This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Welcome to this site, you are accepted and will be supported here.
MsMadge, I'm so glad that your mom's okay. And that you moved her back to hoca. Unfortunately, you will also be back to dealing with 'visitors' wandering into her room. But at least you have more flexibility in hands-on dealing with your mom... As for your insomnia, I wish I could give you advice but I rarely have insomnia like that.
I have a new nick name for dad, "Dewey" because he asks "do we have this? Or Do we have that"?
It is amazing, he can ask for things like he bought them or he did something to bring it into the house. Like "do we have a laundry bag? I need to send my shirts out, I have been a bad boy and not sent my shirts out to be dry cleaned." It is funny, becasue I have a laundry bag and I send my shirts out, oh and I pay for it. He is home all day and can wash and iron his shirts but he cant do something that menial.
Still peeing on the floor in the bathroom, we have to clean the floor every time he goes in. I am about to put blotter paper down in front of the toilet. Yup, he can drive 10 hours to camp, can cook all week at camp but cant go to the dry cleaners a take his shirts and pay for them, easier for ME to pay for his cleaning.
I guess he will be getting a bill this week ...... does that go with the few hundred dollars I had to transfer for him last month to cover his expenses?
The past month has been pretty difficult and I've been remiss in posting an update on mom.
She got past the delirium and we started getting a handle on her skin decision and after much wrangling with the NH, was able to get lab work showing she was clear of infection, so after much deliberation I moved her back to hoca this weekend
While there were a couple of good staff members at the Nh, the care was in many respects worse than hoca
Having said that, it was quite an assault on the senses to re-enter the chaos of hoca which already has led to more frustration
Dementia is a long tiring journey for everyone
If your car is close to the house and has a catalytic converter, that odor can waft inside.
Also, methane gas can come up from the sewers. Air the house out, dump bleach down the drains, run water, fill with a little water and plug it overnight. The toilet too.
Put on a huge fan to clear the air inside. If you use propane, check it for a leak.
Walk around the house in the morning to see if something dead was not placed under your window by the rowdy crowd Sat. night for revenge for doing what is right.
Where is older sis?
Love the idea of your special night out. We did that for our 50th wedding anniversary.
With Pentatonix and the advent of YouTube, I’m learning so much about tenor, bass, etc... It’s strange how people are amazed with the bass singer. I didn’t realize that for a bass singer to move and maintain his singing perfectly is an exceptional thing.... Did you know that when you join a choir, it’s a must that you show your emotions? Ha! That’s why they always have joy or emotions in their faces!...I’ve been replaying, studying their videos and reading the comments. I think I’m really fascinated about them because I’m finally learning stuff about the musical world... Even about Beyoncé’s singing abilities on those high ranges, etc... fascinating.
This afternoon, boss asked his wife on a reservation format. Wife doesn't know. I know the answer! But I have learned, repeatedly by Boss that I should mind my own business. He has told me so many times: "Am I talking to you?" So.. I tried and tried soooooo hard Not to say anything. I really tried!!! I caved in. I told him to "CL' it. His reply was so rude and abrupt (yes, my fault for butting in): "I know about the CL!" I was ... so embarrassed. And kicking my d*rn self. I tried to stop myself from answering.... One Hour Later. He finally asks me very nicely, how to book using the CL. I said to type in CL and the city code. He snapped, I already did that! I got the location.... I got up and tentatively walked to him to see what he wrote. I said no, not that. Type CL again. I said - take the 1st 2 letters & use that in the normal formula we use. It worked.
This afternoon, when I was talking on the phone, I was stuttering. I haven't stuttered in a long time. I only stutter when I'm nervous. It was only BW and myself in the office. This job is stressing me. I'm back to d*rn if I do and d*rn if I don't environment. This means I'm going to have more nightmares of work...
On her last shopping, she bought way more than can fit the freezer. I told her to put her loaf of bread from the freezer and put it in the fridge below. She refused. I bought, from skimping and saving, a $10.00 beef broccoli frozen dinner that is cooked on the pan (not micro). Sis needed space. She put MY broccoli (instead of her loaf of bread) on the bottom fridge. It has to be Frozen. I ended up throwing it because it was days and I didn't want to have diarrhea from eating spoilt food. So, now my 1/3 portion is down to only enough space to fit 2 Marie Callendar micro! I was making headway to making space. Tonight, I opened the freezer. And she took up my space! I'm now down to only 1 microwavable space. She bought more food! Crab meat!!! I hate that generic food.
I am soooo tempted to .. tomorrow, I'm buying more of my food. I'm taking back my space. What cannot fit, will go down to the fridge below. Just like she did with my $10.00 beef broccoli, I will do the same with hers. FYI, I spend $17.00 for our 20lb bag of rice. She has foodstamps but won't spend it on rice. Yet, we both eat the rice that I paid for. She doesn't pay any bills at all. sigh.... I'm shopping tomorrow. I don't know what she's going to do to find space. I'm taking back my portion of the freezer!
My pulled muscle on the right side was really hurting yesterday, and lastnight, and this morning at 5:00am. I got fed up, took the iPad and started googling tips on healing a pulled upper chest muscle. I know that the earlier research said not to massage it. But, I have found that massaging where the pain is - alleviates the pain and allows me more arm movement. This morning's google, I found some great YouTube videos. Oh my! Did you know that I should be gently stretching my pulled muscle because I don't want it to heal in a tight manner? Because if it heals wrong, the pain will come back again from another pulled muscle (like sneezing!) So, I've bookmarked several videos. This morning, I laid there and gently (although they said to do it firmly) pressed the area most painful. I massaged it until the pain went away. Then I struggled off the bed (difficult to get off the bed with a painful upper chest muscle), and gently leaned forward against the wall, stretching gently my affected right side. Emphasis - no pain. Stop when you feel the pain. I did this with different raising position of my right weakened arm. Wow! The morning pain faded dramatically.
This morning, I was able to do some driving around doing errands. I've learned to carry the grocery basket with both arms in front of me (carrying it on my left arm was pulling the upper chest muscle and causing pain on the right side) made the weight evenly distributed on both right/left upper muscles. I learned the hard way to use Both hands to shift from Park to Drive, etc on my automatic stick shift car. I made the mistake of automatically pulling up or down the parking brakes. I had to use only the left hand because the hand brakes was too close to my right body, that even using both hands, it would pull the right muscle wrong. I learned that when driving today, that I have to sit forward a little bit to not put too much strain on my right hand. Sigh....
And I think I need to find a referral to a sports doctor! I think my clinic's doctors don't know anything about pulled muscles. We're such a small island. Do we even have a sports doctor????
Oh... on the YouTube, to help faster healing of the muscle: Chia seeds, Flax Seeds, Omega 3, Protein, etc.... I bought organic peanut butter, wheat bread and will sprinkle it with Chia/Flax seed (bought at Vitamin World). Peanut butter is high in protein and Omega 6, low in Omega 3. Omega 6 is not good because it causes inflammation. Omega 3 is good because it heals inflammation. So, I compromised and decided to sprinkle the Omega 3 (chia/flax seeds) onto my peanut butter (high protein for muscle building/healing) sandwich.... I wonder.. Do you think this will work?... This is a compromise for someone with low budget but not low enough to qualify for food stamp. Bummer to be in the lower middle income bracket and not qualify for anything...