The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Sharyn, hope this week is easier! It's so tough to see the decline in those that are important in our lives... Glad mom's toe is getting better and hope you do something extra special for yourself this week so that you can feel strengthened and encouraged...

Margeaux~I understand what you are saying about your sister and how your hands are tied. You can only do so much and keeping a distance as you are doing makes good sense. Alzheimer's is a difficult disease, I read other threads and so many on here are going thru it.

It has been a rough week but I got thru it with support and encouragement on this site and my husband, and sister. Sis has calmed down too and mom is fine now that the phone is working again. Her toe is healing well, still taking the antibiotic. When I went over this morning, she was eating breakfast and was dressed for church. One of the ladies picked her up and I think that is great that she has their support too.

As for me, I am a little down today. I think I am grieving as I see mom losing another part of herself this last week. I can't change it, can't fix it so I am letting go. On a brighter note, I am making the salad with shrimp and nopales! We are heading back into the 80's this next week, one more big Hurrah of summer, then we will settle into autumn temps!! Enjoy the day and thank you for asking about my mom and sis!!! Hugs!! Sharyn

Sharynmarie,
Thank you for your suggestions. I offered these suggestions to her, but as always, she's going to do it her way, which I think is real crazy. There is an element with my sister's attitude, that these caregivers really need this job, blah di blah. It bugs me when she makes statements like this, because it already indicates to me, that she thinks of the people working there as lesser, peons. I know this from things my sister has said about the main caregiver, (not the one she let go), since she's been working there w/mom for about three and a half yrs. now. So of course we know her & even her daughter who used to work there part time, when her mother couldn't make it. In summary, my sister acts also, as Emjo said like an "elitist," especially when it comes to position, like the job one has, and especially money. Interesting thing is, I've mentioned that she works a 40 hr. job.
Current day, my sister does have extra money to spend, since she lives at mother's and doesn't pay rent. She owns property also, because of a couple of loans in the past that both mom, and even the narcissistic aunt made to her in the past. I know my sister paid them back, but my point is, "Slow down little sista, you didn't completely become some kind of a financial queen all on your own." You've done this, and continue to, w/the help of other people for you & yours and it's definitely not been because you've separated from the family and done this on your own. I know this was in some way some entanglement my sister had w/respect to our aunt and her involvement at the end of her life, even though they didn't get along. Financially speaking I'm no where near my sister,
but I didn't and wouldn't want to do it this way either! This too is all part of this POA, entanglement also, in our family.
Anyway, I really think that this demented idea, about money and position plays a big part as to why my sister also doesn't really value the caregivers in terms of respect. Many boundary issues w/sister!!

This daughter of hers too, I'm realizing behaves just like her mother.
I hope she doesn't start some trouble, especially w/the main caregiver. Mom is accustomed to her, and this caregiver for whatever her flaws are, we all have them is very affectionate w/mom. This becomes an issue also I believe w/ALZ,
is that they lose the ability to relate to just anyone.

How are your mom and sister doing? Well I hope things have calmed down a bit, as I know you've had a lot going on after your trip, and returning to work.

Ummmm! The Nopales salad, what a great idea! BTW, I remember your post about the acid reflux, the aloe juice is supposed to be great for this.
Enjoy! Much Love, Margeaux

Margeaux, thanks for asking. I'm doing ok. My wife is still on crutches with her bruised left knee bones. The cold weather has meant finding some creative ways for her to dress warmly with that brace on her left leg. We found that she can wear leggies under her brace to keep her legs warm while she wears short pants or she can wear thick men's warm up pants for they have more leg space than women's warm up pants. Tomorrow, we are going on a trip to the mountains for a week. It should be beautiful this time of year. My mother still thinks from time to time that she's going home and will be able to go to a yard sale, but that is not realistic. Take care. love and hugs to all.

Margeaux~Your sister may find herself in a position of not being able to keep caregivers if the daughter starts in too. A cot or even an air mattress bed from Wal-Mart would work just fine. I understand your position of not wanting to get too involved with your sister. I know first hand how impossible it is to talk logic with someone who has a personality disorder (mother). You know my story with that. I am so sorry you have to witness this with your sister and now your niece. I am off tomorrow, I think I will make Nopales Salad...yummy!!! Take care and I will be thinking about you!!

RZSmith,

You know, I realize that what you wrote possibly many people lived this way, in compromised space, and they knew how to manage well and all of that.
Yes, the cot idea is exactly what I was trying to encourage via the single bed idea. But w/my sister it always falls on deaf ears. Her way or the high way personality, quite frustrating to say the least! But w/her there are also some huge boundary issues too, I've written about here.

Now you've made me hungry. I like a lot of the food you've mentioned also.
Well try some Nopales,(cactus) aside from being delicious, very healthy because they are from the Aloe family! Thanks RZSmith, and have a wonderful weekend.
Much Love, Margeaux

Ladee,
You have exactly expressed my sentiments. Mom when retiring is really not a lot of work at all, she just falls asleep. This talk by sister that mom wanted someone there with her, maybe was true mos. ago when mom had just lost her sister (they were joined at the hip) and lived together. O.K., at that time I could have understood possibly mother feeling this way. But NO, I'm not going for this since my sister is too much about drama, and when there;'s none she creates it.
Also, this obviously is part of my sister's dysfunction.
No disrespect to my mom, but I don't even like sleeping w/her, so why should some caregiver feel good with that! What makes me laugh, is this talk about the caregiver being hovery. HAAH! Well what does one call this need to sleep in the same bed with their mother, I ask??
Thanks Ladee,, I'm sure you're a good caregiver. Much Love, Margeaux

lSharynmarie,
Exactly!! Back when my aunt was in the picture on many ocassions I'd mentioned even the two sisters having their own small beds. But anytime I try suggesting ANYTHING to my sister I can either tell by the look on her face, or the tone inn her voice, that she's thinking the, "Oh you don't know what I go through routine, I'm the one living here w/mother, etc." My sister has some big underlying resentment she projects on me, and I've already mentioned here in the past how this subject would never be brought up to my brothers.

There's also another layer to this going on also. Remember I've written about her obnoxious daughter (who lives there, 22 yr. old) who thinks she's a prima donna?
Well, my sister claims that her daughter had claimed she didn't like this particular caregiver because she hovers. Now they live in a 3 bd.rm. house, 2 bth rms., living room, kitchen and den. It's two stories. Mom is downstairs, and the den was converted into a bedroom when mom and my aunt could no longer climb the stairs. Somehow my sister was agreeing w/her daughter that this caregiver when there didn't know how to go hang out in another room if they've been there while she was on duty. I was wondering when sister tried summing it up in this way, well why in China are you all there also, if you need a caregiver on duty. Where would she like this caregiver to go while she's supposed to be on duty watching mom. I'm sure if the caregiver had gone into the kitchen, let's say my sister would be complaining that she wasn't doing her job. So this doesn't make any sense to me.

Last time I visited the other caregiver was there, and my sister complains a lot about her also. My niece was hanging out a lot downstairs as there's another dynamic going on to in terms of baby sitting. Her other daughter went back to work, and now her baby who is 8 mos. old; looks like he's being cared for both by this caregiver and the obnoxious niece. This niece is just like my sister-highly opinionated. My niece went to put the baby to sleep in a playpen-that is also in mom's room now. This room is next to the bathroom. Well the caregiver went to use the bathroom, and niece started to complain saying, "oh I hate it when she goes over there, she's going to wake up the baby." I thought, "oh boy," now we've this girl becoming my sister's daytime monitor of the caregiver.

I'm just hoping that my niece doesn't start to be like an instigator, because my sister has mentioned her daughter saying that she doesn't like all of these people there in the house all of the time, like it's inconveniencing her!! But many times I bite my tongue when I hear this kind of talk. It could be WWIIII, if I told the truth!! Let's see what develops too, since this baby is ready to walk. The positive side about my great nephews presence there, is that he make my mom happy. It's just the so called adults don't know how to handle situations.

I couldn't agree w/you more Sharynmarie also about the possiblity about mom
wetting the bed, and such. Even here though, my sister many times when I talk to her is clueless about ALZ. She has never told me say, "Oh I've read about it, what stage could she be in, nothing." Anyway, these are exactly the reasons as to why I personally am not even more involved.
O.K., Thank You Sharynmarie, I hope you and yours are well.
Much Love, Margeaux

You all were making me hungry thinking about all the food! I love all sorts of ethnic foods- rice, beans, and plantains; curry and basmati rice; dolma, humus tahini, tabouli, and falafels...but I've never tried some of the things that were mentioned!

I would think a lot of caregivers would be uncomfortable sharing a bed. If I were the caregiver, I think a little cot would be better- or the sofa. (But it did make me think of stories my mom would tell me about when she was little. I've seen the house she grew up in- only 2 bedrooms which barely fit 2 full size beds in each room. Her mom, dad, and the 8 kids had to share the space!)

Hope everybody has a good weekend!!!!

Cmagnum,
Thank you. Yes, I had wanted to write about this quite a long time ago. But guess I was focusing on other disfunction. My sister sometimes is off the charts IMO, when it comes to control. Also, I don't want to sound macabre, here, however the narcissist aunt died in that bedroom. I didn't sleep in that room for the first several mos. when I'd relieve my sister. Anyway, I guess that's another point. Thank you, Cmagnum, hope you're doing well. Much Love, Margeaux

Margeaux.... I have had many strange requests from families, but never to sleep in the same bed.... I would lay down with Ruth some nights to get her calmed down, but as soon as she was asleep, I went to my own bed.... sorry, as much as I love my job, I would NOT sleep with my charge.... hope you can convince your sis that this is taking advantage of the caregivers..... hugs to you..

Agreed....overboard and disrespectful to the caregivers. Maybe you could try to convince your sister to provide a bed for them just out of respect to them as being human beings. It's a shame because when/if your mother gets to where she is wetting/messing herself during the night, the caregivers are exposed to this. Being there and changing mom is one thing but having to sleep in those conditions is really unsanitary to the needs of the caregivers whose rights are really being violated. I hope you can talk sense to your sister.

Margeaux, I have never heard of anything that weird! It is way overboard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There's some kind of strange control issue, I think going on with my sister at mom's.
While my narcissistic aunt was still alive, she & mom shared a bedroom.
Don't ask me how, nor why, but they both slept on a double sized bed.
They didn't always have this sleeping arrangement, but I guess once they both became less mobile they ended up with this sleeping arrangement in mom's house. Well, last year then as some of you know my aunt got very sick, went into Hospice, there at mom's home. During this time, through aunt's insurance a bed was installed in that room for my aunt-hospital bed. Mom continued to sleep on the double bed in the same room. But now, my sister-who's in charge & lives there, had a couple of the caregivers now stay in that room, and sleep in the same bed w/mom. This was done, since my aunt needed assistance during the night to the bathroom, also mom if needed. So then my aunt passes. Now the people who supplied the hospital bed, took that away.
Well, this sleeping arrangement has been in place like this now for 8 mos., after my aunt's passing.

At first when mother & her sister started this sleeping arrangement, and I knew about it, I'd tell my sister, "How can these two ladies sleep on a small double bed." My sister's answer used to always be, that, "Oh, once mom is asleep, she doesn't move around much." I still thought that bed was too small for the two sisters. Plus, my aunt used to have many nights of insomnia.

Well, my sister does have about three different caregivers that have been coming at night to do the shift. Two of them seem to have no problem w/this sleeping arrangement. Right after my aunt passed, I remember mentioning, or inquiring to my sister whether she'd planned on getting a single bed an putting it in that room. I've been there to relieve my sister every now and then, and honestly I couldn't sleep w/mom on that small bed, even if sister says she doesn't move around. So I'd end up on the living room couch, but hardly ever get any sleep if I choose to do so, since I'm always w/an ear out in case mom wakes during the night to use the bathroom.

So, finally about a month ago, my sister finally brought in a Queen sized bed into that room and got rid of the double bed. One of the caregivers was never comfortable w/this idea that she sleep w/mom, not when the other bed was there, nor now w/the Queen size. This caregiver was doing as I was doing, sleeping on the couch. So my sister this week informed me that she was not giving this one as many hours because she wasn't willing to sleep there w/mother. I don't know! I mean, I get it, I guess not every one maybe is comfortable w/this kind of an arrangement. Maybe if my sister had just placed a small bed in there so that the caregivers could sleep in the room but not in the same bed. Anyway, looks like my sister decided to let this caregiver go, on account of this. I'm wondering whether my sister did the wrong move, by starting this kind of an arrangement w/mom. Sister has told me, that mom wants someone sleeping with her, which I somewhat don't believe. But I'm not sure whether this is just more like this is what my sister wants. Have any of you heard of something weird like this? I think this is way overboard!!
I really think this is part and parcel of my sister's controlling ways, and her hair brain ideas re: the caregiving. Baffled, Margeaux

Sharynmarie,
These ladies were spoiling you! How cool. Even posole, now that's one recipe I've never personally made, only have eaten other people's. Oh yes, you definitely ate the Nopales in the salad. It can be sauteed with eggs, or as I said before made in a sauce or gravy. My dad used to make it in a tomato sauce with onions, garlic and spices. He'd mix it up with pork. That's a common combination, but it can be done with any choice of meat or chicken. I don't eat port myself, but I like it with shredded chicken or turkey.
The salad you describe sounds wonderful with the dried chilis sprinkled on it.
Ummmmm! Bon Appetite! Margeaux

Margeaux~I forgot to tell you that the ladies I worked with had me so spoiled because of all the homemade food they would bring to work...refried beans, salsa, Posole, you name it they made it in abundance for everyone. Yes, they even made Nopales Salad which we ate as tostadas. I make the Nopales Salad for me and my hubby sometimes, we love it! They also would bring in...not sure if you call it a salad or just a veggie snack...cucumber slices with lemon juice and dried chilis sprinkled all over. Very good and it's making my mouth water just thinking about it. Have a great day!!

I agree common sense vs. education. It's just an image my sis can put on. When she is herself, she is a great person to be around and I only notice her doing this around our mom. I like the word Joan used "Elitist"!!!

Snow already...wow. When we were in Idaho last week, a couple nights got down to 28. Here is Cali, we are having a few sprinkles the last couple days but it is still expected to be in the 70's this afternoon, a muggy 73.

Have good day everyone, and U5, good luck to you day!!

Sharynmarie,
Sorry, my thoughts got ahead of me. First sentence: I have a cousin who is higher...., etc. Margeaux

Sharynmarie,
I have a who is higher on the rung in terms of education, she's a principal I think of a middle school. She's a big snob, and very arrogant. So much said for education!!
Education vs. common sense or just compassion.
Glad to hear your mom's in good spirits.
Color is good! It picks up one's mood. I'll bet those silk flowers are beautiful.
Take care, and hang in there! Much Love, Margeaux

Hi Emjo,

It's snowing already?
Well yesterday some rain was predicted. I looked outside and there were these enormous black clouds, which were absolutely beautiful! It was time for me to do my walk and I do this combined with a grocery run. On the way back a man asked me whether I saw the rainbow, which was behind me. I saw pink clouds too.
By now I was only about a block from my place. Ran in for my camera and took a couple of shots of the rainbow. But it didn't rain last evening, although there was a slight shower yesterday morning.
I did enjoy the cactus. After I simmered it, sauteed w/garlic, chicken, fresh tomatoes, cilantro. That went into a warm corn tortilla, a taco.
The closest other vegetable that I can compare the taste of the cactus to is green beans. It can be combined with any type of meat, just like a vegetable. I must say, it is an acquired taste kind of vegetable, or takes on the flavors of other ingredients in the recipe, e.g., gravies, sauces, etc. If you have a store that has Latin products in Canada, you might be able to find pickled cactus in jars.
These can be used in the same manner. I was getting in touch with it again, because it's supposed to have many health benefits also, since it has aloe. It is supposed to be very good for arthritis, diabetes. Oh for some people who wrote about acid reflux, and digestive problems, great.
O.K., Emjo I'm going to dig up the chutney recipe I have, think it has apples.
Please anytime you want any Mexican food ideas, I have many.
I hope your turkey dinner with Gary turned out delicious, I'm sure it did!

That's a beautiful image of your ex mnl dancing; the pink cloud.
Great idea too, to get mom up to dance-exercise. Hopefully next time I'm visiting she'll be having an awake day. Last visit was all about sleeping.
Much love & hugs! Margeaux, I'm hungry now, wonder why, HAAH!

Sharyn and Joan, you're so right about intelligence! From our family's experience, a lot of times the more intelligent are the more dysfunctional! My mother and her siblings all had near genius or genius iq's but there was a lot of alcoholism in the family, one of the brothers (the highest iq of all) couldn't keep a job, was married or lived with at least 6-7 women; both my brothers were highly intelligent- 1 died at 65 because he didn't take care of his health, the other is in jail. Just because someone has a high iq, doesn't mean they have common sense!

sharyn - so glad you got Verizon switched over. One step at a time!. It is very stressful I know. I hope you were suvvessful with the bills. It is funny how kids turn out - some of it is nurture (environment), and some is nature (genetic). She does have a history which fits with a personality disorder in several aspects. The bench was too cold to sit on. It snowed here yesterday! I am sorry that your sis talks down to your mum. Believe me, intelligent people can be dysfunctional. Mother is highly intelligent! It sounds your sis has some elitism. That will only make things worse, and would be irritating.I hope you mum enjoys the bouquet you made for her bedroom. Wearing and using more colour does not sound silly. I am glad you are doing that and feeling more confident. I wear much bigger earrings than I used to. There is an aspect of confidence in that too. I like them and I don't really care what others think. There is something about getting older which changes your perspective somewhat.
Marg -yes we do turkey for Thanksgiving. It is on the oven right now. G had to stay over night at one of the plants last night. His job is crazy. The rituals do help. I had many candles burniing yesterday, some of the scented, and I found it soothing. I have heard of the Day of the Dead. Food is so basic. After Gordie died i had a dreadful time in the grocery store for a while, as I would see foods I bought especially for him, and it would trigger my grief. How did the cactus work out? Does it taste like any vegetable I would know? What fruits etc does your chutney use. I would love the recipe. Gary loves Mexico and Mexican food. Canning is easy, I did it first many years ago and then not again till recently. We didn't do it when I was a child. How wonderful thaf your mum enjoyed dancing, It is a great form of exercise and also socializing. Maybe you could dance with her in the kitchen, or somewhere safe to get her moving. Put on some music, and see if she responds. I have read articles that "old time" music is good for seniors, especially those who have withdrawn. Hope you can get to the Dec function and video it.
I have to tell you, years ago, my mil danced at my wedding to ex. She is a very large woman, not healthy, and was on oxygen at the time, but very light on her feet. My ex asked her to dance -and, I tell you, for me the world stood still to see the two of them out there. She had on a loose pink dress (I can still see it) and she floated around the dance floor like a large pink cloud. People stopped and watched. I shall never forget it. I am sure it was the last time she danced.
lildeb - how are you doing? hope life is not too hard
"u" praying for you for tomorrow. Try to relax, though I know it would be difficult. Glad your neighbour say your sis going into your home on that day.
everyone - take care
love, hugs and prayers - Joan

Mom is in better spirits today. Margeaux, she walked just 2 blocks away, not far it's a small city so the blocks in residential areas are short. It's just a little sore at the bottom of her toe and I don't think it hurts her, she wears flat sandles with socks. Her phone will be reconnected any time between now and midnight. Comcast came right at 8:30 this morning setting up the tv with cable...no more direct tv which was part of her Verizon phone bundle. Only thing is, because mom cancelled before the 2 years was up, she will be penalized. I can deal with my mother and the Alzheimer's, I struggle with her with when she becomes defiant or refuses to cooperate. My sister was irritating me again today. Sis has a controlling nature to her personality and she values people with higher education so she has modeled a personality of someone who is intellectual but she herself isn't. When she is around our mother, she takes on this personality trait that can be very irritating. She talks down to our mother and mom picks this up...that is why the two of them clash so much. She tries too hard to impress mom (looking for acceptance and approval) when she really needs to back off and be REAL with her.I know these things about my sister are a result of a dysfunctional upbring...somewhere along the way she decided that people who are highly educated aren't dysfunctional. I am not saying she isn't intelligent...just saying she is not an intellectual. After the cable was all connected, I took mom over to Wal-Mart, she needed a new wallet. The one she is using is literally falling apart. I put together a beautiful bouquet with silk flowers for the master bedroom. As I have gotten older, I use more color in my clothing and decorating. I think it is because I am more confident...sounds silly but when I was younger, I stayed with very neutral colors because I didn't want to draw attention to myself. Thank you for thinking about mother, I appreciate it. Love and hugs Margeaux and I hope everything is going well for your mother!!

Sharynmare,

How's your mom doing after this infection on her toe, and the UTI?
Your mom has certainly had you live another lifetime in a matter of a few days, hasn't she! Does this lady she worked with live very far from your mother's place?
How kind/sweet of her to take her to the dr's. that day.

I sure hope you can with the help of the Elder Law attorney start to put the necessary things in place, such as her bank because it really looks as if it's time

Your observation is right on about Kathy. One would imagine that no matter how difficult your mom is, whether this be attributed to a personality disorder, emotional immaturity or whatever, the point is that we want them to eventually HOPEFULLY cooperate for their benefit. I hope for your sake, Kathy starts to see the light.

Where did your mom walk to, with her toe in that condition? Your attitude and what you told her is great! Humor!

Yes, the Day of the Dead is interesting. Incidentally, St. Patrick's Day was my dad's birthday! So I still have to try making some corned beef and cabbage.
I have a very good Irish girlfriend, so I'm going to ask her for a recipe! Irish culture is very interesting. I saw something about Belfast last week, it's absolutely beautiful!

Oh, silk flowers. O.K. Sharynmarie, you're definitely in my thoughts!!
Sending tranquil vibes your way!
Much Love & Light to you & yours, Margeaux

Margeaux~I am sorry to hear about your mom's memory. Seeing your mother dance and I picture it in my mind, I see your dancing and waving like she is the queen of the ball!! What a wonderful sight that must have been and how happy she was during that moment in time. I hope you are able to go in Dec. and video her or just get some pictures.

We tried to get mom's checkbook from her but she blew up at us, won't cooperate as usual. We do have an upcoming appt. with her elder law attorney and we are going to present him with a list of what is going on with mom in hopes he may help mom to willing give over control of her finances or even if he can get her to agree to let the bank pay her bills would make things less stressful. I knew she would put up a fight but something has to be done now rather than later.

I love the idea of The Day of the Dead. I worked with a lady some years ago who told me about that. When I was going to church regularly, we also celebrated All Saints Day November 1st. My visiting my dad on St. Patrick's Day, which in Ireland is a national holiday and a religious holiday too, gives me comfort in honoring his memory. Most people here associate St. Patrick's Day with drinking and tieing on one. Margeaux, I send you love and hugs hoping your mother is well!!

Emjo,

It's funny, I've been catching up reading some posts, was getting ready to ask whether Canadians celebrate by eating turkey for their Thanksgiving, and then you'd posted. Well, Happy Thanksgiving first of all!

Oh, I do know about what you've written when you've lost acquaintances, and the address book changes, after you've lost a loved one. But I think it's important and good that you do have your own particular rituals as to how you remember Gordie. That is absolutely beautiful! I do some of this too.
We can remember our loved ones in these ways, and one of the most therapeutic ways is through their favorite foods. In my culture we celebrate The Day of the Dead, Mexican culture. It's all about basically putting out the loved one's pictures, and any commemorative memorabilia about their lives to honor them. Then, well the food part is probably thee most important. It is customary to cook the loved ones favorite foods so as to invite their spirit back, to remind them we have not forgotten them. This holiday is coming up, is actually November 1st, coinciding with All Saints Day. I've recently tried cooking fresh cactus, which my father grew in his beautiful garden prepared and we ate. So I became brave about a week ago, and did this from scratch, as there is some preparation involved to make this dish.
I do like to cook. You're post BTW, Emjo inspired me when you wrote about chutney, which I've a recipe yet to try, and the canning. I've always wanted to try my hand at canning.

My mother is doing well Emjo. She is in a decline with her memory. My sister tells me she thinks that mom has possibly really lost her short term memory.
Aside from this, my sister, and brothers recently took her to an afternoon dance.
Mom used to be quite the dancer w/dad. Even though you know I've written about how she uses a walker, really doesn't do regular exercise. But apparently,
like we say here in the US, "She was in her element," at this dance. My brothers danced with her, of course very slowly. My sister says she had a smile from ear to ear. They did have a live band. Mom was apparently getting lots of attention.
So by the end of the dance, she was waving at people as she danced by their tables. I couldn't attend this function, but there's one coming up in Dec.
I would like to attend, and get it on film.


Anyway Emjo, thank you for asking about mom.
Have a wonderful turkey dinner, or whatever it is you are cooking with Gary.
Much Love, you and your's are in my thoughts! Margeaux

Sharynmarie,

How are you?? I went over to the "You," thread, and read what has been happening with your mother. Yes, as you have said, "things are happening fast."
I remember when mother had that fall that I wrote about that sent her to the hospital, then the pacer placement, etc. At the same time, her sister was in another hospital for a bad infection on her foot; diabetes.

Well, take some deep breadths. This story also what you had to go through with Verizon! I was w/o my cell phone, also Verizon about 3 mos. On the one hand, I did like that, we did function before the cell phone era. But then again, and I definitely know as in someone as your mom's case, well the phone is an absolute necessary. I just received my phone yesterday, so I had to go through setting it up w/my husband, (who is very impatient), so was not a fun experience at all for me, but thats another story.

Anyway, I send big hugs your way, and I'm thinking of you & yours.
Much Love, Peace & Harmony! Margeaux

Lildeb,

Thank you. I know from what I've read about your story you more than have a big heart. You are one strong woman taking care of mnl. Given what you've shared about your background, I can see why also.

How is your mnl doing these days?
Thank you also for all of the great advice you give to us.
Much Love & Light! Margeaux

One hurdle has been jumped...mom authorized Verizon to disconnect her service which they did yesterday at 5pm. I called billing directly this morning explained the situation. Since her account is closed they have to make a new account and luckily her old number was still available so I put the account my name and the bill will be sent to my sister since she can sign on mom's accounts. No more headaches with Verizon and my mom. Now we (sis and I) are going to get her finances away from today which is going to be a battle but we have to do it. This is not the first time I have had to deal with Verizon because of changes my mother would authorize. I don't know if we may have to change all my mother's bills into our names or how we will go about this so that everything is sent to my sister. I am hoping we can just change addresses. I got over to mom's eariler and gave her the antibiotic. Now I am going to try to get a nap (already) I have been up since 3am and its going to a stressful day with mom once my sister gets here.

Joan~I am glad you will get to see the grandkids through visits and having them over for dinner. It's too bad your daughter is going through this and hopefully she can get to a place where she can put it all in the past. It's funny how we can raise children the same and one will have lots of anger as an adult. Enjoy your day honoring your son. Spend some quiet time with him on the bench.♥♥♥!!

sharyn - I totally understand that you visit you dad on St. Patrick's Day, cook irish meals and so on. To me it honours their memory, You mentioned he loved roses before. So do I, and have planted some in memory of Gordie and others. You ARE having a time of it with your mother.So glad your mum's ex coworker is helpful. Actually I am an introvert too and need lots of down time.. They would not say it where I worked as you have to be "out front" with the students, but that is a "persona" you put on for the job.
marg thank you for your insights. Yes, she is like your niece and self centered. I don't call unless there is something specific to talk about - like "Would you like these beds for the kids?" I have a couple of books I have to return to her, but they can wait. Em, my granddaughter goes on messenger to video chat with me so I can keep contact that way with her. A while ago I asked dd what cookware she had, as I was thinking about buying a new set and she invited me to come over and see the ones she has. I did and thought the visit went well - go figure. So the messages are mixed. I am glad we spoke about it, as it was like the elephant in the room. She is angry, at me, no doubt, probably from childhood, but she has to deal with it. Strange as she is the child I have helped the most, but perhaps asked the most of too. She is 47 now and is perimenopausal, and I expect that isn't helping. Life goes on, and I will have a good one regardless.
stormyyyyyyy - thank you so much for coming over here, and letting me know that you are thinking of me, It is a difficult today, and yet, stormy, as I was waiting for midnight last night before posting Happy Birthday to Gordie on facebook, I could truthfully say that I am glad he is safe in heaven, and doesn't have to face the troubles of the world. I am not glad I haven't seen him in 10 years, and I miss him daily, but I am glad he is where he is, and I know I will see him again. He was special - a very warm and generous guy.I am very touched by your post here. Come back any time. I see you are still doing the same things with your dad, and I know it is hard, and especially with taking time away from your precious son. Love to you too,
Book thanks for the hug -I''ll get back to you. My granddaughter (9 yrs old) is old enough to go on messenger, my grandson (7 yrs old) does not.. Neither have their own email addresses. I will still go over and visit once in a while - when her husband is there, and I will confine my interactions to the grandkids. Seems to be the wisest thing to do, and I will still invite them all for a meal, and to get their presents.around Christmas.
Love, hugs and prayers Joan