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Hugs, Susan! Your son sounds like a really good kid. These things really do work out fine -- it's just so upsetting when they happen.
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I appreciate everyone being caring and supportive - I know this isn't caregiver-related, but I appreciate the support, just the same.
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Thanks Kaz and Ash - I'm just so broken up . Talked to youngest son just now on the phone and just dissolved into tears. I just couldn't help it. I want to see him so badly. He says he's ok with me not coming this summer but maybe coming for a long weekend later in the year...but I don't know if he's truly ok with it. He's such a sweetheart. He said "everyone makes mistakes Mom" regarding the date screw up .

Kaz - mom is not ready for a home at this point. If I even tried that, the siblings would string me up. She's still very mentally "all there", other than her memory issues, and her mobility.
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Susan please don't beat yourself up. As someone else said, teenagers would rather hang out with their friends than with their parents - "old folks" in their eyes :) It's an age when they want to do all sorts of young, energetic things and we just don't fit in Don't take it personally!
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Susan i know its hard but do you not feel that it may be time for a home? all this falling i know she could fall in the home but not as likely as at home? Once this happens with mum and its started we will have no choice. I cannot be here 24/7 its crazy to even think id cope noone can without going "nutty" ourselves.

I was going to the shops this morning to get cigarettes as dont talk to me if i havnt had my morning ciggy!

I noticed im starting to talk to myself while im walking usually in anger about something? lucky i stopped myself but this is what it does to you! Gosh thankgod neighbours were not around to hear me?
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Thanks, Glad. I'm just so upset and depressed over this right now - there's no way I can make the trip any sooner, and if I *am* able to find some way to go next month, I will have to find someone to watch over Mom and I will only see my son for a couple of days.

Feeling pretty low right at this point. But, not much can be solved by continuing to rehash it, so I'm done.
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Susan, you are right, do not attempt it. First it is terribly disorienting for them, and extremely stressful for us! I don't know how some do it! And 1300 miles in the summer heat? Be happy and grateful that you just had the shorter trip and the adventure, that you will always remember of being stuck.
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Thanks Kaz - Not sure what I'm going to do at this point. I've totally screwed things up by looking at the wrong calendar, and taking mom on a trip there just isn't really possible any longer. It seems she's getting worse and worse - 5 accidents yesterday that required clothing changes and chair pad changes/sheet changes - plus the near fall at breakfast - I can't see taking her on a 1300-mile round trip with those issues. I don't know too many caregivers that would attempt it. I'm hoping that *maybe* I can get a sibling to watch over her for a long weekend so I can at least see my son for a few days.
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Tex am confused about your post? Is your mum going through your mail? My mum is getting up earlierr now and getting the post and throwing away letters from docs and appointments. I was thinking maybe i should get a post box? gosh what next. ive told her countless times to leave my stuff alone but they dont listen its very annoying and stressful.
Just calm down you need to look after yourself now any stress could mess up your recovery.

there should be respite for carers after surgery i know i can get my mum into a NH if im not well BUT she wont go?

Chin up things will get better one day!
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Well susan i know its hard but when i was sixteen id rather be with my friends than mum or dad!! Could you not go and stay near him just to see him!

Hugs ive so much crap going on here with mum i couldnt imagine other stuff i just wouldnt be able to cope my cat getting attacked was enough for me this week i dont know how some people juggle kids and a dementia parent?
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She went thru my mail! I knew it. I guess it was the pain meds made me trust her. What a manipulative b*tch. I am so disappointed in her. It's just my fantasy that we would be friends that is unrealistic. She opened my therapy bill , which I wouldn't be having therapy if it wasn't for her. I actually bragged on her on how she was helping me. The official name of my surgery is anterior cervical discectomy with allofgraft fusion and instrumentation. level 4-5 and 5-6. New rule now is the mail is not to be shown to her until I have gone thru it. Some things never change. I should have know when she was being so nice and helpful.Even the devil was a charming angel. All she cares about is the her servant,me,gets better as soon as possible. She likes to hold the therapy over m y head Like I am crazy, but it is the only way I can stand to have her in the house and take care of someone who was emotionally abusive to me as a child and I have to look at her everyday. In her mind she is the perfect mother.She couldn't even stand her own mother.Put her in a nursing home as soon as she could. 0630 am and I am already pissed off. I feel so stupid for trusting her, had to be the lortab and valium.Once a snake, always a snake.
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Glad....it's funny you said that...I fretted and stewed for about an hour before I headed to bed....then I thought about the possibility of a long weekend. I'll have to think about it more tomorrow.
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Susan, I am sure I look at the calendar wrong myself. Since it appears this isn't going to work this time, plan a trip there over a long weekend that will work, and get it planned!
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Glad - no, it's not easy at all. And as he gets older and withdraws further and further away from me, it gets worse. This is the first time he didn't jump at the chance to come see me.

Tonight, things got a whole lot more complicated and confusing. Somewhere along the line, I looked at the wrong school calendar for my son's school (checked it online) and planned my vacation dates around the start of his school year - but I had it wrong by almost a week, which now pretty much cancels all of my plans, because I can't change my vacation dates now. I have already given these dates to my clients, and they have made their own vacation plans around that - I have to be here to cover things for my clients when they're gone. So for me to change my dates would screw up theirs. It's a huge mess.

Ugh. I'm so frustrated. I can't believe I was looking at the WRONG school calendar and planned my dates around that. So now I have no one to be ticked off at but myself, because the screw up was my fault. I feel like absolute crap.

Sorry to everyone having to read my rants and whines over the past week - it's been a rough one. Tonight was kind of the straw that broke the camel's back. Now I can't make the trip even if I wanted to.
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Ash, a new kitty?! We will be looking forward to seeing him, her?

Susan, it must be very difficult to have your son so far away! I was so fortunate with my divorce, my kids, youngest was 12 all decided they wanted to stay in the house. So, I was the one to leave, got an apartment, otherwise the house would have had to be sold. I suppose I could have asked for more maintenance, or child support, but just wanted out. The kids were old enough to decide whether they wanted to be with dad and friends for a weekend or spend time with me. With the settlement I was able to get a house where each had their own rooms. Seems like eons ago, my youngest turns 30 next week. So very hard to believe!
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CountryMouse - hee...yes, I'm only half-kidding about the bubble wrap, but some days...

Ashlynne - a kitty! I wish we could share pics here. We could have a pets only thread and share all our pet stuff.

Discussed the trip situation w/my ex again, and now he says youngest doesn't *want* to come here because he has a girlfriend there. Um...I'm only asking for one week! I didn't quite believe him, so I asked to talk to youngest himself to get it directly from him. Unfortunately....ex is right. :-( So now I'm not having problems with ex over it...I'm having to convince my own son to come see me. He's 16...it's the age, I guess. Sucks.
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Oh dear ashlynne you will have to show us a photo of that lucky kitten. Gosh when i get my own place ill take them all in!
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Ash you are wonderful I know you will love your new baby when is she comming. When we had the horse farm all my animals were discards. I agreed to the dogs but the cats were self service
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Ashly~what an angel you are in rescuing the little babe. The last several cats I have had are rescues found on the streets. Currently I have a cat my daughter rescued while at college...he was abandoned in the apartment complex.My dog is my mother's dog which she can no longer take care of due to Alz but she has visitation rights,LOL!! The dog is a small miniature poodle (13 lbs) who was only socialized with my mom and us visiting her. She barks at my husband every time he moves...she is also my diabetic informant, when ever hubby gets himself a treat such as a candy or cookies (he puts the wrappers on the coffee table), the dogs gets the wrappers and brings them to me, LOL!!! I don't police my hubby with his diabetes, we just make a joke that she is watching him and tattling on him.
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For the ten years after my father died until I gave up everything to care for Mommie Dearest I visited once a month, 200 miles each way plus I had to spend evenings cooking all the food to take - god forbid Madam should cook me a meal. Christmas was a real wonder - cooking for days to cart food to sit at the kitchen table to eat and listen to her b*tch and whine.

In a NH now she's a shell, barely eats and is down to slop. Today I put together home made broth, veg and so on to take her. Got busy and forgot it until it was about to burn. I've thrown cold water in it and left it. I'll see how it looks/smells in the morning before I decide whether to add noodles or chuck it out. Why bother? I really don't know. Maybe I just feel for anything/anyone that is so down.

A bright spot. Friends found a tiny kitten on a back road trying to eat road kill and took her home. They have animals coming out of their ears, can't keep her and were going to take her to a shelter, which means she'll be destroyed. Nope, not going to happen! Poor wee thing has struggled to survive this far and she so deserves a good life so she's coming to join my crew.

She'll have a large dog crate in my sun room for a day or two so she can do a meet and great with the crew in safety, then it's off to my vet for a check up and see what she needs. Mentally I've called her Baby :)
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And I probably don't need to add that I'm counting the days until I don't have to deal with the ex any more. I'm sure he is too, because he doesn't like me any more than I like him these days.
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Ashlynne - yes there was a co-parenting agreement, but both my older son and the younger one decided at some point they wanted to try living with their Dad. Older son came back after 3 years - he and his dad do NOT get along. It broke my heart when younger son went, because I knew for a fact that once his Dad got him in his home, he would not let him come back. I knew it was going to be a one-way trip. It's a long story, but the short version is he thinks I am responsible for our older son's misdeeds (bad choices he made when he was an adult and not in my control) - and that's why he doesn't want younger son here. He thinks I'll "let" him get into trouble. When we split up, the agreement was that the kids would all live with me full-time and visit him in the summer, but then younger son wanted to go live with him, which negated the agreement, and a new one would be required. I could go to court to fight over it, but he lives in another state over 600 miles away, and I would have to go *there* to do it for however many court dates it would take - which I can't do. At this point, I'm trying to just negotiate with him. Son will be 18 in 2 years, at which time he can do what he wants, if he can get out from under his father's controlling thumb.
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YIPPEE mums gone to bed! gosh we dont ask for much? now i can watch a movie and TRY? and switch off which im finding harder and harder to do lately! Wish i had a big box of chocs now!!
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I dont know how to spell that flower?
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Only joking Glad i didnt invite him as i know hed never leave IKE!!!

Cap meet you in Oneills bar in Seville on saturday the 13th at 9pm local time!! wear a red cornation on your bandana!! That gives you a week to get there get someone to mind IKE!! Dress code casual BUT stunning!! LOL
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Ahh, come on Cap, go with Kaz! What a wonderful invite! And Seville?! You bet!

If my, I guess she is a step neice, can fly with two little ones, she hates to fly, you can too!
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Susan when you parted from dumb a** ex was there not a co-parenting agreement setting out who could do what and when? Here in Canada, as part of a divorce or separation, the children come first and there's always a written agreement filed with the court in such matters. If there is such a thing in your case, go after him!
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Ok enough already! its 11.15pm here! Go to bed mum go to bed mum go to bed mum pleaseeee go to bed!! want some meeeeeeeeeeeeee time! Been on the go now as maid,cook,cleaner,handyman,companion,doormat since 11am.

Thanks SKY TV for putting "devious maids" on at this time youve really messed up my life!
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Heidi....hang in there. Keep us posted on your search for a facility. We're here for you.
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I know what you mean, Kaz. When I first moved in with Mom, she was still mobile, cooking for herself most of the time, and doing dishes and laundry. Now she does nothing - no dishes, no laundry, can't stand up for more than about 2 minutes without needing to sit, falls are a huge issue, and when she got confused by a voice mail recording yesterday (she thought it was a person talking to her and handed me the phone), well, that was just IT for me. I had to choke back tears. It was so hard. It progresses so quickly sometimes. Some days are pretty good - others are horrible.
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