The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

sharynmarie, nothing really different here. For some reason, social security disability has decided after 10 years to review my situation and have me meet with 'their psychiatrist' on Monday March 18th for an evaluation of my bipolar situation. This week my wife and I plus our oldest son will drive to visit my dad on Wednesday and come back on Friday.

Hi everyone!!

Dabs, how are things progressing with your brother in town? I know you dreaded his visit. I hope the appt. shed some light for your brother to understand and see what is actually going on.

Margeaux~How are you doing? I hope your neighbor is doing good and not imposing too much.

Cmag~How are things going with mom? How are you and your wife?

Joan~I hope you are feeling better. I am sorry your daughter is causing unnecessary stress. Hopefully she will see a dr. for an antidepressant. How is G, his son and mother?

Book~I am so sorry about your mother. It is very hard to go through and I hope you can get hospice help. You know I am thinking about you so check in with us when you can.

Nothing really new here. Still have not heard directly from the neurologist. Mom is not having good days since we took all her files out of her house on Monday. We need to go through everything to get all the legal info on her behalf. She doesn't understand that is back to accusing us of stealing her coins, dog food,etc. She is in a hyper mode and just hiding things, then changing where she hides them. This is a necessary process we must do for her.

Well my big mouth may have got me in trouble at work. I may get written up for this. What happened?...This is what happened.
On thrusday when I went to lunch, a woman came in the store asking when the rotisserie chickens would be done. The woman who helped her looked at the timer on the oven and told her the time left. About 10-15 minutes after I came back from lunch, the customer came back in and there was 12 minutes remaining on the oven. She started making a scene...she said she called the store 30 minutes ago was told the chickens would be done in so many minutes and the woman she spoke to was very rude to her. She pointed at me...saying I was the one she spoke to. I said I was not here, I was at lunch. She then tried to blame another co-worker. She said she called 30 minutes ago was told a time, then she came in the store 3o minutes later was told another time and now she was back and told 12 more minutes. Because I was out in the deli, she tried to blame me for all of it. She was aggressive, loud and very obnoxious. We called for a manager to come to our department. The woman twisted everything we said. No calls were transferred to our department during the time she said she called. I must have a mark on my forehead for some people to point fingers at me, LOL!! Anyway management said she could have the chicken on the house for her inconvenience. My big mouth muttered under my breath, It must be nice....she went off on me big time. She said you MOTHER F...ING B..ch, I hope you lose your job over this, YOU MOTHER F...ING B..CH, I have money to pay for it YOU MOTHER F...ING B..CH!!! I walked away from her and went in the back of the bakery. My co-worker called for management again. I know should not have said what I said, but she really... her only purpose was to get what she wanted for free and she knew what she was doing. We deal with certain customers who pull this stuff regularly. Because she targeted me... simply because she was looking for someone who was not there when she came in the first time... I was pissed and more. My co-workers are sticking up for me because this woman comes in usually when I am at lunch and she is always a bitch...they say. Tomorrow...who knows what may happen when the store manager is there. Even though people are supporting me, does not mean management will go along with it. I absolutely hate people who are gold diggers and this woman is one with a Capital G.

vankeurengroup~I am so sorry for all you are going through. I know it is tough when siblings refuse to help. The only thing I can say, and you may not want to hear it, is that caregiving is a choice. You cannot force your brother to help you or your mother, he will have to deal with that decision at some point in time. We all have the power to choose, even when we believe we have no chose. I am sorry that this is the truth of the matter and my heart goes out to you. I suggest you contact the Area Agency on Aging in your city or county for more resources. You may be surprised at what your mother would qualify for...many programs to help. Keep us posted. Hugs to you.

Well, I have a brother who has multiple millions of dollars and lives across the country. He doesn't visit, doesn't call and doesn't contribute to caring for my mother. I have cared for her with my husband's help, for the last four years in my home. There have been multiple health issues aside from Alzheimers such as recurrent UTIs and a fractured hip, plus a head injury due to a fall, and vasovagal syncope, all requiring hospitalization and in home health "rehab". It's an extremely difficult situation and my brother does nothing despite the fact that he has no "family" of his own, and spends his time and money living a life of luxury in sunny California, often taking trips to other venues around the world. Not to mention he is grossly obese due to living the "high life" and enjoying a rich diet and zero exercise. My only hope is that his lifestyle will kill him early and he will leave me a ton of money. But I don't hold out for that because the way he is it will probably be left to one of the money-chasing golddigger girlfriends he has courted over the years.

Margeaux~I remember you posted some time back that your sis doesn't share info with you regarding your mom. My dad slept alot when he had Alz, even when he was still at home. My mother has always been hyper, never would sit down to relax during the day, and she stayed busy until she went to bed at night.

Yes, it is crazy that they haven't developed something to test more precisely on Alzheimer's. Even when my dad had it years back, they said they can only be sure from an autopsy on the brain. Drs. can get a good idea of what is going on with the person by eliminating other diseases and doing a neuro-psychological test on memory and from what I read on psychcentral, they can guess correctly 90% of the time. My dr. told me to keep cholesterol and blood pressure under control to help prevent it. Before they came out with the statin drugs for cholesterol, my dads cholesterol was over 300. Hugs to you and take care!!

Sharynmarie,

You didn't get into my personal business about my sister and me, at all.
I want to hear what others think, too. Your opinion is very valued!

Yes, and on that note, as I've written previously, I still really don't have enough info., w/respect to what kind of tests were given to mother when she was first diagnosed. She and the narcissistic sister were in the care of a general practitioner. But back in those days, mother's sister because she had a relationship w/this doctor, she was the one having the communication with him.
For about a year, before we actually discovered mom had been diagnosed w/ALZ,
her sister knew this. She never told of us, mom's children. So mother was on some kind of anti-depressant already. The reason her sister did this, was because they lived alone, together in mom's home. Mom being the more mobile one, was caring for the sister, and had been doing so, for about 3 years already. They both just didn't want to lose their independence.

Anyway, I've never been to a doctor's appointment w/mom, as I'm not MPOA.
I always get sketchy information from my sister about this. I'm going to look up this article. I had no idea that one can't tell if a person has ALZ, until an autopsy is done. That sounds kind of crazy, don't you think? Hugs, Margeaux

Book-beware jam posting from my kindle so anything may be said here lol. I think the Dr. May suggest a nero-psch evaluation. Just l ike y our mom it is a broad diagnosis but I don't think he will leave us hanging. Phew...I got through that without major mos typos.

Sharyn, my mom never got the brain scans. She just had a series of tests. And we (as in father, oldest bro, I and mom) also went to a psychiatrist, psychologist?? (Sorry, I always get those mix up). And he was the one who told us about mom's diagnosis and that we had a long road ahead and that mom's care should not fall onto one person's shoulder. That as a family, we need to pull together and help with the caring of mom. He prepared us on what to expect from mom as she progressed in her dementia. Well, those words went right in one ear of oldest bro (who lives next door) and out the other ear. Anyway, mom had a series of tests done to her ... her diagnosis was very broad: dementia/ alzheimer/ parkinson. As of yet, 24 years later, mom has no twitching/jerking limbs.

Book and Joan~I still maintain my mother has Alzheimer's Disease. This information came from the receptionist not the dr. The dr. is going to call my sister. The only thing I can come up with is that possibly the dr. does not think my mother incompetent at this point. I am going to talk with a nurse from the senior living community and ask if they have come across this and what questions we need to ask the neurologist.

Joan I hope you are feeling better. This time of year in my area can cause many illnesses because we go from spring to winter in less than a day. Allergies, viruses all come into play. Almonds started blooming last month, daffodils are blooming, and annual grasses that grow in the early spring and autumn are growing. All contribute to sinus infections and allergies. Take care and Hugs to you!!
Book~ Thank you for the link, I will do some research on Friday when I am off. I agree with what you posted, my mom has only shown symptoms of dementia for 2 years and she has declined quickly this last year. An MRI is not going to show that. If she had strokes, it would show that and offer some explanation, but that isn't the case. So here are as we were a year ago...we wait some more. Hugs to you book and please, take some time off even if you only rent a hotel room on your island to get away from everything and everyone. Maybe you should do a weekend away every 2 months. Please take care of your health!!

PARENTS ARE SELFISH!!!!!!!!!!!!! I get alot of crap if I need to anything for myself because I am told WE TOOK CARE OF YOU NOW ITS YOUR TURN. Well I was taken care of as a child by dysfunctional parents in a dyfunc. family for 14 years kicked out for being 30 minutes from work. Best thing that happened to me. Then 15 years ago got pushed into helping them out because Dad went blind and couldn't drive, Mom never drove. It just snowballed from there. I have lost to much of my life to continue to be there slave. Now I need to take of myself. PARENTS CAN AND ARE BULLIES.

Hi all - just checking in. We arrved In BC yesterday, but I am not good for much, as a sinus infection flared up so trying to get rid of that. We travel home tomorrow, It is so nice to see green grass. Rhododendrons and other shrubs and some trees are in bud. It will be glorious in a couple of weeks. No snow is great.
I want to say I love my daughter dearly, though she has never been an easy personality. I did get a brief email yesterday but nothing resolved. I just have to let go, let God and pray.
Book - please look after yourself better - whatever it is you have to do. If you took off, I think someone would step in,
bonnie - your mum is amazing. What an example!
sharyn - by any functionality tests your mum is declining. I am sure book is right about the MRI. Maybe you need an assessment by a geriatric specialist or a dementia specialist. If you have done this already forgive me, I am a bit foggy today,
Margeaux - glad you had a good weekend with you mum. You have a better picture of her now,
austin - good to see you here
gyspea - hope you have some better days

anyone I have missed, not intentional, just not up to much today. Hopefully I will be better tomorrow when we travel. I haven't used the hot tub here yet, and not sure that I should with this infection Dang!!! Can't take antibiotics as that would destroy all the work of the last couple of years in getting my gut balanced out again, Rest and OTC meds is the best. Prayers appreciated.
Love to all (((((((((((hugs))))))))))) Joan

Oh, Sharyn, I was suppose to include this in my post. Not as detail but it may give you some ideas...
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/alzheimers-dementia-testing-149186.htm

Thanks, Bonnie, Margeaux and Gypsea.
Sharyn - I don't think MRI's are the 100% fool-proof in determining dementia..unless the brain has shrank so much - that it's obviously a dementia. Your mom just recently started displaying the dementia rapidly. From what I understand, the MRI is like the mammogram. The first time you do a mammo at the clinic, they use that first one as a Baseline. Then every year you go in, they compare the recent with the baseline to determine if anything changed with your breast mass. I think the same is with the MRI for the brain. But waiting until next year just to see if your mom's brain is shrinking ..well, realistically, she's going downhill fast. Who knows what she will be next year. Maybe it's schizophrenia mixed with dementia. I guess if the neurologist won't diagnose her as dementia based on the MRI ONLY, then next test her for schiz. But, I remember when mom got diagnosed with dementia. The neurologist told us that the only sure way to diagnose a person with alzheimer is when they die and do an autopsy.

My sis sent me an email saying the receptionist at the neurologist's office said the results of the blood work is normal and the MRI show some atrophy that is normal for her age, but not enough atrophy to determine dementia. Sis is freaking out, she said if it is not dementia, then what is going on with mom!! I say that too, but can an MRI actually determine Alzheimers?? I say she has Alzheimer's and only an autopsy can show that. Unless she has Schizophrenia that has gotten worse with age. Really what else could be going on here???

Margeaux~I questioned that too because my mom is approximately stage 5 and she does not sleep like you say your mother does. I am not trying to butt into your personal life with your sis, and I know every patient is different. Yes, they do sleep more as they progress. Your mom may be sleeping due to that. I am glad you got to spend time with her. Hugs to you Margeaux!!

bah, internet ate my post last night? Anyway, BW my heart goes out to you. your post reminded me of all that I do have, and how much worse things could be. Most weeks I get to leave Friday night with my nephew and come back Sunday night, my sister stay here with mom. I can wish he were better behaved, or that I had more alone time but I am reminded that this is a family crisis and we are all doing what we can, and that things will change

BW, I hope things change for you soon, please take care

Bookworm,

I was reading your post about feeling dizzy all day. This does not sound good, especially if you say you don't sleep. Is there any way, that you can get some kind of help? Please pay attention to this. Take care of yourself, and you're in my thoughts! Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Dabs,

Whoah! Your brother isn't nice, is he!!
How terrible that he seems to intimidate your mother. Poor thing, that she fakes things for his sake.

Our brother who once had POA, was a lot like this. But he was totally irresponsible, so POA, was yanked. He too, wanted to run my mom's and her deceased's sister's assets like he was some kind of commando. He always had the rest of the siblings in the dark, and made some very questionable maneuvers with money.

Interesting also what this caregiver is willing to say, in order to keep her job!
Well, Dabs, you're in my thoughts, Take a deep breath before you go to this appointment with your brother. I hope all goes well with your mother's prognosis also. Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Emjo,

You really expressed my sentiments about friendships and drinking.
It's certainly important to remember that we still have the right to our boundaries.
I see my neighbor many times operating in a big fog. Her stories don't make sense either. It's interesting too, because she even will say stuff like, "she'd like to drive her car into the ocean." She's made these weird death wish comments I know after she's been hitting the bottle. I don't want to hear this kind of talk, I'm just not up for that.

What is it with people when they use children in the picture because they have an issue with you. I know this behavior. My sister did the very same thing with her daughters and me. On the one hand, she at first had me very involved w/her eldest daughter when she was a baby. She's my God daughter. She really being the first niece in the family, I felt bonded with her. But then one day my sister and me had a falling out, and she made it very clear, she didn't want my niece being close to me. That's when I realized what it would be like to have a relationship w/my nieces. I decided right then and there, that NO, I wasn't going to just be looked upon, nor used as my sister's babysitter. Truth be told, I don't have a very close relationship w/either of her girls. Plus my sister is very jealous, and would be if she ever thought especially my God daughter was close to me. So I chose not to play that game.
I realize, for you being their grandmother though, this must be very difficult for you. You're in my thoughts, Emjo! Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Sharynmarie,

I'm glad to hear that it went well with the insurance agent.
Is your sister cooperating with you?

Yes, the visit with mom was good. I had the opportunity to bring this up with my sister the next day, when she returned. I have to be careful as to how I approach this subject with sister, so as not to draw a lot of attention, that I'm questioning her capabilities, etc., w/mother's doctors. Mom used to have a doctor, GP who was over prescribing mom and even our aunt too many meds. Mom is no longer with this doctor. Now she has another one. I did ask my sister whether this doctor was a GP, and she really didn't even no the answer to that, if you can believe it! I still think mom is possibly overmedicated. But I was also reading, on some info., about stages of ALZ, and apparently they do sleep more as the disease progresses. In any case, I was thankful for this insight, the days I was there.

I wish you nothing but the best with regards to straightening out all of the documents that will serve you in the future. You're doing a wonderful job with the care of your mother, Sharynmarie! Love & Light! Margeaux

Gosh, I don't know you but it is clear whatever is going on is just toooooo much for you! Does your post mean your siblings could really "do" something to help you? If they are ignoring your requests, then , they may be just hiding from resposibility? Let me know if there is any relief for you. I care.
Bonnie

Gypsea, then tell sis that if she doesn't want to hire someone to care for mom once a week at night, they sis will have to cover for you. And YOU take your break. I agree that in the long term, you DO need a break. Eventually, you will need to make it a full day off....Full day and night would do better.

I'm reaching the end of my stamina/strength. I've sent SOS text to all siblings of my health situation. Nothing from next door. For the past 3 days - dizziness ALL day now. Heart palpitations. Room spinning. I think I'm going to crash...and siblings don't care. There is no need to go to the doctor. I need a BREAK which includes a FULL night sleep. Doc can't order siblings to do watch. So, I go with the flow...

crawling out of my skin today. I found someone to care for mom one night a week so my sister and I can have a break. She wont hear of it, got very upset, stormed out. I can't keep up the pace I am doing now for long. We started radiation and chemo today

"I can do something for twelve hours that
would appall me if I felt that I had to
keep it up for a lifetime"

From the "answers" I've been reading, it sounds like my friend has alcoholism and maybe dementia as well. Do the two diseases feed one another? Someone else said they thought that might be the case.

Joan and many others have said some very important things about alcohol but I will relate my experience -I was not aware my friend had a problem for a long time even though she could not go out to lunch or to church and at the last moment told me she was having tummy problems and complained about her husband of needing nursing care until he drove to my house one day -he must have read her emails or listened into conversations as he knew what she was saying and he was very clear that what she had said about him was not true. I did not know she even had a drinking problem until she was arrested and driven home by a cop and told me she had had one drink on an empty stomach-but when she related that she had to attend AA meetings and do community service I realized the problems was indeed major and a friend called me and told me about her -anyway she became so ill she could not go out and get her liquor and actually went through the DT's on her own but had liver damage and was in the hospital and then PT rehab and was suppose to go to an alcohol treatment center as an inpatient but refused because she would not be allowed to take her car there and within days of getting home she was drinking again. I tried tough love and said to get in touch with me when she started AA meetings and had a sponsor which she never did-we have limited association now- by email but I know I can not help her -she prefers alcohol to my friendship and I do feel bad for her but she could get lots of help in this area where we live and she does not want to do that-a friend of hers use to call me but has not for a while-I let her know my activities and have suggested she do some things outside of the home but she does not want to-I feel you can only help those who want help.

Bonnie,

The description of your mother, sounds as if she is a very high functioning elderly woman. How great for your family that she has this caregiver, who really cares.

My mom is 91 yrs. old. She is in about stage 5 of ALZ. My sister and her daughters, and one of the daughter's boyfriends moved into mother's home about 4 years ago, when mother and mom's sister's health was in decline and could no longer live alone. My sister works a full time job, and because it was in charge of the care of two women. She had to hire help.

Since that time, the older daughter and boyfriend are now married with a baby, and moved out. The younger daughter, (one I wrote about), is 23 years old. She is problematic, in that she doesn't respect authority, and basically wasn't raised to be way more cooperative if she is to live with people. Ideally she should help out, as I think any young adult, over the age of 18 years should. She doesn't pay rent there,
gets the car she uses, free, as my sister foolishly pays for that. Besides, my mother many years ago, was a big help to my sister, who raised her family as a single parent. Mom, and even our aunt, were continually called upon while my sister's daughters were school age, to take, and pick them up from school. So in this scenario, I don't think it's much to expect this daughter to help out a bit.

This communication I had with mother during the visit was a rare event. She not longer initiates conversation, so a family history interview isn't an option any more.

My neighbor has some problems. She lives in a small house, and then has two small apartments on the same property right next door. She is a nice lady, just that I've noticed this pattern as of recent when she drinks. So a year and a half ago, she was having landlord/tenant problems. She ended up having to evict all her tenants, for non-payment of rent. I heard about this saga, from A-Z, throughout the whole time it was happening. After that, she got a management company to handle the rentals. But from her convoluted stories about it, I know this management company is taking advantage of her. I've grown tired of hearing this particular story, since IMO, she doesn't inform herself about landlord/tenant laws; some of recurring problems having to do with her lack of how important contractual agreements are between parties. Her daughter being on the title of said property, this is why I suggested to her the last time she thought she was going to start telling me about her current dilemma, I did say, it's possibly time to recruit your daughter and son-in-law into this. I'm unwilling too listen to this anymore.

But taking her to her doctor's, or these recent procedures, well the reason the other friend, and I were asked to do this, is because the daughter just won't do that. Anyway, there are some things I know about my neighbor as a friend, so that I think if I were to ask her whether her daughter was asked, etc., is like throwing salt on the wound. I've done this and other small things for her because I want to.
I'm going to use a more subtle approach, by putting some boundaries in place. I'm thankful that I live in a community where neighbors still interact w/one another too.
Margeaux

Sharyn...My drinking gal, Lynn, has a great husband but he will not discuss his wife's health at all! I never talk to him alone. Can't even get a work number for him! Lynn has told me several times that she is NOT going to stop drinking. It's just such a shame. When she turned 62 I told her to start collecting her Soc Sec. because she may not be around to collect the higher amount at 72!

My mother is 94 and still lives in her home, writes books, reads constantly...all in good shape except for a toe that bothers her terribly! She has a fantastic gal that comes 10 - about 4pm Monday - Friday. Andrea was a Godsent, and has grown to love my mother very much. She has extended Mom's life lease, for sure. In addition, Andrea's parents live three doors down from Mom! Her parents are very much like Andrea, too. Andrea was the manager for a local Child Care center before she came to work for Mom. She says taking care of one wonderful lady is a great deal better than a room full of little kids! I think finding a caring person who is really compatible with the person in need, is so important. I've seen family members try to do it all themselves but then, if the parent/patient has to give up their home, well, that doesn't work too well in many cases. I've seen where grandchildren (in need of a place to live for free) will move in ... but that rarely works as the grandchild really wants their own life! I really don't know what to suggest. Thankgoodness your niece is not relied upon to provide care for your mother! How often do you go over to visit with your mother? That was a cute story about the dancers! And so great you could laugh together! Has your family thought of doing a "family history interview" with her? There might be stories she hasn't shared or her family traditions when she was a child...those are great to keep the mind active and what a treasure for future generations! Even getting her to talk about favorite foods...anyway, I'm sure you have thought of that.

As for your neighbor...each time she asks you to help solve a problem, be sure to reply with "have you asked your daughter...what did she say.." It might be a way to get her to recognize her daughter is the next of kin! If you have a chance, maybe talk with the daughter yourself and see if she'd like you to call her when her mother needs her? Try to stay away from the negative remarks of your neighbor. Is she prone to gossip?

Thanks so much for you warm welcome! Bonnie

Bonnie~Welcome to the thread!! I am sorry what you are going through with your friend and how it is not only causing your stress but grieving your friends former personality before the alcohol became a problem. I hope her husband can find her help, is he going to Al Anon meetings? Maybe you could suggest that for him.
Margeaux~I am glad your visit with your mom was good other than the distractions from your niece. I don't know what the situation is with your mom's meds. but if she is lucid during the time you were there, is it possible the some of her medications is causing her to sleep so much?...Just a thought. As far as your neighbor goes, setting boundaries is the right thing to do. It sounds like she resents others who have good relationships with their spouses, which tells me she sees the spouse as interfering in her getting more of yours and others attention.
Dabs~When we come dysfunctional families, we tend to fall back into the roles we had when we were children and the dynamics of the family we grew up in continues when we are with are siblings. I see this with my sister and me. Simply because she thinks I am the younger sister who does not know as much as she. I have learned to not let her do that to me. She has gotten better about it, but it still comes out in her from time to time. I don't know if this is what happens with you and your brother, but try to set boundaries with your brother and as the primary person on the DPOA, if you have to usurp your authority in mom's best interest, then do it. I know, easier said than done. Keep us posted on the upcoming appt.

The appt. with the agent for mom's LTC policy went well. The copy of the policy sis and I have is not updated so the life time benefit, daily amount it will pay for assisted living, etc is more that what the copy says it will pay. We found out that the policy will cover 100% of the cost of the senior living facility we are wanting to place mom in. However, it will only cover it for 4 years. That is the maximum life time of this policy once it is activated for a facility. It will also cover Adult Day Care which I am going to check into at this facility as possibly be a way to provide for mom's safety issues until everything is settled. I feel better after talking with the agent. He advised against home health care because of the cost plus mom would still have to pay the premium during that phase of care. He reassured us that we were doing everything we possibly can at point and it sounds to him like it is time to place mom and she is very possibly incapacitated at this point. He said the policy includes counseling with a case care manager who can advise us on how to make the move with mom even though she doesn't want to go.

After the appt., sis and I went to mom's to get all her files on everything, health, records on my dad, insurance, finances. She would not let us take them until we called Helen. She was afraid she end up in prison if we took these. Helen told her it was ok and necessary that we take these files to organize them so we can easier find something. Mom has all the records regarding going to court when my dad was certified incapacitated. She has medical records going back to 1992. It all needs to be gone through to determine what is necessary and what isn't. Hugs to everyone, hoping your day is good!!

I went to mother's on Saturday night. She was sleeping when I arrived. My sister was there for awhile, then left. Later, mom did somewhat wake up, and we were watching this variety show she likes to watch. This program has all of these contests on it. One of them was a dance competition, of women who were wearing numbers. I couldn't believe what we were watching. The dress code worn by them, was quite risque, and in very poor taste. Then, mother made me laugh as she said, "Oh my, why do those fat women wear that costume." She also didn't like all the bouncing and vulgar moves they were doing. We both were laughing, as it became more ridiculous. Anyway, on this note, I was able to have somewhat of an insight as to how mom is thinking. Her statements sounded logical to me. She recognized me. So overall, it was a good visit with mom.

Other things going on, were that the problematic daughter of my sister, was there in and out w/a couple of girlfriends. As some of you know, she's 23, moved there with my sister over 4 yrs. ago. She came in about 8:30 p.m. w/gf's. They went upstairs, and were being quite loud. I was hoping they'd leave and I wasn't going to have to go up there to tell her to turn the noise down. She's the confrontational type, and my sister didn't teach her to respect others, especially her elders.
Fortunately, she left at 9:45, but returned about 3:00, in the a.m. Her gf's stayed the night there too. It felt a bit as if I was at a hotel, I must say. Anyway, my sister let's her do what ever she wants, she's very spoiled.

All in all, it went o.k. I'm glad I was able spend time with mom.
She is still her frank self. My sister was telling me some more instances of the main caregiver not complying with her responsibilities.
Honestly, I don't know why my sister just doesn't let this one go. I think she's reached her expiration date. But sis, also told me that recently, mom asked my sister, "who is that lady,"? She was referring to the caregiver. So my sister did say something like, "well, now I know, if she doesn't come anymore, it possibly won't really impact mom." So, she isn't as indispensable as she might think.
We will see. Margeaux