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Unfortunately there are two of them and I cannot afford it. Thanks for listening though. Think I am just feeling sorry for myself and had no one to unload on. I appreciate your kind thoughts.
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Im sorry to hear that Mary. Can she go to a Nursing Home or even a Personal Care Home (a home which has been turned into an Assisted Living Facility.)
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Hope, what you mentioned is the fear I have for Dad. There is a big sense of entitlement going on. If she goes shopping then she is "entitled" to take whatever she wants. This is my opinion is how scenarios that you mentioned start. Sadly, if it came down to me or her, my father would choose her, hands down. Not a sob story simply a reality.
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I feel like crying all the time. I am caring for my 96 year old mother and my eldest brother in my home. Their life was unmanageable in their own home and for the last 7 months they have been with me. Most days she is abusive to both husband and myself who do everything for her. She is not mobile and has to be assisted in everything she does. My brother has his own health issues and won't deal with the fact that my mother will pass soon. He accuses me of all sorts of crazy things. He is a good man and has taken care of her for the last several years until he could no longer do it. I am lucky that I still have a husband that will put up with all this. Some days are harder than others.
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Did I add that just as I got Mama all cleaned up this morning, Mama peed all over herself....fun times....who knew all of my preparation for a career was going to be so useful...NOT.....
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WHINE WHINE WHINE....wank wank wank.........now Mama has a LOOSE tooth in addition to the broken tooth next to it....Hospice is apparently NOT going to be responsible for this..which I understand ...somewhat...but in the interim, is involving themselves throughout the arrangement of all processes in my trying to get the pain issue resolved...they do NOT keep me in the loop...period. This morning I had to call the dentist's office and was told they were waiting on Hospice to let them know what dates WE wanted...if they're not going to handle, not sure why they're involved..but oh well, trying to ratchet my angst down a few decibels..in the interim get a phone call, my cousin who is the only human on this planet who ever stays with Mama has had a stroke and is in the hospital..thankful she is in there getting the care she needs which I have feared she needed for a while...sadly, she has been in there all week and she called to let me know when she didn't hear from me....the extended family didn't bother to let me know...sorry....but they want me to take care of her cat...which I am more than happy to do...for me, animals are one thing I have no problem taking care of because they ask nothing of anyone other than to be fed and not abused....and I have a houseboat full of relatives descending on us today..yeeee hawwwww.......head em up move em out......feeling like I have gone over the edge...
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Toomuch....I don't know, but if it is all as bad as it sounds...and I totally believe it is...then I think in addition to making notes of all the things that are going on, I would begin the process of getting that woman and her son out of your home...and in reality, if you are the one caring for your Dad, it is your home right now as much as it is his. In some ways, it is kind of like if your Dad was still at his former self...I'm assuming here he does have dementia issues, right? anyway, I would think he would not allow an interloper to just come in and take over. This makes me really angry because I have seen too much of it in my lifetime. I had a friend whose Mom saved her money and cared for her family all their lives...and then, in her early sixties, was tragically killed in a car accident. She had saved a substantial fortune for her family..over 1.5 mil....in summation, my friends Dad, early dementia, became totally smitten with his "caregiving HHA" who suddenly appeared out of nowhere...and in less than a year, she had taken over pretty much everything...ended up snookering the Dad, getting everything signed over to her, and he mysteriously passed a few months after....she was kind enough to leave $5.000 yes... $5,000 to each of the three remaining siblings...she got the rest....Surely there is some way to get this woman out of your home.. YOU are the one caring for him ultimately...not her...there has got to be a way...forgive me if I'm over simplistic...I just couldn't take it...I would have already hidden the bodies...
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Amen Ashlynne!
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Received a call yesterday from the activities director at dad's AL place. Said you dad wanted to talk to me. He asked how much longer he had to stay "there". Got him settled down as it has only been 10 days. Yikes! The director mentioned he has talked about being in jail? I stopped in very briefly yesterday morning I don't know if that set him off or not.
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Oh, and Glad - some people do BPC with decaf, or even with green tea.
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Glad - I've seen many people saying adding fat to the diet of someone with ALZ or dementia actually improves things a bit for them. It won't reverse the effect, but many have said that it helps a bit. The way I see it, as long as it's not detrimental to their health or adversely affecting any medical problem they have, it can't hurt to try.
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Glad Im Here, Ive given up. The sad part is my children have been staying with my best friend for 3 weeks. They confided in her how much they dislike having this woman in our home. The only way I will ever obtain peace is to move out. I cannot expect that things will change any other way. When its my father and me here alone. Its so quiet. We sit and eat together. We talk. Then he goes to his room,. I go to mine. He doesnt bother me at all. In the past year, he has gotten much physically stronger. However once my children come home, he will start competing for attention again. I can almost tolerate that over a complete stranger thinking she runs the household,
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Wonder what the Brain Octane Oil would do for my Mom and others with brain disorders. Could be scary!
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Susan, and coffee just puts me on edge. Must be something with the chemical reaction with the butter and oil.
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Glad - I don't use the Brain Octane Oil - I use organic, unrefined coconut oil, grass-fed butter and a little heavy cream. I swear, it's like lighting a fire under your butt! I feel more "even" - I don't know how else to explain it, but it's "fixing" something that was previously not working correctly, obviously.

I didn't even get all that upset when Mom left poo all over the toilet seat and a puddle of urine on the floor by her bed for me to find when I got up. And even now (1/2-way through my first BPC of the morning), while she sits in her chair, telling me "I'll shower in a little bit", I'm not really all that annoyed - it would have driven me crazy before.
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Cap, you are entitled to your feelings do not begrudge you that. The world needs people who can make the hard decisions, wars are won and lost on hard decisions. You are a good man to care so much for your family.
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Yes Captain, we each have the right to state an opinion. Personally I prefer animals to most humans so Pfffft!!!
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Susan, so do you use the Brain Octane Oil to make your Bullet Proof Coffee? And butter from grass fed cows? Never heard of this before just watched a video. I am a very light weight coffee drinker, more than one cup really gets me actually trembling. And I do not like feeling that way. Soft drinks with caffeine in them do the same thing.
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i have sons , grandkids , a dying aunt . id pop an animal in the head to give these people the undivided attention they need ..
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mothers , horses , dogs -- there is no comparison , waste the animals and care for the humans . my message aint popular but its my right to state it .. i despise needy , jealous , manipulative animals . i have a very fast moving and stimulating life . it just keeps getting better . animals are not in the equation , trust me ..
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Hi Tex, Veronica, looloo, and sweet Ash .... thank you so much for your kind and encouraging thoughts and comments. Yes Veronica, it's a tricky thing to decide when is right to send my sweet baby away to doggie heaven. I had to put my horse down in March, the day before her 30th birthday. She had a twisted gut, it was an emergency and was in so much pain and had already turned toxic, it was a relief to let her go.

Mom has been extremely restless the last few days, but cheerful and more talkative than in the past two years. @ 96, I know she's had a good long life, and has been well cared for without ever having to worry about having a home, food, clothing, healthcare, etc., etc. She is loved, she is a woman of great faith and has never, ever done anything to deserve my angst. I know I'm just tired, so many years without a break has just taken it's toll. She will be placed when she's no longer ambulatory even though I really don't want to do that but it will have to be done, it's not what I wanted for her but I guess I'm not really in charge of how things turn out.

Thank you all again for listening to my whine. I'm sure I'll be back again before this is over with.
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2much, who has Dad's POA's? Try recording some of the things that happen to share with other family members.
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My whine moment today - what am I thinking? I will save myself and turn it into my Gin & Tonic Moment instead. It has been long. Enough said.
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That coffee sounds awesome Susan.
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Veronica -

BPC is Bullet Proof Coffee. It's coffee w/added fat (I know, some people will say GROSS! I did at first.). Your brain is made up of mostly water...and fat. It *needs* fat to function properly. If you deprive yourself of fat, you feel foggy-headed. This stuff is like lighting a rocket under your butt. A word of caution - you can't drink BPC and eat a junk-food diet. You have to change your lifestyle if you want this stuff to work as it's supposed to. It works best with a low-carb way of eating. I started back to low-carbing on Monday and I'm already down 2 lbs and feel fantastic. I don't tolerate carbs well - they make me sluggish and I feel like crap all the time. Body aches, irritable, frequent headaches, tummy troubles, etc. If I stay away from carbs (except "good" carbs - non-starchy veggies, meat, eggs, etc), then I feel more alert, clear-headed, and aware - and all those aforementioned problems go away.
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57twin, so sorry to hear about your Mom's passing.

You brought up food for thought when parents rent a home. Time for everyone to read Mom and Dad's lease to see what does the lease state regarding a Tenant vacating the property prior to the end of the term of the lease.

Or is there a clause as to what happens to the lease if the Tenant is unable to stay due to unforeseen circumstances, does the Lease automatically expires or does the lease remain in effect until the end of the lease term?

Does the lease say the Landlord can use the security check as the last month's rent, or part thereof? Does the lease say how long the Landlord can hold onto the security deposit before returning it, and can the Landlord use said deposit to remove personal items from the home that were left behind? Or can the Landlord use the security deposit as a fee for early termination by the tenant?
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My whine is the same whine I have every day. I feel like a stranger in my own home. Growing up, we didnt have alot of drama. My mother was a beautiful woman. In my eyes she was as close to perfect as one could get. She and I were very close. I felt that since she passed away, Ive become invisible. Not to mention my father treating this sneaky, low down., opportunist as if she is his wife instead of employee. It makes me beyond angry. He would never allow anyone to disrespect my sister. If she lived here, this woman would be walking a chalk line. She and her child run this house while my children and I are treated like intruders. Im sick to death of it. i know everyone is tired of hearing my mouth, but this is insane. Never in my life have I heard of a HHA who makes the buying decisions for household, places herself in charge of interior decorating, shouts at her patient. talks about his patient's family on the phone to her friends in a loud enough voice so that she is sure to be heard, This is becoming a movie of the week. It will never end because when the family is around none of this happens. She knows nothing will be done because as long she smiles in my father's face, she will be kept around. I know you are all tired of hearing this rant....
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my whine is that my parents former landlord is giving me the runaround about returning the security deposit for the house they were renting. This has been a thorn in my side for 4 months now. I cannot call them as I know I would get upset on the phone so I sent a pretty nasty email on Sunday threatening legal action if I don't have a check and a statement of what was withheld by Friday. They have disregarded state laws and keep on saying that they did a service by terminating the lease early due to mom's death but then dragged their asses in re-renting it. I am stilling filing a complaint against them with the state's consumer protection dept so in case future tenants have a problem they will find out they were not the only ones.
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Susan do tell what is BPC?
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my whine for today (though it's short-lived, thanks to my BPC evening things out for me....love the stuff)

I'm getting pretty tired of everything being "us" or "we" or "ours". And Mom makes sure I know it. If I offer on the phone to treat my sister to breakfast when we go out on Sunday mornings, I say, "It will be my treat" - Mom chimes in and says, "It will be OUR treat!" - emphasis on "our", as in - "WE will pay for it". Um...Mom....guess who's been paying for both your and my breakfast for the past year and a half since I moved in? ME. Not "we". I know she may not realize the extent of everything I pay for in her stead, because she doesn't have the money for it since Dad died, but that's kind of frustrating.

Thank God for my BPC (bullet proof coffee). It has made a huge difference in how I feel and my thinking is clearer. Can't do without it now. Even my emotions are more mellow - if I get irritated with Mom about something (which has happened twice this morning), it's short-lived and doesn't drag on for hours like it used to. I used to get irritated and stay that way for the rest of the day, which is exhausting. Now, I get irritated, and it's over in minutes. I go back to feeling good and even-keeled. Only thing that has changed is I started drinking BPC in the mornings as part of my low-carb lifestyle change. Do I sound like an ad for BPC? Yep, I guess so, but I don't care. I love the stuff.
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