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My mom has been in Nh since April. She has been going thru her trials and tribulations as an elderly person. Recently she keeps saying she has fallen. I don't know how it's possible to get herself off the floor. Family members and staff have assured me she's doesn't have the strength to pull herself up. She insist that she presses the call button and nobody comes to her beg and call immediately and because of her impatience she transfers herself from bed to wheelchair then to the toilet. Is this manipulation, delusional, facts .could it be that the mind imagines a fall or think of falling and believe that actually happened. She insists it happens, then when I ask you to share the fall to the NH nurse, her comments are"don't make a big deal". Falling is a big deal. Any suggestions? Thank you.
Very concern
Equinox
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PS Tired in Oregon-- I'm tired in Oregon too!
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Yes, give yourself time for you. You at least inherited long life genes. Perhaps your old age will be better. I think too many elderly are so self involved because that is all they have left. Sad, really. I always like to remember the daughter whose mother was mean and selfish until old age and dementia turned her into a sweetheart. Try meditation and yoga or tai chi for yourself.
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Oh gosh, you are so right-- she doesn't say please or thank you, treats me like I'm her husband! I have to open doors (which she just walks thru and then let's them swing right back in my face) she can't even bring her house keys when we go out, so I have to open the door, carry all the stuff, etc etc. It's just plain rude! Maybe I'll start saying, "what do we say?" so she realizes how many times a day she ignores courtesy!
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I'm so glad someone else has this problem. I was beginning to think I was the worst child in the world. I love my mother, I just don't like her anymore. At 91, she can lie like a teenager. She taught me to always say please and thank you. But she seems to have forgotten those words. I know it's not really her in that body anymore. I've felt that same contempt and a huge amount of guilt for it. But I'll start taking your advice mrtex01 and try to get out some. It's been over a year since I've done anything other than really fast errands. I was about to ask my doctor for something for anxiety. Maybe all I really need is a play day away from this house. Bobbi48128..I hope you get a break. If I lived close, I'd trade stop by and let you free for a while. Thanks you guys.
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Yikes! I know exactly how you feel!
My 90 year old mother irritates the heck out of me, staring at me, watching me, following me around sometimes. I hate it.
Perhaps we are unprepared for this caregiving role because of the very people we are caring for. My own life experiences with my mother were poor at best. She didn't have time for me, pushed me off on others for years, was completely unloving. We were never close, but partnered up when my kids were born. It was good but still lacked the roots that other women seem to have with their moms.
I broke the cycle with my own sons, and that was so healing. I was proud that I paid attention, did not strike out, didn't hurt and criticize.
Now she's reverting to her childish self and she is clingy. I feel smothered and surrounded.
So, maybe your true symbiotic relationship is revealed. Maybe she was stressed or angry or too tired to parent you, and that's why you feel the way you do. Go back to your early childhood and take a look, also look at hers. Ask her some question and keep her on topic and let her unwind some childhood stuff. You may be startled to hear the roots of her behavior now.
For me, never being allowed to cling, even as an infant, this clingy woman has no idea what she is asking me for.
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Perhaps your mother has changed over the years. In my experience I found that as my mother aged she changed drastically. She became horribly manipulative, selfish, and spiteful. Her health was poor, but it had been poor from the time she reached her early forties (she died in her late 70s). She did not suffer from dementia at all. She just changed.

You say that you used to get along with her well. Does she seem the same way now as she did when you got along with her?

So it's possible that she, as did my mother, has had significant personality changes that have turned her from a person you liked into someone you don't and can't like. In that case it's she and not you who has brought about these unaccustomed feelings in you.
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Very normal. A small bit of resentment at having to provide so much care for someone who may be angry at you regardless of what you do. As in my mother there is probably a bit of manipulation on their part to induce guilt upon you. You have to just forgive because they do not know what they are doing. If they DO know what they are doing then "it is what it is" and you are doing your best. You are also very close to her now and each request at this age becomes demanding and you feel a loss of personal freedom. You need some personal time to get out for a day. Find a caregiver who can watch for you to take a long break and do something you really enjoy. You deserve it and have a right and need to relax. These things will help you because your "dislike" is probably more resentment. Rest assured you are NOT alone in your comments!
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