This seems to be a question that is not asked enough or we think what we are feeling is not as important as what our loved one is going through. This job we have taken on is a tough one and there are days when I think my "stress rope" cannot be pulled any tighter. Then there are other times that make those bad days just a memory. Do you feel like banging your head against a wall one day? And then the next day your loved one is attentive and loving and comprehends whatever you say? There are some who keep those feelings bottled up within themselves; others take the time for outside resources and others who look at sites such as this for some understanding. I do better when I have someone else to bounce my feelings off of. Let's face it....we aren't superhuman and besides ourselves and perhaps a family to take care of we now have taken on the responsibility of another human who is incapable of taking care of themselves. Do you breeze through the care giving without a problem? If so, I would like to know how you do it, maybe you can offer some new ideas; do you have feelings of frustration and need to talk about those? Come and talk and know that you can speak freely and without judgement and without finger pointing.
I am caring for my mother-in-law and have been for about 1 1/2 years. She has moderate dementia and incontinence. Other than that she is very healthy. Sometimes that short amount of time feels like 10 years and I wonder how long I will be able to do this job. I get so very tired of hearing the same thing day in and day out, but I have to remind myself that to her, each time she sees me, she is offering new information. At times I have no problems communicating with her, but it seems like more and more she cannot retain a thought longer than 5 minutes. We have had to make signs for her so she will know what she can and cannot do. So far it's working, but for how long? Maybe I will have to end up making her a "Book of Do Nots". She is on memory drugs, which don't seem to make a difference. So why do I continue to dole them out to her? I guess I'm afraid of what might happen or how she might act without them. I might have to rent a boat or buy a helmet! Sometimes I see something in her that leads me to believe that she could get aggressive and what would be my reaction to that? At the end of each and every day, after she is tucked into bed, I breathe such a sigh of relief. The "inner beast" is quiet at last, or at least for a few hours.
Pull up a chair and visit........I would like to know how you are coping everyday..be it good or with handfuls of stress.
See you over on the what's for dinner thread? If you have the time.
We have on hand: zucchini, ylo squash, green onions, fresh parsely, some grated sharp cheddar, canned cut tomatoes, macaroni.
Any recipe will do, and if not-I'll just cut it all up together, add grated parmesan, and we are healthy, right? I could leave out the macaroni.
The valve replacements are MUCH more technologically advance, less invasive, faster, and have a better success rate than the older traditional open heart surgery methods, even for older seniors who don't have complicated other illnesses. A 94 year old man, for example had great results. But I don't know much more than this yet.
But if she wants the surgery, the decision is hers. I hope there is an easier way to do it than they had in the old days.
She is like your Dad: scared to death of dying (what an ironic saying, isn't it?) and defiant. The ER cardiologist said she wouldn't last like this more than a year. My brother and cousins think this decision "is a no brainer". Let her have the operation. If it doesn't work, she'll die anyways. Mom is alternatively freaking out and trying to accept this big challenge. She's a fighter!
What can be done about the anesthesia? What questions should I ask the cardiologist?
Dealing with the cable company here makes me go from zero to psycho in about a half a second. My mom and I tried to go get a new remote for their tv
amd they wouldn't deal with us cause the account was in my fathers name.
Judda, surgery for someone that old is a very high risk. What is the goal? After surgery, she will be very active in life? What if the anesthesia changes her by quickly advancing dementia? For me, if it was my dad, I would do my best to talk him out of it. To no avail... Because my father is so scared of dying, he would be adamant in doing it. And if I can't dissuade him from doing the surgery, then I will accept his decision to do the surgery.
So, how does your mom really feel about the surgery?
Book, how much longer until you decide to walk away? Will you walk away?
I can't help feeling that when she has this operation she won't survive it.
I then told him of the stress I'm going through just thinking about being POA. And I told him straight out that the thought of being POA has made me think of suicide. I was trying not to cry when I told him that I really cannot be POA. It will push me over the edge. He kept quietly telling me that he understood.
The d*mn problem is I know we need POA because the cable company rate went up from $68 to $107! Talk about a big rate hike! Last year, I wrote a letter for my requesting disconnection along with his expired ID. They refused. I had explained earlier that he's bedridden and refuses to go on the wheelchair. So they mentioned the letter. They rejected the letter. Next I was told that he can call it in. I will try that today. Unfortunately, my dad is not coherent and forgets immediately. Later.
Reverse, snort in Mom's ear?! I can't do that but will snort in my dog's ear. I am alone today like most other days, so I celebrate I have my sweet dog with me and have had a call from one child. Will hear from others later, I hope.
Today was the first time in years that my bro of next door decided to celebrate mother's day with us.
As for my health, I changed doctors because I got so tired of my doctor harping that I can find time to put aside 30 minutes a day to do some walking. I have a treadmill in my rarely used bedroom. I gave up on it when I would use it at evenings. Not even 20 minutes into it, I'm so tired my body is literally bumping into the hand rails. I'm already exhausted and the treadmill routine was taking what little energy i had. I told this to my doctor when he brought it up again. He had a neutral face. He obviously never really was a full time caregiver in the sense.
I have a new doctor. She was hands on helping with her grandmother. She actually understands me and my health situation. And she doesn't harp on my high cholesterol problem. She doesn't push me to take a prescription because I told her that she can RX it but I won't be taking it. It makes a difference when you find a doctor who can accept your views without shoving it down your throat that you must do this or do that for your own good. She knows of my depression and suicidal thoughts. She knows that i hate taking pills. Most importantly, she knows that when I think I'm at the edge of the cliff looking down, I have no problem at all going to her for help. She makes suggestions but it's up to me to do it.
Jenny, I hope you have some kind of plan when your mom continues to worsen. You can't do it all by yourself. My worst fear is having a heart attack and become bedridden. My siblings make terrible caregivers. I will make a terrible patient.
What about you, Shilo?
After the drinking water, I mean.
Recap: More water
Deep breathing
Step outside
Feeding them at 2p.m. may help, as well as medication-and a nap.
It was not me who had a relaxing afternoon, a nap, and a snack at 2 p.m.
Aha! Maybe I should....