This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Don't snort tap water - it's full of stuff that stomach acid can kill but not our nasal passages
I go outside regardless of weather to walk. I sleep better if I walk and get some fresh air before I get ready for bed.
I can't remember what it is called but it looks like a good idea. I used to fill a bowl with boiling water cover my head with a towel and breath in the steam. Another thing I find helps is to open the freezer door and breath in the cold air. Of course where I live during cold season all you need to do is step outside the door.
I remember once reading that Russian housewives in Moscow in winter just put their frozen food outside on the window cill.
Sometimes I forget that your great sense of humor is different than mine, and like my hubs, you take things literally.
When I said it is called snot, it's snot, I was joking, rhyming.
Gershun has a little dittie but I forgot it.
I apologize to you for trying to be funny, but it's not.
Thanks for that idea! It worked.
Tried the simple method an hour ago to get the sawdust out of my nose. OWIE! but it helped to remove it quickly. Went right to the back of my throat, just like swimming with chlorine. Had no idea our tap water had that much chlorine! Burned my sinuses.
What would improve this procedure would be to use normal saline instead of tap water.
It is the same pH as the lining of your nostril.
Today, I moved the bookcase, bashed my other foot when it fell, (hubs was out bike riding), and I helped him saw with a power saw. Neither one of us sawed a straight line. But I am the only one injured.
Book, it's funny - regardless of what we call it (snot, mucus, boogies, whatever), the fact remains that it's a good sign of health or lack of it. If it changes colors, thickens up or dramatically increases in amount, there's something going on in your body. Allergies, infections, airborne dirt/dust - all can make it change.
I'm still fighting the battle with my nephew (who I'm pretty sure has undiagnosed OCD) about the best way to handle excessive mucus when he has a cold or sinus infection. His father keeps telling him to spit it out if he coughs up mucus - his mother tells him to swallow it. (Yuck.) I realize there are times you can't help but swallow it, but if you think about it, that junk is filled with bacteria, and having too much of it in your body just makes your symptoms last longer and feel worse. (Personally, I've become very nauseous when I've had a bad night and had a bunch of mucus drain down my throat while sleeping - so swallowing it is the *last* thing I'm going to do.)
Don't worry. I was already trying to wean myself off the cold/flu.
One thing that I found helped me was Hydro Sense. You can buy it at any drug store. It's all natural, according to the package. It contains sea water. Or so it says. I don't imagine the manufacturers go to the seashore with little vials and scoop seawater up. It probably just means water with salt added to it. Either way, I found it helped, temporarily anyways.
Book, I don't know if taking cold medicines causes a rebound effect in everybody. I was just speaking from personal experience. So, please don't stop taking something that may be helping you based on what I experience.
The problem is, each one must be taken "First thing in the morning on an e m p t y stomach." How could I possibly take 3-4 remedies-after the first one, my stomach would not be empty.
Felt like swimming, drowning, choking-that is why I hold my nose under water.
Grossed me out when washing it, how could I have my tea now?
Gershun, Golden, and Bookluvr, Hope your sinus issues clear up soon.
My dH has that, and I can tell he feels miserable, he often has to go to bed for 3-4 days.
His chiropractor rubs oregano oil in his hands and dH breathes it in. Guess one must be a licensed chiropractor to properly administer the stuff? ha ha. NOT! The chiropractor has also had success treating children's ear infections due to it's antibiotic properties.
(I hope).
Why the honey? I quote:
The antibacterial property of honey kills the bacteria that cause sinus infection. Its use also soothes the irritation in the throat area. Its anti-inflammatory properties reduce the inflammation in the throat. Also, its consumption strengthens the immunity system and makes the body strong enough to fight any type of infection.
8oz room temperature water + 1TBS honey + 2 TBS ACV.
Why are you mixing honey with apple cider vinegar?
I felt bad that I took the rein of power from him. I never forced him to do what he didn't want. I've tried reasoning, bribing, and even calling 911, APS, elder law attorney, etc.. all told me that as long as my dad was competent, then they will not interfere. So... I learned to be sneaky, and praised him when he made the 'right' decision. He always appreciated that. Just as I always appreciated his 'thank you'.
You can offer to take her 'strolling'. Or offer to take her out to lunch and just happen to drop by the AL.
Jim, make an appointment with a geriatric psychiatrist for your mom. Take her to lunch and then to the appointment. Don't ask her. Don't tell her before. Just take her.
It's very hard for some of us to get out of the mode of asking our parent's permission and seeking their approval.
At this point, you have to do what you know is best for her and you.
I would also make appointments to see ALs. Don't ask. Tell her.
A few days ago, I was craving chicken soup. So, I had it for lunch on Thursday. By Friday late afternoon, my throat was hurting. Friday night, it was screaming in pain. This morning at work, I felt the urge to cough. Oh no! After leaving the office at 12:30pm, I went to the grocery store. Bought 2 Tussim DM Max cough medicine, Ricola cough drops, Cepacol (never tried this but sis' doctor recommended it to her), 1 box of chicken broth, 2 can of chicken veg soup.
The bag 'boy' was an older man (maybe age 84?). He took one look at me and said that he would help me carry my 1 recycle bag of grocery for me. I told him no need. I can carry it. He insisted. In the meantime, I was telling the cashier a humorous incident I had on mistakenly putting my bought grocery in a box (instead of bags). By the time I got to the car, I reached into the cart, (and I mimicked bending over and my hands reaching down) to pick up the box. I then said it was so heavy, I couldn't even pick it up! (I did the jerky motion of trying repeatedly to lift the box.) .. The young cashier (in her 20's) burst out laughing so hard. =)
On the way to my car, the elderly gentleman & I walked. We were both talking to one another as if we've known each other. (Ahem, never met him before. He's a new bag 'boy'.) When I reached into my purse to give him a tip, he was so fast to move away from me and refused it. I left that grocery store with a wide smile. The cashier and the bag 'boy' just made my day.
If being firm with your mother doesn't work, you might have to look at using your POA to force a mental competence assessment and going for guardianship. But with a bit of fast talking and nimble footwork on your part it shouldn't come to that.
Your mother's bereavement (and yours) is recent. For you, life has gone on. For her, she doesn't have anything else to go on with. She does need more diverse input and she will, if she doesn't already, need the continuous care of a facility if she is to get past this terrible phase of her life, even if we ignore the possibility of dementia.
It's a guess, but I'm going to bet that if you do role-play your father just to the extent of being firm and decisive about this move, you will actually give your mother huge reassurance. You'll relieve her of complex decisions that many of us would struggle with at the best of times, and you'll be someone she can lean on to see her safe and cared for.
Legally, as things stand, you can't make her do anything - your POA cannot override her wishes unless she is found to be mentally incapacitated. But practically and emotionally, I think she'll be glad if you do take over. Just don't expect her to thank you straight away.
I had to check the spelling, don't know if I have ever read or written it before. 😂