This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
I've decided my breakfast will be dinner... And I have no appetite at all....
After I get up from bed, wake up dad, change and feed him, I will have my ice coffee, cook rice in the rice pot, fry the bacon and over medium eggs for breakfast. Well, I've never cooked bacon. This will be a first time. Ooh, I'm getting hungry just talking about it. 7:30am, time to get up if I want that bacon!
Stacey, I'm so envious of you! Wouldn't it be great if my oldest sis living with us could at least cook once a day for US (and not just for herself)? When dad was normal before his stroke (sis moved in when he became bedridden), he would have dinner ready for us. He would wait until I came home from work so that we can talk and eat together. Now since he's bedridden, I miss that. I come home, find something for dinner and handle him at same time. Sis disappears immediately once I get home.
I'm not much of a cook. Okay, let's be honest, I don't know how to cook. The few rare times l desired to teach myself to cook, I was too impatient. I would turn the burner to max high and rush the cooking. I even bought that long grill (long flat burner that you can cook multiple pancakes on) just so that I can cook all those sliced spams at one time, and then cook 3 over medium eggs at one time. I just have no patience at all with cooking.... I was daydreaming what it's like to have a sister with that attitude. Yum!!
So she arrives with bags full of groceries, and 2 days of yummy meal plans! She likes to cook at my house, as it's right off the family room, so its more of a social experience! I personally, don't like to cook anymore, as my husband and FIL are so picky, but she knows this, and chose meals that she knows they will enjoy. Last night, we had Shepards Pie, So Good, with salad andvrolls. Right now, she's in there fixing breakfast! Tonight its pork roast! Wow, a girl could get used to this! I feel bad for not helping, but she thinks of it as EARNING HER KEEP, LOL! It's so great to have a sister like this, and I'm still lazing in my jammies! Off to get spoiled now, have a great day everyone!
And sis got locked outside of the house when she went out to smoke. The kitchen screen door locks from the Inside of the house. The lock has to be turned several times before it finally clicks to open or to lock. Somehow she got locked outside. SIL called me and said that I locked oldest sis out. I did not! I use the livingroom exit door (the kitchen door and the livingroom door opens into our front outdoor porch) when I leave for work. Oldest sis uses the kitchen door. I did NOT lock her out. Anyway, the kitchen door - finally unlocked itself for sis to go back in.... When I came home, I asked sis about the incident.
You all know that we have spirits in and outside the house. Sis sees them. I sense them. Lately, for the past couple of months, I've been very very jumpy. Sis keeps 'popping' in front of me, and I literally scream in fear with heart pounding. Turning the corner, opening the door, etc... Sis was always scaring me - where I scream like a silly teenager. (Grrrr!!!)
This is serious. It's not good if the 'playful' spirits decide to start locking oldest sis outside when she goes out to smoke. Dad will be by himself inside the house. Who knows what the 'old lady' would persuade him to do. I told oldest sis that maybe from now on, don't close the metal screen door completely shut. Sis got all freaked out, shivered all over and nodded..... Every time dad mentions seeing someone (spirit or hallucination), I always ask sis if she sees them. I'm always so glad when she says No. ...
I had to call another client about a booking he made for one of his employees. I wasn't about to make a $1700.00 vs $3000.00 airfare difference. He chose the one that I would have NOT chosen - whew!!! Anyway, before we broke off on the phone, I told him that I will be on leave next week. His immediate reaction was: "I hate it when you go on leave!" {{{ I'm really really exhausted. I appreciate his comment but I need time off from work and dad. I couldn't even respond at all to that outburst. My brain is so slushy lately.}}} Usually comments like this would make me feel soooo good. But I didn't feel as elated as I usually do. I think I'm really too tired to appreciate. My brain is so tired of thinking, thinking, thinking - whether I'm feeling good or not.
Send - I think you're a masochist. 7-Up???? Isn't that acidic going down from your mouth. Doesn't it come back as vomit just as sharp? Wouldn't that burn the throat/nose on the way out?
Send, I agree, the dry heaves are the worst.
Personally, I prefer to get it all out by chug-a-lugging 6 oz. of 7 up just before, don't try this at home, don't know why I shared that. But, vomiting is never fun, this eases the process, prevents dry heaves for me, and decreases a repeat.
If anything escapes up the nose during, rather it be 7 Up.
It feels to vent, doesn't it? I know what you're going through and felt bad that we both can't force them to do what they don't want to admit or to do. I had to smile when I read your comment about venting. Yeah, ranting can sure feel good!... I would use those emoticons but I'm not using the iPad.
ABB, I have brought up the bill difference every month. Do you what my brother and his wife told me? That the water company increased the rate. Yeah, but not double and over the normal bill! They refuse to pay - just like they refuse to help pay our Post Office annual fee of about $70. Dad & I split the cost since I also use his PO Box.
Windy, the stair rails and the escalator rails are very very filthy., filled with germs, etc... You're right, even the elevator buttons, too. Bathroom.. do you know how many times I've heard the toilet flush, the door open and NOT hear the faucet water turn on? Yuck! Several someones used the toilet and didn't wash their hands when done.
I now turn to my books to de-stress. For these past couple of years, I was at work, caregiving and here posting. Never had time to read my books. Now... now, my books are my Calgon-take-me-away.
People coughing and not covering is So Rude! Yuck😥😥😥!!! My FIL as been coughing a lot these past few days, but when I mention it to him, he denies that there is anything wrong! Here I sit, listening to his gross gooey coughing and snarfing about every few seconds, yet he doesn't want to admit that there is anything wrong with him, and my husband mentioned it too! Oh well, when he starts spiking a fever, or coughs up some blood, perhaps he'll take notice then! Until then, I will keep avoiding him, because I don't want whatever he's got! He has to maintain his PERFECT status, typical Narcissist! Yup, you're perfect alright! He can never admit that he's anything other than Perfect! Not!
I agree about people coughing in public. I am on my third sickness since August. Dread the signing pens on credit card machines and push buttons and shopping carts. I appreciate the wipes for the carts. Not to mention my mom's AL. There are so many sick people there! Not that I want my mom sick, but she can't imagine how I catch stuff. Erm, I'm the one pushing her wheelchair, signing in at the desk, handrails, pushing elevator buttons, on and on. I'm the hands on person and she avoids contact with everyone even dining alone. Now my FIL is in a different AL where we visit. Same deal. Gee. There's only enough hand sanitizer in the world. Think I might have to bathe in it.
Glad to hear your momentary spike in water bill is over, book. It bugs me when people are thoughtless about others when it doesn't involve them. If they were paying the water bill, they almost certainly would've remembered to shut off the hose. Hugs!
We got our water bill. I still can't believe that just by changing the Fill valve and the flapper, it made the water bill go from last month's $177.00 down to our normal monthly $40.00!! Really?! I've had our toilet water running in the bowl with moving water and that bill never went above $70.00. I Still think it was brother's grandson who Forgot to turn off our outside water hose when he was watering the chickens. This past month, when I had time to detour to the back of the house in the morning to shut off the water valve. Bro refuses to pay for the water bills when it goes up to $70.00. Pisses me off. He's now putting his large dog cage in our front yard. It's like he's moving into our yard because he thinks it's his yard (eventually, when dad passes away.) Okay.. I vented.
The regulars of the Dys thread knows why I rarely post there. That thread tends to bring up bad memories that I prefer to keep hidden deep down inside. I just don't feel comfortable reading there regularly because I find myself going into depression. Later!