This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Drugs commonly recommended for simple UTIs include: Trimethoprim/sulfamethoxazole (Bactrim, Septra, others) Fosfomycin (Monurol) Nitrofurantoin (Macrodantin, Macrobid) Ciprofloxacin (Cipro) Levofloxacin (Levaquin) Cephalexin (Keflex) Ceftriaxone (Rocephin) Azithromycin (Zithromax, Zmax).
Yes, the antibiotics are being given a shortened course of treatment now. Some bright false idea to prevent antibiotic drug resistance (growing super germs).
Because of that, suggest another lab urinalysis to confirm the UTI is cleared. Insist on it, imo.
Unless someone else has a better idea?
I think the headache would be because of the pain meds and injection.
What do you think?
I have a 2mm stone that's moving. 1.7cm nonaggressive lytic lesion on my right hip. Stone- referral to see urologist whose next available opening is in September. As for the lytic lesion - referral to bone doctor to verify it's not cancer. No treatment for the kidney stone other than the painkiller. Drink lots of water...
Because if you have an adverse reaction, sometimes going to the older medications can help.
If you are still in pain urinating, ask if they still use "Pyridium"-I think it is a dye that stops the pain, maybe it is soothing, not sure. Additional to the antiobiotic.
Are you allergic to Sulfa drugs?
Is there a nurse on the forum tonight?
Ogenki desu ka
Doko desu ka
Kidney Stones can be a pain like no other pain. Sometimes the "shot" will stop the spasm if the stone is stuck in the tube between kidney and bladder. If the urine becomes obstructed by the kidney stone that is not good. Hope your night was uneventful and you got some rest. The CAT Scan will let Drs know where stone is and how big and how it needs to be handled.
Forget everything else, just concentrate on you until this is under control.
I'm sorry that you are in so much pain and hope the doctor can find out what is going on as well as treat it soon so that the pain will go away. Take care.
How is the pain now?
Are you able to wait til morning?
Doctor says I look like someone going through kidney stones. But she's required by insurance protocol to follow steps. Step 1 urine test. I had to wait for about 40 min to give my body time to build up that dept. blood found. By this time, I could barely walk. I needed the chairs, walls, counters to help me walk to the exam room. I wasn't walking straight and found my body tilting away from the wall (lost my balance.) nurse was able to catch my tilting body and straightened me. By the time I reached the exam room, I was very weak and excruciating pain... couldn't sit.
Dr knocked b4 entering, saw the room empty and was about to close the door to look for me. By this time, I was standing by the exam table, head bent against the cushion. Finally found a bearable pain position. When I saw the door open and begin to close, I made a noise. She came in. Took one look at my face and asked if I wanted painkiller. Yes, please. Shot givn right at the buttock. I kept apologizing to the male nurse that I can handle severe migraines.. but am wimpy on stomach pain. He was very nice.
I was given 32oz of water to drink for the ultrasound. Waited quite a while. No urgency to pee. When radiologist came, I told her I don't feel anything down there. She did kidney ultrasounds but my bladder only had very little fluid. She stopped at that. She can't have me wait until bladder full because she has more scheduled patients.... so tomorrow morning 9:00am, I'm scheduled for a contrast cat scan. Doctor said if pain worsens tonight, go to ER.... really... I cancelled my colonoscopy for Friday.
Gosh, it seems like they could of done a better job of keeping your Dad cleaned up, and any blood out of sight! Nobody needs to see such things! Hospitals are difficult places to visit, and there never seems to be much communication going on when you are there. I am always the one to push for any info on what's going on now, and what to expect going forward.
When they us told us my FIL HAD the Cancerous mass in his Lung, which had spread to his chest wall and rib bones, and that he was too weak and frail for any treatment, and that he would need to either come home or go to a facility on Hospice, I was in Shock!
They didn't/couldn't really give us much time to prepare for him to come home either, the whole insurance thing. Either they continue to treat him, or out he goes, so once HOSPICE is decided, they move them out as quickly as possible! We decided to bring him home, and it was the very next day, he was sent to our home.
It has been a mad rush ever since, with the Nurses, visitors, health aides, coming and going! We are hanging in there, but know that the hardest part is yet to come!
I am hoping that things are settling down for you, and that you are finding your footing, now that you are not longer responsible for someone else. I know it's hard to get passed losing a Loved One, especially when you have been so close, and no matter if you were prepared for it or not. I don't think you are ever prepared!
I'll bet it's weird to have your days to yourself, and not knowing what to do! We've been responsible for someone our entire married life, whether it children or parents. Now that we are caring for our last remaining parent, and once he passes, we won't know what to do with ourselves! But I am looking forward to trying!
You hang in there, and I recommend that you hand off the torch to your Dad's Executor, and all the responsibility that goes with it! It's great to give him any help that you can in the way of documents and all, but I don't think that you should have to take a loan out to complete any land transactions, if I understood you correctly! Anything to do with probation is on the Executor to figure out, and once he's completed all of his functions, any monies or properties will then be distributed to his rightful heirs.
Good luck on all of this, as I know it can get sticky, and can take a long time to sort out! You take care! 🤗
You're doing great. Let older bro handle the estate as much as you can. Things have a way of falling into place... eventually. (((hugs)))
On the other hand, there was a new nurse (working 6 months now). Very friendly. All the other nurses didn't care that for hours we saw in the open his bloody and body secretions from his right hand. I can't stand the sight of blood...
Finally, I couldn't take it. That evening, her shift, I got up and whispered to her. I told her that every time I tried to look at dad's face, my eyes kept going to the bloody mess. No matter how much I try, my eyes keep going to that bloody mess. Can you please change the lining? She left the room, came back with a new liner and changed it... after that, she made sure to clean dad's face from the blood (internal bleeding), changed then covered from our sight his slow bleeding right hand.
Memories.... popping up...
Because I have swallowing difficulties. She instructed me to eat a low residue diet for five days and take the prep on two consecutive nights so it was only half a gallon each night which I got down easily. Everyone says the liquid is disgusting but to me it just had a slight citrus flavor and went down fairly easily. I just sat on the toilet the whole time I was drinking the fluid which is about a couple of hours and just let the diarrhea flow. They can also give you pills but there are about 20 and I knew I'd never get them down.
I did not get a sore throat from the endoscopy but thats not to say you won't. I did get something to eat and drink when it was over but was not incredibly hungry. You will proably get a lot of gas but don't worry everyone else in recovery will have it too. The Dr should show you some pictures while you are in recovery and tell you what if anything they found, Don't take Aspirin, adville or Aleve for three days before. Tylenol is OK. You are usually instructed to take morning meds with a sip of water. Personally I take mine with me and take them in recovery.
Book don't worry about the estate. Big brother is the Executer so let him handle it all. As you say you won't miss what you never had. Anyway the house and land can be sold and that money can pay the bills.
Sleep well my friend.
Instead, I need to google more on colonoscopy- how to prepare for it, eat, drink.... I also learned that my throat will be sore from the endoscopy, starving crazy after the colonoscopy, etc... Since I get headaches daily, I found that I need to avoid painkillers that have aspirin.... 2:00 am and I'm going to try to sleep now...
If the land has to be sold and you truly are named in the Will then you may end up with a nice little nest egg that enables you to find a new place of your own away from big brother, it could be a Good Thing.
Doing the Will, going through probate is going to be Very Expensive. Just the court cost is $5000. The lawyer's fees are based on a percentage of the house/land value. Based on Dad's landtax, the property is $380,000. The lawyer said that the heirs are responsible for these costs. He hopes dad has money to cover it... He doesn't.... Dad told me that his life insurance is only $20,000. He had to retire way too early in order to take care of dementia mom. He took a drastic pay cut. And we don't know who is the beneficiary. What a mess....
Dad has told everyone that this house and land will go to the 2 boys who lives in the states. He told me that if I wanted land, then I better marry a man with land. At the lawyer's office, the lawyer said the Will is a copy. Do we have the original? No. The lawyer's business that set it up is no longer in business. Year 1998. It has the court's stamp. So they will look for it there. He asked if dad ever talked about the Will. Oldest sis said that Dad told her that everyone is going to be surprised about the Will... It seems Dad changed his mind and added my name with my 2 brothers... I was about 32 years old when he did this... ohhhh ... {{{{{ head thunking on an imaginary desk }}}}} ... I have 2 brothers who earns over $22/hr and they are flat broke and don't know the meaning of saving money for an emergency. I make less than half their paycheck and any loan I try to pay for these lawyer fees won't even get me a $10k loan. Sigh... well... we might end up losing the property in lieu of paying the lawyer's fees (percentage base of property value.)
There was a very devoted son at mom's memory care and when she passed he said he didn't know what to do with himself - don't feel that you need to fill all the space immediately - sometimes all I want is to do nothing on Sunday
Rest and eat well
Just feeling sad for myself and sad or mad at him... so much for the future :-/
After caring for my mom and dad and mom in a home I thought we could do things , but he is just too weak ..