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My parents were, I guess, functioning alcoholics and I did not know they were drinking to excess. Unfortunately they moved down the street from me while in their 60s and it became apparent their drinking was excessive and their marriage was deteriorating. Long story short, because of living down the street from them, I have been sucked into a black hole of misery for a decade. Dad finally stopped drinking because he developed dementia and was moved to a care home. Mom lives alone now in that same house and it has been an unpleasant roller coaster because of her drinking, drama, falls, etc. My advice is to keep your distance because at your mom's age she will be a dark cloud over your head for some of (what should be) the best years of your life.
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Molly72 Jan 2019
Hi Upstream, I agree with you that keeping my distance is the best thing to do. The drama that you have described is exactly what I know would happen if I let my mother back into my life. I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that with both parents and are still dealing with it with your mother. Hugs.
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Know your mother's financial situation and start looking into Assisted Living or
Board and Care facilities. In Orange County, CA most have waiting lists so do your homework. Good Luck.
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Molly72 Jan 2019
Hi Compassionate5, fortunately I already have a lot of the legwork done as far as choosing a facility is concerned; I had to do that research for both of my in-laws. That being said, I don’t actually have POA over my mother, my sister does. So even though I know what needs to be done I don’t actually have any authority to do anything. And, quite frankly, my mother is still at the point where she would be considered fine to live on her own. At least I know what needs to be done in the future. Thanks!
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No no - a thousand times NO! You first. Protect yourself at all costs. You don’t need this. You are estranged for a reason. Your sister has to understand where you are coming from. If not, tell her that it is not in you to do this. And be firm. Do not give in. I know what I am talking about. Been there and wish I had made arrangements for asst living for my mother. My mother and I were estranged for 30 yrs. It will not work. Didn’t work before - will not work now. And don’t feel badly about your decision.
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If mom wont go to a home can she move near your sister ? Can you do the practical things ... finances and paperwork ... while your sister visits and transports to appts.
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