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Be grateful for your sisters. Do not apologize, do not debate and do attend the funeral, you will regret it if you do not.
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Still thinking of you LynnJG. I know this is a very very hard situation. I also know that each of us speaks from a perspective of what we ourselves had known and continue to live in our daily lives. It is really hard to forget the hateful, angry remarks isnt' it? the looks, the flipping off, the obvious whispering, or whatever whenever you're around...it hurts...you can't forget it...Believe me I totally understand. I think all you can do right now is, as previously mentioned, do what you can do to be peaceful and help yourself and your Mom to get through the journey, whether from near or far, and when the time comes, do what in your heart feels right for you. What you can be at peace with. Your situation concerns me greatly because I can feel your pain it seems...And don't forget to be kind to yourself...continuing prayers....for you and your Mom...
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It sounds like there is a lot of animosity towards the sibling who cannot make it. Other kids are 100 miles away? Really? Cn;t imagine to keep mom that far away, especially with cancer. Water under the bridge. send them a note and thank them for taking care of Mom. May Sheri's Berries or a treat. Tell them how much you appreciate it, and hope that someday they will understand. Ask kindly if they will mind if you stop by one more time before she passes, and ask them politley if you may be invited to funeral....Family issues sometimes don't close after the fact.
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Ismiami, thank you so much for your comment. The concept of clashing times and geographies and cultures hits my nail on the head so beautifully. My husband taught me about Introjection (basically, when we merge with someone so unconsciously it is nearly impossible to tease out what is right and wrong or what is us vs another). Love seems to do that. I wonder if Lynne, like perhaps you and I, are geographic and Old World trained while at the same time stood up to the challenges of of our parents' need to succeed, break out, and be independent? I am curious how many people here are straddling such moral jungles? I cry and rationalize to myself that it is ok to compromise everything I ever held dear.
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I used to think that perhaps I was a simpleton. Or that I lacked a depth of character, the kind for instance that is necessary in order to be able to carry through life that one perfect, lasting grudge? Might I have memory problems? Was I deficient in those brain chemicals that make it possible to hate enough, to recall easily bad scenes and bad memories, to remember clearly how one's siblings had made life miserable, to think that way back when my parents didn't really care about me because one day they forgot to pick me up from cheerleading practice or left me sitting alone when bible study was so obviously over?

Can you see where I'm going with this. The truth is I am able to forget. I can forgive and I can even more strongly I can forget those little awful episodes that some others carry with them throughout life. I don't believe I am special because of this. For a long time I realized that I forgot a lot of what had gone on in my childhood, and I just chalked it up to being a child of an alcoholic. I didn't think this was good or bad at first and now I think mostly it is bad. But this forgetting of detail has built in me a lovely capability to forget the nastiness (what nastiness? she asks) and the wrongs that might have been done to me by my family or even by my first husband and his family, though I have to say they were very quiet and for the most part, very nice, unassuming people, at least until I filed for divorce. I will give one specific instance of my forgetting. In 2009 I took my Mother to see her Mother, who had three months before turned 100 years old and was given a small party by the NH staff, a party we could not attend, and so on Mother's Day I said come hell or high water we are going to see Gram! The drive was two hours long. There was a good chance that my aunt, my Mother's much younger sister, from whom she was estranged, would be visiting because of course it was Mother's Day. My Grandmother's fondest desire was to see her two daughters together and speaking to each other in her presence. I neglected purposely to advise my Aunt that we would be visiting Gram. I however prayed that she too would be visiting her Mother for Mother's Day. As we walked into my grandmother's room my aunt was quietly standing over the bed. As my Mother rushed to her Mother's side her sister stepped every so slightly away from the bed. But then a wonderful thing happened. They embraced and began a very tentative dialogue, mostly about their Mother's health. Unbeknownst to me or the thereof them my husband quietly set up an unobtrusive video camera and recorded 45 minutes of laughter and joy. We stayed perhaps for four or five hours and later had to turn down an invitation from my aunt to join her at her home. As we left there was long hugging and kissing all around. I called a nurse to put down the bed's rails so that my Mother could closely embrace her Mother, practically climbing into bed with her. It was joyous and I was elated by the surprise accident I had planned. It worked better than I could have ever hoped for. Three days later we got word that my Grandmother had died peacefully in her sleep.

Ten days later at her funeral in a northern city which necessitated costly travel for all of us, my Aunt and my Mother met the few relatives still living in our hometown. We all shared a pleasant lunch with much talk of old times and beautiful old memories.

Three months later my aunt accused me of sneaking into "her" town on Mother's Day and not telling her my Mother would be coming to see their Mother. We had a brief very loud discussion, and did not talk for several months. But then we did talk. And we have talked more and more as her sister, my Mother is slowly walking the long darkening road of dementia. She is here for me just as I am here for her. Two days ago her 25-year-old son was mauled by an alligator as he saved his dog at his favorite fishing spot. He is in his third surgery. Doctors are fighting to save his arm. Today I am in the middle of arranging an account that will accept donations for her son's extensive care as he has no insurance and in fact has himself walked a very tough road since his father died on a date very near to his own 16th birthday. We are family and that it appears is all that matters to me.
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Geeze, they don't know how lucky the circumstances are. There is 4 of you, and 3 are currently caregiving! WOW! I am a sole caregiver. I have one brother and one sister, and about a dozen aunties and uncles. Not one of them gives a darn about my Mom. I have been running a rehab center in our living room since last Oct 2, 2013 without any help from family. You don't know how good the situation you have is! I'd have your sisters visit this website, so they can see other people's situation.
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You asked for honesty. In my experience when everyone is angry at me, especially neutral third parties, it's me at fault. I hear all that is owed you, and your pain at not getting it, but nothing, but excuses, to the fact you in effect carry none of the 24/7 heavy lifting of caring for a terminally ill cancer patient. Your sisters are bone weary from grief, exhaustion, stress, and you obsess over your treatment. Wake up, stop thinking of your feelings, and find a way to help with time and effort. Be there for your mother, now. You don't have a lot of time left. You say your a Christian, what would Christ?
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Sorry What would Christ do?
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My sister is a christian hasnt spoken to mum in 3yrs but has so much time for her "christian" friends? Get me a bucket!
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You really need new sisters. However, since that won't happen, you have to make the best of a bad situation.

Try to be as even tempered as you can be and don't let them provoke you to anger.

It is a situation that would try a saint, but you can only do your best.

God bless you.
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LynnJG: It's been 10 days or so since you first asked for help. I must admit my response to you was all narrative, and my central message of "forgive and forget" probably so deeply embedded in that post you didn't even get it. I am wondering if by now your sisters and you have gotten it, that this is a time that is, and should be, all about your Mother. Everything that is done and considered should be with the best interests of your Mother in mind. So for instance since you cannot be there in person you should continue to call your Mother and do NOT worry about what gets said after the phone call. If you sense your Mother is not responding to your gesture bring the conversation to an end quietly and compassionately, with gentleness in your voice. Express your love and let her know that you have to and will call again, and that because you live 600 miles away from her calling her is the only way you can "be" with her. By all means do not talk against your sisters to her. It was Linda22 above who described a similar situation of siblings who couldn't control their behavior, the fighting and general disorder, until one had had enough and spoke up and laid down the law: grow up or stay away. You and your sisters will probably always have misunderstandings, big and small, and none of you ever will truly understand the circumstances of the other. But your Mother is the one common thread running throughout all of your lives. Respect her and make your decisions out of love and respect for her, only her, and these other things will fall by the wayside. To be honest there are signs of your selfishness as seen by your family in what you have written. Read paragraph six again, where you say no one sees how you're feeling, and then list all of the things in "your" life that will be effected by your Mother's passing. Finally as a Christian I do not see how you reached the conclusion that you wouldn't want to attend your Mother's funeral. This is a truly belligerent act. It is also one you might regret forever. Besides which, even though I do not know the total picture, it strikes me as out of proportion to whatever it is you believe your sisters have said or what you believe they might think about you and your actions. Please re-think this decision if only for your son's sake (I do not know how old nor can I guess his age from what you've written about him) as attending the funeral is IMHO the right thing to do and there are times when the right thing to do in fact should be done. Some day your son (or his older siblings) might question why you chose to stay away from this final act in your Mother's name.
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Frenchmadeline, Honestly, your first message within your message was not missed - somehow, I missed your WHOLE first message and so this message is somewhat confusing to me. I do need time to go back to reread your first message and then this message again. Apologies, I don't know how I missed it. I AM however taken aback by some of your words in this one that appear hurtful and harsh (Belligerent act???). I know i asked for honesty, but I definitely need time to read and disect ALL your thoughts before I comment.

As an update, I am now dealing with OTHER issues from my sisters that I do not understand and maybe some can shed light on this for me.

When I call my mom to talk, we talk about memories and upcoming events, (my wedding, son's graduation from school next year, his scholarships, her gardens, bird houses, stuff we always talk about) nothing more. We have always talked like that. I don't know what is in her will, what will happen to her belongings or house, or even what she has determined are her final wishes. My mom AND mom's attorney are fully aware that IF there is anything left to be split amongst the children after all the bills are paid, I would like to have anything that is supposed to come to me be split between my children. I say this all to state that I am not "after" anything from mom (unlike some who have already gone through her jewelry and tagged items while she is sleeping). Now, I thought my sisters' behaviour was just a whim on their part, so I kept an eye on it since my visit to see if it would change. It has changed - it's gotten worse. It's not a whim, and I cannot explain it. When I call, two of them stand and listen to my entire conversation with my mom. My mom has tried to turn the speaker phone off so she can put the phone to her ear, and they scold her and tell her no. When mom said, "I can hear better in my ear!" She was told, "Leave it on speaker". They tell her what to say even though she still is alert enough to say what she WANTS. I have learned it is BEST for mom and causes no arguments if I call when only ONE particular family member is there. That person hands her the phone and walks away. Any thoughts???

In addition, July 3rd, ONE of my siblings took a "deathbed photo of mom" (her own words in the email) and sent it to my children. THIS one has shocked even all the relatives (she actually told everyone she had done it) and they could not understand why she did this. I found out by getting apologie from people who had been told about what she had done. I asked and she admitted it. I am trying to justify it by saying that she only wanted them to see her before she goes, but they have all been to visit their gramma in the past two months and they all call regularly. There are A LOT of grandchildren who live farther away than MY kids, who have NOT been to visit and do not call their gramma ever, and none of them got the photo. The photo was only sent to MY children. . . .

Lynn
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Life hands us what it does and we just do our best. My best will never meet with other peoples' expectations but so what. My conscience is clear and I can sleep at night.

You get to own your relationship with your mother starting right this second. Sisters, aunts, whomever else can suck their big toe over in the corner. Sisters may never ever understand your situation because they don't want to. Understanding what you are going through means they no longer have a convenient target for all of their feelings. They need to deal with their own business separate from you just like YOU don't get to be bitter and ugly over the fact they never offered to help you out in a time of need (I assume....)

I don't know your sisters, but they seriously need to butt out of the relationship between you & your mom. If you want to talk to her on the phone they just by golly better let it happen and keep their mouths shut.

It would help if mom put her foot down with them, but that's probably not going to happen.

Expect it to get worse after your mom passes. People who are struggling to handle their mom's aging & decline will really have a whopper of a struggle dealing with her death. Death is traumatic and makes people behave in ways they would never have imagined they would.

So, just realize your sisters are probably just projecting their own fear, pain, and anxiety onto you, but it's still their problem to deal with, not yours. You can't control what other people say or do, just yourself.

You do what will let you sleep at night after your mom is gone and don't worry about other people, even if they are family.
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Lynn, I know how it is. My sister is a pain as well. She is totally without understanding. It seems like your sisters are the same way. But my question is that why are you not getting child support from your ex. If he is not paying then he should have his wages garnished or go to jail. You should not have to support your child all by yourself. Ex may be a total loser but still should pay child support.
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Jesus, Lynn. I don't know what to say. That's awful. Is it any consolation to think thank goodness at least one member of your family isn't completely barking? I'm so sorry you're having to live with this extraordinary, spiteful behaviour. Very hard to understand. Big hug to you x
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I guess my mama bear mode would kick in here, because their issues with you are one thing. But to intentionally inflict such pain on your kids is quite something else. My kids are all adults and they still would be devastated to receive such a photo of their Gma.
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Hmmm. I read your post with interest as I am the single one of three siblings. I find myself (for various reasons) annoyed with my brother and sister because they have partners and I don't. That is no one's fault. I am a crime survivor and moved back in with my parents because I was scared to live by myself. 1 year turned into 5 and 5 years turned into 10. My sister lives in another state and my brother lives in the UK. I am not actively looking for a partner but not completely closed to having one. My parents would be delighted if I found a partner but our circumstances work for now. My brother and sister met their partners in either grad school or after grad school work so sometimes it's hard for me to remember that my parents are not first and foremost on my siblings' mind. One has serious health issues herself, and the other has a child so is dealing with "parenthood" instead of "responsibility to parents." i have to remind myself that they have very different lifestyles than mine and that is okay.
so. it sounds to me that you have ALREADY made your contribution already to your mom's care and your siblings are maybe having a very rude wake up call, that they are now having to deal with your mom. I think about this often and i think maybe it is easier for me seeing my parents age daily rather than having a rude awakening as I think maybe my brother experiences when he visits. Hmmmmm. I think you should make your peace/say good bye to your mom in YOUR way, not THEIRS. Make today about Mom not siblings. deal with them later. you have made your contribution. IMHO. Good luck and I loved that your left your something scented with your perfume with you mom. What a beautiful gesture. Hang in there. xo
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Brandywine1949 - LOL A little off topic, but to answer your question - ex DOES pay some child support. Doesn't always pay for actually supporting the child, though. Took back for more and judge decided that since I was naive and trusting (his words actually) and allowed my attorney to put certain restrictions on ex's future financial contributions into our divorce decree, legally judge has to comply with that wording. So I never will get more. It's all on ME. Hope noone misunderstands - Didn't say what I said about $$$ just to "whine" - only to give background. Just that I only have enough for two, and squeezing more to help mom financially now is almost impossible. That's why we try to give differently now. Mom understands, others express their displeasure openly. Thanks for the thoughts and input!!! :-)
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Linda22 and countrymouse - I am still a little numb and taken aback by what she did. I thought at first she was just saying that about the pic just to be mean. But have confirmed it with my adult children - yes, she did it. Yes, they got it and saw it and are upset that it may have been sent to their brother as well. THEY thought it had been sent to ALL the grandkids and did not realize it was sent only to MY kids. GOOD NEWS is that I have a couple of kids that still (as adults) have anger inside toward me about the divorce. They either won't talk to me, or have trouble talking to me. At least one of them, though, is rethinking their feelings and has spoken with my eldest and sent me a message "Give me some time. Working some things out in my head." That's more than has been said to me in almost four years. It hurts what was done by my own sister, but maybe her actions are softening my child's heart. Blessings come from strange directions sometimes. . . . .

Thank you, Miasmom1. . . .it's nice to hear "the other side", too. Helps me to adjust my feelings sometimes and to try to put my own resentment in check. Blessings to you and your siblings that you are all able to keep each other in mind. . . .

Found a personal way to also do what someone suggested (I can't remember who, sorry!!!). Have a secret pal helping me put together thank you gifts for each of mom's caregivers (siblings, neices, nephews, all of them). My friend knows Each one of them personally, too, and so is able to help me assemble each gift very individually. She cut me a really amazing deal and is doing all of them for less than my grocery money for the week!!! My friend lives closer than I do and will be delivering each gift secretly after dark with my personal card in each. Was her idea to kind of do it like I used to do mom's "treasure hunt" when I left. They will each awake in the morning to a bow wrapped package. Let's see how it goes!
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fry them hors some chicken livers -- maybe theyre HA*NGRY .. lol
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LOL Captain - a little sarcasm to let off the stress! Thanks for the giggle. . . .
;-)
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Frenchmadeline –

After reading (several times) both of your messages to me, and truly thinking seriously about everything you have said, I have little to say in reply because I do not wish to be argumentative. I will say, it appears as though you misunderstood an honest mistake (my missing your first post), and reacted to that misunderstanding.

Had I read your first message, I CAN promise you that your “hidden message” would have come across quite obviously to me as it was not as hidden as you suspect. Forgive and Forget. Thank you for that simple message. Please know that the issues in my family run much deeper than simple sibling rivalries, missed cheerleader practice pick-ups, etc., and the solution is much more difficult than one person abiding by an all-encompassing phrase such as “forgive and forget” . It is complex and stretches over 50 years (my age). I can never explain all the ins and outs in a few minutes online. You can fix the wheels of the wagon, but unless the rest of the wagon is also fixed, you are going to go nowhere.

One thing does concern me from your comments and I mentioned it before, your use of the word:
Belligerent
Definition:
1. warlike; given to waging war.
2. of warlike character; aggressively hostile.

My choice to stay away from the memorial, as I attempted to state before, is an effort to actually prevent exactly the definition stated about. I KNOW that I will have regrets if I go and if I do not go. I will make my choice based on what I feel will bring the LEAST amount of regret, pain, and suffering – for EVERYONE.

As far as our remarks to each other, I am choosing to walk away in an effort to ward off any further conflict between the two of us.

Have a blessed day. Lynn
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I am done. . . I quit. . . . officially and whole heartedly quit. I pray I have done all I can and I pray I have said everything that needed to be said to my mom. Tonight when I go to sleep, I pray to God that He places her in his care and loves her and I will pray the same each night till she passes. I decided to try a new approach and show physical appreciation instead of just thanking mom's caregivers. Last week someone helped me put together individual gifts for each of my sisters and all the family who are caring for my mom. I wrote personal notes for each and the gifts were hand delivered. Since they were given to family, I have not been able to call my mom and get an answer. Suddenly no one answers any of the phones when I call, but everyone else seems to be able to get through just fine. Cousins, aunts uncles have all called and posted comments on facebook about the fun they have had talking to mom. But my calls all get sent right to voicemail.
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Lynn, one of the things that you might find useful in your life, both right now and going forward, is not reading too much into circumstances. I know, your sisters have been cruel, it seems, to you in the past. But try practicing ego-lessness. If your phone calls go to voicemail, it's because other family members are calling in to say their farewells to mom, NOT because someone is out to do you dirt. If you live life with this sort of assumption, uou will gain some peace in your life and be able to support mom better in her final journey. Thnk about this.
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Hello LynnJG. These posts are often out of order, and it's very easy to miss a post with everything else going on in one's life. For example I did not see your post about your sister's despicable act of sending a "death bed" photo of their beloved Grandmother to your sons. (I am sorry if I somehow have forgotten the gender and/or the amount of your child/children wrong. I will just say that I read a lot of these messages and it can be a job keeping straight the progeny that are mentioned here, at least it is for me.) I don't believe I have ever heard of anything as thoroughly grotesque being played out between close family members, especially sisters, we of the supposed "fairer" gentler nature. Your sisters are a unique case, and really I mean that together they are one piece of work. Are you sure you weren't adopted into this family? All I can say is in direct regard to the things they are putting you through is that generally what goes around comes around. They will get back and in spades the anger and hatred and the downright manifested evil which has been conjured up against you at this time of despair and sadness. (I purposely use the word "conjure" and for the obvious reasons).

Now I must tell you that nothing in the two posts I wrote for your attention was meant to hurt your feelings or to say or be unkind to you. My fault lies with your sisters. I mentioned the small indications of selfishness on your part only because they were out there, on the page so to speak, and by briefly dealing with this I hoped to indicate I was not just coming down on one side (yours) without giving your entire situation the thoughtfulness it deserves. I imagine I must now explain my choice of words, as when I used "belligerent" (a pet word I use too much but had forgotten much of its "warlike" meaning) to describe an act that I felt would be unnecessarily adding fuel to the fury of your sisters fire. I see them as NOT wanting you to come to your Mother's funeral just so this one act on your part could be held against you for all eternity. They will say: Lynn the selfish b----- (fill in with a word used these days in all sorts of ways, good and bad, and also a word that rhymes with "rich" if I may quote former First Lady Barbara Bush who back in the 80s, decided to bare her claws and go after Geraldine Ferraro in an effort to protect her husband, who Time magazine had called a wimp. Boy did that ever digress! My last word on that is if it takes one to know one, Mrs. Bush is very intelligent on the subject.) So here it what will be said against you forever: Lynn that selfish b____ would not even come to her own Mother's funeral." This will precede all of their hateful comments, and you do not need this or deserve it. So please don't supply them with the ammunition. It seems they need little help in this regard in any event. You have a good life ahead of you but unfortunately you will need to learn to make your way without the love and comfort that has been provided you by your Mother. You will feel her presence in your heart, but only after a time, and that along with the love of the new supportive man in your life and the closeness and need for you from your wonderful children should be the cocoon that will hold you safe for many years to come. As someone else in a post said, the ugliness brought to this moment in time, will pass. Allow it to, and honor your Mother and what the two of you had that was special by going to her funeral. I think you might even ask to speak at the service, and that would seem right too. Keep your composure throughout and God bless and keep you.
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OK, they won't listen to you if you try to talk. Maybe, try the old fashioned thing of a long, well crafted letter - carefully keeping it all about how you feel, what you did and why you just can't do any more, and offering anything else that might help, instead; if you can't afford to pay for any help for them, can you offer to make phone calls or handle anything as a coordinator? Can you visit for just brief periods more often? Can you cook for them, send a batch of cookies to them?
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sisters are starting to remind me of some of Lear's daughter's !!
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It is often better to hold ones anger off until looking at all aspects. And I did not do that last night before posting. So, after being myself and taking it personally then crying for a bit, I asked my fiance. Sometimes it pays to be engaged to a former law enforcement officer with very good investigative skills. He sat me down last night and forced me to put my pride aside for a bit while we disected what happened.

Mom lives in a rural farm area, still has dial up, limited cable tv, ancient phone lines, and problems with her phone whenever it storms. So, process of elimination: closest storm was over 700 miles away, not likely it was affecting her phone lines. No outages with her phone company and cell service was working well in the area because niece was texting and called from that area last night. Old phone lines: the phone usually hangs up on people when these are an issue. I wasn't getting hung up on, answering machine was acutally answering and I could leave a message. 7 times total. And Noone returned my calls. IF mom's phone is out or there are outages, normally you get a busy signal, if her computer is accidentally left on for long periods of time, same thing. If family members were on the line with her, she does NOT have call waiting so it would be a busy signal as well.

Called from fiancees cell which has the same area code as mine, hmmm. . . noone answered. Called from son's cell which has a different area code than mine but from the same state, noone answered. Fiancee checked outages between our state and mom's - none, landline or cellular. No power outages either.

After eliminating all possibilities, he suggested I call the sibling with the POA. I did and yes, I am sure my voice was probably still irritated and quivering because I was trying not to cry. But I tried to control myself best I could. This is what I got: "EVeryone else has been able to get through. Your phone is the only one that seems to have trouble. Huh. I guess I will have to look into that when I get back up there next week sometime. IF I have time. In the mean time, why don't you just call here. I will make sure mom gets your messages. I call every day and I don't have any trouble getting through."

NOW, this morning suddenly, the phone works fine. The paid caregiver is there today, Wed., and Thurs. . . So I am going to call every single day this week and run an experiment - which days will someone answer and which days will they NOT. Or, thinking positively, maybe they will answer every day. . . .

NEXT OPTION, if the weekend's problem happens again, I am going to get a google voice number with the same area codes as mom's area and call through that. Let's see if IT gets answered and how many times. If I NEED to, I will get a new one every single time I can't get through. Thank my fiancee for that idea. :-)

As far as writing a letter, the notes that I wrote for each did not help, the gifts did not help, talking to them has not helped. Talking to the caregiver has not helped. I am just going to have to find a way around them at every turn and think more deviously about my methods. I am not permitted to help with phone calls, paperwork or coordinating in any way - when I offer, I am always told I have "no right. After all you are not the POA." I cannot visit at all. THe biggest part of the problem so cooking for them or alleviating their caregiving role for a time is not an option. Cookies? I had special gifts hand prepared for each person and hand delivered with hand written thank you notes for each. Better than cookies in my eyes. WHen they were hand delivered they were disgusted and voiced their dissatisfaction at what was given. IDK what else to do - there's an old Irish saying,
"May those who love us, love us.
And for those who don't love us,
May God turn their hearts.
And if he can not turn their hearts,
May he turn their ankles,
So we may know them by their limping."
Maybe, it's a little unchristian but there are days when that sums up what I feel. I am done with them. If I won the Power Ball today and it was worth 900 million, gave them each 200 million, kept 50 for myself, they would apparently complain I did not give them all of it. I will just let my fiancee keep trying to find ways for me to work around them. Where there is a will there IS a way - and I am not going to let my last few days or weeks with my mom be taken from me by their "conjuring". (I do love that word, frenchmadeline).
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OK, they don't want you involved, they wish you would just butt out, and you aren't going to because she's your mom too. They didn't like your presents and your notes. You hate them and they hate you and its like Israel and Hamas. But they live there and have POA so they pretty much hold the cards. And cookies for either them or mom don't appear to be the answer :-) though cookies ARE pretty much the universally accepted symbol of unconditional love and they might be charitable enough to tell Mom you sent them.

Well, its not looking good for the home team. But you have not thrown in the towel and neither will we...do you think you could share what their perspective might be if they were writing to AgingCare with a complaint about your persistent efforts to stay involved?
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Better yet, give them a link and have them post their side of this! We'd welcome the chance to help EVERYONE sort this out!
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