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HI everyone, call me crazy but I dropped the mnl off for the 4 hr break at the church n ran around crazy getting stuff done. I had enough time to sat down n get something eat. I rushed through it for I needed to run to the grocery store for odd/ends. I grab one of those little baskets n started my run for I had 20mints to get it all, get n check out line n rush to pick her up. Those four hrs go fast! Anyway, while looking n picking I notice the store was pretty full n why was everyone hovering over the turkeys n ham n then it done on me, duh! Thanksgiving is next freaking week. OMG! I have nothing.... So, I rush to grab a spiral ham n through it in the basket got the bread, water bottles n etc n just about dragging the basket. I made it out n time but where does the time go? I had completely forgotten about the holiday. Well, at least we have a ham n some bread for starters. ; 0
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Hi, Austing. Possibly so that he does not grasp her decline. At 87, he is declining himself. I've heard from my mother that he often falls asleep in his wheel chair for much of his visit with her (they stay several hours). I find that she will talk some and after that begins to look at the TV, fall asleep, maybe say something more, look at the TV and fall asleep again. While she enjoys talking, I can tell the main thing she likes is that someone is in the room with her. I stayed a little over an hour on my last visit and about fell asleep watching the TV with her once she was out of her talking mode. Then on top of my usual depression, I end up very depressed for two days. Yesterday was a good day as I got into the afternoon and evening. Today has been a good day also, but I feel drained tonight. Next Wednesday, I take my wife to see her orthopedic surgeon for pre-op followed by going to eat Thanksgiving with her mom and twin sister plus her husband. With the wheel chair taking the whole trunk, our boys will have to travel in a separate vehicle. We were going to rent a special hotel room for my wife, but those are so expensive and it would mean getting another room just for the boys. My wife remembered that her mother has a walk in shower in her duplex and will take her showers there. So, we are getting a basic hotel room with two double beds like we normally do.
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Sharynmarie,
Well I am so glad that your sister is doing the Wednesday's visits with your mom.
If your mother is now in need of actual visits, rather than phone calls, this is a marked improvement on your sister's behalf. Real good, sure that time you told her she had to step up to the plate had an impact, the boundaries.
I still don't know what plans are for Thanksgiving. Truth be told, I'm kind of not looking forward to seeing my sister orchestrate everything again. I just saw her do this for her first grandson's birthday party two weeks ago. She just absolutely overdoes everything she becomes involved with. But we shall see.
O.K., Sharymarie, take care and don't work too hard. Much Love, Margeaux
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Hi Emjo,
I guess some of us have missing in action lately. I've had really weird problems w/my email account, and have had to sign onto this site via the internet. There was so much going on around the country last week also, w/elections.
Sorry to hear about your fibromyalgia flare up. Yes the weather changes! It's been making my sinuses act up also. But I'm trying to manage them.
I haven't resumed my family history investigations. Last couple of mos., seemed to fly by quite quickly, and I was busy quite a few outstanding issues w/our apartment, and the landlady. But I want to resume the family tree, once I resolve whatever is going on with the email.
I am happy to hear that Gary's son is out of the hospital. I will keep all of you in my thoughts. Oh, have you by any chance made the chutney? I have not, but should try it out. I thought that it could be a nice gift for Christmas. Well, that of course is only if it comes out good. O.K., Emjo, take care, Much Love! Margeaux
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Hi Gabby, Austin, Emjo, Kattie and Cmag. Gabby we will be waiting when you do decide to come back to vent. Austin, I know I need to strongly voice to family that I need help. Problem is that I have been asking and asking for YEARS for help. It has reached the point that it feels like begging. Hence, I'm going to see if I can do therapy. But...I think my insurance will only cover 10 visits per year. The cost of a visit is roughly about $175.00. We will see....

Emjo – my leopard print is black jeans with the prints even blacker than the background. Very subtle n decent enough to wear to work. Fits me perfectly....
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cmag-your step-dad probably does not realize her decline and maybe that is a good thing for him. I am so glad my mom did not linger -two days after the stroke she died-and three weeks before that she was fine a my nephews wedding and before we left LA we had a nice dinner with the new married couple at Marina Del Ray-which we told the poor young doctor who had to do his last visit to her and he said not many people her age are doing ok just before they pass away. Three days before she died she gave the tech caring for her hell about something.
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Too tired to type, but I'm sure I will definitely need to vent here before the week is out. Glad it's here to help keep my sanity.
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Sounds like a good plan, Austin.

I am pushing myself to get somethings done tonight which have needed to be done. I can't really say it was related to today's therapy session, but I'm feeling more energy too. I hope tomorrow is similar.

The more my mother's health declines and her dementia increases the more I'm finding visiting my mother in the nursing home to be very depressing for a day or two after I visit. I'm glad that my step-dad is able to visit her almost every day with his helper, but he must be in disbelief of how bad off she is to be as chipper as he acts when I visit him or he is on a more powerful "happy pill" than I am on.
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cmag-good to hear from you I am still trying to catch on things at home since being away for the wedding then mom's illness and death and funeral. I am not going out to my sister's this holiday season-I need to stay home for a spellsince I will be going out after the holidays to help close out her apartment with my sister.
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That is a low BP and I'm not on any BP meds. I'm normally 110-120 over 70-80. Wife and I have been dealing with her either on crutches or in the wheel chair now since the middle of August.
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Hi John -hope the doc can do something. It mst be very frustrating for both of you.to have to deal with a wheelchair and crutches.
That is pretty low BP. Have they adjusted yor BP meds? I think it would account, at least in part, for low energy.
Hope you have a good day
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Hi Joan, wife's injuries have still not healed. The doctor is going to do arthroscopic surgery on her knee on Dec. 6th to see what else might be going on.

I saw my endocrinologist today, I was shocked to learn that my blood pressure was so low. It's never been 98 over 50ty something. The nurse said that was not dangerously low and wanted to know if I was feeling dizzy. I don't feel dizzy, but I don't have much energy.
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Hi from me too. Glad your sis is helping, Sharyn. We often had to celebrate holidays on a different day -sure you will work it out. The important thing is being together with family.
katie -hope you are getting some help. I do agree with austin about being more forceful about your needs. That is harder for some of us than others.
margeaus - how are things? Have you made any more progress with your family history?
book - I think you talked about buying some leopard print jeans!!!!! Wow - never seen any. I don't know if I wouod dare. I do have a halter neck leopard print jump suit! I hope you are gettng some reliable help and more time off for you. Any thing new regarding your health?
cmag -hope things are good with you and your wife injuries are healing
I have been MIA - Winter has brought on some fibromyalgoa flare ups, and I tried some meds which are supposed to help - maybe they did - but I they made me too drowsy in the daytime. So I tried something diffferent yesterday, and hopefully that will help. As with arthritis, weather changes cause flare-ups with CFS/FM more snow again!. Another appoiuntment with the specialist in a week and not sure that I can drive, so better book it by phone.I am very thankful she is following up. Hoping to make a trip in December to visit a friend I have't seen in years, combined with a business trip G has to make. It will help to break up the winter.
Clay is home, and has a long recovery ahead. Can't remember if I mentioned that he is on oral drugs still as well as the morphine, so he will have problems again. I feel so badly for him. There doesn't seem to be a solution.
Mother is miffed as I am not giving her much attention. Of course she always sounds surprised when I tell her that I have health issues myself, and need to look after them.
Love, hugs and prayers to all Joan
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Hi All!!

Not much going on these days. Working more hours, sis comes to mom's house every Wednesday afternoon which helps a lot. Waiting for sis to make appt. with neurologist.
I will probably have to work Thanksgiving so not sure if/when we will have our family get together now. I may have to tell my son not to come up if I can't do the dinner the day before Thanksgiving...oh well it's the nature of the grocery business, at least I am off Christmas.
It seems like things are calm for everyone, I hope Gary's son is continuing to recover. Take care everyone!!
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Hi Austin,
Thank you for the wonderful hugs. Well Austin, you did all you could, and at least you realize this about the fact you did. We can't control, nor do I think one wishes to, with respect to how people feel about us. But yes, this must be difficult, I know this all too well, in my family. Good for you, and I'm thinking about you!
Much Love & Light, Margeaux
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Kattie I so hope that things get better -they did with me when I realized I had to change and not expect myself to be superhuman and a counsuler gave me good advice when I said why is it no one seems to get how I was suffering and she said I was waiting for someone to rescue me and that was not going to happen-I was mad as hell with her for days until I told myself she was right and started to make changes to rescue myself and then others came forward to help-I had to say I can not do this anymore-which I had been saying all along but not forceful enough for others to listen to me. I so hope others step up and help you or you are able to get others to listen to what you are not saying another counsular said good enough is good enough -we do not have to be perfect-let things slide-no it is not easy-it is very hard because you care so much.
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Thank you all for your comments and suggestions. I will do that now. It just never seems to stop for me and I really need to find some resolution as my situation is growing more difficult by the day. Thanks again for your help, good to know that there are people out there that know what I am going through.
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Hi Kattie5315. I would post the same info to all the sites that Cmagnum mentioned. When I have a question, I post to the 2 above threads since it's usually the same posters who visit those sites and have more experience.

However, I have seen some who posted their Own Question, and Other Posters (who do not visit those 2 sites mentioned above) have commented.

So, if you do all 3, you will hopefully get different advice in which you can choose from. Please give it a try.
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Welcome kattie5315! your situation is a mess. Just where does that brother think he gets the authority to take the money out of your dad's account? Plus, it does not sound legal. This avenging of your mom's grievances against your dad sounds more like a smoke screen for greed than trying to be mom's champion. The brother who refuses to let it go is hurting himself worse anyhow, but cannot see that. I hope someone on this thread can offer some help. There are also two older and longer threads that you might want to check in with.1. The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today? 2. Grossed Out? Need to Vent? Just caught Mom using my toothbrush to comb her hair! I'm certain that somewhere here you can find some help for your situation. You could post a question to the whole site. https://www.agingcare.com/Make-A-New-Post.aspx?ct=14
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Hi everyone I an into getting caught up after the two weeksaway for my mom's illness then her death and getting her back to NY for the funeral and of course Sandy-some of my bills will be in late but can not help that.Margeaux you are right Cmag is an amazing man with all his own problems he still helps others.Kattie -keep venting someone here will be able to help -we have had the worse experiences told here and others are so willing to jump in and help even though their lives have gone to pot-keep joining us-it usually helps knowing other care about you-I have been here over 4 yrs.-about a year before my husband died and have been touched by the kindness I got from these people-there are other former caregivers here besides me and we try to give back.
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It's a Catch 22. In order to get support from area agency for family caregivers, a survey was required to provide documentation that the money (respite etc) was to be used for intended purposes. The more honest the answers about the difficulties, the more help you can get. I'm glad the doctor checks for bruises. I'm glad there is a safety net of mandatory reporting for vulnerable adults. However, asking for help from the same people who will send Adult Protective Services if they judge that I'm burned out is a barrier. I'm not willing to create a paper trail to be used against me.
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Katie5315,

Welcome to this thread. My condolences for the passing of your mom.
This must be quite difficult for you having lost your mom, then to have to be involved in this kind of scenario w/your brothers. Well do tell us more about your situation, as this is what we do here on the thread. There are countless stories here of family members who have done things as such, draining the elder's bank accounts. Anyway, please come back here, because writing about it does help.
Stay Strong! Much Love & Light, Margeaux
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Sharynmarie,

It takes me about at least an hour and sometimes longer, since I'm driving from the beach, east of me further inland to mom's. It just seems as if everyday there is traffic, even on weekends. So when I go there, I have to plan it around even the drive.
Well from your post, it sounds as if your mom really is needing more attention.
Believe me, you're in my thoughts w/respect to the appointment you have.
She really sounds as if she is in need of some type of anxiety medication.
Good for you Sharynmarie, w/the boundaries, and your sister, and very good you're putting them in place at this moment in time. O.K., Keep us posted,
Much Love, & Light! Margeaux
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Bookworm,

I too was drained last year, from being supportive and going every now and again to my mother's house. Last year her sister was still alive, and raising literal hell over there. I was at my wit's end about the time she passed, and I came upon this site. I am also so grateful that Cmagnum, our fearless leader started the thread! Yes, I agree with you that people here are very supportive, and I also believe in giving back. It's good to be also reminded about how we arrived here, thanks Bookworm. Much Love & Light! Margeaux
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Hi Everyone,

Oh last week was quite hectic, work related. I'm having major problems with my hotmail account right now, can't really see emails. I know Mercury is going retrograde, I think tomorrow, I feel it already! Margeaux
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Welcome and vent away.we may not have answers but we are here to support you just the same.sorry your about your situation and I wish I had answers but I don't. I am sure someone else will. So hang in there and hugs to you.
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Thanks for the discussion... after this past month and all the commotion going on in court and trying to defuse a potentially volatile situation I am completely exhausted both emotional and financially. When my mother was in her last days one of my 3 brothers stepped in to assist my father, who was suffering from several TIAs. Now she has passed my 2 younger brothers seem to think they are owed something for the 3 months of care they helped with. They also think they have to avenge my mother for the many grievances she had against my father. I asked one to give it up and let it go... he told me he was not ready yet and would when he was good and ready... that would be a long time. Then he proceeded to drain all the money from my father's bank account! It has been a grueling experience and I am hanging on here by a thread... that is why I looked up some kind of forum to vent... I am ready to blow!
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Oops lost a another short post....ugh!!! I will make arrangements for sis to meet Helen (the woman balancing mom's bank statements) on Wednesday afternoon. I say hopefully without problems because last week the two of them had a bad experience fueled by each others emotions....been there and back again. Have a good week, hugs to everyone and I hope that things are improving for all!!
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oOPS LOST
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I haven't posted in awhile because I have been busy. Working more hours and helping mom. My sister will be here on Wednesday to help mom (hopefully without problems) and I will make arrangements for sis to meet
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