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I think that ba8alou 's idea is excellent. All bills should go to the POA's address. Also just my 2 cents, that if anyone is taking care of a loved one in their home or the loved's home THEY should be the one with the POA.I told my mother I wouldn't let her cross the threshold of my home unless she made me the POA, I am an only child and fortunately for her honest.
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Ash, can you have her mail forwarded to you? I think what we did was we forwarded all of mom's home address stuff to my brother who is poa. We gave mom's nh address just to friends and family. So that anything that has anything to do with money goes to poa.
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My whine of the week...you have to be afraid to say anything around her because she is likely to harp on it for days at a time. I love her but for goodness sake let it go.
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Ashlynne, that's my whine moment practically every day. Issues like your current one pop up almost every day. Sometimes it's a quick phone call, other times it can take months and lots of effort to iron out. I get the mail every day after a full day at work, and wonder "what will it be now?" Yesterday's was relatively minor, but it seems that it is always something.
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Here we go again. Some time go I had all mail except greeting cards held at the NH office for me to collect and deal with as I discovered my mother was just tossing them out. When the admin was away a few weeks back I guess one got through. Yesterday there was a letter from the UK pension service (we're in Canada) stating that as form xxx hadn't been completed and returned they're cutting off her pension and enclosing another form.. If the form isn't completed and returned they'll cut her pension off permanently so today will be spent on the phone to the UK. Does it ever end?
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Kaazzaa.... breathe.... deep breaths....close your eyes. Breathe.... In slow through your nose, out slow through your mouth... breathe... breathe...Forgive....be grateful for something.... breathe.....
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Freqflyer the easy way is far too difficult.
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Yesterday I was whining because of getting groceries for my parents, and I use an on-line service, but Mom still would like me to go inside the store to get certain items, which defeats the purpose of me using the on-line service.

Well, I dropped off the groceries this morning to my parents, before I went to work. Everything looked great. This evening when I called my parents, Mom said the watermelon didn't taste good, and why is the gluten-free bread so expensive [my Dad is trying gluten-free to help ease joint pain and it is working for him].... she said she doesn't like the on-line service, yada, yada, yada.

Unfortunately my Mom's hearing is almost down to nothing, I must have asked her a half dozen times "if you don't like the on-line service, what do you suggest I do since I don't have time to go into the store?".... but she couldn't understand what I was saying.

I know one time my parents came up with a brilliant idea.... I could drive them to the grocery store and leave them off [they are 92 and 96], then come back an hour later to pick them up.... I had to chuckle to myself, a hour later they would be in aisle 10 of 26 aisles. Yeah right, by the time I get home from leaving them off, throw in a load of wash, it would be time to get back into the car and pick them up.

Now, if only they would have moved to that retirement community.... they could grocery shopping every day as the community offers transportation and its FREE !!!
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Well susan i think every fulltime carer should have a cleaner its the one thing that frustrates the h*ll out of me if i wasnt here i could imagine rats here! Found mums OLD teeth today in a jar in the cupboard these cost her 400 and there they are so now we have a spare pair!!!!!!!!!! Beam me up!
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Kazzaa - if your Mum decides to fire the cleaning lady, ship the cleaning lady via parcel post to my door. I'll gladly take her in! I sure could use a cleaning person. I keep thinking that once we get all the work done in the house, it will be SO much easier to keep clean...if that day ever comes.
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Funny when i did go out here all the guys thought i was a NURSE? why i dont know id run at the sight of blood!
No i will just put my foot down she keeps the cleaner or ill do nothing and i mean nothing ive tried that approach. Mum thinks she has me where she wants me and can do and say what she wants as its her house but thats not going to last long she cant physically do housework so lets see?
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Kazaa, can you channel your inner nurse? "OF COURSE YOU NEED THE CLEANING LADY, I COULDN'T POSSIBLY HANDLE ALL THE CLEANING MYSELF" Someone on this board taught me the "I couldn't possibly do that" line. It's a real showstopper.
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freqflyer, I hear you. My mom currently on a mission to get my sister feeling so guilty that she'll retire early (63) and have Mom back living with her. She cites how Sis is always tired and her job is stressful (nurse). Nevermind that Sis will lose health insurance, income and decrease in her SS later on. Mom's of the old school where girls were to do whatever needed to make Mama's life the way it always was. ;-)
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Linda22, regarding juggling my own responsiblies, work and ordering groceries for my parents, my parents have many times suggested that I quit work to give me more free time..... they are of the old school where girls were suppose to be housewives when they grew up ;)
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Kaz my mother was like that too, just sat on her laurels and expected the world to run after her and bow down, though she refused to have anyone in the house. We had a cleaning lady for the last couple of months I cared for her and thankfully, although it was a house, it was condo house so there was no outside work.

Personally I can handle the dust, dog and cat hair for a while (so much to do outside with 2 acres this time of year) but I MUST have everything organized, put away and clutter free. Oh, and I also have a running list of all to do's plus a smaller list of what I want to achieve each day or two. I guess that's my version of OCD :)
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She thinks we dont need her??????????? says she cant afford her she can? she just thinks i can do it all? the mess is getting worse! everyday is stressful bringing down mountains of clothes to wash some not even worn. I wish i could threaten to leave but thats not possible YET? thankgod im going away i think a nurse needs to have a serious word with her nobody ever talks to them and tells them they cannot live in thier own home unless there is some help coming in. All my mum does all day is MOAN it sucks the life out of you. Shes been out gardening today and the garden is like a junk yard stuff everywhere im just so fed up with this constant cleaning i am very houseproud and i cant bear a mess so not good for my nerves!
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Not a whine, just little story that may warm your heart. A neighbour found a kitten in the middle of a back road desperately trying to eat road kill and they were going to take her to the shelter. We all know what that likely means :(. She'd struggled so hard to survive I couldn't let that happen so yesterday I picked her up and, after a stop at my vet, she came home to join my crew.

She's about six weeks old, tiny and desperate for affection so she's not feral, just likely dumped (some days I hate the human race!). It will be a couple of weeks before she can do a meet and greet with the rest of the gang. Full of fleas, lice and worms she has a huge dog crate in my sun room for now with a radio for company. She's so sweet, full of energy and afraid of nothing. I will be taking down my sheer curtains lol Her name is Lucy.
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Why's she taken against the cleaning lady, Kazzaa?
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Big whine! mum dosnt want the cleaning lady coming in anymore? i am just not putting up with this crap i am less stressed knowing she is coming for 3hrs a week as she does things that i just dont have time to do like cleaning out every room etc... will have to get the nurse up as i cant be doing with her BS anymore! they have no idea the stress the constant cleaning,cooking searching for thier crap making phone calls because they cant hear? shes pushing her luck now illness or no illness if she fires the cleaning lady i will refuse to do anything see how long that lasts!
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freqflyer, can you tell your folks that in order to juggle what you do for them and your own responsibilities, you are streamlining some things. And one of them is ordering groceries online and having them delivered. That yes, there will be a delivery fee but this is a necessary expenditure to help you help them. It was hard for my mom to understand that me being her personal shopper meant me making changes to work this task into my life. Little things like substituting another brand, big things like getting Christmas giftcards for the grandkids instead of specific items from various stores. But she's gotten used to it.- if she wants her favorite face cream, she knows that she'll wait a week or so since I'll order it online rather than running to the mall.
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I think we all do this lisarose! I cant seem to delete dads number from my phone either! Its tough i miss him he was a support on the phone as he knew what mum could be like! Dads gone 7mths and it still is hard to sink in!
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My whine...every day a message pops up on my computer screen to call my mom and ask her to get up and get ready to go eat lunch across the hall at her assisted living. I see this every day and don't have the heart to remove it since I lost my mother last month. I miss her.
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I really feel for you, I have to do all the cooking and cleaning to. You know I think it is ok to grab fast food some times, but the rest of it we need to eat healthy to keep up with all this?
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Today is not a good day. I....I will try not to make this wordy and to just encapsulate what I feel today. I live with my 'ill' mother. I have been with her for 11 years since my father passed away. I gave up my independence to 'help her out' and me financially. Five years ago (although it seems much longer) she suffered a stroke leaving her with vascular dementia.
I have started jobs and had to leave them due to her increasing and unpredictable needs. So essentially, this has become my job with just a little outside housekeeping to add to the household income. So, my income is pretty much 1/2 of the household rent (i.e. around $500). With all that I do and am limited to do, I am grossly underpaid. She could not hire someone from the outside to live here and do what I do.
So even if I were to make what I theoretically should make, I WOULD NOT DO THIS JOB AGAIN IF YOU PAID ME!
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Since my parents no longer drive, I get their groceries for them. Every week I pick up Mom's grocery list which is a pre-typed list of Mom's regular things she buys weekly, all she needs to do is circle what she needs.

The past few months I've been using an on-line service to order the groceries and the next morning, before work, I drive up to the front of the store, give the employee my name, he checks his list, and loads up my car, everything already paid for, takes 5 minutes. Then I drop off the bags at my parents house. Whew, what a time saver :)

Anyway, my whine is that my Mom wants me to still go into the store and get certain items because she doesn't like some of those on-line items [even though they are the identical product]... "it taste funny", or "cost 10 cents more".... ARKKKKK, that is defeating the purpose of me using the on-line service.... to save ME time because I still work.

This on-line service also has home delivery service, I am so tempted to use that, but I know my parents would squawk big time at the delivery fee.

Now, if my parents would have moved to the retirement village, they themselves could go grocery shopping every single day as the village offers that transportation free of charge.
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Oh JB we all have days like that and going through the garbage has become the norm here! Mum keeps losing her hearing aid? i found it once in the garbage? all mums meds are free thankgod so is her hearing aid but the absolute hassle of getting a new one is not worth it. I suppose i shouldnt whine though as i dont know what id do if she had to pay for all her meds?
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Ha!....Daughter was talking to me online just now and was asking how her grandma was doing (my mom). I explained what her days are like now - potty accidents, me washing multiple loads of laundry to wash sheets and chair pads, no shower unless I push the issue, won't get dressed, sits in bathroom for 30-45 minutes at a time until I'm calling out to her to come out (she's not "doing" anything, just sitting there - and then she forgets to wipe & flush!), barely walks anywhere unless I push that issue as well, nearly fell when we went to b'fast on Sunday - almost took me with her - and memory failing.

Daughter said, "wow, Mom, I wish others could see how much you're having to do for grandma!"....yes well....as my ex used to say, "Wish in one hand and sh*t in the other and see which one gets full first!"
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Success! I retrieved the garbage from the curb and went through it. There it was -- the glaucoma medicine. I guess I'll have to start doing a trash inspection for taking it out. No telling what I might find.
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Oy! What a day. Started by taking Mom to the doctor and getting a lab test. Opened a coke and it squirted all over my crisp white pants while we were out. :( This afternoon Mom made an appointment with a telephone soliciting company that I knew would be a scam. She didn't remember the name of the company, so I couldn't cancel the house work. Fortunately, the man called me this evening and hung up on me when I cancelled. Then Mom came in tonight and asked me if I had another bottle of her glaucoma drops. I had just bought one for her last week. She lost it somewhere and I can't find it. I fear she put it in the garbage or it is hidden where I'll never find it. We have to pay out of pocket ($45) for it again so soon.

None of this is fair at all. It isn't fair that she has lost her ability to deal with life. And it isn't fair that I spend so much of my time trying to make things work for her. Those questions we mentioned the other day -- What now? What next? -- are going through my mind. But it could have been worse. The man did call back, instead of showing up at the door. And at least we have $45. I guess I really can't whine.
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I'm tired of cooking too. I want to go to the gym but I have to go @ 5:45 am while my mother is asleep - which I am going to try tomorrow because I cant go after work. I am eating poorly/junk due to being frustrated w/being sequestered at the house every single day after work & on weekends. I hope to get my mother approved to go to Adult Day Care so I can have her go there on Saturdays to give me a break! My vacation is next month so I am looking forward to it. I have not had anytime away from my mother since March - 4 mos. . I could scream & I am tired. I just want to win the lottery so I can send her back to her house with care in place & set myself free.
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