Many of us, myself included, come from a dysfunctional family which adds a lot of weight to the challenges of caregiving. I have read stores on various threads on other topics and decided it would be good to have a thread just for this topic for people to share, vent and discuss.
The idea for this thread originated on the thread named "The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today?"
I have to jump in a defend cattails.. I dont mean to offend anyone.. but we ALL have other problems added to the caregiving we provide to our loved ones.. everyday drama that we all face with our families.. But if we ALL kept on one topic in our comments that really never had much to do directly with the daily emotional and physical stress being a caregiver involves then what would this site really be for?? Other then a place to come to just vent whatever.. I truly believe catails was trying to say this regarding the "wedding dress" issues we All know about.. I dont believe in anyway cattails was telling burned not to vent on here.. we are all here to support you burned.. we are all here for eachother..
My twin sister, I have blocked her on my cell phone and FB and messenger until she grows some maturity and her path is wholly different from mine. She tried to talk my husband into becoming his poa when we were living with her while I cooked and cleaned raise my 2 and her 3 kids. I finally got tired of the hypocrisy and the Bs...before I left i told them off. I had paid rent for a lil room at 500 a month and paid her property taxes to find she was using the money in a way that didnt benefit her family as a whole. She knew she taken advantage of the situation and small part why my husband ended up with a stroke in 09 leaving him paralyzed on his left side. Moving into my sister was act of help and mercy and I recieve neither; I recieved no help from the state that I was born in and because of her busybody nonsense end up sanctioned too many times.
I left for Arizona and I like the town I am in but I am always fighting head on with the medical and state/govt lvl to keep the aid i have currently and balance bills and raise 2 kids . I hope you accept my apology for blowing up...at that time what you said did have hold stock and I was dealing with it. I do have a therapist I talk to. I just do not get a chance to see her like I need too. We been trying to put me on a twice month appt time but end up with once of month. I also have a couple real good friends that support me but cannot be here. We all have one of those in our families and then we have one of those ostracized for being pragmatic and speaking truth which is in my case. It had taken me nearly 5 yrs to earn my stepdad respect. My mother and I will always have that bit of estrangement cannot be helped. Also to an extent all of us lovely ladies and gents have a right to defend on ourselves when we feel were being attack but it does happen. Sometimes alot of us have extremely bad days dealing with it all. I am just grateful for my children and my faith.. that is what keeps me going.
Sometimes, I wish there was more constructive suggestions that could be offered to you. (Not that my suggestion was constructive) I wish you could get some professional counseling to help you navigate the turmoil in your life. I wish you could get help in letting go of the people in your life that are toxic and annoying so you could find some peace at least from dealing with them. The anger and resentment you have towards your husband's family and your sister are understandable, but allowing their actions to consume you is not healthy. All the steps you have taken to get their assistance have not worked because these people are who they are and they are not going to help you.
Your sister is a total ass. How she could jerk you around over your wedding dress, knowing the stress you are under and the loss you deal with is unforgivable. I wish you would cut her out of your life completely. Yes, the dress is yours, but the stress of dealing with her to try and get her to send it to you is detrimental to your health and mental well being.
If you want a better life for yourself, then I hope you can find a way to stay clear of your sister and your husband's family. That is a choice you can make and a positive step you can take. It's the only thing you have control over.
It may sound mean spirited to tell you this, but you can also choose to spend the rest of your life tied up with the same people and the baggage they bring and continue to rant about them for the next 20 years. If people want to be supportive of you, then it might be helpful if they were more honest about the reality of your options.
Another suggestion is maybe you could talk about these people from the point of how it hurts you. Talk about the loss rather than the anger and maybe you would find more relief.
My original post to you was rude and I apologize. I am saying it now as I should have said it originally.
austin -right on
ucant -so glad you mil is recovering well. and SD 's meds are gettinbg sorted out. Thanks - it was a very good minivac - just a couple of days but did a lot me of good.
Hope to hear from more who have been absent for a while.
austin - good to see you back and hope you had a good break - re the notifications, they have a new system and for me it is not working as well. I wonder if a word to the administrators is in order.
brandy - glad you came out with it. I know it is frustrating for you to be told both to "butt out", and also that you are not there enough.
jessie - wondering how you are doing and how mum is. The time after can be hard and needing a lot of adjustment
sharynmarie - sounds like you have been through and resolved a lot. I am glad you and your sister can support one another, considering all you have to deal with. I understand about things that still can trigger the past. When people say how great my narcissistic, emotionally abusive, manipulative mother is, I just say something neutral usually, or once in a while give them a clue.To some people she is great, and that's good for them.
cmag - it seems all the work you have put into therapy is paying off - great!! Hope you get that $37,000.
wondering how ucantcare2much, banshee, margeaux and, of course, izabella (still in my prayers) are - and anyone else I have forgotten.
I have been away as G had business on Vancouver Island for a few days, so we combined it with some sight seeing which we thoroughly enjoyed. It was great to see some flowers in bloom, and green grass, as well as the ocean and mountains. A swim in the pool, walking in parks, and just a break really does help!
Love, hugs and prayers
jo
Fellow passed away and found himself with St. Peter at the pearly gates. He was pretty nervous and St. Peter says " Don't worry. Everyone in Heaven is really nice, and warm, and friendly. Go on over to the orentation center and pick out some housing and I will see you at supper. We usually all get together towards evening." So off he goes and later; he is standing in line to eat when all of a sudden this fellow in a white coat. comes by and starts elbowing and pushing his way to the front of the line. Well he gets really nervous again and sees St. Peter a few paces behind him in line. So he goes to him and says " I thought you said everyone in heaven was warm and nice and friendly; what's up with that guy?" St. Peter chuckles and says " Oh, that's God; sometimes he likes to pretend he's a doctor." PEACE
Blessings Jesse, words are not coming to me to express the depth of what I am feeling. From my heart to yours...LOVE.