Many of us, myself included, come from a dysfunctional family which adds a lot of weight to the challenges of caregiving. I have read stores on various threads on other topics and decided it would be good to have a thread just for this topic for people to share, vent and discuss.
The idea for this thread originated on the thread named "The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today?"
emjo, I sometimes feel burned out on life too and would just like to lay down and float away, but I'm still here for a purpose.
Love, hugs and prayers for everyone!
Anyway, many people have been sick lately, and apparently it seems to linger.
Well everybody, try to get plenty of rest and fluids. Rosemary tea is great; I think it helped me from going off the deep end, while being surrounded by the bug.
Also, I did drink a lot of green tea. O.K., I hope all of you also have a good & healthy weekend. Much Love & Light! Margeaux
I remember well, that when I had my two strokes, well meaning people, meant the best for me, by trying to guess at what I meant to say, guess at what was good for me, all I can say, is they were only right 5 percent of the time...
As we know in life everything can change, we just never know when
and we do persevere. All of this too shall pass...
Well rambling here. Stuffed peppers last night, pot roast and pyrogies tonight, and thinking about dessert :)
Sharyn, I guess APS did respond – but a card was hardly useful. I am sure you are nervous about the upcoming appointment. ((((((hugs))))) Life is changing fast for you now. I guess the cold is relative…I am glad your mum is responding well to the antidepressants, and the two of you are getting along. I have thought for years that mother would have benefitted from an antidepressant, but she wouldn’t take one. My daughter has been on and off them, and to me she is much better when she is on them. The norovirus gives wicked stomach flu. I am so glad I didn’t get it. Hope you don’t have many more “incidents” at your mum’s house. You are facing what I have dreaded, but haven’t needed to do -yet anyway.
I am slowly getting better, though I still nap in the day time and a bit of a sore throat. G’s throat is still bad. This bug is going around and you just have to wait it out I guess. I think he needs some serious time off to relax.
Camilla –sounds like your mil had a very bad experience with a nursing home. I am glad it is working having her at home.
Thx envision –it really struck home to me about how many times I have said “yes” to others which meant saying “no” to me. Time for that to change. I have had that fear of making others unhappy. Please do try to say “No” to others more, if it saying “yes” is taking away from you. It is hard to change, but it can be done, and is well worth it. I found as I get older, I had to, in order to survive.
Mywitsend – I really feel for you – I have been in similar positions with mother, and had to be the bad guy to move her on her way. Once I sat down with her and a newspaper every night looking at ads for places she would be able to rent. Finally she got mad, said some nasty things and moved out. This was when I was in my 20s and she was barely 50 and very healthy. She just wanted someone to wait on her. Finally, as I got older, I refused to have her come for a visit. Because the time before she wouldn’t leave until I drove her home (she came up on the bus). It is a 5-6 hour drive and I was still working FT, but I did it, as it was the only way to get rid of her. Then I said that’s it! It was better to do the drive than have her stay and pick me apart. I can so relate to the things you write. Keep on being firm and not catering. Prayers for her to move out and your home to return to normal. BTW Wonderful that your knee replacements are working so well.
Margeaux – sounds like your dad was a real enabler. I hear you about not putting up with the sarcastic comments. I got in trouble for that too. Writing things down does help.
book – wondering how you are – depressed I guess. Can you do something good for you? You got rid of a lot of tears at the dentist! Just post when it is good for you.. It mustn’t become another burden
Cmag – sorry your depression has been strong. Have you had the results from your thyroid tests? Mine came back normal this time thankfully, so I just have to get to my doc for more of the new dose.
I understand about not being able to post much sometimes. I am having a break from mother right now – no emails -and I feel like having a total break from the whole subject sometimes. And that is compounded by this flu bug which drains me.
Alabama – have you heard anything from the courts?
Hollis, Austin, burnedncaringst , joymoon, joannes, gcrow56 , Angie4567, Lovingmom, jhodierne124, BWolff56, and whoever I may have forgotten - so many new people – check in and let us know how you are.
Hoping everyone has a good weekend. Put you first for a change!
♥ hugs and prayers - Joan
One more week before we take mom to the neurologist. I am not looking forward to her reaction when she realizes we are at a neurologists office, nor am I looking forward to hearing that she may be incompetent but we have to find out so we can further help her with her daily life.
You never know how things will change in our life from one month to the next. A few months ago, it was all I could do to spend time with my mom. Now she is pleasant to be around and I am enjoying our time together. We laugh together at some of the silly things she says or does, no more accusations for the time being, at least not directed at me. She still has her suspicions regarding my sister. If we only could have got her on an antidepressant sooner it sure could have made things easier 6 months ago, but she would have known it was an antidepressant and refused to take it. Have a good weekend everyone!!
I want to use it, and don't know for what book yet, but it may even be one of the ones some of my friends here have recommended. Will dock in later, I'm trying to get to the bank. Much Love, Margeaux
I sometimes find that I only have enough energy to respond to one post and stay focused on following that person in their situation.
I hope everyone is having a better day.
Unfortunately, on Wednesday, I had xray being done at the dentist and I started crying. I knew something was "off" these past couple of weeks but couldn't figure it out. I suspected depression but depression usually means I'm crying all over the place for No Reason. And I wasn't crying. So I asked poster for a HUG. That didn't work. I still felt "off." Didn't post much on AC since I was "not in the mood."
So, when I started crying during the dental xrays, sigh...I now know that I'm depress. But, really, did it Have To Occur when I'm stuck on the dentist chair and cannot find somewhere private to cry it all out? So, tears were falling down while she was xraying each tooth. It stopped when she's switching xray films. Then the tears starts falling every time she tells me to bite down (to hold the film in place). I was soooo embarrassed!
Margeaux, I may not always comment here, but I still do read. Sometimes, when I comment and not acknowledge you or others, it's because my mind zooms into one person's comments, and I need to say what I need to say. By the time I'm done, I'm tired.
The coupon for Amazon - you need to have an account with Amazon.com. When you Click on the Link in your email, it will automatically open another web window for you to sign in to Amazon. It will automatically go to your account. When you're checking out to pay the item, it will pop up at the payment as a credit. I used mine to order an Ebook on dementia.
Love, prayers and hugs to all.
I was wondering whether any of you used the gift from AgingCare, a coupon for Amazon, I think it was. How does one use this? Do we print it out?
Thank You, and hope everyone is well, and hanging in there! Much Love, Margeaux
It occurred to me, that you wrote on a post something about you not being able to express in words, your feelings. Do you ever have time, to just sit quietly and think a bit? This is what some people would call, becoming still, giving their minds a rest, etc. But it could be in these moments you could have a light bulb moment, and maybe some of the things you find puzzling, patterns, many things, you could write down. Truth be told, even coming here to the Forum and writing about it, has helped me tremendously. Anyway, I just wanted to share that with you.
Hope you are doing well. Much Love & Light! Margeaux
How are you? I'm glad to see you posting, as I'm aware that sometimes you don't want to read the thread. Totally understand, sometimes we just have to take a break too! But I wanted to say hi! Much Love & Light! Margeaux
I was re-reading, as I do on occasion about what the situation is w/different people.
Sometimes I can't remember each person's details. Anyway, I believe you'd written that your MIL, had moved in with you and your husband from another state, while she was ill? There are so many situations here, and sometimes I can't remember all the details, which I think are very important in each and every case.
I hear you MyWitsEnd! You feel very unhappy and trespassed upon by your MIL.
She is violating some very fundamental rules towards your family, by not cooperating, while being a guest in your home. Your husband and son come first!
I wish my mother would have realized this point, because we as children, and my father never came first for her. Her narcissistic sister did. So this damaged, and lessened for us possibly closer relationships within our family based upon authenticity.
It takes tons of courage for a family member, such as you to speak up, when these things are not happening. It did for me. I once lived at mother's home. This was before my dad passed. The Battle Ax, (mom's sis) this was my name for her, also lived there w/us. She always was a problem, throughout her whole life. No one in our family really stood up to her, not even dad. So you see in some way, my parents by not standing up to this woman, created a monster. But as I got older, I did!!! Oh, and did that ever rock the boat! But what daughter would put up with an aunt, who was making sarcastic comments to my dad, in his own house, I ask?
My dad was way too nice to her, always making excuses for her toxic behavior.
It got so bad at that time, especially three years prior to my father's health declining to colon caner. So when dad passed, I thanked my mom for having me there.
But I also told her, that I could no longer live there with her sister, because she was so unbearable. I left. You see, so I'm of the opinion, that some of us can change our circumstances.
I hear you MyWitsEnd, so just keep thinking and doing what you are doing!
Much Love & and there's Light! Margeaux
Fortunately we live in a time and place where people do not have to be forced to into nursing homes, the MIL sounds like she still has her wits about her, do they have assisted living places by you? Unfortunately you say your MIL is a narcissist (they always cause trouble and they enjoy watching people squirm). It is one thing to have very firm boundaries, with your MIL, but who put a child next to the women who says she does not like children? I tell you it was doomed...
I hope whatever you are trying to get help with, I hope it works out well for the everyone concerned.
I helped rescue someone from the clutches of institutional living, that was literally draining the life out of her, she is 86 years young and recovering nicely, although I have days where I wish, I had more freedom.
She goes to a daycare part of the day and I go to college in the evenings. I do some of her daily living functions, transitioning her from bath to eating to dressing and trips to the doctor, etc., she on the other hand, gets to live with her son, and live life as normal as she remembers it to be. For that I have no regrets!
-26!!! Brrrrrrrrr! I am complaining because we have been getting in the low 30's and upper 20's at night. I will shut up now, Lol!!
Glad you and G are feeling better, I read a little about the norovirus, it seems some people have been very ill with it. Take care of yourself!!
If you go back several posts, you'll see that Mywitsend, doesn't have a good situation with her MIL. She is the one completely over stepping her boundaries!
Margeaux