I think my father is speaking negatively about me to other people. He is in the NH right now for physical therapy. I believe he has told others that I put him there and that he had no help when he was home which is a complete lie. Recently I saw one of his close friends and her attitude was different with me and this is not the first time. I think he has done this with his family as well. He has people feeling sorry for him. This is hurtful to me that he would do this but it is so obvious. I know I should not worry about what others think but why would a parent do this? Actually, this has been occurring since I was a child. Whenever we had company over, when I was little, he enjoyed talking about me to others in a negative way.
If it helps to know that you aren't alone, then please know you aren't.
Anyway, we're all here for you, and understand 100%. Love and support to you.
" friends" often thrive on this and feed into the problem. Talk with the mental health professionals about this for guidance on coping with the " friends". Be sure father gets on going mental health care
And, for sure, be sure that you are getting emotional, spiritual support , grief support from an appropriate professional ( is, SW, Chaplain, Pastor, other counseling). Your self care is vital.
" friends" have no wiggle room to get involved in any way.
You've accepted the negative view your father had of you your whole life. You seem to have assumed that you were doing something wrong, or that you weren't good enough in some way. As you say, he hurt your soul.
Now, in middle age, you come to realize that his negative behavior towards you is in HIS head, not a fault of your behavior. That's a lot to take in.
Keep working at repairing the damage through therapy. And no, it's not dementia, but it IS mental illness.
It seems to me that someone who doesn't value their child's soul doesn't value themselves very much. The need to crush their child seems to arise from a deeply placed self-hatred.
Very sad
Yes, I have realized that none of this is my fault I hate that it took me so long to realize this and you are right.. I kept trying to prove I was good enough. I finally realized that his negative behavior was not my fault and that I’m not responsible for anything he does. I no longer have the energy to try to prove anything and I should not have to. Life is too short to spend it trying to please everyone but yourself.
I'd say very little to him. He'll turn it against you
Lisa
Up until now I just distanced myself from my Mom & Grandma who were the ones doing it. Then I let myself get sucked back in recently. I try to keep in mind it shows more about their character than mine. I also try to keep the quote by Bernard Beruch in mind, " Those who mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind". It's hard to not take it personally and not feel hurt by it though.
Wish I had some sage words of wisdom to help but unfortunately I don't. All I can say is the perpetrators can't live forever even though it sure can feel like they will, and it's up to us to not become like them.
I got up took her to church. We then went to family lunch 8 people plus her. After stopped at the store then home. She went in and took a nap. I did some cleaning and started dinner. I over heard her tell her sister. "I haven't seen anyone all day. I think I'm alone here." At that point I made a point to go in the living room with her speaking very loudly. Dinner is almost ready. I've brought your drink and medicine for you. Did you have a good nap. Just so they knew she was not alone. She likes to tell people we are not there. She is never left alone. Someone may not be sitting next to her but always someone there. But this is normal behavior for her. I have called her on it a few times. I feel she is using it to get attention.