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OMG! guys you have got to read what some "creature" named Stefani just wrote me on my thread I started about what could I bake to make the house smell better because some church ladies were coming over. I checked her profile and their is little info. Intimated that I should get rid of the dogs, 2 are my mother's and that would kill her and then intimated that I wasn't taking care of my mother.Has anyone her of her, maybe she is one of those site trolls I hear about, it was a little upsetting. And I am still trying to recover from neck surgery. My friend still comes over 2x a week to help clean, it's not like there is urine and feces everywhere, these guys are pretty well pad trained, we have the occasional accident,so do I when I had my gi bug ,guess she thinks they should take me to the shelter and dump me. Really some people need to get a life.
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Have a brilliant holiday, Kazzaa - woo-woo sunshine! Enjoy x
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Kazz, we are all so happy for you! (and just a tad bit jealous...)

Don't you dare log on here while you're on holiday. Just tell us all the details when you get back, ok? :-)
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Kazz, have a wonderful time! Forget about your worries and relax, you more than deserve it :) xx
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Well, it's been the week from h*ll. Talk about my blood pressure! Been on the run for Mommie Dearest and at the NH four days out of the previous five. Had a stiff drink (so sue me), took an hour's nap and I'm feeling fine. So far as she's concerned I've disappeared for the next couple of weeks. It's me or her and she's not pushing me into an early grave!
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Hugs Captain dont work too hard hope youre feeling better sounds like you did a "mighty fine job" on those boys!!!
Hope aunt edna is doing dancing her heart out in the NH!!!!!!!
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MY BIG WHINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OFF TO SPAIN IN 6 HOURS MY WHINE IS I CANT AFFORD TO BRING Y'ALL WITH ME!!!!!!!

Keep whining!! oh i mean SMILING!!! sun has put his hat on hip hip hooray the sun has put his hat on and were going out to PLAY!!

How happy am i? no mum for a week yipee a whole week no washing no cooking no nagging no STRESS!!!!!!!

Have a great week guys stay SAINE!!
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phoenix03, are we having fun yet shopping? I really believe those 2 hours in the grocery store is like going to Disney Land for our parent(s) as they can get out of the house. I had to stop taking Dad to Home Depot every time he asked, he would stay he had a long list, but once we got to the checkout, almost 2 hours later, all he had in his cart would be a package of light bulbs and a tube of Epoxy. I took time off from work FOR THIS???

I stopped taking my parents to the super size discount stores, it's too exhausting for me as Mom gets her cart and goes in one direction, and Dad gets his cart and goes in the opposite direction. I shadow Mom so I can help her get things off the shelves and re-shelve 90% of the things because she grabbed the wrong product. And for some unknown reason, if she can't find the chicken soup she wants right at the area where ALL the soup is located, she will go into other aisles looking for it.... don't think that soup will be down the soft drinks aisle or with the personal care products, Mom. Mom finishes her shopping and sits down while I go looking for Dad, remember I am at a super sized store.... I find him and go back to Mom, but she had left because she was worried that something happened to Dad so SHE went looking for him.... ok, Dad, now you sit here and I will look for Mom... after going around and around like this several times, I am so frazzled I am ready to drop :(
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JessieBelle, my mother has been doing that 'storytelling' for a few years now, and it was -- and still is -- so challenging to deal with. The first time you hear it, you're confused, because parts of it may be true or accurate. But you're never sure. And you spend a lot of time and energy trying to get to the bottom of it. At least I used to. After one of her 'stories' this week, I realized it's necessary to detach from my compulsion to figure out the truth of everything. My new rule is: if 911 didn't need, or doesn't need to be called, then forget it. And if she's not being taken advantage of in any way, then forget it. And try to stop fuming over it. This part is difficult, but since it's probably a very ingrained behavior, it's best to keep calm and carry on.
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BTW, by the "Road to Mandalay" I meant the nonsense child's poem. There's also a Kipyard poem and song called that, so didn't want to confuse.
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I spent a while this morning talking to my mother. She made up a new story about the plumbers who came yesterday. The plumber, according to her, had told her he modified the toilet so it doesn't use as much water. She said the toilet isn't flushing so well anymore. The trouble is that she didn't talk to the plumbers at all. She was in the bedroom and kitchen the whole time, and I did all the dealing with them. And the toilet flushes like normal. Listening to her made-up story made me very tired. I didn't respond, because I know I'm going to be hearing this story for a long time to come.

She also has this story of how she was on the bank of the creek next to the house, and how she hurt her foot, and how she must have been allergic to something there. She said she was all broken out and itching. She hasn't been on the bank for months now. She didn't hurt her foot. And she isn't broken out.

Sometimes I wonder what I must have done in a past life to merit what I go through now. Life doesn't make sense anymore. It is a "Road to Mandalay" existence.
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freqflyer, I have shopping problems with my mother too.

I told her I'd set up online grocery shopping for her and I'd order what she wants. No, a couple of people told her they had that service and they didn't like it, so she's not doing it. I offered to take her shopping at a small grocery store because it would take less time and walking for her. No, she only wants me to take her the supermarket superstore and it takes her over 2 hrs. to do her shopping. (If I try to take less time, because I have other things to do, she gets annoyed. Maybe she'd like to wait for my siblings and in-laws to help her, but she's going to have a long wait since they're not doing anything because they're busy. Some of them told me flat out that they won't take her shopping.) She wants me to take her to a separate drugstore for her toiletries, she doesn't get them when we're at the superstore, she wants the drugstore brand. She wants me to take her to a discount store to buy greeting cards for my siblings and their children, she doesn't buy them when we're at the superstore, they're too expensive, she wants the discount store. She wants me to pick up food at a specific take out place, one we never go to on our own. The closest one is several miles away and out of my way. She could've gotten the same kind of food at the superstore, but no, she wants it that take out place. (did I mention my siblings aren't doing any of this?)
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OMG! I thought I was the only one. I'm tired of preparing the special meals because I was so used to living alone for the past ten years, I used to just graze during the day! I hate the fact I have to get her breakfast, she HAS to eat lunch, which I never eat, and supper is eaten at the table (I always ate at the breakfast bar) and I have to adhere to the diet, i.e., kidney failure diet, heart diet, diabetes diet, etc. Basically, she can't eat anything 'normal' so I have to look up recipes, which I stopped doing when my family was out of the house. Unlike you, I'm losing weight!

AND if I want to have something not on her diet, I have to hide in order to have it because if she sees me eating it, she wants 'some', to which I have to say no which makes me feel doubly sorry!

Wake up call came a month ago when I went to the doctor and I was found lacking in exactly what she can't have!

Plus she just shoves it all down without looking up. She can eat an entire meal in less than five minutes. I've stopped looking at her when she eats. I've stopped warning her that she can choke. I feel like turning on a recorder and just taping the first 'conversation' then pushing replay each time it comes up again and again and again.

So, that's my whine moment!
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Good idea, Susan. Otherwise the doctor is saying 'in what way is she behaving strangely?' and you're going 'well she's just barking, frankly.' Much better to have specific instances.

And, you get to note the good bits too, which can really cheer a girl up I find.
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CM and Sherridene -- is there a 'useless brothers' club yet? If not, we should establish one! My brother has moved to within 1/2 hour drive of my mother, and I'm about a 3 hour drive away. Who's handling her yardwork though? I am. Who's handling her vehicle sale and donation? I am. And everything else too. His excuses are that his work takes him out of town most of the time (ok, maybe that's true, but he's home SOME TIME). Technically, I'm out of town all the time too, because I'm 3 hours away, and I work full time! So there.
Harumph....
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I think the diary will come in handy when I have to explain to her doctor (and siblings) how things are going downhill.
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Decided to start a diary of mom's daily issues today. I think I'm going to need it to keep track of her decline, as it seems every week there's something new. Today it was, "Is it 8:00 in the morning or 8:00 at night?" (Broad daylight, bright sunshine outside - I know it stays light later in the summer, but....) That's a new one. She's usually very oriented to her surroundings, other than needing to know what day it is so she can take the right pills out of her pill box. This is the first time she's mixed up day/night. Sad.
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I bought a beach house and because my selfish sister won't give me a break, I have to bring my 90 year old father on weekends. Yippie, my walks on the beach have turned into getting him his 3 meals a day, giving him his supplements and steering him around. Is the ever going to end?
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Cap, I don't post much, but I read these comments every day and I have missed yours.. Was just thinking about you yesterday...

'Glad you are back with your wry, witty comments. They come across to me as sincere and realistic..

Have a great day!
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Tex and Emjo, thanks for understanding about my scapegrace brother. He has a lovely girlfriend who's put up with him for - gosh - pushing twenty years, it must be; but no she's not such a fool she'd count on him for anything much. Damned if I can see what's in the relationship for her (I have said cruel things about doormats in the past, I confess, but I'm trying to be a reformed character and stop wanting to shake her), but I'm grateful for his sake that she still cares. Actually I worry about him too. We're all a bit scarred, but I think he's worse than that - I've wondered before if he's anorexic, for example. He is a very damaged, very self-destructive man. But I put him in my "too difficult" file a long time ago.

Mind you, my mother put every problem she ever faced in the "too difficult" file! - that's how come we're all in this pickle. I find it sad but sweet that she still worries about this brother. Not that it would help him to be told that, it would just give him something else to beat himself up about.

I think he's lost two lower front teeth, but I couldn't quite believe my eyes and how do you check without staring?
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Sherridene, what a strange brother! He doesn't like hospitals? Well isn't that odd - I mean, everyone else I know absolutely adores them - how else would you explain why we're all prepared to go and visit our friends and relatives when they need us?

Apologies for the sarcasm. It's just that sometimes nothing else will quite scratch the itch. Hope your daughter had a fantastic time in Oz!
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JessieBelle, it's ok to talk bad about my brother. Sometime he can be a real pain in the butt. He hasn't always been this way, just in the. Last 4 or 5 years. He really earned the worst sibling of the year award on Christmas Day. My Mom has COPD and asthma and went into respiratory distress Christmas afternoon. I had to rush her to the E.R. I gave my brother a choice between taking her to the hospital or staying at my house with my daughter (I'm a single parent). He went home and left my daughter home alone. On Christmas! I think I am blessed with the greatest child. She was so understanding about the whole thing. I called frequently to check on her and went home several times that day. I still feel guilty about her being home alone that afternoon but she always says I understand that Granny needed medical help and I was ok so quit beating yourself up about it. What a great person she is. Very proud of her. She came home from her trip to Australia to a clean room and a thoroughly vacuumed carpet (my stress reliever is vacuuming) it was the first thing she noticed and commented about when she saw it :)
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Sherridene, I think your brother just took the worst sibling award. He sounds like a real whiny baby. I would have asked him if he'd fallen off the wagon again or something. Sorry -- don't mean to talk about your family so bad, but this was the worst I've heard. You asked so little and he couldn't even do that.
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I just have to say EVERYTHIGN TAKES FOREVER when I take my mom on an outing. she is so SLOW.
I want to blame it on her, but really, I have to think in God's time frame.
It's truly not her fault that I forgot to put the handicapped parking tag on my visor (thank God I didn't get a ticket).
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My whine moment is putting up with brother who refuses to help with Mom. Mom was admitted to hospital on Sunday. I tried to call my brother to let him know. Of course no answer. I called back the next day and he said he must have been out side or had already gone to bed and the phone was not working. Same excuse he always uses when he doesn't want to answer the phone. Anyway... I let him know Mom was taken to the hospital by ambulance due to difficulty breathing and I ask him if he was going to come and visit her in the hospital. He said he does not like hospitals and did not want to see Mom sick. When I got frustrated at him for not wanting to see her, he just laughed at me. I asked him if he would at least pick her up when she is released because I had to drive down the Los Angeles to pick up my 14 year old daughter who was returning from a trip to Australia. He said he did not want to and ask if there was anyone else who could do it. What a sh..t ! I ended up making the 600 mile round trip to L.A and hurrying back to get Mom. Feeling frustrated and hurt and thinking some not to pleasant thoughts about him. If a person could be prosecuted for their thoughts I would be getting the death penalty! On a brighter note, some of the nurses I work with were doing overtime at the hospital where Mom was and took fantastic care of her.
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My whine for today -- Mom is feeling better today. This is a good thing. The bad thing is that she started arguing with me again. It drives me crazy. I'll say something and she'll challenge it, then accuse me of arguing with her. That drives me crazy when she does that, since it cuts off any communication between us. Maybe it is why she does it, the contrary old woman!
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Somedaysmile....it will be ok sweetie. Hang in there. You are doing the right thing for both you and Mom.

One of my siblings asked me today if I will keep Mom at home until she passes away, or will she eventually go to an NH. (Kind of funny she asked, since we've been talking on here about the "line in the sand" lately in terms of when you decide to make the decision to place your loved one in a facility.) I told her what my determining point was - complete medical incapacity (like a stroke) or inability to walk at all, even with help. I discussed it (again) with Mom today, and we went over things again in that regard, and she agrees that I should not have to provide care for her if it is not reasonable for me to do so - in other words, she doesn't want me to have to get a Hoyer lift into the house to move her because of her size, if she can no longer move herself. (We discussed that pretty specifically, which is a good thing, because it's a distinct possibility.) That's the first time one of my siblings has asked that question - I guess I'm glad she did, because they need to know where we stand on that.

Somedaysmile - you'll be ok. But don't rush into anything. Take some time to "grow into" your home without Mom there, and slowly reclaim your life.
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ya do your best somedaysmile . most elders require round the clock healthcare when they decline to a certain point as determined by their pri care doc usually .
my apology for getting a little snippy on your thread the other day jeanette . i dont mind hearing about my percieved shortcomings but if i was a bit defensive its because my lifestyle isnt all that dysfunctional , just different than most and a bit on the frugal side .
for example , 15 years ago i looked kinda silly driving around in a 51 chevy work truck . now that construction has taken the worst beating of any sector of the economy and most contractors have wiped out and had their shiny trucks repo'd , the old 51 makes pretty good sense now ..
intimidating appearance ? tell that to the tons of kids who love and trust me from the moment we meet ..
still , i apologise . shouldnt be such a defensive jerk ..
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I put mom in a nursing home today. Her attitude was wonderful but I cried a bunch. Hospice is great. I feel relief then I'm in tears. I miss my parents so much. I'm soooo sad and yet I'm ready to live. Bitter sweet.
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Heck yeah! and she was crazy as h*ll but very graceful and personable even though she had just killed William holden who was floating in her pool.
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