Many of us, myself included, come from a dysfunctional family which adds a lot of weight to the challenges of caregiving. I have read stores on various threads on other topics and decided it would be good to have a thread just for this topic for people to share, vent and discuss.
The idea for this thread originated on the thread named "The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today?"
Well that one many times has tried playing this game w/m of not saying hello when Sometimes when I have been at mom's house, where she lives on more than one occasion, a hello would not have been said, were it not for my going over to say it to her. She's a very moody girl. So if she does it to me, (aunt), I totally believe she does it to the boyfriend. What I don't understand though w/my sister is the fact that her two daughters are now 23 & 29. They've seemed to have injected tons of interference in this relationship between my sister and the beau. So these are the complaints by my sis, and of course she sides w/her daughters. I don't understand this, since it's not like these girls are under age anymore! Why would my sister allow her daughters to have so much control about her relationship w/this man? So she tells me this, but then she kept breaking down crying a lot about the break up. Yikes!
I had to hear this last year when they broke up then, later they got together again.
So I did give her moral support. But honestly I don't want to hear very much about it this time around. She flip flops too much about these kinds of issues, and I don't know can anyone see something I may be missing. But I'm not going to be so available this time for anticipated emotional meltdown by my sister. Margeaux
Joan~I hope you get into the dr. to get your thyroid meds adjusted. I am going to go to bed early tonight... to much work this week and so far behind here at home. Well have a good night everyone!!
I'm curious, what is the name of this tv reality show? Yes, these shows are very questionable IMO. They really like the high drama, and are into promoting stereo types. I know you are not that way. Good that you want more real information. I do not condone these customer's behavior either on a moral scale. Much Love, Margeaux
I haven't posted been busy and today my daughter was suppose to go on a field trip but still dealing with the flu and i am sore at myself i barely have any money to help santa out for the kids. I DO Not like this and on top of that i am dealing with the continued loss of my grandmother and then what a shocker that happen to those kids..how can i get in the spirit. on a side note my sister and i are talking but not falling for her games. Parents sent gifts to her..i am waiting to see if they are sending gifts or something else. another friend is sending gifts for the kids so i am getting some help by secret santa's which are blessing:)
A part of my post didn't get posted. This is what I wrote:
Gypsies have settled in many parts of the world. Their nomadic lifestyle in part has been born out of having to leave because they have a long history of persecution.
When ever they have made encampments, usually the rest of society does not offer them much in the way of socialization, and I don't mean a hand out, nor welfare. Education is what I'm talking about, so that possibly they could grow and fend for themselves within society. Romanian gypsies are very marginalized.
I lived in Spain for three years, and I was told over and over again that I looked like a gypsy. On two occasions, I tried renting a room in a hostel. I heard the people at the reception telling one another, "they wouldn't rent to a gypsy." Well, they were completely dumbfounded when I produced an American passport, and said something in English to my travel partner!! A whole town in Northern Spain called Riano was burned to the ground, because the Spaniards didn't want them there.
Anyway, this is the first paragraph before the previous post. Margeuax
I know that many times people have these archaic beliefs about other cultures, because they basically don't know enough legitmate information about them.
Unfortunately many people are like parrots, they just repeat what they've been told too. I live in a big city, with people from all over the world. Just about every race, has been involved in welfare scams, bookie scams, even municipal government fraud.. So I'm of the firm belief any body is capable of stealing, embezzling or cheating. No one race or culture has a monopoly on that!
Anyway, look it up, I'm sure you're going to learn a lot. Also, I don't think it's so off topic, it is after all about dysfunctioin. Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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One step at a time!
More later.......and remember.........Take Deep Breaths!! ;-)
Hi mslisadoll! If you’re talking about siblings frustration, I don’t have that problem. They did a disappearing act 23 yrs ago. If you’re talking about our parent that we’re caregiving to….yeah, I get soooo tired of being blamed. Really, I don’t take any kinds of pills (herbal, prescriptions, etc..) and Father actually thinks that I take his herbal supplements? He’s on what I call the “accusation stage” of his senility. Get blamed and yet we’re such suckers – we stay on to continue being abused verbally while caring for him. Hang in there and please go ahead VENT, VENT and VENT!!!
Sharyn, you have such wonderful xmas memories. Ha! That’s not just in the movies! It can happen in real life. I always wondered about that. You know, like the Brady Bunch show. I loved it as a kid but it’s really an unrealistic family life. Tell that to kid growing up in a dysfunctional family…I always thought that was just a TV life. But, even now, as an adult, I just find it so…startling to hear an adult child tell their parent in public the “I Lxxx you.” (Sorry, I can’t even type that word. One day I will overcome this problem of saying that 3 letter words.) I’m glad that you had the real deal xmas memories.
Growing up, we didn't have an extended family. My mother's family is not close and my dad's family is in Ireland. My parents went all out at Christmas for us kids. I am sure it was my dad's doing because my mom is not nor has ever been a generous person with affection, time or money except for herself. I was the one who woke up first on Christmas morning usually around 4am. I would wait until 5 to wake my brother. He is like me and dad, very excited and no matter how old, a kid at heart. Slowly my sister and eldest brother would wake up and all 4 of us would sit in the living room looking at the tree discussing who was going to wake up dad and mom. They told me (every year), "You are the youngest, they won't get mad at you, so you have to wake them up." Lol!! Eventually I would go in my parents room and wake my dad up...."Dad, it's Christmas, wake up!" He always played this game with me saying, "It's not Christmas, go back to bed." This went on for about 10 minutes before he and my mom would finally get up. To a child it was an eternity!! My dad would play Santa and he handed out gifts to us one at a time. Each person opened their gift and passed it around so everyone could share in their excitement, especially my dad's. Periodically we would tell dad he had to open one now. He prolonged the excitement for everyone and it ended up taking about 2 hours to open gifts. Then my mom would make this huge breakfast of pancakes, eggs, bacon, sausage, toast, hash browns. We usually went to midnight mass on Christmas Eve. Great memories!!
Are you feeling better? Yes, Christmas can bring up the memories, especially as you wrote about your dad apparently really enjoying it. Good memories. Well I hope you were able to motivate yourself and get your tree up. I'm still trying to motivate myself to hang this boot I made some years ago. I just used some fabric that already had that's red, and sewed some long black fringe on the top of the boot. and if you can believe that I haven't gotten around to hanging it up. Maybe I'll do it when I get off the computer. HAAH! Margeaux
It's funny. At age 19, I decided that I didn't want to have children. I babysat soooo many nieces/nephews by the time I reached 19. I never regretted it. I had to have a hysterectomy for medical reasons, I was soooo afraid that I would have regretted it - after it was done. Nope. Still didn't want children. Anyway, as a "happy labor" babysitter (oldest siblings didn't believe in paying me for babysitting - it was called "happy Labor"), I insisted that all kids have their pampers changed before dropped off. If they pooped, it will have to wait until their parents pick them up. So, when parents became bedridden - I thought KARMA. I never wanted children- I now have 2 adult "childrent". Hence the falling apart on changing poopy mess pampers. I did not really have much experience on my nieceds/nephews! So, I had to Learn real fast how to clean father. I don't know how others do it, but I Cut His Shirt Off instead of trying to lift it over his head and dried poop falls on his head, shoulders, etc... So far, I've had to cut 2 tshirts! Good thing the tshirts are 3 for $10.00. =)
a) share my perceptions and observations with the doc before the appt (by phone, via the doctor's nurse, or by sending the info via fax)
b) try to share them during the appointment
c) don't share them at all (not really leaning towards this one at all ;-)
The doc is very open and welcoming of information from what I can tell. Mostly, I just want her to know the real amount of alcohol and the lack of carb control so that she can better treat my mother. I'm know the doc already realizes that what my mother tells her is not accurate so maybe it's not even a big deal for me to get that info out there, or maybe it's best if it's done in front of my mother rather than behind her back. (e.g. "We are only as sick as our secrets.") I'm not looking for confrontation, just accurate information so that treatment can be appropriate. Before my mom was discharged, the doc did sit down with her and tell her that she really needed to be honest with herself and with the doctors, but it's really different perceptions of reality and I don't know that my mom is capable of acknowledging what reality is right now.
So, what are your experiences?? I'm just going back and forth today so I'm putting it out there. :-)
Thanks!
(p.s. I hope and pray I don't have to deal with the poop stuff!!! It was bad enough with my kids. Please..........NO POOP!!!!!!!! ;-)