I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
at her final 3 days of life my mother walked beside me and asked me how she was going to get out of " this " one . if you had a selfish and abusive mother i dont blame you for not being very sympathetic at this point but i think your hurting yourself .
This morning, on my way to the hardware store, I dropped in (lunch time and she's been refusing lunch for ages) with a sardine sandwich, her favourite, soft bread with the crusts cut off but I couldn't persuade her to have even one bite. I said just have a nibble, there's nothing like a nibble in the middle of the day. She smiled but still refused, saying leave it and I'll eat it later. She also said she wasn't going to supper as she was so weak and tired. She said "I'm going soon" to which I responded "You're not going anywhere until you eat that sandwich!",
She also said she was out in the halls yesterday looking for her cat (which staff confirmed), the little black cat. Her cat, Pixie, is a tortie, 5 and lives with me. She's taken a great interest in Lucy, a wee black starving kitten I rescued off a back road recently. She couldn't remember the name but she had to find her little black cat and where the canned food was kept for it. At supper last night a table mate left meat on her plate. My mother asked for it for "her cat" and the woman refused so I gather there was WWIII.
I spoke to the head nurse on my way out and she will have staff attend to at least try to get her to eat the sandwich. She agreed that my mother has pretty much given up, eats next to thing and drinks little. It's only a matter of time but at least she's in no pain, just fading away. Little Lucy, though still so small, is stronger and healthier now and has had her first shots. I'm thinking of taking her to visit in the next few days.
We've never been close at all bit I'm all she has, in fact she's been the mother from h*ll but to see the way she is today, well I don't know how I feel, sadness that she was never ever happy in this life no matter what possessions and grandeur she had, or lifted a finger to be nice or help anyone unless there was something in it for her. Pity sure, but when I think back over how evil and mean she's been to anyone and everyone who dared cross her path ... well, Karma is a b*tch.
Today my get up and go got up and went though I've done basic chores and cared for my critters. My muscle/helper guy, Joe, is coming tomorrow and we will continue with the renovations. For now I'm going to nap and try to digest what is surely coming very soon.
I think we should get all these parents online together to "whine" to each other that way we could have a break! instead of b*tching and moaning at us they could b*tch and moan with each other wouldnt that be great!
Im hungover and drained from mum today YEH not easy with mum when your head is like a "bag of frogs".
No matter what i put on tv shell b*tch and moan? i just come online now and give her the remote and pray that she goes to bed soon?
Right now shes watching "hoarding buried alive" oh just shoot me!
No i can still party just with less alcohol! i guess im a cheap date now!!
Kaz, we apparently had the same night and woke up without tobacco. Ugh.
Apparently I cannot party like a rockstar anymore. Sure was fun trying!
Big outdoor bbq in a lovely country house, big pool, big drinks, big sunny day and big eats = big headache
We just make sure all the moisture is dried up.
I agree with you that a yeast infection is very unpleasant and painful so it is very important to be vigilant as you are. Those under breast areas should be cleaned every day even if you can only use a wipe.
When I suggested a sponge bath I was thinking more in terms of laying on the bed rather than sitting or standing at the bathroom sink
Put a bath sheet on the bed and have her lie down and cover with another bath sheet. She can wash whatever she wishes but you can take over and get the under arms and under breasts. Only uncover the part you are washing. Wash right down her belly but not between her legs. Wash her legs and feet keeping the genital area covered (another place I am sure she doesn't like you to go.) Pay special attention to her feet and between her toes which is another area where the fungus can grow. Be sure to dry between the toes well.
Now have her roll onto her side and wash her back. Now you can get at the genital area from behind and do a really good job. Apply Peparation H tm to any area of redness around the anus, and inspect the vaginal area for any discharge.
many women refuse help with bathing especially if they are older and it is a family member because of embaressment Respecting her privacy may go a long way to getting her co-operation and getting a thorough job done.
Now if after you done a few bed baths and she is willing you can try the shower again and she may be more prepared to let you touch those private areas.
Today, she forgot how to turn the ceiling fan off and said it must be broken. I stood up and pulled the chain - fan off! She said, "Oh...I guess I was pulling the wrong chain" - so it never dawned on her to try the other chain - just stood there and kept pulling the wrong one.
I hate this for her. It's these little things that the rest of the family (one sibling in particular) doesn't see and brushes under the rug, because they don't want to believe Mom is aging and the decline is progressing more rapidly these days. The one sibling asks if Mom reads, or keeps her mind active. Yes, of course she does - I make sure she has books, magazines, and her senior newspaper - I pay for the subscriptions myself - and she reads them, but says often that she can't seem to focus for very long and would rather watch tv.
Mom *did* shower yesterday, after we really had it out over the shower issue. This is *not* a case of being afraid of water, small spaces or anything else - it's part of the encroaching dementia - the loss of interest in doing things she normally would do as part of her daily routine. She simply doesn't care to shower, and it's difficult (too much work) to lift her legs and get into the shower (I do help with that) - so she doesn't want to do it. After a very long talk, during which both of us broke down in tears - me in frustration because all I want is for her to be healthy (part of which is being CLEAN), and she because she felt I was being too hard on her about the shower thing, which she sees as a non-issue - she finally understood that all I was trying to do is what is best for her.
I felt like a wrung out dishrag at the end of that one.
Today, though - my nephew said at breakfast (Mom wasn't there) that before I moved in w/Mom, the house "smelled really bad", and that no one wanted to visit. Now, he said, it smells nice in there! The smell before I moved in was from the open sores on Dad's legs that weren't being cared for, and lack of showering by both Mom and Dad. I count that as a major victory.
otherwise i dont have a fuss this am . gonna have more coffee and go see edna . poa is giving me a little hassle but im staying focused ; ednas QOL near her end of life . family always gets emotional and lashes out during these times . aint gonna let it bother me .
themmmmn ,
themmmmn,
f themmmnn..
lol
Also I do try to get her away from the tv too but it's her go to.