Many of us, myself included, come from a dysfunctional family which adds a lot of weight to the challenges of caregiving. I have read stores on various threads on other topics and decided it would be good to have a thread just for this topic for people to share, vent and discuss.
The idea for this thread originated on the thread named "The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today?"
mywitsend I do agree with how you are dealing with this. Sniors can be emotionaak vampires too.
Sharyn - things are going downhill and your mum needs help. Hope Feb 11th bring somes. I do not understand about APS either. Hang in there.
Here is am finally getting over the flu or whatever has hung on since Christmas -sleeping a lot! G has been quite sick twice, once with a norovirus, but thankfully -from my point of view - away at meetings both times. Mother sent a few emails in response to me drawing very firm boundaries, after the Christmas fiasco. She is finding excuses for her own behaviour - I have ignored them -same old, same old. She is fine and has resources where she is. For those of you who don't know she is narcissistic and has Borderline Personality Disorder, is narcissistic but does not have Alz. She is 100 yrs old living in an ALF in another city by her choice, and causing trouble whenever she can.
We have snow and more snow here - worst I have ever seen and it is minus 26 with wind chill taking it to minus 38. I think I will stay in today. It is supposed to warm up by the weekend to 9 degrees F. I hope!!!
Have a good day everyone and remember what Paulo Coelho said:
"When you say “yes” to others, make sure you are not saying “no” to yourself."
In other words - look after you.
Aren't they in decline???? It is not the worst thing, I hope someone will be there for you should you need it, however if she is living there, maybe something that makes her feel like she is at home would be appropriate, could it be that she no longer recognizes people in the collage?
Behavior is always a good assessment tool.
Maybe there is something more than old age, Alzheimers could be the villain and something an elderly person has no control of.
It's one day at a time here with my mother as we wait for the appt. with the neurologist. Last week my mother noticed a window in the family room was cracked. It's duel pane so the glass com. had to order a new window. We told mom several times they would be here on Monday the 28th to replace it, but yesterday she called the police about it. My sis got there shortly after the police. Sis said the woman officer locked eyes with sis (in a questioning way due to mom's cognitive impairment). Toilets all work, mom was panicked because she just didn't understand how they worked. Later she accused my brother of stealing her dolls (little stuffed animals) that she keeps on the tank in one bathroom. My poor brother, he used to play barbie dolls with me and my sis when were little but I think he has outgrown that now that he is 61yrs. old, Lol!!
My sister has been doing accounts receivables at her job for some time now. She has admitted to me that she has been making mistakes since her health became an issue. Today she was told she is being demoted. Of course they did not use that word, they told her she would be making a big sacrifice so the other two ladies in the office can stay on staff. My sister has fancied herself as the office manager even though she has never been told that or given the title so this is a big blow for her.I feel really bad for her about this plus I am sure it will include a cut in pay which will be a further hardship for her. I really am not surprised after she has told me of her mistakes and one of the other ladies covering for her, but I guess it has gotten to be too much for them to accept. She is 60 yr. old now and I hope she hang in there to 65, even though she planned to work longer.
Have a good day everyone!!
Thanks for asking about my wife. She is doing much better.
Jhodierne – this thread seems to have a lot of narcissitic parents involved. I suspect father is one but I just don’t delve deeply to find out if it’s true or not. We will always butt heads with another and unfortunately, we both like to be right. So, I will just go with the flow and wing it as I go…..But I agree with you wholeheartedly. This is the best place to vent our anger/bitterness/resentment/frustrations…You take care and when you need to vent, just jump in and do so. HUGS!!!
Jennifer
Yesterday and today, I've been sad and drowsy. I had my thyroid follow up blood work done on Friday and should learn soon if I need a higher dose which I think that I do.
What happened, I proofed, and made my corrections, but didn't delete one too many easiers. Also some way. Margeaux
I'm glad for you that your mom assigned both the DPOA, and MPOA to you.
This wrought havoc upon our family the last few years.
My sister was assigned DPOA of both mom and mom's sister.
She only had MPOA, of mom, She being the sibling living w/mom (in mom's home), aunt also lived there until she died. But it became a living night mare, towards the end of the narcissist aunt's life, and of course ours.
Since my aunt maintained control about decisions re: her health, made endless appointments last year, w/her various doctors. She suffered from congestive heart failure, and diabetes. We know at the end, she probably had made many unnecessary appointments, also because she as you've described your MIL was very afraid of death. Our aunt was pseudo religious. Religious, just as a front in my opinion.
Major abusive behavior surfaced last few years w/her. Throughout much of this, since my sister called me with endless complaints about her, I didn't just want to be the sound board, but was trying to offer some kind of solutions/suggestions to make life easier for my sister. My aunt maintaining her own MPOA, was the one who decided to do Hospice at mom's home, with no input about this decision at all from my sister.
Well, I wish you the best with all of this and your wife.
I certainly hope the two sisters can keep some of the competitive drama to a minimum. But I understand this, to a degree, since this is some of what I have going w/my own sister. I have chosen though not to compete w/her, which I really have never done anyway. My sister also in the picture of mom's health....enjoys being very secretive; it feeds her control. So she can have that, but what it means also, is then I can only participate to a limited degree. This is too many mental hoops to jump through for me, thank you very much.
I certainly hope for your sake, that there's someway your wife will find the best way to deal with this issue, because it will make life easier for easier for you.
I hope she is continuing to recover her mobility, and I hope you are doing well.
Thank you for writing about this subject. I think also our legal system is so convoluted in these areas. Much Love & Light1 Margeaux
Medicare does not cover long term care in a nursing home. It is basically Medicaid, overseen state by state. Unfortunately, someone in the family took large amounts of money from her and that may make her ineligible, or they may penalize her by not covering it for a certain number of months, as they consider that a "gift".
And I am the one left holding the "bag".
Yes, someday they may be in the same situation. I hope somebody does better by them than they have.
I will try to let my anger go as I know it only does me harm.
Thanks for your concern!
Lovingmom~I hope you get the aid...does she have medicare? It's a tough situation when no one else is helping. Have you called the Area Agency on Aging? From what I understand they have many programs that can may be of help. It's worth calling them to find out.
As many others will tell you, their siblings don't/won't help either. and you can't force them. One way to look at it is that your siblings have the right to chose just like you do and if they chose not to help then try not to focus on their lack of help. Being consumed with anger towards them will only add to your stress and affect your health in the long run. Family's can let us down quite often and just not be there for us...it's their loss because some day the shoe may be on the other foot and the example they are setting for their children, will bite them in the butt. Hugs to you and let us know how things progress with getting the aid!!