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Fawnby,
I am sorry that your stepfamily was not there for you in your time of need.
The most sick person here is your step DIL. She made excuses for her husband's very bad behavior. I'll bet she makes excuses for a lot of things about him. I do realize that many people's lives were/are made extremely difficult by Covid and maybe they couldn't afford gifts that year but this is abuse. Wishing you comfort and joy at this time of year.
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Fawnby Nov 2022
Thank you, and yes, I feel sorry for what she must be enduring from him. Her letter was long and revealing. He is an obnoxious narcissist and very demanding of everyone. His first wife left him after a couple of months. My H cut him out of his life due to his manipulation long before the Christmas in question. Stepson is actually not a blood relation to my H - he's adopted and is nothing like anyone else in this nice family - stands out like a weed in a flower garden. His and his family's lives weren't impacted much by Covid. He has a good job, and they have a lovely home. The children do not lack for toys or anything else. I've seen this behavior before in wives who walk behind the husband, cleaning up their messes. I have a rule that I don't cave in the least to blaming or bullying behavior, so I didn't respond to either him or his wife. I appreciate your good wishes and certainly need them with Christmas coming up!
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Tell your family that you need help around the house before the holiday or you won't be able to host. Don't beat around the bush.
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Having just lost my father (whom I love dearly) shortly before Christmas of 2021, a few things comes to my mind.
1) Enjoy the time you have with your Mom.
2) Don't stress over this, it may be her last but you will have more.
3) You will regret not having spent more time with her.
4) Don't sweat the small stuff .... it's all small stuff.
5) Who cares if there are decorations still strewn about - is your Mom happy? If yes, then it's all good. Life is not perfect - don't try and make it perfect.
6) I hear on the radio this phrase and it has stuck with me since; "don't say "I have to do this", "say "I get to do this."
You "get" to be honored in having one more Christmas with your Mom and you "get" to make it a happy time.
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Summernole Nov 2022
Thank you, Donna. I'm sorry you lost your Pop last Christmas. I appreciate your advice. Mom solved my problem last night after Thanksgiving. She admitted she can no longer do any decorating so she is leaving anything I want to do up to me. I will get out some of my decorations that I haven't seen in a long time. I will put up what I want including me small tree (6 foot) with lights and decorations. It will be festive but without the enormous amount of stuff. Yes, I am fortunate to have another Christmas with Mom. You are right, "I get to do this".
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