My father went into assisted living in February and it's been great for him. He has 24 hour good care and lots of activities all day. However, I now feel very alone and vulnerable like never before. I moved here last year to be near my father and brother. My relationship with my brother collapsed for good over the last year. He and his family are mentally abusive towards me in numerous ways. Like for example, they'll be nice but then all of a sudden turn on me and make it clear that they have that "unique" ability to do that and that I can't do that. You know what I mean?
I know no one here and I have no idea what I will do if I it gets any worse for me. Before I used to go over to my fathers and stay for the weekend. Sometimes for longer. Now I can't do that. I contacted an old friend who lives far away recently but they, as I knew, are in very bad health and have major family issues, although they do have loving support. I have none whatsoever now, other than my father who can understand but can't do anything if I need some kind of care. It probably will work out for me in time - I have been successful in my life in many respects, but the last year has been a major disaster by any standard. It's almost like the environment here is pushing me into destruction! Does or has anyone else feel this way? How do you or did you successfully deal with it?
I can imagine it must be lonely for you now.
There is a bit of grief too becauses everything is changing but you are kind of stuck right now.
Not wanting to leave because who knows how much time dad has left but feeling rudderless as you navigate this new normal.
The only solution is to find a new life's purpose to get you moving on with your life since much of your time and thoughts these past years have been about dad.
A long time ago I read an excerpt by the American writer Ralph Waldo Emerson who said something to the effect that close relationship endings seem so tragic but then you realize in the future that that time marked a momement of great change for you - a change that needed to come to break up the old and bring in the new. My goodness do I understand that now!
US citizens can stay legally i the UK without a visa for up to 6 months. This includes for tourism purposes. It is true however if I make the UK my "home" then I need a visa. Right now I just want to get on the plane and after 6 months if it works for me I will look into the visa. Otherwise staying for 6 months at a time is quite nice, particularly from May through October. Contrary to what many people think, in the summer months the UK has a climate like Northern California with a high about 70F, low 60F, low humidity and little rain! Oh, and loooong daylight, like it gets dark at 10:30-11 pm in June!
One thing is theory, imagination, fantasy of how that life can be. Another thing is reality.
Try to be the best friend you can be to others.
(Like for your sick friend, in their time of need).
Then friendship will come back to you. Loneliness will go away.
Its a tough situation to be in.
I have a friend who is in her mid 70s. She is divorced and completely estranged from her son and on very strained terms with her daughter.
She recently lost her mom (she was 101!) and realized that she needed to go into therapy to learn how to better roll with/deal with/weather these issues and not be overwhelmed by them.
I think therapy could be a useful tool for you.
I wish you the very best,
Lisatrevor, it's hard to take you seriously: because, it does seem like many times in past posts, you pulled our legs about various things.
I have lived in this region before so I am sure of how I feel. But now it's so difficult to leave my father! I may just leave or not. I'm really stuck in a bad position right now. I will seek out professional help next week. Thank you to everyone who replied, helpful or not (I am open to criticism).