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Abandoning elders..Xxxxx- wrong answer!...who do we think we are?!...no hate, no emotional whatever, no difficulty/hard; not pleasant /unpleasing....we are here because of all who have come/lived/walked/survived/fought/surrendered before today...it is a role&garment suited for all of us if we choose....not a choice but a must!...
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Was screaming at night sky driving back roads home...Can't can't...!!!...just can't...
Somehow did..doing..."can't " scarier than "doing"....
Mum now totally blind, has leukemia..17months ago at home was independently mobile...able to see light&shadow...Moved in with them..."temporary" full time caring...we all wore many hats Mum, Dad, and i then...
They hated me, trusted me, hated to trust me...i cried&cried&cried...then "turned on a dime"...on a time...
Best dime i ever bet on...
Dad dementia...has forgotten native finnish language&english(which he spoke fluently for 50 years)...
So here we is...still doing...still know nothing...yes very difficult...
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Want to add that Mums recurring UTIs&more serious infections kept her from ever being able to return home...Dad had wanted for quite sometime care for both of them...we tried in-home care privately...but aide could not understand either of them...needed me to be there for them to bathe, to eat...they trusted only me, apparently, even when i didn't know what i was doing...
Now they are in skilled nursing facility...spring/summer/fall i drive there each day...winter this year has been difficult weather-wise...
Could not ask for more compassionate Nurses/Aides...where it is i lucked out!
My Dad as forgotten everything in English except "i love you"&"bull****"!...:)
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Debralee,I like your profile photo.I have two black labs.Best dogs I ever had.My oldest male dog is 13 yrs old.I took him to the vet today and found he has cancer.Very sad today I am.
Anyway,yes I feel resentment toward my Aunt .Do I hate the responsibilities I was thrown to do? The responsibilities isn't the problem.It's the hateful treatment I recieve for doing good for another is what I resent.People throws the word dementia in as a excuse to see different from what the truth really is.Your only hateful if you was raised to be hateful.When a elderly person shows their hate to others it's showing their true colors.Dementia has nothing to do with hatefulness.You either know how to hate or you don't.You don't learn to hate being old.I have a Mother-law that is much younger then my Aunt and has dementia far worse then my Aunt's.My Mother-law isn't hateful.If dementia is the excuse or hatefulness?Then,why don't they forget to be hateful?Just venting is all.
I hear it all the time from others saying my Aunt's hateful because,of her dementia.My Aunt's dementia isn't all the time as her hatefulness is 24/7.She is full of hate and negatives.24/7 there is nothing good that comes out of her mouth.
When your around so much hate you your self will turn to hate,it's a virus.
You told me,(I think you hate the responsibility of taking care of somebody who is not the person you know anymore.)That's not correct I must reply.
I never learned hate until I became involved with her.I learned her darkside.
If I would have never agreed to help her.I never would have known her darkside or hatefulness.Her hatefulness will only get worse.Her dementia wont help her forget that.
And last,
Yes I need to get out of underneath this Aunt.I did help on what I could do.It's stopping,walking away is the hardest part.
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In reply,
My main point of this topic was to let people know that becoming a caregiver for a loveone isn't always the best idea.And truth be told the grass isn't as green on the otherside as some may think.For a caregiver as time goes bye you learn more and more about your family member.There's many things about a person you will find you rather not learn about.I hear people say this statement about elderly people all the time,(She's a very sweat old lady. or He's a very nice old man.)The people that say that is outsiders.Those people don't spend enough time to know the truth.Caregivers are forced to learn the elderlies darkside.
You may love your Mother or Father enough to take on the tasks as their caregiver.When people agree to take on this task.They don't realize that doing so they will learn their loveones darkside.That's something that knowone want's to learn they find to late.The old saying take the good with the bad.But,can you handle the bad?In time dementia will cause your father to say "Luck I am not your father.Take that to the darkside lol.
My point is,
Before attempting to take on the tasks of a caregiver for your family member.I learned it's best to have a outsider do it for you.So,you can seat back and enjoy your loveone to the end without learning their negatives that becomes hate as a virus.
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Best idea not outsider giving "care"... for if i were needing care?..we all might be receiving care eventually...
...hate...phew!...throw the first stone if you are more perfect...sigh!...my heart breaks hearing this....
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What should we do? Ignore everyone apparently old&young...if you are here living today you have been born helpless baby child/young..and if you live enough you will w/some minimum amount of wise survival skill grow to live longer....lucky you!...live longer - this is a skill...revere&respect...:)
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