This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
No pressure, I was told. You can come back to regular worship since I no longer have other obligations preventing me. No pressure.... come when YOU want... No pressure... There's worship today at 4pm. No pressure... We can pick you up if you want. I'm not pressuring you... If you want, we're here for you - to talk with, to go out for a meal. No pressure.... In the end, I started giggling every time he said "No Pressure" because you know what? He Was Pressuring Me!!! The more he tried to pressure me, the more vague I became.... If you want to come to worship at 4pm, please call me by 3pm.... I just shook my head...
The pressure of Religious Obligation is now Full On!!!
I find myself at work trying to swiping my desktop computer's screen. It doesn't have swiping capability. Must use mouse to move anything on the screen.
For my favorite books, I still buy the real books. I'm not picky. I just go to Amazon or Ebay to buy the cheapest used paperback books. I usually aim for $0.99 + $3.99 shipping. When it arrives, it just goes straight to my large book cabinet. So, if we ever have a typhoon and it knocks out the power for several weeks, I have lots of D, C, AA and AAA batteries, over 5 battery powered lanterns and my paperback books to fall back on. I still keep (somewhere in the house) an old fashioned landline telephone that doesn't need to be recharged in order to work. (At the time, I was caregiving 2 bedridden parents with mom on the oxygen machine 24/7.)
Not just for staring at the computer for a long time. But also, any number of things could happen to the computer.
But, I do understand what you mean. About needing a bigger font.
Anyway, yesterday afternoon {giggle.. Kindle just gave me options for: . , ?}, I started thinking of dad. A few tears started falling. I quickly wiped it. Must'nt cry at work. Just those very few tears and my eyes were red..... This morning, lying in bed at 6:30, I decided to pray to God. Since I always struggle with praying, I just asked Him to please look into my heart. Please let dad know how I felt for him... As the tears started falling, I found myself also addressing dad that I'm sorry. That I did the best that I can. If I wasn't here for him, he would have lots of bedsores, no one would massage his legs .... Well, this touching moment got interrupted. The urgency to go to the bathroom would not be ignored any longer... {I'm back} I'm lying here trying to bring that feeling again. Alas, my desire to pray to God is gone. Back to blank awkward brain. 7:00 am. Time to get up and flee before they come!
And my iPad keeps rejecting the charger. We don't have an Apple store here on island. I guess I will drop by sis tomorrow and see if any of her chargers will work on my iPad. I seriously need to start thinking of a replacement. Either that, or get use to using the Kindle's online browser. {rolling eyes}
A few months ago, I was shocked when a female client (admin assistant) from another island called me up. We rarely call. Always have to email to leave trails of our conversation. She threw me a curve ball when she said, “My favorite person!” It was awkward the few times she said it when she would call. I’m comfortable with it now. I prefer this because it’s more appropriate in a business setting. Prude!!
This society is becoming so easily offended by ordinary things said and done. Some justifiably so, but I think there are too many people taking things too seriously. I see it in my kids and I guess their generation it started when they we're in elementary school. Is this millennial behavior? Everyone had to be a winner, feel good about themselves ALL THE TIME, feelings were not to be hurt ever, participation trophies and awards. My ex and I called it the touchy feely education and generation. Developing a spine to stand up to bully behavior shouldn't even be necessary.
Heard a funny Xmas song on the radio that is about how easily offended this politically correct society of ours has become. Google Brad Paisley Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday. LOL!
Am I so old fashioned that I find it a bit inappropriate for men whom I have only business dealings - to say those words to me? Is saying/writing those words like an "in" thing now and I'm just not "with it"? I'm just so puzzled.... These are clients I've been dealing with for over 5 years.
I came across this book which I immediately thought of you:
Grace Lebow & Barbara Kane: Coping with Your Difficult Older Parent. A Guide for Stressed-Out Children.
In the back of the page: Do you have an aging parent who-
*Blames you for everything that goes wrong?
*Cannot tolerate being alone, wants you all the time?
*Is obsessed with health problems, real or imagined?
*Makes unreasonable and/or irrational demands of you?
*Is hostile, negative and critical?
I haven't been a teen for thirty years. I have been married and divorced, once.
I won't back down to irrational behavior. Prior to last Christmas(2016), my brother n' SIL bought a fold up bed that looks like a suitcase when packaged. They have that again this year. The other two futons were taken to the dump in 2015(I think).
My mother's reason for leaving stuff on the stairs. Was so that she would remember it. Seemingly understandable, BUT potentially fatal.
She doesn't stuff on the stairs anymore. Not just for my sake, but also the cat. Her water and food bowls are kept on the stairs. They are not big it all. I also don't want the cat traumatized, if something falls down the stairs.
My mother drives herself to the doctor. I take public transit if I don't go on my bike.
Her memory issues' now are. She will put something in the microwave, and forget about it for hours. Also, When people call her, she can't hear the phone(cell or landline) ring from 20ft. away. When I can hear them from almost ten times that distance.
So she ends up missing a lot of calls.