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I am a caregiver for my mother and she lives with me also, so it's 24/7. A social worker told me to write everything down that I do everyday and charge $20 an hour. She said my mothers needs come first and after that I can take her monthly checks for rent, food and caregiver. She said all I need is a verbal agreement with my mother, but I could put something on paper if it makes me feel better and it does not need to be notarized either. I live in the state of NY. Why should my life be on hold while my brothers do nothing? Why would I let her monthly checks build up and in the end my brothers make money off of me while I'm falling apart being the only caregiver!? The state would rather you take care of your own parent then put them in outside care and watch your families estate be taken away so quickly your head would spin. THEY take ALL of your parents estate. I never go into her savings and am very behind on the my caregiver payments that I probably will never receive. You deserve to be compensated for your time and careering. It is the most stressful time in my life that really isn't mine anymore right now!!! Don't feel guilty. Call Social Services and you will get support like I did. : )
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You can't change what you have already done, but you do need to accept responsibility for your actions. This will also relieve you of the intense guilt you feel. If you are only caring for your mom a few days a week you definitely need to address your financial situation because it will be too tempting for you to dip into her savings again, which is the same thing as stealing.
I feel for your situation. I live with and care for my mother, but I also work. I have missed a lot of work due to her health issues and I have missed on many milestones with my kids due to being with her in the hospital, but if I hit a tight spot I just said, "Hey Mom, I am running low because of missing work, could you help out"....she always has...sometimes it is a gift and sometimes I repay her. Honesty will go a long way in relieving your feelings of guilt.
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Just for frame of reference and the possibility of developing a pay-back plan, how much money are you talking about?
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I wondered if you're not working, your partner's not working, and you have children, how are you paying your bills? Do you think your mother would pay you to help her? I don't know how you're managing life at the moment. I was thinking that if your mother was paying you, you could put the money back into her account from the money she was giving you.

I know that you realize that life is not sustainable with the way that you're living. Your first responsibility is to you and your children and making sure that there is money for that. This means that someone needs to work to bring in some money. If your mother is not paying you, you need to find work that will pay. It may help to lift you out of the funk you are in. Do you have any skills? Would you be able to do housework or child care? There is always a market for that. If you can't work, could you or your partner qualify for disability?

I know these are not words of comfort, but your situation led you to steal from your mother because of need. The only remedy I see is to find legal ways to meet your financial needs. It's hard, but it's something that we all face, particularly when there are children involved.
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