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My Dr will not lie to put me on a sick leave or stress leave. I hope that helps to claicy. My The store I work at will not ask other stores in our chain to send another employee to help for vacation coverage.
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Her Her LOL! Yes I can call in sick in Calif...But how would it help me get to Idaho for 3 weeks.
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Well my daughter stays with my doctor because he gave her leave then she went to Idaho but her company didn't pay, only half and that's only because I live in California and didn't push it either. Hehehe. Makes sense don't it?
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Sharyn, do they not allow people to call in sick in California?! I know, daughter is in Idaho, I better get back to sleep a bit goofy yet. 4:20 am here.
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PAMZ-FMLA would cover it if my daughter were a minor. I wish I could calling sick but I live in Calif. I also wish my Dr could put me out on some type of leave but he wouldn't even if I asked. The company is being very thrifty...they could get someone from another store..my store just don't want to push for it.
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Debralee, I like your avatar. I saw it and the first thought that popped into my head: "Stairway to Heaven."

Sharyn, any possibility of finding several someones to cover for you? Anyone who is making part-time hours and would just love to work full time hours - but No Overtime. See first if your work will approve this, though. I can't think of any other options. If you took leave without pay, you might come back without a job. So, that's out.
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Kaz...about your swelling - if you can, wherever you are (u home yet?) get a diuretic - 'scrip I hv is Lasix. Also, lemon juice in like a half cup of water or straight (if you can do it) is a natural diuretic. Keep your feet elevated. Hope this helps (my ankles swell a lot).
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CM can you put some kind of cover or blanket over Mum's chair and one of the waterproof bed pads underneath
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Hope it is all about respect. Respect for Mama and for you. The idea of haveing hospice is that it puts the patient in charge. if there is something the patient does or does not want to do .eat, smoke, take medications, get up stay in bed they make the decision. Well Mama can no longer say what she wants so you are there to do it for her. because that aide has been doing this job for thirty years does not mean she has been doing it well or finding new and better ways to do things. So get in touch with Mama's RN or SW and tell them you think that Mama is too much for this particular aide to manage as she seems to have a lot of difficulty lifting so could they send someone else who is stronger. You would hate this aide to get hurt on the job after so many years of service. sending an aide in is to help you and that means you can run out to the store etc while she is there, that is expected. At the very end yes you may need to cut down the back of clothing or use a gown to avoid as much discomfort as possible but if you can get AMasm'as pretty gowns on alone so can they and it makes you much more comfortable to see her looking pretty.It is so good for you emotionally. Your love for Mama comes through so strongly in everything you post, she must be a wonderful person.
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JeanetteB so sorry about your son and loss of your dad. Reading what you have gone through for 3 years, makes my whine moment so trivial. Thanks for giving me a wake up call that people are going through a lot worse than I am. Now only if I could tape my sisters mouth! LOL
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I agree Debralee, never again shall I tackle such a task. This is my 3rd round and I just cannot ever think of doing it again. First was my son. He had a horrific motorcycle accident, induced coma for weeks, shattered femur's , knee, crushed fingers, head trauma, decapitated thumb and on and on.... it took me an entire year of convalescing him to a point I could come here and help my poor father who was dying of cancer (he was my AD mother's first care taker) he passed 6 months after I arrived, now... it's mom. All this madness in a span of 3 years has left me weary of everything.... that and the garage door fell yesterday, barely missed my SUV but is un-repairable so I need a new one. If my mother didn't blame me for everything she's going through it wouldn't be so bad (HAHA)....
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Dealing with my deceased mother's estate, a probate court system that makes administering an estate a nightmare even with a will and a lawyer to help me and a sister who knows everything about nothing questioning every decision I make as I tackle this thankless job. Never again!!!
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^^^^^ Oh my gosh, I must be really tired, I thought I have proofread my post above a couple of times....

"She and Dad would get in the car 2 or 3 times a day and hit a couple of different grocery stores and buy a couple of items at each one.
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pamzimmrrt, interesting idea but it wouldn't work as the receipt would be from the on-line service, and my parents go over it with a fine tooth comb and a magnifying glass.

Looloo and ba8alou, I think my Mom is spoiled when it comes to grocery shopping. She and Dad would get in the 2 or 3 times a day and hit a couple of different grocery stores and pay a couple of items at each one. Dad assumes that since I am female that I must love to shop.... NOT !!!!

One time my parents said they wouldn't know what to do if I couldn't drive them.... I said "well, you'll have to hire a taxi, that is what I will have to do since I no son or daughter to drive me" [I never had any children]. Oh well, that went in one ear and out the other.... [sigh]
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There are some days I am just too tired to even complain. Some days I don't think I can do this any more. Just hope and pray that she stays asleep for a few hours at a time.
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Sharynmarie, do you have FMLA for you or your parents? This is just awful. I work for a place that once refused to grant leave for a guy to go to his son's wedding! Needless to say.. he got quite ill that day.. LOL
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Fred, have the online service deliver the groceries to your house.. put them in the dang store bags and drop them off. Maybe a bit of work for you, but You will be the good son and still save some of your sanity
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Captain I do agree with you about stuff in general. But what I hate is how, now she's old, it's like she's not allowed to have nice stuff, or care what she looks like. Why are all the adjustable tables ugly or badly made or both? Why does my SIL think she suddenly likes marked down polyester blouses? Why does the NH serve plastic Cheddar that tastes of nothing? I can't get rid of the feeling that they're all, to one extent or another, thinking that it doesn't matter any more because she'll be dead soon anyway.

Honourable exception: the local salon takes as much trouble over her hair and nails as they do over their younger, much bigger spenders. And since she can't ride pillion or go on safari any more, these things matter.
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What Looloo said. They made their choice. Right now the choice is, you order online or they find someone else who will do their shopping for them. And then leave. It's the only way to keep your sanity, dear.
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Frequentflyer, if you were to say "This is it, Mom. Groceries are coming to you this way, from now on. End of discussion." And if she says one syllable, you say, "I'm leaving now." And leave. Would that work?
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My whine for today.... I use on-line grocery for my own grocery shopping and I think it is great, what a time saver.... but my Mom doesn't like the fresh produce she gets from the same on-line service. The eggs were cracked [I checked them prior to giving her the eggs, none were cracked]. Bananas tasted funny. Potatoes were too small. The expiration date was too short. Yada, yada, yada.

My Mom is doing that to get me back inside the grocery store to shop for her and Dad.... I don't want to do it.... I hate shopping with a passion.... I love the on-line service, all my groceries had been excellent quality. Weird that the service sends my Mom all this bad stuff... guess they see her name on the order and send her just junk :P

Today I left their house in tears, I was just so overwhelmed with this grocery stuff. I even said "tell me what you want me to do, as I just don't have the time to go inside shopping.... tell me, what to do." They couldn't answer me. Of course, Dad will say he will start driving again which sets me off even more.

I did say, "Dad if you and Mom were living at the retirement village, you could go grocery shopping yourselves every single day."

It would be different if I was retired, but I still have my career which I keep for my sanity, but I am a senior citizen myself.... I am tired, too.
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I'm sorry, Sharynmarie. That's awful.
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My whine is...my employer is denying my vacation request so I cant go to Idaho when my first grandsons are born to help my daughter with twins.....
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3pm witching hour? Try Noon for me! Lol .... The alcohol starts around Noon, and by late afternoon I am being yelled at and berated for being an awful daughter. Yes Mom, I take care of you and Dad daily, but of course it's my fault if the meds I so carefully put in the weekly trays gets messed up, it's never you! I'm just a selfish, stupid ingrate. I feel so warm and fuzzy! NOT!
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Ankles are gone down a bit! went for a walk and seemed to bring them down a bit! Have got to get fit thats my goal now as im only 47 and am getting some strange things lately i know its all to do with stress looking after mum so i will take out my yoga dvd and dust it!
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I get all mums pjs in "penneys" its a very cheap store here! i gave up buying her expensive nightwear along time ago! at xmas i got her 10 pairs for 5 dollars each for nothing as who cares if they are thrown out in a few weeks just buy her more! she changes her pjs 3 times a day?????/ she never gets dressed unless we go into town so how come there is so much washing?????? she always seems to have a huge pile of clothes to wash even though she never gets dressed???? maybe shes out all night dancing while im asleep?
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No,m you're right captain, and it does make me stop and think about how the gowns are a non issue... I know that Mama is not going to be here forever and part of what I miss the most is that Mama and I don't get to have the same back and forth chats we used to have, we talked about everything...she was and is my best friend. the best moments are when all the "helpers" have come in, gotten their stuff done and then it is Mama and me again, in the quiet and just for a moment we can pretend it is like it used to be...but only for a moment. Life is so cruel. Mama was always just a hard working woman, always helping everyone, always so involved in life...so many of the "others" now who are still out there doing and going and dropping in and out were the "glommers on"...those who sit on their butts and let you wait on them hand and foot...wouldn't hardly hit a lick at a stick because they were / are lazy, self absorbed...and of all of those people...of ALL of them, this wretched disease has randomly chosen my Mama to inflict it's cruelty...it's not fair...it just seems so wrong that this disease would latch onto one of the hardest working, most caring women who ever lived while all those selfish, self serving money grubbing folks just yahoo and hoo ha around and pop in to say...oh how pitiful....no my Mama is not pitiful..you hooligans are the pitiful ones because you will never have a clue what any of this is like or ever come close to being the kind of woman my Mama is...IS........Captain, I love your comment..."be careful what you ask an honest person"...LOVE IT..going to keep that one and use it a LOT
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i sure didnt mean to demean anyones caregiving nightmares . if it werent for a half pint of everclear once or twice a week my head would have exploded at times -- trying to reason with insanity . its near impossible but its still a season of our lives that we can be proud of and teach good lessons to siblings and our own kids at the same time .. if your parents chose you as poa 30 yrs ago , there was a reason .. they created you , they know your capabilities .
i still know that cubic zerconium would awkwardly be there for me and bluntman would carry me across a thousand miles of burning sand . i keep a foot in their asses cause i love them ..
favorite question of a phsyc doc -- " hows your relationship with your sons " . my , did one get lit up one day over that annoying question . " im a hardass , d*ckhead, what do you think my relationship is " ?
we talk about the weather and stuff now . we dont go " there " anymore .
careful whatcha ask an honest person , doc bill ..
good luck to everyone . its a hard road ..
the fellow i mentioned the other night -- lennie -- was previously caring for two long divorced parents in his home . they all had a common reality , the past had to be put in its rightful receptacle ..
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rambling out loud, but I think part of what is troubling to me in all of this is the way it feels like an assembly line almost...a never ending stream of folks in and out...and while I love our new Hospice provider...very much....the bath issue of all things caused a huge amount of mess and drama that didn't have to happen. The caring for Mama's medical needs and comfort is what matters, the keeping her comfortable and happy is what matters, so if that means I have to do a little more then I will do it.
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Sorry you don't feel well tex...It's hard enough when you feel ok...I can't say well, because if you do this for long I don't know if anyone feels well or great. I think sometimes the emotional part of this makes the physical issues feel even worse. Maybe just not being able to get out more makes one concentrate more on every little ache and pain....honestly I can't imagine recovering from neck surgery and doing this....that makes ME hurt to think of it...hope you feel better soon...I hate to toss something like that out there as it almost sounds like I am being trivial...truly I don't mean to...do please take care of yourself...hugs to you....
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