The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

Just when I think mom's situation in the nursing home has reached a predictable state, I get her phone bill and wonder about 5 long distant calls to the same number and two of them before 6 am. I called customer service and discovered she's been calling this lady thinking that she is contacting her daughter in law. Funny thing is that both the lady being called and my wife share the same first name. The phone number that my mother is calling is not even in my area code nor close to my home or cell phone number. I am going to call the nursing home in the morning and talk with the social worker to see if they have any advice. Another strange thing is that I've visited in both August and September, but my mother never mentioned trying to call me or my wife on the telephone.

Burned, good for you holding on n at least you r trying to slack off the drinking n I hope u r able to get some help to fully quit someday. If u read my post earlier you know about my mom n alcohol. My dad as well dranked until he was diagnosed with Alcohol dementa. To this day, I cannot stand alcohol because of seeing the effects it had on both my parents. My sister on the other hand does have a problem n she will have to make her own decision whether to quit when she is ready n if ever. I still love her no matter what, just as you no longer hate your sister. As for your hubby, just tell him that you get nothing for free in this world. Get some rest zzzzzzzzzzz

hi all,
I just found i am going to be aunt 2x over my sister is due with her 5th baby in Jan and my other friend who married childmo is having his baby. I look back on this think and who is in their right mind. I no longer hate my sister just refuse to talk to her and last time I said something to my parents my mother got upset that I treated my sister coldly but I haven't talk to my siblings in forever. On the other hand my husband's family still ignores him and expects him to text which is impossible because he can't hardly do it with both hands. I have to terminate my contract with my cell phone go with prepay easier that way but its gonna hurt cuz i have to buy 2 prepay phones one for hubby and one for myself. I havent pick up much of a drink in the last few days but there are days I needed but I am not consistent like either of my fathers so I think I am doing pretty good on the other hand hubby is starting to believe in phishing emails and thought he won a laptop today and I had to keep telling him its a scam do not do it....I wonder if its a mental sign of something but other than that holding on to everyday like its a miracle.

ladee, congratulation on letting go of that nasty addiction n thanks for sharing with us.
Jessie, I think a lot of drugs were being used back in those days due to a number of things going on in that time period when the song came out. It is neat how everyone has different ideas of the song.
Sharion, its hard when it comes to our children no matter if they r grown or not. You can only do so much n then you have to let him make his own decision n thats if he is willing to help himself. I lost my own mom at a very young age due to alcohol addiction n mental issues. I would stay up night with her being drunk on weekend n then she would turn very nasty n want to fight-holler n cuss you out then cry n go into the sucidal mode n she almost succeeded 3 times. Us children begged for her to quit drinking. She would for awhile n then go back to her ole ways. She passed away due to a heart-attack n I am pretty sure alcohol related was involved. As you have read on here that not everyone stayed on their addiction n they seeked helped for themselves. I hope your son is able to see the light n get himself some help. Like Cat mention, at least they don't have children, for it was very hard on us as we watched r mom. You r in my prayers.

ladee, I am so proud of you letting go of your addiction n letting us know that you had an addition in your past is very personal n that is one thing I like about you so much that, you tell from within your own heart n experience when giving advice. ; )

Sharyn, Your is very dark. However, I thought of it as they became so famous with their fans, money, n of course the paparazzi that, they could try to leave yet they could not go back to their ole orignial life again. My version is not any brighter either. At least they have other music.
Eyem, I hope that your session with the therapy works out for you. Sorry the sister is no help. Maybe the therapy person can help you with some resources as well as others on this site for respite care break as they know your situation on here. Keep us posted on how u r doing n I hope u get to feeling well real soon.
Jane25, sorry to hear that u r in middle of your situation trying to take care of two parents. I hope u r able to set some boundaries toward your mom. You mention u feel that, "It is gets to me more now as my world has become smaller and I'm getting older." I hope this is just a phase that you r feeling due to the overwhelming, selfish, bad mouth mom. Do you see a therapist or even get a break from taking care of the parents? You know your own health is important n your own life. If possible, set those boundaries to help keep your sanity. Come back here to vent some too n you r in my prayers.

Emjo, sorry your mom is saying nasty things to you for that would hurt anybody feelings. Sometimes, you cannot just laugh it off for it does hit the nerve of the heart when u r the one going out of your way, giving up your time n part of your life to take care of your mom. I say cry n let it out n vent some to on here! I wish I could give you a big hug. However, all l can do is tell you that I am sorry for your pain n will say a prayer to give you strength.

Eyem, Jane, Emjo; I am sending you all one "HUGE Cyber HUG" at once.

Cmag~He is choosing to do it because he has never had a lot of self confidence. I only hope he will get to a point where he will get tired of always letting her have all the power in their relationship.

I am off for Idaho, leaving in about 1 hour Ca. time. We should get there around 7 am. tomorrow. Have a good week everyone and thank you all again for all the support. Having everyone's input helps me to see that I am not being selfish.

Happy Trails
Sharyn

sharyn, as painful as it is once our children leave home, they often makes choices we don't like and we did not raise them to be. It sounds like he is choosing to give up his traditional Christian views in order to fit in with their JW faith. If he is not choosing to do so, then he is being pressured or brainwashed to do so. Since he is giving up everything for her, what is she giving or is she just a taker?

My youngest son has made some choices about his faith and life that I don't like and are contrary to how I raised him. I try to share with him more than what he is being told in the college classroom, but he does not want to listen. All I can do is love him where he is. I'm proud that he is Mr. frugal compared to his older brother who is always short on money although he makes a budget but does not stick to it. I've talked with him about that and how we will get him through college, but after that he is on his own and better handle his money wisely.

Margeaux~My son's MIL and wife are JW's. They do not celebrate Christmas, birthdays, or other holidays. They do celebrate wedding anniversaries. My son was raised traditional, went to church as an Episcopalian. He is giving up eveything for her. The only time he will celebrate Christmas is when he comes home. We will contine to acknowlege Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, and birthdays with them because this is what we believe and if they have children, we will include them and do everything we can to teach them what we believe. It is what it is nothing more to say except thank you for your support and insight!!

Cat~Thank you for your support regarding our decision with our son. It hurt to do it, but he and his wife have to learn the consequences of not paying their bills on time and over extending themselves. My son has always been immature for his age and diffucult to get him to progress to the next level. He didn't leave home until he was 28, partly because paying rent on his own was out of his expense zone. Back then his only expenses were his car payment and cell phone bill, we had him on our insurance as a part time driver. We charged him $200 a month rent, not because we needed the money, but to teach him that all the extra money he had after the payment and cell phone was not mad money. I enjoy your posts as you always say what needs to be said and I appreciate that. The love and strength you have modeled in your situation with your parents is something we can all aspire to as we deal with our parents. Much love and many hugs to you!!

Sharynmarie,

You made a wise decision on not cosigning for your son!
What kind of religious rules does this MIL follow, might I ask.
But I remember you'd previously wrote about her, and that she's been a user when it comes to money.

Now it sounds as if this idea about the MIL and all her shall I call them musings about your son and DIL buying a house is some fantasy. I completely agree with you, when you told her, how could they pay for a house, when they can't even pay the bills. I've had a few friends lose their homes the last few years. At the crux of it, is the fact that many people honestly live a fantasy in their heads they can live way beyond their means. Right now, given the climate w/foreclosures, banks and their illegal transactions, I'd say just on that alone one would have to be kind of looney to take a step in that illusory direction.

I had a friend recently, who considered herself an entrepreneur. She also was involved in the alternative health business. I'm not putting this type of business down. But my friend bought a beautiful loft space, she practically owned, (result of out of court settlement). Later, she thought she'd use this loft., as line of credit to take a mortgage out in a very hight priced area for a house. She'd been running a Yoga business, in a downtown area, (where people didn't want to be at night), hence poor business. This is when the classes were held. She was also working on some e-book about how she got well, had suffered an industrial accident.

But, her income was not of the 9-5 type. As time passed, and economy tanked
I sensed she was probably juggling credit cards to pay this, then pay that. Well, that only worked for a short while! Eventually her house was foreclosed upon,
and she had to Short Sale, the loft she practically owned! YIKES!! What a dumb move on her part. She got too big for her britches, basically! Interesting, I'm really no longer in touch w/her on account of this attitude, it's too high brow for my tastes!

But anyway, good for you that you stood your ground! This is the big reason my brother, "Golden Boy," behaves the HE does; because my mother, and even my dad (while alive) thought he was something super special, not acknowledging the fact that this son was terrible w/decisions about money, and very willing to ask my parents for theirs! Bravo! Stay strong!! Margeaux

Hi Austin,

How is your aunt who broke her hip?

When I read that your mom sounds as if she is in a very good place, financially speaking, I couldn't help but think of both my mom and my aunt. Both of them throughout their work careers worked together at the same companies. They too did quite well as they worked all of their lives in the aerospace industry. So in terms of what they amassed via property investments, and pensions, etc., for two women from the Depression era they did very well. My aunt, remember her-the narcissist? She had this hauty attitude when it came to her money. Now I never really knew my aunt nor mom during the Depression era. By the time we, mom's children were born, they were making $$. But I did notice as a child, whenever we'd be around other of their relatives, especially my aunt would put on this very arrogant air about herself for her personal financial accomplishments. Mom did it too, but demonstrated it in other ways.

Well, as my aunt's health started to really decline the last 10 yrs., until her death
she maintained that attitude of arrogance, and it played out heavily with the caregivers. She treated most of them as if they were her servants, and she thought she could buy them. Mother did this throughout most of her life, pre-ALZ,
w/we her children. Mother created enough havoc between we siblings. It's interesting how mother's or even as in our case her sister (who was constantly in our lives), can mold us at a very young age. But the important thing in all of this is to realize it at some point. Isn't it awful also, that many times in these circumstances the $$ our parents have, is how they perceive love in the family sustained? As I'm writing this, I'm realizing it could be bottom line why I don't have such a good relationship towards money.

Well Austin, I totally understand this feeling of having a mother, who is obviously oblivious to having a good daughter like you. Also, when a parent uses dissention
within the family as such doesn't make life easy, especially while caring for them.
O.K., Austin, I'm thinking of you! Much Love, Love & ton's of Light! Margeaux

Our daughters are 8 and 12 years older than our son. We were so financially strapped when the girls were little that they learned to be extremely careful with money. By the time our son came along, while we weren't well to do, we no longer needed to pinch every penny several times before spending it. He had a much harder time learning to handle money. Isn't it interesting how our family background affects our attitudes toward money? My dad had a great income but not much money sense; my in-laws never had a big income but were fantastic money managers. My folks ended up with so little and my in-laws have enough to take care of their needs.

Book~Thank you! It's funny you use the word prioitize because when I visited my son back in May, I had a talk with his MIL. She accused us of not helping our son and showing favortisim to our daughter. Long story short, my daughter and SIL bought a house in Idaho before they got married. They did it all on their own with no help us or SIL family. Daughter and SIL decided to have a causal wedding...family bbq style. We gave them the money we were going to spend on a formal wedding (a simple formal wedding), $3,000. My son's MIL accused us of helping our daughter get a house and why did we not do the same for our son. I told her we have given our son and her daughter a lot of money since they got married to help them out so they could get caught up on bills and why would we help them get a house when they can't pay their bills now. We did without many things when we were young so we could have a house and my son and your daughter need to learn priorities if they want to own a home. She didn't agree with me so we decided because of our differences that when we are around each other, we would be cordial to each other plus I told her it was none of her business and not her place to interfer with our relationship with our son. Because of her religous beliefs, she believes she was holding us accountable to our sins by calling us out on that. When my son and DIL lived with us, I offered to my son many times for him to go over his bills and income with my husband because my husband is really good at budgeting but he (son) wouldn't do it. My DIL has a causal attitude about their bills, she believes that as long as she is paying, even if it is not on the schedule they agreed to, then the business can just wait until they have the money to pay it. She told me once, if I don't have the money, I dont have the money and I'm not going to stress, I will pay them when I do. Apparently she missed the classes at church on how to be a good steward with her money. It's not just her fault, it's my son's fault too.

Sharyn, I'm glad that you do realize that you're enabling your son. I figured everyone said what I wanted to say, so no need to repeat it. May I also make a suggestion that maybe can help you and your husband deal with the guilt on saying NO to him. Because we know that there will be a next time.

My family considers me tight with my money. I'm not tight. I work very hard for my money. I will spend it frivolously for me (books). But I refuse to spend $35.00 for a lunch at some fancy hotel and brag about it (happens here all the time.) My family spends money left and right, no savings, and then they come to me for money...... I ALWAYS give them ALL a hard time..... Why? What is it for? Why can't you pay for it? Why can't your parents pay for it? I'm not giving you money for THAT! If it's for your child, I will give you the money. But you have to pay me back. If you don't pay me back, I will NOT give you money the next time. I tell them that I won't charge them interest but I do expect to be paid back. I don't care if it's $20/month - just pay it off. (I have a niece who spent 3 years paying me back for buying her a gold jewelry set here. It was only $190.00 but she paid $20.00 by mail whenever she had extra cash.)

Anyone who reaches age 18 is now an adult. They need to learn to PRIORITIZE what is important - bills or eating out? A used car (cheaper?) or a New Car? I think your son and his wife needs to learn to learn to Budget! :)

Thank you all so much! You are all right on about enabling him. I never asked my parents to help us because I knew my mother would use it against at some point. We did ask my husbands parents, it was only a few times and we always paid them back. My BIL and SIL needed more help than we did but they paid it back as well. I don't resent helping him but I do know it is wrong. My daughter gets very angry about it not because she is jealous, but because she is disappointed in her brother. It makes my husband feel good to help him because that is how his family is. If it wasn't for his family, our kids would not have had much a Christmas for many years, they were very generous with all their children. Their helping was in nurturing not in enabling and we all got to a point where we can now give back. Though it is really hard for my FIL to let my husband buy him dinner or breakfast, he literally has to grabbed the check from the waitress or his father will take it. With my husband's family it is about pride to be self sufficient. I was not taught to have pride in my character...only in material things.
Cat~I am not as dysfunctional as I use to be. I was hurt very, very deeply back in 1999. It took me three years to walk through that pain...but in the process I grew up. Here I am at 54 and I know I am emotionally immature compared to other people my age but I continue to grow. I am so much more independent and self sufficient now. This may not seem like a big thing, but next month I will have my car paid off. I have made all the payments myself...this was something I wanted and needed to do for my growth. I am a much happier person because I now know I can take care of myself instead of expecting others to do it for me.

Thank you all again, I will work on not enabling my son, love and hugs to everyone!!

Joan: I don't know exactly what happened with your mom. I apologize for not going back far enough to get clear on that. Did she tell you recently that she never wanted to see you again?

It's amazing how a parent will take something you are proud of or loved deeply as a way to twist their knife in your heart. I just want you to know I understand how that feels. My mom would do that to me when she was angry. It was very hurtful and at the time it just made me want to distance myself from her. Hard to do when she lived next door to me and needed my help daily.

I don't know why they do that. They can sing your praises on one day and dash you on the rocks the next. My mom was a strong person and for someone with a physical handicap, she went forward living her life and raising 4 children. Still she had fears and some self doubt and she would strike out at any who she considered a threat to her rule. Don't know how to put in any other way.

Joan, you are an amazing person and a shining example to all of us. If I could say one thing to you personally, it would be that I wish you happiness. Go forth and live as only you can and don't let the losses in your life keep you from having that experience.

Love you always Cat

Hey Sharon, just sending you my love. You don't sound dysfunctional in the least to me. I went down that road with my son too. I think I told you about it sometime back. My heart goes out to you, but I am so happy you refused to co-sign. The writing is on the wall and you don't want to be left holding the bag.

The course your son in on is not a good one. He and his wife have chosen a very expensive place to live and are following in the MIL's footsteps. It's so hard to watch your child struggle, but if you just keep feeding their financial folly, nothing will change.

Worst case scenario, they will divorce and claim bankruptcy. The best news is that they don't have children. OMG, my Granddaughter was the light of our lives and we practically raised her. So just keep that thought in mind and count your blessings. I know it's hard, but if your son had a child can you imagine what your heart would be saying.

By the say, Sharon, you are an awesome lady and we love you on this thread or on the You thread.

Sharyn, your bailing him out is only enabling him to stay where he is. If you are not able to stop this on your own, don't feel bad about seeking professional help because you are sort of caught in an emotional web that has been being made for years and is not going to be easy to get out of.

Oops -- that should be "you can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave."

Hotel California, where you can check in anytime you like, but you can never leave. The guitars on this song are the best. I love the song. I read somewhere that it is about cocaine addiction. I think Don Henley and Stevie Nicks were into the drug pretty heavy when they were together. Of course, I never know if the celebrity gossip is true. I just know that I love the guitar work.

Sharyn, I agree with what you feel and what everyone wrote. My oldest brother was an alcoholic. My mother bailed him out financially repeatedly for 30-40 years. I kept telling her to stop, that she was hurting him. If she did not let him hit bottom, then he would never grow up and take responsibility. But she was his mother. She would give him money any time that he or my SIL asked. She resented it, but she did it. My brother never took responsibility for himself, and his wife and children suffered. Thousands of dollars of what my parents should have been saving for their old age went to him each year. Ultimately his wife left with his abused son, and my brother ended up drinking himself to death at age 57. I don't know if the outcome would have been different if someone had not bailed him out over the years, but it couldn't have been much worse. The only thing good that came from an otherwise wasted life was two sweet now-grown children.

Sometimes tough love is the only way we can truly help. It is hard to be a mother and watch your child do without, but it is harder to watch their lives go down because it was too hard to say no. 32 is an age when he should be on his own two feet and buying nice presents for his mom!

Sharyn, Hotel California reminds me of my addiction, and yes it was madness. insanity in one of the worst forms,,, definition of insanity... doing the same things over and over , expecting different results... and yes, I checked out, I'm clean and sober many many years now, but I can never leave, I'll be and addict until I die... just one that doesn't use..... This song was played at a friends funeral who died in a car accident, she was drunk.... nuff said...

I agree also with Ladee, no one wants to be used!

Sharynmarie, it sounds like you've tried to do all you can for your son. I just won't to share with you that my father bailed both my brothers out over and over again and they never did learn to be responsible. One died at the age of 65- didn't take care of his finances or his health. The other was a dentist, but never learned to deal with life in general (he's in prison). My father did what he thought he should to take care of my brothers, but I don't think it allowed them to grow up and take pride in being self sufficient. I've often wondered if a little tough love and letting the, deal with the consequences would have helped them in the long run. I don't know your family dynamics so I I have no idea what's best in your situation. But it's something to think about. My heart goes out to you because I dont think anyone wants to see their children struggle...

Sharyn, I totally understand how you feel about your son... we want to help, but it's not teaching them anything, and for my son, consequences mean nothing... it has been a very hard road with my son and me... I have FINALLY detatched, FINALLY... I let the 'guilt' or like you said, what ever it is, just run it's course now, and don't do anything until that feeling has passed... then I ask myself the question, am I doing this for him... if the answer is yes, I don't do it... don't know if that makes sense or not... but it has really helped me to not jump and do things that I resent later....If I stop at a fast food place and pick something up, I always think of him... but go thru this little ritual, is it for him... and I am not feeling so 'unappreciated' as he could care less if it was a 'thoughtful' action... so try to indentify that feeling, I sure don't know what it is either... I just know if I don't pay attention to it, I end up feeling used, abused, taken advantage of, ect.... all those feelings are self induced.... I called his dad to take him for his last surgery.... at one point during the day, I felt that 'feeling' for lack of a better term.... but he was fine, he did good with the surgery, him and his dad had some time together... ect...
And I am truly sorry you are having this conflict, but hope you understand when I say at least now I don't feel so alone with this... I know there is another mom feeling what I'm feeling, and trying to get healthy behind those feelings... so thank you for sharing your thoughts today... it was confirmation for me that I, at least for now, am finally on the right path in regard to him... I love him with my whole heart and soul, but do not like him sometimes, don't trust him, and that makes me sad... but I have finally accepted, HE is the one that brought those feelings about.... I work on myself to let the negative stuff go, some days I do good, some days I don't... but I know I'm not upset near like I used to be behind him... my son is 42......I think he truly is old enough to figure it out.... DUH.... thanks again for sharing today... sending you lots of "mama" hugs.....

What can we do about anything,just stay awhile and maybe learn.?

Something is weighing on my mind today regarding my son. He will be married 3 years in November. Both he and his wife brough debt into the marriage. They took on additional debt to help her mother pay for their wedding (a beautiful wedding), that was way beyond all their financial means. We have helped them out finacially many times over the 3 years, either giving them the cash, buying them grocery gift cards so they could pay their bills instead of us, letting them live with us for a year rent free. During the year they lived with us, they were called daily from creditors, late on car payment, late on credit card payment, late on cell phone payment, etc. While they lived with us DIL went to school for more training on Massage Therapy. She worked until around April of that year then quit her job to basically start her own business. She rented a room from a woman who has an office with two rooms (she is a massage therapist also). They ran their business separately. It is hard to get clientel when starting from scratch and the woman she rented the room from was no help, she had a lot of issue, possibly PD. Anyway DIL accepted a job with a Chiropractor in San Clemente where her parents live. My son and DIL told me she was moving down south through a text message 3 days before she leaving. I was very hurt and thanked them for letting us know their plans in advance (sarcasism). She moved out in Oct. 2011 and my son move on Jan. 1, 2012. Since they left, both their cars bit the dust. My son's car...because he wasn't taking care of it, not changing the oil, or putting in more oil. We helped him with the down payment on this car and he qualified for the loan on his own at the time. We were so proud of him for that and really played it up. We have given them money 2-3 times since they moved to San Clemente. Her parents have helped them too. Her mother accused us of favoring our daughter and blah, blah, blah!! Her mother and I decided we would be cordial to each other due to our differences which she associates as religous because we don't go to church and she does. Where I see it that we are conservative and she is liberal. Maybe it's the same difference?? Her mother was very disadvantage growing up and it is important to her to have the best which cost her and her husband their house. What I see is a woman who has raised her children to be willing to extend themselves to get what they want instead of doing without now and reaping the benefits later like we have done. Recently I saw on F/B where my DIL bought a juicer, she listed the name and model #. I admit, I am nosey so I looked it up, Lol! It cost over $300. She and her mother are into all kinds of health foods, herbal remedies. I have no problem with health foods, herbals except that it is more expensive and if you are struggling already, why not be a little more conservative until you can afford to go that route?? I am feeling...I am really not sure because it feels like guilt and I admit I have trouble sometimes knowing what I am feeling due to dysfunction. I am sad, hurting for my son or something because he called last night wanting us to cosign for them to get a second car which they need because my son commutes 1 hour each direction to his job and DIL works in the city they live in. We told him NO! We are giving them money to help with the down payment but we will not cosign a loan with them. We could give them more money that we offered too!! I am feeling what feels like guilt but I have no reason to feel guilty. It just saddens me to have to be hard on him to get him to grow up. He's 32 yr. old. Thanks for letting me vent about this!!

Jessie~Classic mentality of a personality disorder is that they are right, everyone else is wrong. Why, I don't know, but they have to be right. I think it helps to keep their denial in tact and their unreality in order. My mother lives in a bubble and she refuses to grow or to see that her thinking is so distorted. I guess having to admit that you are wrong and have treated so many people badly is too much to accept about themselves that it is easier to stay in the bubble. Sometimes I wonder if there is a disconnection in their brain that causes this with them. People who were addicts that become sober or clean from drugs, usually make amends to the people they have hurt. They acknowledge their mistakes, grow from it like the rest of us do, but a person with a PD never does that.
Book~You really aren't wrong about the song, it's just the wording cuz you are right that in the song you can never leave. It's really a scary song when you think about it. I know I will never check in with a hotel by that name, Lol!!
Joan~I know the emotional hangover feeling as well. I am sending you cyber ((((HUGS)))) and hoping you are feeling better about the situation. When I first suspected my mother had Alz., I went to her dr. We then got together as a family and told our mother what we suspected. She blamed me for going to her dr. and making up lies about her. She told me to stay out of her life until I grew up. It was hurtful and I did stay away from her, I didn't call her, no contact. Of course, there is never an apology, but she ends up needing help with something, sickness, etc. where she starts calling again. If she did not have Alz, I would not have contact with her because it's safer and saner in the long run. I know it hurts deeply and triggers all those hurts from the past. The best you can do right now is love yourself, take care of you and know that we support you!!

RIZ~Welcome to the group!! I know how you feel about being shy commenting on people's posts. I struggle with that on different threads too. I have a certain amount of social anxiety and it is easier for me to comment here than in crowds of people. I do well one on one but when there are more people, I tend to be quiet. I am most comfortable on this thread because this is where I started. It will be a transition for you and your mother come Monday. You may not feel yourself relaxing right away, but it will come. It sounds like your mother will be very comfortable there which will make it easier for you knowing she being well cared for. It is great your husband is so supportive of you with your mother. Come back and let us know how you and mom are adjusting!!