This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
So, has anyone successfully slowed down their drastic hair loss? What shampoo now works for you? I also read from the google search that I need to put certain oil onto my scalp when washing my hair... Also recommends massaging your head.
I didn't feel like crying when I got in my car. Do you ever get headaches when you cry? I had one very mean headache. I was very drained physically and emotionally. I treated myself out to lunch at Denny's and then a haircut and then bought one of those $4.25 strawberry/banana shakes with No Dairy(!..but it's not made with real fruits, though..) I came home by 5:30 so exhausted. I took a power nap. It's 8:15pm and I still feel 'off'.
I just finished the bottom of the package: Chicharrones (made in Texas). It says Hot 'N Spicy , but it wasn't even a teeny, tiny bit hot. It was very soft when I first opened the package. Where's the CRUNCH after every bite? It's suppose to be crunchy not melt-in-your-mouth! So, I left the bag open in my bread container until it hardened a bit. There is the crunch! Now it's finished... And I don't have a spare. Fave sis bought all kinds of sweets (Pepsi, Gelato, variety of cookies) and I have no interest in it. I want Salty! Crunchy! All well...
As for your husband, I'm not familiar with fractured spine. Does this mean he can heal where he can get up and be mobile? Or would the pain be so bad, that he would refuse to get off the bed and just stay on it to avoid the worse of pain?
It's going to be a very long and difficult road if you're taking care of both all by yourself. You will need to find resources in your area to help you. In the meantime, please feel free to come here on AgingCare to vent or get advice.
Baby bro already told me that once I have my travel dates, he will fly over to join us. So, if I can lock in the dates, he can request for leave. Unfortunately, I don't see his live-in gf and her 2 teens will be happy being left behind... On my last visit with bro, his gf and her teen kids were with us all the time. All the time. When bro was finally given 2 days with me without them (2 days before I flew back home), his gf kept texting throughout the day. I just remembered that she shouldn't be texting when he's driving. Ping.... Ping.... Ping... Ping.... I learned from this that she was very possessive, controlling. I later learned from one of my mainland sis that he had to cut short their conversation because gf said it's time to sleep!! sigh... I should prepare myself that he would come with them in tow... or he will cancel last minute with some kind of work excuse...
He is my favorite brother. I might have enough Frequent flyer miles to get him a ticket. I get my miles by using the credit card that gives me miles for every dollar spent. I use this card for paying bills and supplies. Then pay it off immediately. I don't have to pay interests.
I can see it makes good common sense not to start rubbing metallic salts into your armpits if you don't have to. But we modern gals have a different concept of "have to" which would include not being given a wide berth in public!
P.S.. one of my favorite book that I bought over 30 years ago, the pages started falling out when I opened it. I'm afraid to check if my other books are like that. =(
My favorite music I loved to play on the CD when I was dealing with my bedridden mom was One Day at A Time by Cristy Lane. I rarely sing it because it brings up memories of super exhaustion.
My DH is so overwhelmed with sadness and the feeling helplessness....he's kind of shutdown. Trying to keep him taking care of himself with meds on time, hydration, food and some rest.
My mom has been quite nasty the past few weeks. And as it happens with narcs with significant memory loss, she's able to remember how to inflict the most damage but has no memory of the conversation the next day. The last straw was how badly she treated my daughter on Christmas. My soninlaw had to intercede.
She had the idea I was picking her up on New Years Day, as that was a big family deal back some 40 years. I never do anything but rest from the holidays on NYD. Anyhow, she waited for me in the lobby for three hours, finally calling me to find out where I was. She was in tears, I was exhausted and feeling like I was getting ill. It was a terrible conversation, loaded with the guilt trips and nastiness that have been her MO. She finally admitted that she knew I hadn't made plans with her, but just assumed I would pick her up and have her spend the day with us. I finally said I needed to end the conversation and said goodbye. She said I love you, I didn't respond and she asked me if I could at least say words that I cared. God help me, I couldn't do it. The next day, she'd forgotten all about the conversation, putting on the caring mother act for her dinner table mates and asking how I was and telling me to take care of myself. I'm done.
So sorry, I lost my thought and my brain refuses to find it. Basically, if you want freedom from caregiving, you need to research your options. On the top left, the 3 horizontal lines, click on it and find the SEARCH. Read the different topics to find what's best for your case. Hope you find something.