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I get it. I guess I am hoping that I can sit down with my brothers at Thanksgiving in years to come after Mom passes. The pain in my family is out of control. As usual, people don't think it could happen in THEIR family and then it does.
3 out of 4 of us have lawyers right now. The family trust is being run by my oldest brother......... someone who in the last month overdosed on a drug called
Spice. (If you really want to be scared for our youth and drugs look this up on Wikepedia...;(
Anyway.... it should be easy to get the trust out of his hands since he was involuntary admitted to the behavioral health hospital. (last known as the mental hospital) But..................NOT.
Mom has spent around 10 grand now. I have "only" spent around $1,200. As is usually the case... the only ones that benefit are the lawyers....
On the other hand, you have to do the lawyer route since it is bizarre how strange it is going to get about love, anger, control, and of course resentment. Now that all three of us are in our 50's, it is sort of funny that you might as well just look back when I was 15, one older brother - 18 and the oldest 20 years old. Nothing as changed. Since I have been diagnosed with bipolar for 20 years......that adds a new twist to the POA questions. Mom has changed the POA from all three of us to just me. LOOK OUT!!!! The hornet's nest has just been dropped from the top of the Green Monster at Fenway Park!
It helps so much to read these posts here on this site. I will keep looking for questions that are relevent to my situation. The other HUGE issue for me is payment from the family trust for the hours I take care of my mom. She lives with me, I have stopped working at all the part time jobs I had during the years 2002 to 2012. I don't take good care of myself, BUT I take 95% of my mom "perfectly". Of course my brothers think my mom has made a "piss poor decision" in choosing me at POA as the ONLY POA. (she even has a note in the document that neither brother has ANY right to do anything in her life if I should happen not be able to take care of her.........that might make the hornet's nest turn into a Lion's nest..........yikes.)
Anyway. Thank you everyone for your coments here. It helps more then people can possibly imagine.....
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How about when it's the POA who has never borrowed money or done anything questionable.......ever.......and it's the siblings who have......and yet they still question you and want to make sure they know what's going on? Um, okay.....
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Or when the primary caregiver is not the POA? And POA refuses to honor wishes drawn out in the document? Forgets to pay bills hoping you will. Then accuses caregiver of taking money, and even gets to the point of reporting financial exploitation to Adult Protective Services that she knew never happened. Happens all the time!
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POAs are void after death.The OP should of pointed out or accusing,squandered Dad's money long before Dad's death.
Sounds like the OP's Father had some funds prior of death."Medicare"That means no Medicaid.That means out of pocket cost for medical bills and other medical or health care.When you don't have Medicaid to fall back on.Your money goes fast.If the POA was smart?The POA would have moved funds prior of nurcing home or death.The OP need to realize,what he or she recieved and live with it then to attempt to attack another family member over money or greed.Love and enjoy your brother or sister.Forgive and move on.Greed isn't worth losing your sibling over a few bucks.I'm sure your Parents didn't want you two fighting over their death either.What's done is done.Build a relationship with your sibling and stop accusing and the hate.If he or she did squandered Dad's money?Good for him or her.Atless someone in the family got the money and not the State or a nurcing home!
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Wow! Dogabone.... you sure have an interesting take on this subject!!
"Forgive and move on..." "What's done is done"?........"Stop accusing........GOOD FOR HIM that he got the money and NOT the state or the nursing home!!!!!!!!!!"
Dogabone...............shi* you have some warped ideas. What has been YOUR experience with siblings, an elderly parent, family money, and lawyers, therapists, and financial accountants????

I can't WAIT to hear. NO. I won't just "let it go." NO. I won't just forgive and move on. These two brothers of mine have brought my (our) mom soooo much pain in the last year it is unbelievable. I will just keep writing here and asking for support and advice. Each person's experience is very different and we all are looking for answers, help, advice, and HOPE. The other problem is that me and mom live in Connecticut. Whatever I say here about the services availble to help me and mom won't be the same help as other towns and states. I am assuming that there aren't people here from other countries....but who the heck knows!!!
ps. Let's all pray for the teenagers trapped on the Ferry Boat in China or Japan or somewhere in the world..... (sorry...not sure where.....;(
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dogabone, what in the WORLD? Aside from your grammar being barely readable, your thinking on this as well as the legality of what you are saying is off base. First, Medicaid is NOT for people who have the means to take care of themselves. It is for those who are LEGALLY unable to pay, not those whose plan it is, or irresponsible POA's plan, to squirrel away or squander money. Do you not understand how overburdened the social security system is? Money is going to run out. Furthermore, what you express indicates a mentality of having or taking no personal pride in planning for your future or old age, just to 'get it while you can'. Secondly, if a POA helps themselves it can result in an elderly person being put into a position of having gifted money to someone which would mean there would be withheld funds at a time when that person need them most. It is a fortunate thing in that case that the person who has trusted and been duped has passed away, but if there is an illegal action taken a POA can be held personally liable. In the case of the individual asking about this question regarding something that occurred in his or her family, what I hear is anger/pain at having been cheated and a question about what can be done about it. Doesn't sound as if Medicaid came into the picture but if it had, rest assured someone could have gone to prison or had to pay the money back. If, dogabone, you are considering this tactic you should rethink it for sure! It is immoral, illegal and just plain gross and certainly bad advice for you to give to anyone. In the realm of REALITY, if a POA is granted by a competent yet codependent person, once the money is gone there isn't much another person can do. Anybody can practically try to sue anybody, or pay to investigate anything, but as I said in my very first response to this question, you cannot bleed an anemic turnip.
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