Many of us, myself included, come from a dysfunctional family which adds a lot of weight to the challenges of caregiving. I have read stores on various threads on other topics and decided it would be good to have a thread just for this topic for people to share, vent and discuss.
The idea for this thread originated on the thread named "The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today?"
So we spent our day cooking & laughing. But out of the blue, she looked at me and asked, "What's wrong with my children???? What have I done that makes them treat me this way????" I had no answers because I could never do that to my mother & I certainly didn't understand how my siblings could.
We blessed our meal & gave thanks. I'm thankful for being able to do whatever I can for my mother, and she was thankful for me. It was a very powerful moment for us.
This morning, we had to get some maintenance work done on our youngest son's car. The EGR valve had gone bad and a transmissioin sensor that keeps you from starting the car in gear. I've gotten my Highlander some running boards and had those put on today by the same mechanic.
Thanks for the email and pointers about the Stress.
I really liked especially the last one, love chocolate!
Much Love, Margeaux
Rest sure is important and last night, I did not get much sleep. With her limited mobility, I got her some depends and a bed pad last night. Today, I checked out a bedside toilet from our church and rented a transport chair to help her in the house. Unlike last night, she could not get up into our bed tonight for it is on the high side and she is short. So, she is sleeping in the lowest bed we have. Our oldest son will just have to sleep in his brother's room since his brother likes to sleep on the sofa. What a day and week, this has turned into. Wew!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Good nite!
WOW!! I failed to read the post where you said your wife had injured her foot on the boat. I totally agree with Sharynmarie, maybe you might want to talk to your wife about making a trip as such. This could put a lot of stress on her body, riding so many hours in a vehicle, no matter how comfortable it is. You're in my thoughts, Much Love & LIght! Margeaux
PS Still can't talk/see my mom. I'm at my wits ends. I guess I just have to let things go and know that while I had her live with me then helped care for her while she was with her BF, I did an absolutely wonderful job in caring for her.
It is quite stressful to do the running from family to family during Thanksgiving.
Yes, and once people have kids, I really think it makes it very tough on the parents and the children. I know my brother and his family used to show up every Thanksgiving, after they'd been to the wife's side of family. My sister in law would say, the kids were tired at some point, and wanted to have their own turkey for once at home. Their drive is rather far from both grandparents home.
Sharynmarie, don't be so hard on yourself. I don't have kids, but my husband and me have never made our own turkey either because we are always invited to mom's, and yes it's the "it may be mom's last." But I wish also, at times to make our own turkey, and invite some of my other friends over.
Oh boy, so you did this fifteen years, and your in laws were saying you kept your kids away from them? Please don't feel guilty about that. One would think that people might learn to behave in much more gracious ways, so that we may continue to want to go to their homes for the holidays. But I'm sure they never gave that a thought.
Well I'm hoping that you can continue to get the life insurance policy for your mom continued. Much Love & Light! Margeaux
I read about your plans for Thanksgiving. Isn't it crazy, how we put ourselves through so much stress for these holidays? This must be a tough spot for you, especially the way you've described your MIL, the narcissist. Then I am aware of your wife's health issues right now. I know, it's as if we feel obligated to say yes to people in the family, yikes! Well no matter what, take some deep breadths, and if you do decide to go try visualizing a lot of hearts and your MIL's image before you go. Much Love & Light! Margeaux
How are you and yours? This is great that you and Toonie can hybernate.
It must be cold your way.
Well I still have yet to resolve some problems with my email, have not been able to read them. Overall I've been doing o.k. The reason I had posted that I was not looking forward to the Thanksgiving, is because prior to the recent birthday party my sister helped her daughter plan for the grandson, there was of course the drama. Oddly enough, it involved the very same cousin who rode w/me a couple mos. ago, to the family gathering. My cousin D, was invited to this party and there was an rsvp. First thing was that D rsvp'd. Then she called me to see whether she could ride to the party w/me and my husband. To be quite honest, I felt a bit cornered by D's request to pick her up. She lives a bit out of our way enroute to where they had the party. But I said yes to that. Then a week later, I received a call from my sister saying that D had canceled out on the rsvp, stating that D's excuse was that she was going to her own grand kid's birthday party.
Well this didn't go over too well w/my sister. Actually, I thought this was rather rude on my cousin's behalf. She could have been way more general w/her excuse. Anyway, by way of these events, of course I started to feel in between my sister and D. They used to get along better. Recently though there's some rumbling going on between them. D's daughter, our younger cousin is currently dating a widower, who used to be married to our older cousin. Of course, this kind of news would tend to raise eyebrows I'm sure in many families. But apparently D, had shared info. w/my sister about her daughter and the widower.
He's a very nice man, is still included w/in the family even though his wife has been deceased about 13 yrs., now. I wish I could say the same, for the cousin he's dating; she's quite the user. D told my sister that he'd bought her daughter a leather coat, and that he was taking her on a cruise. Anyway, my feeling when the birthday party drama was happening, that my sister beneath it all is jealous of this dating-cousin, and of course it's put some kind of wedge between my sister and my cousin D, mom of the dater. Anyway, I did what I had to do to circumvent becoming the baloney between two pieces of bread. Now, as a result of that, I haven't been minimally in touch w/my sister. I'm trying to create a safe distance between us. But we will all gather at mom's on Thanksgiving. Since I'll be there the least I can do is, hopefully arrive there free of mind games, and just enjoy the day! Well, I'll manage, and thank you for asking about me, Emjo. Much Love, Margeaux
She has an eye test appointment in the am and on Wed. is to go into pre-op for her upcoming knee surgery on December 6th. Then, to top it all of, we are to go to see relatives for Thanksgiving on Thursday. I'm not sure we have any business making that trip.
My dad has decided to split my inheritance between me and our boys. That's interesting.
I have found over the years that traditions are made and sometimes left behind, and new ones made, as people and circumstances change. Hope everyone has the holidays they want.