummer on whomevers part ..
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Fun story!!

I'd tell ya whaa the plates jumped up... but their might be some... some ... errr
Obummer.... I can't say why :) as I do not want to offend others...Obummer... hard being nice :)
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now i have a whine . WHAAA did indiana license plates jump from an average of 55 bucks to an average of 90. 00 ? S*IT !! wages have steadily gone down for 8 years now . everybody join me here ' WHAA whaaaa WHaa hoo hoo hoo , etc ..
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" whine moment "
i always smile about this thread , it brings back a couple of fun memories . when i was in the army i had a friend from florida . we lovingly called him " neck " . ( redneck ) . he was forever trying to defend someones honor . he wanted to know WHY ( does she have to be a b*tch , etc ) , except he always pronounced WHY as WHAA . our immediate group of young soldiers would always bust into a chorus of crying like babys . its hard to do when your laughing your a** off at the same time . fifteen years later a coworker from kentucky , at the factory, would do the same . WHAAA .. the group of mechanics i hung with would accomodate him in the same way -- a desperate chorus of loud baby crying . once again , thru the laughter .
i learned a good life lesson from the kentucky gentleman . when a machine would break down id put it in a higher gear and handmake the required part in the same amount of time that KY would spend crying about parts aquisition , management , etc .
i dont have a WHAA today . still have an ear infection but ill see the martinsville va satellite clinic tomorrow and get it looked at .
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The only thing I have to whine about today is Internet Explorer's incessant need to monopolize my right lower side of the screen with commercials!! Back to Chrome I go!

As the season slowly changes from summer to fall and eventually winter, I have noticed that personalities are changing, Including mine. I dread winter... personally I become quieter and more subdued. Could be a culmination of being locked up for months and seeing mom decline... either way it sucks. Spring, Winter and Fall... love it.

One last thing. GO SEAHAWKS!!
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Good one Jeanette!!! lol....yes, it all just started falling into place...after all that worrying and stressing and finally feeling like I was going to fall out over it...suddenly it all just seemed to start working out...an interesting moment....the night before it all resolved...two of my FB friends (who do not know each other) sent me the same thing about angels...it was the one talking about how God has seen you struggling and as of tomorrow your stress is going to be over...coincidence??? maybe...but still a good moment....a good note for me about all this is that I have for the most part been able to live on very limited income, even when I didn't have to, so just getting rid of that debt and not having it hanging over my head...it's been a long time since I felt this way...don't even mind the blue hair...

BoniChak...I've thought about trying that too...but must admit I'm glad I didn't do it this particular time...haha blue eyebrows might be a little hard to explain....
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Just a small tidbit since hair color has been talked about. I just dyed my eyebrows! It worked! I had one totally gray and one s&p. I've been wanting to try this forever and people (Mom) always talks me out of it (You'll go BLIND!) Guess what. I didn't go blind and She hasn't even noticed! LOL
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hope, I am SO HAPPY for you!! Awesome how some thins just seem to work themselves out even though you've worried up a "blue streak" (pun intended!! LOL We can smile about it now that it's all said and DONE! Kudo's you!!

kristi27, draw the lines in the sand now!! As mentioned, things only get worse as the disease progresses. Veronica and Linda gave you some excellent advice and now is the time to start before it's too late...

So, my bro and SIL brought mom home around 2:00 p.m. on Monday. Didn't call to see if I was here or what I was doing, just showed up... they looked frazzled :D then proceeded to tell me of all mom's ailment's and strange behavior. uhm.... ok, apparently they've not heard a word I have said to them the past 18 months. Lets see, they told me her appetite is gone, she thinks what is happening on tv is real, she misses the toilet, you can be sitting in the room with her and she doesn't realize you are there, she wanders around ALL night long and oh yeah, forgets where the bathroom/bedroom/livingroom, heck any room is. Wow... they found all this out in 2 short days... poor things :/ SIL apparently googled "Risperidone" and filled me in on all the scary side effects and couldn't believe mom was taking it... that sealed it for me, they've NOT listened to a word I've told them. Nothing. Good thing is they finally got to first hand go through what I've gone through for 18 plus months. The incredulous looks on their faces was priceless. PRICELESS!! I thanked them nicely for the weekend off and said I'm good to go for another 3 months or so. Bro was nice enough to say "No, you need a break more often than that, any weekend ANY weekend bring her over"! Awh... shucks! the one drawback on that, well, change is not good for AD peeps. Mom was upset and disoriented for 2 days... it's just too hard on her to go to a strange house. I guess I will have them stay here and I will hole up in a motel on the coast for my weekend getaway!!

Even though she was demanding and crabby when she got home, I was GLAD she was home. All I could see was this scared elderly lady who was upset and afraid I was going to leave her somewhere again. She followed my every step all day yesterday, I finally had to let her sleep in the bed with me just so I could get a few hours of sleep.... yes, once again I needed to adjust my attitude and perspective. This is not her fault and even though she wasn't the most attentive mother, she wasn't a bad one either :) If I can make it through this and give her some happy moments and keep her feeling safe, then I will have succeeded. Their will be time enough (fingers crossed) for me to regain my sanity. Oh... having my awesome caregiver come in 3 days a week for 3 hours is helping my sanity stay closer to me :)
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Definitely don't get paid. I know these kids are put 2nd. Me and hubby have talked about this and are going to change that asap. They were off labor day so instead of sitting around listening to FIL fuss about this he wants done we took them to Chucky Cheese! We need more family time. I don't want a computer or TV babysitting my kids! Thanks everyone.
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Oh Hope another cross to bear, just say "Of course it's blue all ladies with grey hair have a blue rinse. It will tone down after a few shampoos."
Such good news about the house and being able to get rid of all your debts. nothing like a fresh start to put things in perspective. Relax and enjoy. If you need finacial help don't be afraid to ask for it. You may really need it and have no assets along with no debts.

Kristi you are the daughter in law not the maid as I assume they are not paying you! Take care of your family first. just because you are home does not make you available.
I see no problem with cooking enough food to take over for their dinner BUT they have to have what you are cooking.
perhaps you could go over SOME mornings and help MIL take a shower.
If FIL does not step up to the plate seek advice from adult protective services, their social worker will let FIL know what services are available and tell the in laws how much care mil should have to be safe.
It won't be nice and don't expect praise for standing up for yourself but you are neglecting your children big time and this could go on for years. FIL is perfectly capable of taking care of his wife or hiring help so step right up and tell him so.

Make the appointment with the dentist and do it today. Take the first asppointment they have dental pain is an emergency after your son's check up this is #1 priority.

Contact an agency about caregivers and give FIL the information.Give him notice that you will be quiting as soon as he hires someone or in two weeks whichever comes sooner. Take several deep breaths and put on your big girl panties and go for it. Hugs and Blessings . No guilt you are a good and honest person and have taken the first big step by comming here. Others have been used like this and it is not pretty
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