This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
I have a sister who is allergic to most Rx Drugs, but thankfully Codeine isn't one of them. It must be terrible to be potentially allergic to pain meds as we all need them at some point, especially our age!
It seems like we all have had episodes of injuring ourselves, needing surgery, or like for dental or chest pain, and it would be awful to need pain meds and not be able to take them! .
I'm still having problems with stress/chest symptoms, and I'm seeing a Cardiologist for it. So far I've had a 48 hours monitor, and I'm scheduled for a stress echocardiogram. But what I really think it is is plain Posts Caregiving Stress, which affects my chest wall and diaphram. My diaphram is really hurting like it's strained or something. It affects my breathing too, it Sucks! I hope they can figure it out soon!
I hope you are feeling better soon too! Guiafenisin is good for cough, if you can take it! Take care! Cool your Boss thinks enough of you to pay you anyway!
I don't know if I have ever taken morphine before but my last couple of ER visits i was given some and it made very nauseated. Our hospital usually uses Fentynal for painful proceedure so now that is banned I have no idea what they will use.
I tried Sudafed back in the 1970's and after 3 days I couldn't stop crying, weird side effect. So the doctor said don't take any sinus pills from the "fed" family of pills. The only allergy relief pills I found successful is "chlorpheniramine maleate" which comes n 4mg. Sold in most drug stores under the store brandname and is very inexpensive. But it does make me very sleepy.
Medicine are tough for those of us who are pill sensitive. We may not be sensitive to the medicine itself but the fillers used by the manufacture to make the pill large enough for one to pick up.... or sensitive to the bonding used to glue the pill together.... or sensitive to the coating used to make the pill easier to swallow.
For myself, I found Mylan manufacturing I had the least side effects.
Most women go through menopause. I think I bypassed it very briefly. My SIL said it took her years to finally stop having the symptoms. I’m a bit over 50 and still waiting for it. Fave sis is going through it. She’s 2 years younger than me and she’s hating it. She is such a grouch now! And she lately has been saying hurtful words. I no longer really want to hang around with her. I just keep reminding myself that she’s going through meno. She was there for me all these years, I can certainly be there in her grouchy stage.
Thanks, Cwillie.
Anyway, I was telling her that the doctor Rx a strong cough medicine with codeine... She said that’s wonderful... I said that I was about to take it lastnight but read the leaflets included with the Rx. It warned several times that one of the side effects is that it can stop you from breathing. Several times it warned about that.
Sis asked me, “Are you afraid of dying?”
I replied indignantly, “I’m not afraid of dying! It’s just that ... I’ve spent over 23 years taking care of mom and dad. Now that .... they’re both no longer here, I think it would suck that now that I’m finally Free, I would die!! I have plans! I want to travel. I have a goal to travel next year!”
Sis... oh, yeah.. that’s true.
Sendhelp-That is so true about sanity and biking. I had to get out on my bike today, for my sanity.
I feel you have earned a break today!
I came home. Oldest sis doesn’t work, doesn’t pay any bills. She’s a heavy smoker. She’s always on the front porch smoking. Our front porch is bigger than my work’s office. I came home and saw all those mango leaves everywhere. I was really exhausted but I felt compelled to sweep it out. As I slowly swept the floor and dumped the leaves out, sis came out. In my head, I was getting mad at her that because she doesn’t contribute financially to the bills, the least she can do is keep the house clean. Why do I have to clean the mold outside the refrigerator? Or sweep the porch? Or clean the shower and bathroom floor and toilet? .. I need to clean inside the fridge. I’m never fresh enough to tackle that. I will need strength which I rarely had for years.
I know what I need. Just like when mom passed away, I took a week off and flew to Hawaii. The whole time I was there, I was too exhausted to do anything. I think I spent the majority of time in bed, resting. Every time sis and I tried walking, I got exhausted immediately. We had to go back to the hotel.... Too bad I used up all my vacation leave. I could have booked a hotel room in the middle of tourist area for a week here on this island. I could get the local discount rate.... too bad...
Glad that was a miss!
My Sil and I were at a Las Vegas show, were seated at the stage edge. I asked to move my seat. Out comes John Davidson? and pulls Sil up on the stage...gives her a tongue in mouth kiss, made her dance on stage. I was so very glad that was a miss too!
Chris,
My husband rides with a group of people now, so I don't mind he goes. It is safer.
Getting out can save your sanity. He empties the trash before he goes, and before I get up.
Going out now to pick up hubs, he was late today so taking his bike was out, it was also very hot, and he dressed for work.
Do you have an outside employment to get you out of the house more?
It often takes people with dementia challenges more time to come to their senses.
Sorry you were treated like an idiot by your mother. You hopefully did not receive that as truth, because you know that is not true.
Maybe, if you charged her she would respect your skills more?
Good outcome! imo.
I have training in PC, Network, and Server Repair. Both PCs have Win95 as an OS. She has made no upgrades to these computers in twenty years.
But I am still an idiot in her eyes.
Good to know. How are you maintaining today? Are things any better for you?
Years later, on a business trip, I went to Korea. I took a tour to the old Korean village town. Gasp! I saw my very first pink leaves tree. It was beautiful! About 2 years ago, taking my Colorado niece around the island, I ... saw a tree with purple leaves! I gave my iPad and told my oldest bro to take my photo. I posted it on FB. An Texan FB friend wanted to know the name of that purple tree. Heck, I don't know! I didn't even know we had one until I went around the island... My family knows how I love scenic/tree photos. When they remember, they will send me their trees. Baby sis has sent me 2 yellow leaves tree so far. It's soooo pretty (but not as pretty as the purple leaves.).. .. One day, I will get to see the mainland's autumn tree leaves. It would be beautiful with all the different color red/orange/etc... mixed all together.
My mom always loved autumn. Today would've been her 81st birthday. She's been gone six months. It's true the first milestones are the hardest. I miss you mom!