I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
You've made me giggle, imagining what'll happen if my MIL ever decides to follow her daughter to Sydney. Oh pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease…! :)
The old horse has to go sometime. Most of the time, as along as I know she's okay I just try to stay outta the way...I do love my Mom. But I know that I am being affected. Thank God for a loving husband who helps as much as he can.
Right now it's especially rough cause my sweet friend and joy, my German Shepherd is nearing his end, he's practically on hospice care, thank goodness he's not in pain, he is just barely making it out to potty. Has a degenerative spinal disease, so he's not in pain but is losing the use of his hindquarters and to some degree his front legs are being affected. His joy and happy attitude has helped to keep me and my husband sane through all of this.
Don't want to die, but can't stop it if it happens and I know I have a better place to go to and people I love will be there.
i dont like people who only think of themselves and go thru life taking .
my fuss of the day is still my cuz . isnt it sick that i was tolerable when i was caring for her mother while she slept in every day but im a piece of trash when shes no longer getting everything for nothing ? fortunately ive learned that someone with this sick ( selfish ) of thought process isnt worth trying to correct . its not within them to grasp someone elses point of view . its sadly all about them ..
i will feel overwhelming peace of mind when edna passes away . cuz doesnt feel , she'll go play bean - go ..
i want my aunt to have her nice recliner . its where she lives and sleeps because of gastric reflux . aunt is in nh never to leave again . ive spoken with the nh , aps , and left a note for doc about getting the recliner over there . its going to be interesting how this plays out . i dont argue , i muster political and authorative backing instead ..
I'm just so tired of it all, six years and maybe 10 days of a break altogether. No help, encouragement or appreciation from siblings, I feel like an old pack mule.
In 09 I sold my home, quit my career and moved 200km to care for her, purely out of duty, for four hellish years. She has parkinsons, dementia and has had many strokes. After a really bad fall (again) I could no longer manage and she went into a NH but that didn't stop her daily tantrums, evil to all and causing chaos. I eventually changed my phone number and she doesn't know where I live or she'd call the cops if I didn't answer the phone - did that long ago when she wasn't as nutty as squirrel poop.
Late last Christmas eve I got a call from the NH that she'd tried to get out of bed, fallen, cut a finger and was going to the local hospital to be stitched. The next day she gave me the dickens because I didn't rush to her side ... for a cut finger?? I live in the middle of nowhere, no street lights, there was deep snow and ice, late at night and I have a hip replacement. Rush for a cut finger? Seriously?
Last week she caused the week from h*ll (again) and these shenanigans always make me feel quite ill for a couple of days. This week? Mine!! I conserve her money, pay her bills and ensure she has all she needs but she's safe, fed and clean. She can't get at me any more. I finally got shot of the old b*tch who did all she could to ruin my whole life since I was a small child.
Even though I've changed my phone number and made it unlisted, when it rings I let voice mail pick it up and listen. If it's ever the NH saying she's whatever, too bad - maybe I wasn't home or didn't get the message, my choice. I'm 65 and it's my turn to have a life. Go away!
My attitude may seem harsh to you but she would never allow me a life and basically punished me for breathing - mentally, emotionally and physically abusive since I was a small child. She once said to me "When you were a kid I didn't want children hanging on my skirts, I just wanted to go have a good time" and go have a good time she did regardless of who she trampled on in the process. I grew up alone as it was always "Get away from me, go play in the street" and any boyfriend was quickly run off "He only wants my money" instilling a deep sense in me of being worthless. My poor father was co-dependent, afraid of her, bowed, scraped and busted his guts to give her everything but nothing ever made her happy. Just before he died he said to me "Your mother will never be happy with anything". His heart gave out eventually.
From a lifetime of Mommie Dearest I will have something akin to PTSD for the rest of my life but I'm free now. I'll do what I can but she can never get at me or abuse me again. People like my mother who would never lift a finger to help anyone, let alone their own parents, deserve what they get. Maybe it's karma - at the end of their lives they have to linger and suffer for the hurt and misery they have caused. Sorry, letting it all out, but I had to say my piece. Perhaps, in some way, it will help you fight for your freedom. You will never be able to begin to recover from the years of torment until you are free.
Of course you are emotional. most people are after major surgery it is just that hospital nurses don't see it. Have a good cry whenever you feel like it and stop doing stuff for mother. Isn't she capable of running her own bath water? By all means go in and help her wash back and feet if she can't reach, but otherwise sit on the toilet and make sure she is safe. Alert hubby before you start so he can check on you from time to time. If there is a problem DO NOT stress your neck you still have a lot of healing to do and the PT will be quite tiring. It is quite enough to get yourself bathed let alone that old witch as well. Hugs and take care.
I still think it's too early for you to be folding even towels! I don't know what your mother's problem is because I haven't followed and I'm hungry right now but I'll look through the posts. Can't she fold towels while sitting down or something? Can she do anything? I see she's on morphine, so don't know what the problem is, but I have to tell you, you are one trooper. Just read about your surgery and ouch! That neck thing with me was so painful I sat at the pharmacy while waiting for the meds watching as older people passed by all stooped and for the first time understood what PAIN was. I cried. That's how bad it was and I can't imagine you not crying. Just let her know how you really feel. So what if it makes her feel bad. Gees, why do we always have to care if our elders feel bad? They make us feel bad at times. And we're supposed to take that? Sure, it's called 'respect for our elders' but some of our elders don't deserve it, quite frankly. Like my MIL once told me, older people are just younger people who got old. They don't change.
I, too, have slammed the door, and said the same thing. "God, I'm so mad!" Then I feel like I've abused her in some way.
You need to get better and this isn't helping. About three years ago, I suffered with spurs growing in my C4/5/6 and T-2whatever along my back. God, that hurt. Pain killers, PT, etc. If I had my mom here, there's no way I could have given her a bath, let alone myself a bath! And I never had surgery like you! Can't even imagine it without some sort of help or without my being alone to take care of ME.
Huge hugs to you. This caregiving thing is a NIGHTMARE.
Glad LinkedIn can be useful but, like any other social media, you need to join some of its groups and participate so you get noticed. I was quite active on it at one time, until care giving sucked the life out of my and consumed my life 24/7. What line of work were you in?
Just as I adjust to changing my schedule to accommodate Mom sleeping longer, then she starts getting up two hours earlier, than she did before the late sleeping! AAARRGH!