Many of us, myself included, come from a dysfunctional family which adds a lot of weight to the challenges of caregiving. I have read stores on various threads on other topics and decided it would be good to have a thread just for this topic for people to share, vent and discuss.
The idea for this thread originated on the thread named "The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today?"
Yes, I think it is weird that the married couple would keep this to themselves.
My niece although is somewhat emotionally distant at times. Even though I'm her God mother from Baptism, we really do not have a super close relationship. Of course you can imagine my sister totally had her hand in that.
The news about the pregnancy is a different story, I agree with you. But anyway
my sister I feel it's another attempt at putting me in the middle of things, that honestly don't concern me at all.
My sister isn't really the bounce off type of person, either. If she says something to me, I usually feel it's in a crisis or she uses poor judgement as in this case.
Thank you for your input. Much Love, Margeaux
sharyn sounds like you had a great holiday, cmag sounds like you didn't, Glad you have found a ramp for you front steps. margeaux - yours was OK I guess - the usual sis control issues
austin - was your OK, and lildeb
gabby - sounds like you and ur mum had a good time. re those who do not help, i am not sure they will ever regret it. They probably had distorted views, and think things are right just as they are. This is how my sis is - not only should I be the one to help mother, but, if she could get me to, she would have me helping her too!. Like my mother, she wants servants.
disturbed - hi - I have a physical issue from birth too, and what I picked up as a child was that it was to be hidden - not healthy!
book - sounds like you related well to that nephew. Hope your health is holding out.
Here mother emailed in a panic that she was being evaluated, and was afraid that she would be put into a nursing home. I asked her who was doing the evaluation, for what purpose, and told her to contact her doctor who ordered home care, I got no answers, but she called a friend who came over, and was supportive and that seems to be what was needed. Someone will come over to do another evaluation next week, but they are not government people, she says, so she is not worried now, I told her to have them contact me, but she didn't respond to that, so not much I can do. She says her health is the same, that she hasn't deteriorated, so she should be OK where she is with home care 4x a day. I suspect the evaluation is by home care, to see if she needs them as much, but I really don't know. The lady friend who came over is younger and competent, so hopefully she can help if it is needed, as I do not have enough information. I also told mother that there are other places with levels of care that she could move to if she needs more care than they can give her where she is. She knows that, but will resist moving, However, think it is wise to remind her, as one day she may need such a place. In addition, I told her when she writes things like telling me she never wants to see me again, it strains the relationship, and she shouldn't be surprised that i don't answer for a while, and keeping things pleasant would be better.
Hope everyone has a good day! (((((((((((hugs)))))))))))) Joan
I'm so happy for you that your dinner was a success.
So it sounds as if your mom and sis are cooperating also. I sure hope so, since I know with all the recent hills you've had to climb on that end, it's good to have a break from some of it. Well, enjoy the rest of the visit with your daughter, and a big Happy Birthday to her. Much Love, Margeaux
I guess that was Friday you cooked your Thanksgiving? I didn't log in last night,
was rather exhausted from Thanksgiving. Well I'm sure everything came out real yummy!
Every year at mom's my sister makes so much food. My sister in law, her daughter, another niece and me bring side dishes. I always give my sister the option, that I could bring something more of the main dish, but there again she's controlling the show, on that end I've thrown the towel in. But usually we get sent home with one of those big square aluminum pans filled with just about everything. So last night I made brown rice, (fav. of mine), w/left over turkey,
and vegetables and a nice salad.
WOW, your boss sounds terrible! Shame on her spreading such negativity, and of all days, the fact that you were there on a day of thanks. Ungrateful person!!
I hope she calms down, for your sake.
How are mother and your sister doing? Well I hope you, and your own family had a wonderful dinner, and with someone like you, how could they not!
Much Love & Light! Margeaux
p.s. " Have you seen Emjo around these parts?"
My brother's grand daughter is the first grandchild in that household.
She has been living at my brother's house, since his daughter had her very young, is unmarried and at first the boyfriend was out of the picture, now he's in., which is good. The kid has 3 uncles, who also live in that household. So between all of them they completely spoil her. She interacts, talks and I have seen her emotionally connect with them, and has friends. So my description of her was not of the nature that she's completely quiet, or completely in emotional disconnect mode within her own family. Even my brother's sons and daughter, they're nice people, but when it comes to manners, social skills they rank pretty low on the totem pole. Some people just do not find it valuable to teach their children, grandchildren some basic concepts about something as easy as saying hello. I guess I use the measure I was brought up with since our dad trained us at a very early age to do this. Of course, I remember going to family functions and getting tired of the drill in the car by dad instructing all of us that we were to give everyone a hug and kiss, as soon as we arrived. If dad ever got the vibe we weren't following through, he would come over and remind us again. So I got the picture. This is training, that every parent hopefully does, or their kids become socially disabled. But the girl's own mother, is real out to lunch also. She brought her 5 mo. old, sniveling w/some kind of flu bug to mom's on Thanksgiving. There's plenty of social dysfunction in that household. I also made this comment towards my brother, because he is a big grandstander in our family. He once was the POA for mother, but it got taken away, because he's irresponsible and also was the golden child of both mom and dad. So you see, even this child's grand father, because he was favored, from the siblings, so I suspect this has something to do with why my brother doesn't take note, to his clan's behavior.
My brother has an enormous ego, but honestly he hasn't been much of a disciplinarian. He behaves way more as our mother did, when we were kids.
Thank you for your input Disgusted. Much Love & Light! Margeaux
After dinner we sat around talking about the things parents tell their kids to avoid a big explanation to the question the child asked. My son-in-law told us when he was little, he was riding in the truck with his dad and he noticed his dad didn't have his foot on the gas pedal. He asked his dad how the truck was moving when he wasn't using the gas. His dad told him there was a little a man in the engine running on a wheel, Lol!! My sil said the next day he crawled under the truck with a flashlight looking for the little man and his dad came out and saw what he was doing. We had a good laugh about that, other stories too but that one was a classic!!
wanted to say that the little 8 yr old girl may have some sort of disability like the Autism spectrum, or Asperger's. That kind of behavior is quite standard w/ kids with this kind of diagnosis. Often even in families, siblings keep this a secret from other family members. I have a physical, mobility disability, had from birth. My family NEVER discussed it , which was super weird. I would hope her parents would at least get this dealt with at the school, with testing, etc, some good medical info, if she hasn't been tested already.
-
How are you doing? Really sorry about the greasy turkey on top of everything else you've been, on top of lately! My brother made one of those deep fried turkeys, that many people make today. It was nothing from the other world in terms of taste.
Please try to get some kind of rest before hitting the road for your trip back.
You have made it through this holiday, but I'm sure you'll be more than happy to arrive at your home. O.K., my friend be safe, I'm thinking about you, Much Love,
Margeaux
I am cooking Thanksgiving dinner today. I am trying to get motivated here but its not working, Lol!! I am wore out from work and my boss has been riding me something fierce the last two days. I suppose she will transfer me if she continues to not be happy with me. I am quiet at work but she says I talk too much and don't get enough work done, she works harder than I do and there is something wrong with that picture and blah, blah, blah. I ended up snapping at her yesterday cuz I just got tired of her tirade of criticism. Geez it was like being a kid again living with my mom with the endless negativity of my abilities. I don't use my time constructively, I talk too much, someone needs to take charge in the evening, this wasn't done, that wasn't done, why was Patsy late clocking out and on and on she went all day long.
Anyway, I am thankful I don't have to work today...Hahahaha!!
Did we eat enough turkey?
Well I called my sister a few days before TG, to see what I should bring for our dinner. At the end of our conversation, she told me mom wanted to say hello and passed the phone to her, which is quite unusual. When I asked mom how she felt, mom said, "not so good." She then broke down crying saying, this wasn't a good time for her, since it was her first TG, w/o her sister (died a yr. ago). Of course she was the total narcissist. But I was glad to hear my mom release some of these pent up emotions about the sister. I know mom is the kind of person who has always held back her true feelings. My sister at times has been quite dismissive about mom's feeling also, since she lives there and had to experience my aunt first hand. But my sister is very good also denying others the right to feel their own true feelings. Boy, but when she gets on an emotional role she really lets you know about hers.
Overall, the gathering went well. Of course my sister was way overdoing it again.
So after I made several offers to help, and she kept going into, "oh, I could do it myself," I stopped offering and became a guest.
My brothers kids were there. He has four. Two of them have 2 children each.
One of them, a little girl of 8 yrs., never says hello to any of us, not even our mother, the kid's great grandmother. Neither her two parents, nor my brother ever correct her about this. So I purposely said hello to her by name as she passed mom and me. The kid walked right passed us w/o saying a word. So I in quite a loud voice said, that she never says hello. My brother heard this comment, and was trying to encourage her to come and greet us. But he totally spoils the girl, even calls her princess. HAAH! I really feel this is getting way too old for this kind of behavior by any child.
Other than that, it was good for mom to see all of us together, and she even met one new baby who is five mos. old.
How things have changed from one year ago, when we were going through the Hospice w/mom's sister who lived in mom's house. This year there were two new babies, so that was very cool.
O.K., going for some more Joe, and maybe a piece of apple pie. Margeaux
Wow!! Now was this your brother that didn't go in to say hello to your parents, or was it his kids also? No matter who it was, this is plain rude!! But this I feel is also a product of this narcissistic, and materialistic society we've created. Also, there appears to be such a tossing elders to the curb mentality. I am very sorry you have to experience this, since I know you are not one of these kinds of people. But as they say, "actions speak louder than words."
Much Love & Light, Margeaux
It's anybody's guess why siblings and grandchildren would behave in this manner.
Your a wonderful daughter, that despite this behavior by the rest of the family to continue to do what you do. Yes, and it must have been a very revealing moment when your mom made this statement to you.
Since your mom declined this very late invitation from your niece, also speaks mountains about how grateful and honest she is with regards to you!!
Let's here it for sincerity!! I feel as if we live in a time where people are so not in line when it comes to being sincere, or real. You are right, that this has been a powerful moment for you. Much Love & Light! Margeaux