This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
Second strike, when they were hurting my dad, I thought he was having a stroke (bent left arm awkward position tightly against his chest, pain on left side and chest pains), ran next door for help. My dad refuses to listen to us females who know nothing but house work. He will listen to my nephews because they're male and know more than females. Nephew helped persuade dad to go to the ER. As soon as we left, the pain and stiff angled left arm- immediately went to nephew. He told me later what happened. They punished him for interfering.
We all know what needs to be done. He won't. I won't. I refuse to force him to do it.
Glad to hear the little babies are doing well. That's a blessing.
Book, baby sounds in relatively good shape...? It would be SO DIFFICULT to have another mother of a premie lose their child right next to your niece, as niece is watching over her own. That's heartbreaking and I feel for the mother, and your niece. I hope niece can get good and positive input about baby and lactation expectations.
I'll also let her know about checking the breast pump. She told me that it costs $300-some but she can't find one until after the holidays. She's worried that she will dry up before finding one. Thanks!
Yes, niece baby was able to swallow teeny tiny infant formula. Niece needs to go to the store to buy breast pump so that the baby drinks her milk and not the formula. She didn't find any in Kmart... thanks, Veronica.
If they're not caregiving, they don't understand what you're going through, I don't think so. I love my "real life" friends, but I can see them for the good times, come here for support, not make them worry about me or wear them out with the venting. I feel like SUCH a whiner when I talk about caregiving-life issues to non cgs. CG life is a bunch of non-stop little problems that most often have nothing to do with the CG themselves. Other people listen and just say - "You need to stop caregiving." lol And... that's it. That's all they can offer you.
Rambling, at bro's house, super tired and I have to go give my dad a haircut before tomorrow or older bro will not be happy. I don't like doing it but no biggie.
He doesn't look good to me. My dad looks noticeably more frail, trembling to pick up a small cup. He seems more confused. I think part of it is the environment here at bro's is even less mentally & physically stimulating than the other house (where I live)... but it may be a progression of something else, too. I'll keep an eye on him for the next 2 days, try to sort out what's going on with him. His meds are on track and I counted exactly how many of each and made a note so next time I can count them down, but... he's on track with meds. That's good.
Thanks for letting me RAAAMMMBBBLLEEE.... lol... Hope everyone's doing alright today. (((hugs)))
I had the afternoon off and visited niece at the house. She asked me how did I get on and off the bed without a railing. I showed her on their sofa. Guess what, while niece was in her bedroom, my sis and her hubby were complaining about the loads of laundry they're doing for her. I remember when I got out of the hospital and stayed with sis. I was treated with kid's gloves. Poor niece. Yes, her family will be there 100% when needed but their attitude of her....I'm glad that they were there, though. It is what it is.
Niece and her visiting friend were talking. Her friend lost her 1st child. Niece is so scared for her 3rd premie newborn. Niece asked her friend how torn she is when people congratulate her. How it always freezes her. I can hear the resentment/anger in her voice.... I had to speak up. I told her that people are uncomfortable with the situation, too. They don't know what to say. So they congratulate you. You accept their congratulations and turn it positive- in your head..., Guest:"Congratulations"... You mentally respond with: "..that my baby made it another day..etc.." niece and her friend nodded.
Edge is the new replacement for Internet Explorer, I'm not sure you can even download IE any more. Hope you can figure out how to log in to the e-university, changes in tech are never smooth.
Onedoor, I had some deep soul searching when I knew that mom was dying. Her body mass was shrinking so fast in hours, even overnight. Her legs was going upward with her skin tightly wrapping around her bone. No muscle! ... and when she was struggling to breathe every morning, I kept picking up the phone to call 911. But my parents are of the older generation that wants to die at home. Every morning, sitting here, hearing her breathing problems- was awful. My conscience was see-sawing: call 911 or not. {in the meantime, my family was calling everyone trying to get hospice service.}
Onedoor, I and others here know exactly how you feel about taking her off those meds. We understand. We hold no judgement. You have fought so hard for your mom. Do what is best for her. And that will lessen that little guilty voice over your shoulder. {{{{HUGS}}}}
I Can't Stand My New Laptop!!!! It's sooooo finicky. First. It wouldn't let me access until I punch in my password - which it kept rejecting. I had to wait for BIL to troubleshoot it. He's the computer tech.... the laptop worked last week. Today, it won't even open the browser!
I need to go online and study our new computer program. It's completely different from the current one. I don't know how to build a reservation, transfer data, etc.. I can't study it at work because I'm busy doing the books and reservations. So, I need to log into the e-university at home. My boss will be canceling our current reservation system and fully use the new system at the end of this month.
I googled HP notebook won't open browser... I got tech instructions which froze me. Uhm...good thing tomorrow's TG. I will ask BIL to fix it. Maybe show me what he's doing - which is useless....
My FIL is on hospice and my mom is going deeper into dementia. The time change really threw her into a tizzy. She likes to control her activities, washing up, bowel movements, etc. by the exact minute. I'm not kidding! She claims she has controlled that 'stuff' her whole life. The hour change has made her a moody, cranky woman that also just turned 80. She is becoming really difficult to be around on my own. When my husband is around on Sundays, she showtimes, but Wednesdays I dread. Went early today, Tuesday, as we are having her over for Thanksgiving on Thursday.
Her complaint for weeks is the lanyard with her call button for assistance. She refuses to wear it around her neck and insists on stuffing it in her pants pocket. "It's too bulky." Well, no doubt, along with 100 napkins and Kleenex. My husband gave her a lanyard from work and she said that wasn't good enough either. I told her all she needed was a key chain or fob if she insisted on keeping it in her pocket. I cut the dang fabric lanyard off and said try that. It was like a lightbulb went on but she was still angry with me. She has a big enough clip to grab onto, but I denied her further complaining about the bulky lanyard. Took away a reason to complain for a problem that will never be solved in her 'send me on fruitless never ending shopping expeditions'. I nipped it in the bud. I will never repeat the year and half shopping trip for the perfect underwear for her. I am done with crazy and unrealistic requests.
Sort of. Next she wanted to pick out shirts for the next week. She wanted ones with snowflakes as it is snowing now. She's been wearing them for the past month and insists there are more. There are not. I wheeled her up to her closet and she looked through. She said her closet is too full to look at clothes. I told her we need to weed through and donate clothes she will never wear again. She looked at me like I had two heads.
Now, my mom has always been a clothes hoarder. When she went to AL it was okay, but now she doesn't wear 90% of her wardrobe. I told her, well, you have a choice to make it easier to find things you DO like or it can be hard to sort through button and short sleeved shirts you don't like anymore. 15 minutes later after she sat in her closet looking at things, she said we should sort it out. Thank goodness! Decisions are hard for her now and I'm glad I let her make that one on her own. Life will be much easier. Now to actually do it. :(
She had an issue with one of the collars on her shirts which is one inch lambswool. I knew she wanted to argue because of the clothes issue. She said it would interfere with her hair which is short and way up her neck. She said the collar would mess up her hair. She chanted "I do things the way I want to" over and over for five minutes.
Just brings up bad memories when my dad was dying 6 years ago when she was so stubborn and selfish. She refused to visit him in hospice. She complains she will be left alone Friday and Saturday. She will be here Thanksgiving and we will be visiting FIL on Friday with grandson. Offered to take her along and out for lunch. She refuses as it's just too sad. Too bad mom! You are responsible for your own life! I'm just disgusted with her manipulation and I am done.
Book , my last year of teaching was very stressful and I broke out in hives even when I did things i loved - like playing tennis! Benedryl was my best friend during that last year! Cant remember if I told you that my mom is now on hospice care. we have to make a decision about taking her off certain meds....blood pressure, blood thinners and memory meds....they have worked wonders for her for many years but dont seem to be doing any good for her now...I am afraid to take her off heart/bl pressure meds...