Many of us, myself included, come from a dysfunctional family which adds a lot of weight to the challenges of caregiving. I have read stores on various threads on other topics and decided it would be good to have a thread just for this topic for people to share, vent and discuss.
The idea for this thread originated on the thread named "The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today?"
Sometimes I wonder what brings us back to these situations that are so miserable. I occasionally wondered if I had been such a bad person and was sent to hell. The heat here is left on high to keep my father warm, so it just might be. :)
I guess we only have two choices: to either get out of the situation physically or get out of it emotionally. I mean, does it really matter if they treat the other children better? It may just be a mindset from years gone by or it may be because they are more familiar with someone they see everyday, so can show us their butt with impunity. :)
sorry about your dysfunctional family background. I am always amazed how we survive our childhoods. I have found I need to keep boundaries regarding the abusive people - and also detach/distance myself or it is too stressful
(((((hugs)))))) and good luck
((((((burned)))) -some only know how to take - it seems like they think the world, or at least their family owe them - hope your wedding dress comes soon. I know that "superior, nose in the air attitude well"
izabella - how are u doing? - I am still a but under the weather, but will post more soon. - please so some thing for you - if you go out to check mum's house do it quickly and while you are out have coffee with a friend or just walk a mall and window shop or whatever is good for you
austin -how r u?
jessie - r u really going to get a red car? hope the detachment is working still
cmag - hope things are good with you and your family
I heading to bed now and hope to have more energy tomorrow
hugs to all and anyone I forgot - think I lost a few marbles today ;)
jo
hoping to catch up this afternoon
Izabella -all is not lost - you can get some time for you and you need to - just ask some of those of us who are suffering from not doing that and look at your own health needs - no good to be consumed with your mum - care for her yes, but not be swallowed alive - you do matter and you can have some times of peace - think we can do better than a crawl spoace with spider webs
jessie - a ruby red car!!! woo hoo - I'll tell you about my fantasy car later - love your vision of open spaces - do you live in the west?
austin -gettng away from it for a bit is great - just to figure out how Izabella can do it
cmag - hope things are good with you
notlike - how are things with mum - still quiet? waiting for the other shoe to drop?
burned - hang in there - you have such a load
hugs to all ttyl
jo
I hope folks are not getting discouraged with their early attempts to detach with love, for it takes practice for those 'no muscles' to gain strength, but still getting hoovered back into their drama can happen to anyone.
I am going to type them out in a word doc!
I agree jessie - Izabella you got hoovered in again. there are ways around it. Better stop here before I lose this one too,.
You'll have to schedule another cook day that you'll enjoy. And maybe she'll stay off the phone. I would be tempted to incapacitate the line. :-E
I've also started thinking about life after caregiving. I saw a house that you could see from the front to the back through the big windows. It was so light and airy and clean. I thought about my own new place with very little furniture, a lot of floor, and a lot of light in a senior community where someone else does all the maintenance. :)
I am older than you are, and I do appreciate what you say about stress and self preservation. Things used to bother me for days too. In the past few years it was affecting my health to the point that I knew I had to make changes. Even now, I am struggling with some health issues that must be, at least in part, rooted in a lifetime of stress. Thankfully they aren't life threatening. This past summer I made the decision to finally detach. I had distanced (given myself space) before but not detached. I think it is self preservation. I had some anger and lots of hurt to do with my mother and my sister. It is amazing how it can be like water off a duck's back, once you get into the "right" frame of mind,
Hugs to both of you and gave a good day
Joan